Summary: Hiccups thoughts and feelings as he watched his father sail away.
Beta'd by ArmedWithAComputer
You're not a Viking… you're not my son.
Those words rang in his head as he watched the ships prepare to leave and find the dragons nest.
Everything had gone wrong, his father reacted the way he'd hoped he wouldn't.
Hiccup watched as they loaded Toothless onto the flag ship; the ship his father was on.
He gazed at his father who hesitated and turned and looked briefly at him before turning away.
You're not my son!
Hiccup wondered if those words would ever leave his mind.
His thoughts turned to Toothless.
Toothless gave him everything he had never had.
Respect. Love. A friend.
Toothless didn't see what the others had seen. He didn't see the scrawny, weak, non-viking child of Stoick the Vast.
Toothless had given him a friend when he never had one. He had given him a reason to feel proud of himself- a sense of accomplishment had always grown inside him when he rode Toothless.
Before he had been laughed at - ridiculed - and he always felt… unimportant.
You're not a viking.
He stood there long after the ships were gone.
Eventually Hiccup heard the sound of someone walking towards him.
Astrid stopped and stood beside him, looking out at the now empty sea.
He didn't say anything. He didn't acknowledge her; he just stood there feeling all the pain he felt before return to him in waves.
"It's a mess. You must feel horrible; you've lost everything. Your father, your tribe, your best friend."
"Thank you for summing that up." He said. As if he needed someone telling him the obvious.
"Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods?" He said mostly talking to himself. "Wouldn't it have been better for everyone?"
Wouldn't it have been better for him? Then he wouldn't be feeling this pain and loss.
"Yup, the rest of us would have done it." She hesitated slightly before turning towards him. "So why didn't you?"
He gave no answer.
"Why didn't you?"
"I don't know…" He started to turn away from her. "-I couldn't"
"That's not an answer." She said.
Annoyance hit him threw all his pain.
"Why is this so important to you all of a sudden?" He asked, turning to look at her.
She leaned towards him.
"Because I want to remember what you say, right now."
"Ugh, for the love of- I was a coward, I was weak. I wouldn't kill a dragon!" He said fiercely to her.
Excitement showed in her face. "You said wouldn't that time!"
"Ugh, whatever! I wouldn't! Three hundred years and I'm the first viking who wouldn't kill a dragon!" He said.
She watched him almost like she was expecting him to say more.
He turned sharply away from her and looked at the sea once more.
"First to ride one though." She pointed out.
He lifted his head. He was the first to ride a dragon.
"So…"
He started to turn towards her. "I wouldn't kill him because he looked as frightened as I was… I looked at him and I saw myself."
"I bet he's really frightened now." She said, tilting her head towards the sea. "What are you going to do about it?"
He shrugged. "Ahh, probably something stupid."
"Good, but you've already done that." She pointed out.
He made up his mind right there. "Then something crazy." He said this while walking backward and then running off towards the dragon ring.
He would get Toothless back. He wouldn't lose the first person who made him feel like he was worth something.
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