'Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase
Idle in the halls and nameless faces
I am powerless
Everybody wants to go to heaven
But nobody wants to die
I can fear death no longer
I've died a thousand times" Hospital for Souls by Bring Me The Horizon
Chapter 1
"You ok there Steve?" He looks startled, he really must have been spaced out. He meets my eyes with a weak smile on his face.
"Yes. I'm sorry Aneliya.I just have a lot on my mind." I shake my head at the blonde man in front me. He was always apologizing. He had a vulnerability about him, an insecurity that I'm sure most people would never expect from Captain America.
"You apologize too damn much ya know? You're allowed to think, you're allowed to be upset." He smiles weakly again. "So, want to tell me what's worrying that pretty little head of yours Rogers?" A scoff is his response.
Our eyes meet again, he still has such a hard time opening up. I wait patiently knowing that eventually he'll let me in. With a sigh he finally concedes. "T'challa contacted me last night. He's ready to come back…Bucky. They found a way to get rid of his Hydra programming."
I had never met James Barnes. I knew his story, both from history and from my coworkers. I was a former SHIELD operative. I was well trained in combat, mostly martial arts and blades. My most useful weapon though was my mind. I had always been interested in psychology, far before SHIELD recruited me. I had an unconventional childhood, it made me want to find peoples motives for their actions. I was a damn good spy, I could get information out of most anyone. I wasn't as skilled as Natasha, my gifts were different than hers, she was far deadlier. When we found out that HYDRA were really the ones in charge, well let's just say I asked to be taken off active duty. I sought out my former SHIELD comrades, primarily Natasha and Clint. I realized then that I could still do some good even if I wasn't out kicking ass. These people needed help, they needed someone to talk to. That psychology degree finally came in handy. I was the unofficial therapist to The Avengers, not that they really called themselves that anymore. The group was still a little broken, still had their differences, but at the end of the day they needed each other and the world sure as hell needed them despite what the government wanted.
So back to Sergeant Barnes. Like I said I had never met him, but my god was I intrigued by his story. He stood at the center of many people's lives here. To Steve he was a friend, a brother, all he had of his former life. To Tony he was the root of all evil. The man who took his family from him. I knew that this was why Steve looked so conflicted, Things were barely fixed between Steve and Tony. What would Tony do if Steve brought him back? I knew one hundred percent that Steve would go wherever Bucky went.
I reach out and take my friends hand in mine and squeeze it gently. "You worry about getting him home and I'll try to get through to Tony." His shoulders seem to relax a bit, a crooked smile now graces his face.
"I don't know what we'd all do without you Liya." I roll my eyes playfully.
"You'd be even bigger basket cases than you already are that's for sure." Another smile at that. He hesitates before speaking again.
"I know they broke through the Hydra control but I don't know how stable he is mentally still. The things they did to him…that had to have left scars. Will you help him? Just talk to him like you do with the rest of us?" Even if Steve hadn't asked me I would have done it anyway. I always hoped one day Steve would get his friend back. Barnes story was horrific, the stuff of nightmares. He deserved some peace.
"Of course Stevie. He's a real dreamboat in those old photographs. It'll be great to seem him live and in color." I wink dramatically making the captain chuckle at my silliness.
We make small talk for a few more minutes before he leaves to make some arrangements with the king of Wakanda. I Try to prepare myself for the difficult discussion that lies ahead of me.
"Hey Friday, is Tony available?" The AI answers immediately.
"He's in his lab Miss Angelov, he isn't currently working on anything of great importance." I walk out of my office and into the elevator to head to Tony's lab.
I take a deep breath before going to face Stark. He's hunched over some blueprints drinking coffee and humming along to AC/DC.
"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company Dr. Feelgood?" I roll my eyes at the smirking man in front of me.
"I don't actually have a PHD yet Tony, you can stop with the doctor nicknames." His smirk just widens.
"You're looking hotter than usual in that pencil skirt sunshine, no wonder we all spill our guts to you." I narrow my eyes at his ridiculous comment. Tony tended to make inappropriate comments towards me when he knew things were about to get serious. I was dressed no differently than any other day I was working. A black pencil skirt and green silk blouse to bring out the emerald color of my eyes. My honey brown colored hair fell in waves to my mid back. No need for pantyhose with my naturally olive colored skin.
"We need to talk Stark. Time to put your big boy undies on now." His smirk fades away, eyes wandering somewhere far away from here. He groans loudly.
"You're here about Barne's." I raise a brow in surprise. "You really think Friday wouldn't inform me of any conversation involving that bastard?" Of course, he already knew, paranoid ass probably had every room in this place bugged.
