Draft submitted to editor in chief Aoshi Shinamori.
Editor: Goro Fujita
August, 2004
Hello, readers of Stuck in Historic Japan Magazine. Another month, another issue is in order. Hiko-snot…er…..Hiko-san has answered a few more of your wonderful life dilemmas, so thanks and keep sending them in to Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get a life and then drunken monkeys will stampede you into a bloody pulp so that I will no longer be pestered by your petty life problems. But then again, if life was really that fair, I'd have been retired and at peace with this sorry world.
Dear Hiko-san, Ever since I was young, my parents have guilt-tripped me into playing the piano. Not that I have anything against piano music, but I'm plain lousy. I hate to disappoint my parents and I don't wish to hurt their feelings. How can I explain to them that I'm miserable being suckered into lessons without starting a family feud? -Pressured Daughter of Strict Asian parents
Dear
pressured doormat…uhh pressured daughter something or another of
something, This is a toughie. Everyone wants to please the people they
love, but people weren't put on this stupid planet to make themselves
miserable. Then again, they also weren't put here to multiply like
roaches and destroy every natural resource they come across…but
wooooh-boy, let's not start on that today. The fact of the matter is,
life is about balance. And for every person, balance is relative. That
makes no sense, you say? Think about it. Since no two persons are the
same, things could be in harmony for one guy, and completely chaotic
for another. It's your job to find out where you need to draw the line,
and to try your damned best to stick to it. Compromise wisely.
Ask
your parents a few questions about why they are obsessed with the
piano. After you've made sure that they don't have sticks up their rear
ends, find out if you can possibly work out an agreement. Perhaps they
really appreciate the musical arts and have no talent for it
themselves, and thus are compelled to have someone in their family
become a musical prodigy. Regardless of the reason, find a happy medium
between being trodden like a doormat and completely shutting their
voices out. Peace!
Dear Mr. Hiko, I'm in my sophomore year of university, and I am torn between majors. The two choices I'm considering are anthropology and English. The great thing about anthropology is that I can learn about all different cultures and languages, while satisfying my curious nature about the history of our species. But if I choose English, I could sate my love of literature. What to do? -Which Fork to Take?
Dear Which Fork, It sounds like you can either make a career serving fries or wasting a lot of paper. Good luck. Ok, seriously… I have no idea what in carnation anthropology is, but it sounds sketchy if you ask me. I asked a dear friend of mine who likes to think of himself as terribly cultured about the field of anthropology, and he informed me that it has several sub-fields. So it sounds like you can always switch to another if you find out you made a crap decision. Bingo! As for English, all I can say is to please make sure you can write a good story without turning it into smut. I mean, sex sells and all…but so does Power Ranger Toilet Paper. Yeah.
----- AN: Suggestions please. In case anyone is curious, yes I have a friend (poor thing…) who has been forced to play the piano her whole life and let's just say a horde of rioting elephants makes better music than her. And I'm not being horribly mean…she admits it fully. She knows I love her. And as for the Which Fork…It was me about 2 years ago, and I really was stuck between anthro and English. I'll let you guess which one I chose in the end….! Till next time.