Spells were flying everywhere. Remus watched out of the corner of his eye as Sirius and Harry dueled Malfoy and Mcnair. He focused back on his dueling with Rabastien noticing that almost all of the death eaters had been captured. His eyes flickered as if on their own back to Harry and Sirius. The two most important people in his life. He threw a binding curse at his death eater opponent, beaming when it caught the man's ankle and Lestange toppled down to join the tied up Carrows. He took a moment to survey the scene. Mcnair was defeated and Sirius now dueled Malfoy alone. Harry having gone to duel Crabbe alongside Neville. All the death eaters save Malfoy seemed to be dealt with.
Then Remus saw a fluttering of black mist in the air close to the veil. Belatrix. He'd forgotten about Sirius' mad cousin. He watched in what felt like slow motion as Sirius disarmed and stunned Malfoy sending him flying into a wall and Mrs. Lestrange materialized in front of the dark haired man. Remus was already running when he heard her scream Stupify! He yelled in horror as his friend and lover fell towards the veil.
"SIRIUS!"
He screamed in absolute desperation. Belatrix turned towards him. An evil smirk upon her lips and then she apparated away.
The silence was deafening.
Rumus was now up on the platform where the veil stood looking serene as ever. Not seeming to notice its new addition. Sirius was gone, and Remus was alone. Absolutely alone. He stood numb. He barely took in the sight of Harry screaming for his godfather. Or Tonks crying for the loss of her mentor. He could not bring himself to try and comfort the sobbing Ginny or Hermionne. Did not care that Kingsley was hurt. All that mattered was that Sirius was no more. His light, his life was now gone.
He didn't feel as he was ushered away from the scene. Hot tears pouring down his face incessantly. He thought he heard his name. Was it Harry calling him? Or Ron? Could it be Sirius... No... No, it would never be Sirius again...
Remus sat still numb at the dining room table. All he could see were the memory of Sirius and himself having meals at that table, spending time talking at the table, making love on the table. He felt cold inside and out. No glow of love through the connection he and his mate shared. No more warm hands to caress his skin. No lips to press on his and stop them trembling. No kisses or gently fingertips to brush away his tears.
He got up and hurriedly went to his room ignoring the calls for him to stay. He slammed the door and broke into a fresh round of sobs. This was their room. The place they shared, the bed they slept in. This placed seemed so empty now. Not being able to bear sleeping in that bed alone Remus collapsed on the rug by the door and he let his body flee to the safety of unconsciousness.
The following weeks passed and the numbness did not fade. Remus spent hours trying to resume his normal life and act as though half of his soul had not been ripped out. He tried even harder around Harry wanting to be there for his surrogate godson. He knew Harry had not seen him breakdown having tried to follow Belatrix. He was going to pretend for the boys sake that he was strong. Going to pretend he did not cry himself into exhaustion each night in hope that sleep would come. Try and pretend that when he saw Sirius' things laying about around the house it did not tear into him all over again. Pretend that the world was still turning for him even though with Sirius gone all things in the world had stopped. Nothing mattered anymore. He knew too that if he continued to spiral out like he had been doing the wolf inside him would kill him and itself in mourning within the month.
Harry had distanced himself from Remus and the man figured that Harry may blame him for what had happened to Sirius. He'd not been fast enough to save his loved one and now there was nothing to tie him to this world. Little did he know that Harry needed him. He needed Remus to care and to mourn Sirius and Remus' facade of calm was pushing Harry away.
It was late that Saturday night when Harry voiced his real feelings. The order meeting had come and gone and only The Weasleys, Hermionne, Tonks and Snape remained. They had been discussing the recent deaths and Sirius' name had been mentioned. Remus had berated Tonks for mentioning the man and for Harry that was the last straw.
"You don't even care do you!" Harry cried, pushing his chair back and standing angrily. Sirius is gone and you, his best mate don't give a damn about it. You don't mourn him, you don't even want anyone to say his bloody name! I can't stand it anymore! You're acting as though he never existed!" Harry shouted at the golden haired man. Remus stood lightly and went to stand directly in front of Harry. Everyone held their breath.
"You don't deserve to be called his friend." Harry shrieked at him. That did it. Remus backhanded him forcefully. Hermionne shouted in shock. And several others gasped.
"Don't care! How dare you!" Remus yelled. "You barely even knew the man. I've known Sirius for almost my entire life. He was by greatest friend, my lover, my husband! Sirius Black was my fucking reason you stupid boy!" Remus was now in tears his entire body shaking with anguish that needed to be let out. "He was mine, my only, my second half. Do you know what it's like to fall asleep alone and broke every night, to wake up cold in an empty bed and have to tell yourself he's gone and is never coming back! I am completely alone!" Remus was screaming now. His face pained and tear flooded. "CAN'T YOU SEE HOW EMPTY I AM WITHOUT HIM! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS DEAD AND IT IS KILLING ME, SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL ME THAT I DO NOT CARE!" He turned and slammed his fist into a wall letting out a scream of pure desolation and a wave of raw magic sent objects in the room crashing in a huge uproar. Remus then fell to his knees sobbing completely drained.
"Remus!" Molly cried taking the man into her arms. "HE promised me forever! He promised we'd never be apart. Never again. Mol..ly... He, he... Can't be g-gone!" Remus wailed into her shoulder. "Gone to where I can't follow!" Remus chocked.
Harry stood paler then usual. He was in shock at the sight of this broken man before him. Shocked and ashamed that he had not known how deep his godfathers bond with the werewolf truly was. Ashamed he'd not noticed how pale the other man had been, how much weight he'd lost over the weeks.
Harry leant down and urged the readheaded woman to move aside taking Remus into his arms then.
"Remus... I... I... Siri might be d..dead... But you and he were like parents to me and you still are. You're never going to be alone because you still have me." He whispered. Remus just held him even closer. He knew then that he would always be there for Harry when Sirius was not. He would strive to be the best godfather in the world. He would remain living for the sake of the boy who now held him as though he were a child. He would strive to be as good a guardian as Sirius had once been. For his love he would do this. For his love he would try to live.