"Not to be totally cliché here Tony but how exactly does that make you feel?" He laughs humorlessly before looking at me with a rare intensity.
"How the hell do you think I feel about it Annie?" He was the only one I allowed to call me that. Liya I could deal with, but Annie was just plain terrible. I take a moment before answering him.
"Pissed off that Steve would even consider bringing him here and scared that the Avengers will get ripped apart again?" He gives me a look that clearly means that he agrees with my assessment. "And I think deep down in that glowing blue reactor in your chest you feel guilty for the way everything went down between the three of you." His glare is meant to cut through me, a sneer almost painting his face now.
"You're too logical to let your emotions completely control you Tony. I can't even imagine how you feel knowing that James Barnes is the man that killed your parents, but you have to get that it wasn't his fault." I can tell he's on the verge of exploding, I don't really blame him. No matter what he still watched a video of Steve's best friend murdering his parents violently. Nothing would get rid of that image. "I know you're angry, but you know what Hydra is capable of, it wasn't his fault Tony. He's a broken man completely lost in time with little memory of his actual life which took place in world war two. I can't imagine what he's going through, the amount of pain and guilt that he's carrying with him now that he's starting to get the pieces of himself back. He needs help, he deserves help, he deserves a chance to live an actual life." Tony sighs loudly and runs his hands over his face.
"You have far too much faith in a man that you don't even know. How the hell were you ever a spy? Your naivety knows no bounds." I just stare blankly back at him. "If he even so much as looks at me in the wrong way I will chop his other arm off and shove it right up his fucked up brainwashed ass. You and Captain Righteousness better keep a short leash on your new pet project." I smile victoriously before jumping up and kissing a stubbled cheek.
"If it ends up being too much on you Tony you come to me. I will talk to you day or night, you know that?" He waves me off without another word. I know that this is going to be hard on Tony, I don't want him to feel as if we are all turning against him by bringing Bucky here.
I make my way back down to my office. I wish the Avengers compound was smaller, but we've got a lot going on in this place. I unlock my door completely unsurprised to find a figure seated in a chair across from my desk.
"You could just make an appointment like everyone else Nat, or at least wait until I'm in my office instead of breaking in. I really gotta talk to Tony about upping the security in here." The widow smiles tight lipped. She's my closest friend, like a sister. She took me und er her wing, trained me, opened up to me.
"How'd the talk with Stark go?" I shouldn't be surprised that Steve had already spoken to her, they'd become close. It made me so happy that she was finally letting people in.
"Better than expected actually. Obviously he isn't thrilled but he's allowing him to come here." She nods thoughtfully.
"I want you to be careful. Even if Barne's isn't the Winter Soldier anymore he's still damaged goods Aneliya. You tend to throw yourself head first into new assignments, you'll give all of yourself to save someone. Don't get lost and dragged down because of him." She sounds cold but I know its genuine concern that has her saying this. I just don't really agree with her words.
"Damaged goods, really Nat? He's hardly more fucked up than the rest of us." She sighs loudly.
"Barnes is unpredictable. There aren't many people that I can't hold my own against but he's strong, he's fast, he's calculating…he's probably got the worst case of PTSD ever. He's lost, broken, and has Steve Rogers backing him up." I really am not understanding her point here. She just described pretty much the entire Avengers team. Her eyes meet mine and she exhales loudly. "You've wanted to meet him since the moment Steve told you about him. You've spent countless hours studying the man, you've been waiting for this moment. It scares the shit out of me." I roll my eyes at my red headed friend before laughing.
"I'm going to be fine малък паяк . It's my job to help people. He's one of us, well he will be." She smiles when I speak Bulgarian. Russian and Bulgarian aren't too terribly different. We could both speak both languages but I myself am a Bulgarian American.
"Just promise me you'll be careful with him ok? He's beautiful and broken, that's a lethal mix for you Жнец." I glare at my overprotective friend.
"Yes mom I promise and don't call me reaper anymore. I'm a lover, not a fighter." She scoffs loudly.
"Keep the scythes handy woman, I'll feel better knowing they're nearby." My weapon of choice used to be two small scythes earning me the stupid nickname of the reaper.
We both leave my office after a few minutes and head to the floors that housed us all. Nat and I were on the same floor. I head to my own suite. I'm in desperate need of a good night's rest. My bedroom is all royal blue and gold. I change quickly into a pair of yoga pants and a black tank top. Luckily for once sleep takes me quickly. Unfortunately, a nightmare has me waking a little after three a.m. Nightmares plagued me less and less lately but still were an issue. I had my own demons because of my line of work.
