Karkat Vantas was already feeling stretched thin when the phone rang. A merry tune repeated itself over longer the call went unanswered but he was determined to leave it be. However the shrillness of it was much harder to ignore and managed to draw a groan from him. He pushed himself to a sitting position with an arm and swayed as his head spun dangerously, trust past Karkat to be stupid enough to get plastered and leave him to deal with it in the morning.
When the world steadied he glanced at the screen, the identity of the person who dared bother him stretched across it - one Sollux Captor – and Karkat was very content in letting the lisping bastard not gain a modicum more of his attention. Eventually the tune ceased and the phone went silent, releasing only a series of beeps to let him know a message was waiting for him in his inbox and he was plenty ready to ignore that as well. With a sigh of contented relief Karkat laid himself back down again, tugging blankets up to his chin
Ready to ignore it but unable it would seem as 'The Flight of the Bumblebee' tore through the silence after barely a minute. Karkat lasted until it began to repeat for a fifth time when he finally reached over and slammed the end call button, where he spent a glorious thirty seconds basking in the quiet before the thing started screeching at him again. The stanza had barely made it through its first few chords when he caved with a snarl.
"What the ever loving fuck do you want, shit for brains?"
"Good morning to you too, athhole." Sollux replied with just as much civility. "Do you know what a fucking meth you cauthed for me today?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What am I talking about?" Sollux repeated, voice rising in pitch and Karkat flinched. "You do no fucking work for three dayth and then thuddenly I wake up to find the whole thite hath crathed becauthe thome athhole, and that would be you by the way, decideth to go in and code like a fucking moron. I've been on the phone with our clienth for hourth getting everything thorted out!"
Karkat groaned, memories of trying to finish lines of codes while completely plastered pouring into his brain, and he cursed past Karkat's decision making ability before trying to pacify his friend.
"Look Sollux I'm sorry, I was drunk and wasn't thinking straight. I can go back in and fix it after I have some coffee alright?"
"Don't even bother KK, I've already fixed everything and finithed the project tho you couldn't meth it up again. Why the hell would you think drunken binge coding wath a good idea? You can barely do a coherent job thober."
Karkat gritted his teeth, straining to keep his temper in check.
"I said I was sorry alright? I was feeling like shit last night because my fucking publisher turned down my manuscript; they said it was trash and the worst thing I'd ever given them. They've given me a month to rewrite the entire thing otherwise they're dropping my contract. For-fucking-give me if I tried to help feel helpful and productive instead of wallowing in my one worthlessness."
"Fuck, are you theriouth? I thought they thigned you on for at leatht five bookth."
"This is my fifth book, way to keep track of my publishing achievements you shitty excuse for a best friend. They said I've lost my touch and that they can find better, younger talent coming right out of high school."
"That'th bullthit you aren't even twenty-sixth yet and even if I've never read it I bet your writing is awethome."
"Worst best friend ever."
"Look I'm coming over with thome thitty beer and burgerth. Get up and dretthed becauthe I know you are thtill in bed, pull out the grill and get your trunkth on. I'll be there in ten minuteth."
Sollux hung up before Karkat could protest, and he chucked the phone into the corner. He tried not to wince as it collided with the wall, and forced himself out from under his covers. A cursory glance around the room almost caused him to get back into bed; he didn't have time to clean it before Sollux arrived and saying the place was in disarray would be putting it mildly. With effort he managed to navigate through the mess and shuffled into the bathroom. He stopped before the mirror and studied the reflection before scowling. He was paler than usual, which was an impressive feat in and of itself, but his hair was so full of tangles he was afraid to take his comb to it and the bags under his eyes looked like bruises.
Splashing water onto his face cleared his head some, and after relieving himself he threw on his swimming shorts and descended the stairs. The living room was strewn with wine bottles – because he was a fucking romantic damn it – and he cleared the majority of them away before depositing them in the kitchen recycling and heading out the back door to his patio.
The backyard was small; ten steps from the porch to descend to the ground, thirty steps got you to the farthest edge. The grass was dead and what foliage did survive was prickly and ugly and he was scared to step on it. He didn't much care for lawn maintenance anyways, and that was why in the center of the yard was a large in ground pool.
The sound of a car pulling up his drive prompted Karkat to yank the grill away from the side of the garage and he settled it a short distance away. The lid opened with some difficulty and he began fiddling with the buttons as he heard his friends' voice inside the house. A shout directed him to come out back as Karkat continued to try and get the thing to light.
"Fuck KK, when wath the latht time you cleaned?" Sollux appeared from the back door, a box of beer and a pack of frozen burgers in his arms, as promised. He descended the stairs and deposited his items on a nearby table before coming to help with the grill.
"Like I fucking remember." Karkat muttered, trying the ignition button again. "This thing is fucking broken I swear to MOTHERFUCK!"
A flame higher than he was tall shot from the grill as the gas finally lit, ascending into the air and vanishing with a poof. His lips dragged downwards in both parts terror and anger and the only thing that prevented him from checking the continuing existence of his eyebrows was the laughter coming from his uninvited guest.
"Holy thit KK not only are you inept at coding and writing but leth throw operating low level cooking equipment into that ath well."
"Hey fuck you! If you were going to be an ass about my issues you shouldn't have bothered coming over." Karkat snapped and Sollux immediately stopped laughing as he realized what he had said.
