A/N: Anna's B-day fic! Sorry it took me ages! I love and miss you sweetheart! (Although
this wasn't planned as your B-day fic…but the other one's too long^^')
Summary: After Janet's dead Sam locked herself out from everyone. Can Jack help her
feeling better?
Genre: Angst/Comfort/Hurt/Romance/English
Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be *prays* … Mistakes are mine, though. Unbeta'd
HARD DAYS
Sam was hurt. Not physically but mentally. She had lost Daniel before and although he did come back the pain still sat deep. The she had thought that she'd lost Jack and she had lost Janet. It was too much for her. Sam went to her room in the SGC where she broke down crying her heart out.
That had been a week ago.
She heard soft knocks at her door but didn't care.
"Sam? Sam, please open the door."
It was Daniel. Sam could barely hear him through her sobs. Sam Carter wasn't the type of woman who cried long or often but this time it was different.
No one saw Sam as often as before anymore. When she finished work she left instantly for her quartier until she was needed again.
"Sam, please. It's me, Daniel. Please, we're worried about you."
"Go away, Daniel. I'm fine." Sam said shortly.
Daniel shook his head although Sam couldn't see it.
"No, Sam. Not until I haven't seen it myself. You've been in there for days!"
"GO!" She yelled through her room and started crying again.
"… You're not the only one who lost an important person out there…" Daniel whispered with tears in his eyes.
He had loved Janet and never told her. Sam knew that but for now she didn't care. It didn't matter to her. Not this time. She just wanted to be alone. Daniel left a few seconds later. Maybe Jack would have more luck with her. Sure, Daniel and Sam were close, like siblings but Jack and Sam…they were so much closer than he thought they were and he knew they were close. Daniel left for Jack's office to tell him the news- no news at all. He entered knocking against the door slightly.
"Daniel…Still nothing?" Jack asked when he saw Daniel's face.
He simply nodded.
"I'm sorry, Jack. She doesn't wanna talk to me. Nothing. She said she's fine but her voice was so broken. I've never seen her like that, Jack- I'm worried."
"I know. Me too… I'm gonna talk to her, Daniel. Thank you."
That's all they needed to say. The unspoken words which were still floating between them were spoken with their eyes. They nodded at each other and left the room together.
"I hope you have more luck, Jack. She can't do it much longer." Daniel said leaving for his own room while he was thinking about Janet and Sam.
It broke his heart knowing her that down. Sam was the sister he never had. Then his thoughts drifted to Jack. Daniel had seen the pain in his eyes. The pain to know that Sams condition still wasn't better.
They had tried to trick her but as soon as she had found out she just disappeared into her room again.
There it was again. The soft knocks at her door.
"Leave me alone, Daniel…" She said weaker than before.
"Sam."
It wasn't Daniel. Sam knew it when Jack had said the first letter of her name- which he wasn't using often. Also, it was all he needed to say to let her know why he was there. It certainly was the same reason Daniel came earlier but at the same time it wasn't at all. She could feel it and it scared the hell outta her.
"Open the door, please."
"No!"
"Don't force me to make it an order, Sam… Please…"
She sighed slightly. As much as she wanted to ignore him she couldn't. She got up to unlock and open the door and went back to her little corner she sat in before.
Jack entered and closed the door behind him quietly. The room was dark besides one little candle on Sam's nightstand.
"Why are you here, Sir?" He heard from a corner of the room and finally managed to see Sam.
"I'm worried, we all are. It was hard for all of us, Carter. Don't lock yourself in here and everyone else out. It's not gonna change anything. It's been a week now. Daniel got back too and I think it was even harder for him than-"
"Sir! Just…stop it…I know that- all of it but these past years- everything and now Janet-" Sam broke down in tears again.
She just couldn't help herself and it felt right so why stop it? It was clearly too much for her. Jack wanted to slap himself for not noticing. How could he have been so close to her all the time and never see how much all of this affected her? He had always been there for her if she needed him or not and still he had never seen it. How could he possibly have been so blind? Or was Sam just too good at hiding her feelings?
"I'm sorry."
Sam looked up in surprise. Did he just…? Jack O'Neill just apologized to her. She wiped away her tears and stood up. She didn't want him to see her like that. Sam was too afraid that he would keep this image of her in his mind although her heart knew better than that.
"Why?"
Jack stepped closer to her.
"Because I never saw just how much all of this crushed down on you. I always thought there's not more than what you're showing. Well, of course sometimes I did but…I've never thought it's that much, you know? Now I know I was wrong. I'm sorry that it took me that long to realize [style type="italic"]how[/style] wrong I was. I'm sorry that this all is so hard on you. I'm sorry, Sam."
She was speechless. Sam Carter was left behind speechless. She never thought she would hear words like that from Jack. Not to her, not to anyone.
"It's not your fault. I made everyone see what I wanted them to see- including you, Sir. I didn't want to be treated like a woman but like a soldier-"
"Sam! We would never do that. None of us and you know that as well as I do. Even if someone would have done it I would have-"
"I know." Sam interrupted.
She looked up at him. She knew. Never would he have allowed anybody to insult her or anything like that.
"Sir…Why are here? Why are you so persistant about this- me?"
He waited a second watching her before starting to answer.
"This isn't a game and however I'm behaving I care about my people. I want to know when something is bothering them and I want to know why- no matter what is it or why. You know me…"
"You didn't answer my question, Sir."
"I am so persistent about this… youbecause I care about you. A lot. That's why I am here."
"Sir…I'm sorry."
This time it was Jack who looked at her surprised.
"Why? There's no reason for you to be sorry."
"I got you all worried and I locked you out."
"We worry because we care and you locked us out because you needed time. That's ok, Sam but as you did that you forgot that we are all here for each other- that includes you. You're not alone."
Sam was smiling sadly. He had spent too much time with Daniel but he was right.
"I guess I just felt alone… you're right. I forgot that I'm not. Thank you, Sir." Sam wiped away the last tears and tried to give Jack a reassuring smile.
"Better?"
She nodded.
"Thanks… Can I ask you for something?"
"Everything." Jack simply replied, glad that Sam finally got a bit better.
"I could really use a hug right now…" She said shyly.
Jack smiled at her and stepped forward. Gently, he pulled her into a needed hug. Sam closer her eyes enjoying the hold of Jacks arm around her. She felt her strength coming back just by a simply gesture like his hug. It was like if Jack would give her some of his strength. Sam felt better- way better.
"Thank you, Sir. I feel better now." Sam smiled at him still being in his arms.
There it was back: the smile in her face and her eyes.
"Glad to hear that, Sam." He smiled back not willing to let go of her completely yet.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"This."
With that Sam gently kissed Jack her hands resting on his chest. After a few seconds she stepped back and smiles apologizing.
"Never be sorry for that, ya?" Jack grinned and Sam laughed.
"Yes, Sir." She joked.
Jack got serious again while he was watching her.
"Never ever lock yourself apart again. It broke my heart seeing you like that and being unable to help… I love you, Sam. Don't do that to me."
Sam's eyes widened half in shock half in surprise. Again, he surprised her with words she never thought he'd say to her. Plus, the situation seemed…odd for a coming-out like that.
"Not a good moment, huh?" Jack asked scratching the back of his head.
Sam shook her head.
"Not really, no… I love you too."
Sam smiled and Jack stopped in his movements smiling like an idiot. Without thinking about it he cupped her cheeks and kissed her.
THE END