I pull my hair up out of my face and decide to head to the upper level where we all shared a large living area and kitchen. I had my own small kitchen but preferred to go upstairs, more of a selection of tea and snacks. I exit the elevator surprised to hear low voices speaking and the lights on. I recognize one of the voices instantly.
"Steve?" I turn the corner expecting to see Steve and maybe Tony our resident insomniac. Instead I'm faced with Steve and the imposing form of one James Buchanan Barnes. He's dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a dark red t shirt that looks a tad too small. His hair reaches just slightly below his shoulder, facial hair a little thicker than stubble. Natasha wasn't kidding when she said he was beautiful. Steve looks surprised to see me but smiles warmly nonetheless. I see more life in his eyes than I have since I've known him, I'm assuming it has something to do with the man sitting to his left. I feel a little embarrassed to be looking so casual in my sleepwear, barefoot, lack of makeup, and messy ponytail.
"What are you doing up this late Liya?" Concern crosses his face; his friend is watching me closely probably trying to figure out exactly who I am and if I'm a threat.
"Nightmares, figured id come get a cup of the good tea and watch some shitty tv." He chuckles and looks to his friend who only stares back questioningly.
"Oh gosh I'm sorry. Buck this is Aneliya Angelov, I told you about her on the phone. Liya this is Bucky." Blue grey eyes dart to mine. I smile at the man in front of me, genuinely happy that he's here. He nods his head in acknowledgment.
"It's nice to meet you. I'm going to make a quick cup of tea. Mind if I join you two? I don't want to intrude." I keep eye contact with the wary looking man. Steve looks ready to answer for him before Bucky opens his mouth,
"I don't mind at all ma'am. That alright with you Steve?" Steve looks at me with a mixture of shock and amazement. I hide a smile behind my hand.
"Yea of course Buck. Go ahead and make your tea Liya." I do just that. My mind is racing, and heart is beating quickly in excitement. It already seems as if Bucky has made leaps and bounds in progress since the last time Steve saw him. Maybe I should make a trip to Wakanda myself. I head back to the two men with a tea mug in hand. I take a seat on the couch across from them.
Everyone sits silently for a few moments, Steve's eyes dart from myself to Bucky seeming to be at a loss for words. I let out a loud laugh startling the two men.
"I can't handle awkward silences, you should know this by now Stevie." This makes him smile. I even see Bucky's lips turn up at the corners a little. "How was the trip here Sergeant Barnes?" He seems surprised that I'm speaking to him again and a little put off.
"Just call me Bucky ma'am. I'm not a huge fan of flying so I just tried to sleep." Another shocked look from Steve. Maybe he only though Bucky would speak to him.
"I'll call you Bucky if you stop with that ma'am nonsense. I appreciate your politeness, but I'd prefer you call me by my name or Liya like most everyone does." A slight raise of his lips again.
"Alright, Aneliya then. You sure don't look like any shrink I've ever seen." He gives me a once over, obviously getting a look at the few visible tattoos he can see on me. Steve actually chokes on his drink. I laugh at his reaction to his friend's statement. I guess Bucky's old personality must be surfacing, I don't think Steve expected that.
"Well I'm much more put together in the day time when I'm working." He's staring at my left arm in interest.
"That a pirate on your arm there?" I turn to the left a little to give him a better look at my upper arm,
"Sure is. Badass pirate chick. Could have been me in a past life." This time he actually does smile. Steve is still stunned into silence.
"Never seen a dame with tattoos like that." He sounds impressed. I'm used to the old-fashioned lingo thanks to Steve. He's studying the large scythe on my upper right arm as well.
"Liya is something else that's for sure. She's amazing at her job Buck. I mean she's gotten Natasha and I to open up to her like it was the easiest thing in the world." Bucky tenses up at Steve's words. His expression darkens. I try to ease the tension.
"I'd love to talk to you Bucky, if you're up to it of course. I don't want you to feel pressured into it at all. We wouldn't have to talk about anything you don't want to. My day is completely open tomorrow." I keep my voice calm and upbeat. I keep eye contact with the soldier the whole time.
He just looks at me for a long moment, searching for something that I'm not quite sure of.
"Sometime after breakfast ok?" Steve relaxes noticeably. I can't help the huge smile that makes its way onto my face.
"How about elevenish? Should give you some time to get things done in the morning." He agrees on the time and I bid the guys goodnight.
I have a feeling that Bucky arriving is going to change everything for all of us…for me.