*Santana's POV*
"I am so yours, proudly so" Brittany says and the tears begin to fall from my eyes. She's choosing Artie. Not me, Artie. But I can't show them that I'm hurting so I do what I do best
"Yeah, well, wow. Whoever thought that being fluid meant you could be so stuck." I snap at Brittany, the tears are still flowing down my face
"I'm sorry" She tries to apologise and then she tries to put her arm around me but I just yell at her telling her to get off me and push her away. I ran out of that school as fast as I could, I heard people yelling my name, but I didn't pay any attention to them, I couldn't focus on anything other than the hot, wet tears falling cascading down my face.
I got home at about midnight, I'd been driving around for hours and I'd ended up in Indiana at about 9pm ish and realised I had to head home. Once I got there I opened the front door and was met with silence, I read the note on the side near the key holder.
Santana,
Papi and I have had to fly to London for work. We'll be gone for around a month, we put money in your account for the essentials, no shopping sprees. Sorry Mija,
love Mami
Great. I walk into the kitchen and opened the liquor cabinet, I grabbed the bottle of vodka from inside and chugged it down as I walked up the stairs towards my bedroom, I could feel it taking effect on me immediately, my sight went blurry and my head went dizzy so I stopped for a second then continued into my bedroom. I went straight to my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were red and puffy and mascara was all over my face. I looked awful. Then those words Brittany had same came running back.
"What's wrong with me? Brittany? Do my feelings not matter?" I yell at the picture of Britt and I that she'd stuck to my mirror in the bathroom "Why hurt me? Was I not good enough? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?" I scream as I repeatedly punch the mirror smashing it into pieces. I've got tears falling down my face now and my knuckles are all bloody and broken. This isn't good, especially not when I'm pissed. I clutch my wrist as the adrenalin goes away and the pain kicks in, I grab my phone and scroll through the contacts remembering what the curly haired man had said before.
It took about 6 rings for him to answer, I guess he was probably asleep as it's now 12:45 in the morning.
"Mr Schue" I whisper, my voice breaking as I say his name
"Santana?" He asks with a worried tone in his voice
"Can you take me to the hospital?" I ask quietly
"Santana? What happened?" He questions and I look down at my bloody hand
"I messed up Mr Schue. I got drunk because I was hurting and then I lashed out and now my knuckles are hurt" I weep over the phone
"Ok, Santana I'll be over in about 10 minutes ok, just stay on the phone with me You're going to be ok" he tells me and true to his word, 10 minutes later Mr Schue comes knocking on my door. When I open it he looks at me and then at my hand and he looks shocked "Oh god, Santana! We have to get you to a hospital, I think you've broken your knuckles" He rushes out as he guides me to his car. He doesn't say anything the whole journey, he doesn't say anything once he checks me in to the hospital. The nurse calls my name and take me through to see the doctor, he tells me that I've broken my knuckles and that I'm going to have to have stitches for the cuts from the glass. I got my stitches which may I add stung like a bitch and got a cast on my left hand which sucks because I'm left handed. Anyway, once that was all over and done with Mr Schue took be back to his car and he asked me if I was ok, but I didn't answer, I didn't know how to. He put the radio on and just as we set off the one song that I never wanted to hear ever again came on, Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. As soon as it started i began balling my eyes out, Mr Schue pulled over and hugged my tightly. I calmed down eventually and then I knew I had to tell him
"Mr Schue. Remember what Rachel said? The Sapphic charm comment? Well, see the thing is, Mr Schue I'm g-g-g-ay and i'm in love with Brittany. I told her exactly how I felt, but she chose Artie instead of me and it hurt so badly. So I drove to Indiana and back then got a note saying my parents will be away for a month and i got really drunk and upset and angry and I punched the mirror over and over again and then this happened" I explain to him and he hugs me again
"I'm so proud of you Santana. I'm here to help you through this, if you need me come and talk to me, it doesn't matter whether I'm in lesson or its outside of school, just find me or call me and I'll be there for you, come on lets get you home" he said and for once i actually smiled. Mr Schue dropped me off home and I went to sleep crying my eyes out because of the stuffed Unicorn Brittany had given me for protection.
The next day when I entered school everyone was staring at me. I'd worn ripped skinny black jeans with a black vest top and a black leather jacket. On my head was a black beanie hat and on my feet were my black and white converse, the plaster cast I had was white so it drew attention, as I walked down the halls I saw all the Glee club members looking at me. Finn and Quinn looked at me with a worried expression on both their faces. Rachel, Mercedes, Sam, Tina and Mike all looked at me in shock. Lauren and Puckerman didn't notice me. And then I got to Brittany and Artie, he was looking at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking and then I made the mistake of looking up into Brittany's ocean blue eyes. I couldn't control my emotions and I went running into the choir room with tears falling once again, I sat in the back of the classroom like normal and waited for everyone to come in and sit down. They all seemed to enter in pairs, Puck and Lauren, Mercedes and Sam, Quinn and Finn, Tina and Mike and lastly Rachel came in with Mr Schue.
"Ok guys, this weeks lesson is acceptance. Now it's become clear to me that this club is represented by everything it could possibly be represented by. But you guys still aren't accepting it" Mr Schue said
"That's crazy Mr Schue, we love each other" Mercedes told the teacher
"It's not that you don't accept each other" Mr Schue looked at me and made eye contact "It's that you dont accept yourselves" I rolled my eyes at him
"Mr Schue? Can I ask a question?" Artie asked
"Sure, what's up?" The man replied
"Santana? What did you do to your hand?" Artie spoke looking at me and everybody turned to look at me. Great. Now I have to tell them the story. I got out of my chair and walked down to the piano stool and sat on it.
"Some stuff happened yesterday that really hurt me, so I left here early and got in my car and just drove, I drove to Indiana and got back at midnight only to find that my parents had gone to London on business for a month. I got really upset and angry so I downed a bottle of vodka, I know we all made that pledge and I'm sorry I just didn't know what else to do. I went to my bathroom at looked at my reflection and realised I wasn't good enough and so I punched the mirror repeatedly. I broke my knuckles and had to have stitching across them because of the glass shards that cut through my skin. I know it's dumb and none of you will get it, so I found a song to help you understand. Mr Schue, can I?" I whisper
"Of Course Santana" He says and then takes a seat. I place my good hand upon the keys of the piano and begin to play as I sing
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah, I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
I finished singing and looked up to see everybody upset and then she stands.
"Santana..." She whispers and I look at her and then walk out of the room