"Thit KK I didn't mean it, I thwear I juth wathn't thinking. Can we thtill be freindth? Look I brought burgerth and everything to thave you from your frozen fith fingerth obthethion."
"I don't have a fish finger obsession!" Karkat fiddled with the settings for a moment, "but yeah we're still friends."
Sollux grinned and swaggered over and hip checked Karkat away from the cooking machine, busting open the bag of hamburgers.
"Have you looked at your freezer today? Becauthe when I did it wath full of fith fingerth, though I thuppothe we can chalk that up to drunken thenaniganth too."
Karkat grabbed a beer and pulled a lounge chair closer to where Sollux was working and plopped down gratefully before cracking open his beverage and taking a swig. His hangover had begun to dissipate, but the accompanying headache was still lingering prominently in the back of his skull. The drink was aiding somewhat, and Karkat didn't want to think too heavily of the implications of trying to cure it with more alcohol. He took another large gulp of the lukewarm beer and grimaced.
"This is really shitty beer."
"Only the wortht for you, KK. But theriouthly though, it would probably tathte better cold. Whereth your cooler?"
"In the kitchen I think? I'll see if I can go find it."
"You thure? I can look for it, since I'm not the one pathetic and hungover."
"Screw you shit stain, keep cooking because I'm fucking starving."
Karkat stood and wandered up the stairs and into the kitchen, opening the pantry and grimacing at the stench of his waste receptacle before rummaging for the cooler he had stuffed in there. It was close to the back and he had to reach to get it, something that involved an awkward shimmying motion plus butt wiggle combo to not touch the trash bin and finally he managed to pull it free. He closed the door with a mental note to take out the trash later, followed immediately by another to forget before cracking open the freezer to get ice. What greeted him was an ice box stacked from top to bottom with boxes containing fish fingers, and Karkat gaped until Sollux's voice startled him.
"I told you it wath full of thethe thingth." He said smugly. "Howth your budget for the week? That hath to be like a hundred dollarth worth of crappy thea food in there."
"I hate sea food I don't even remember buying this crap." Karkat reached into the ice compartment and started scooping the frozen blocks into the cooler. "But fuck I may not have money for anything else."
When the cooler was sufficiently filled Karkat stalked back outside and plopped right back into his chair, pushing beer inside as Sollux resumed his position at the grill, flipping burgers in silence. Sollux cleared his throat awkwardly and cast a quick glance at his companion.
"Look KK, I know I'm not exactly the betht to talk to you about thith, but thomeone needth to thay thomething and I'm the only one here. Your houthe is a meth, you obviouthly haven't thowered, you haven't eaten, and then you get drunk and buy all thothe fith thtickth which you don't even like. Do you need me to call Kanaya for you, or even your dad becauthe thith ithn't healthy."
"Don't call anyone I swear to fuck I will remotely program your computer to explode if you do…"
"Like you have the thkillth…"
"Look my shit is wrecked right now I know that, things have been hard and I just need some time to get things together. If everything is still messed to hell and back in a week then feel free to throw in your underdeveloped sense of unhelpfulness and call Kanaya, but until then keep your pompous self-righteous sense of concern out of my business, alright?"
"Alright, I promithe I won't until next week which you better thurvive by the way. Now here, eat thith burger, jeeze. Thorry for worrying about your general health and wellbeing."
Silence surrounded them again as they ate, the waves sounding prominent and forceful in the distance. The breeze picked up and it carried the scent of the ocean with it, small clouds drifting gently across the sky flecked with grey. Karkat paused in eating to peer over his fence and heaved an annoyed sigh.
"Was there supposed to be a storm today?"
"Not anywhere near land, why?" Sollux abandoned his meal as well to peek over the fence too. Over the horizon the sky had turned angry, the deep blue overridden with black and gray and purple, lightning flickering over an unhappy sea. "Thit."
"That's going to hit shore, goddamn it." Karkat dropped from the fence and slammed the grill cover shut, dragging it back towards the garage. "I haven't weather proofed anything, do you think it's a hurricane?"
"Up thith far I doubt it, we rarely get them." Sollux took out his phone and messed with it for a few moments as Karkat started carting patio furniture and food up into the house. "Calm down KK there are thtill a few hourth before it hitth. The weather thayth thith evening, and it'th not thuppothed to be that bad."
"Fuck those weather balloon headed idiots sitting high and mighty and safe in their stupid news stations. My house in on the fucking coast, remember? One slightly abnormally high tide and everything I own, including myself with my ever so wonderful luck or lack-there-of," Karkat paused in his rant to heave the grill right into the side of the building, not apparently satisfied at its proximity until there was a loud clang from impact, "will be washed out to sea."
"You're being dramatic, your houthe ith on thtiltth, and if it really botherth you tho much why the fuck did you choothe a place right on the goddamn beach?" Sollux helped Karkat wrap chain around the legs of the grill before padlocking it to the fence.
"It was either this one or leave the state entirely, moron. I didn't really want to abandon everything here, especially not since we had just started our business." Karkat walked around the fence, making sure the gate in the back was secure before heading up into the house. Sollux followed, closing shutters and shutting windows as Karkat dragged out a sheet of plywood and began nailing it over the back door. "Why didn't I hear about this storm sooner?"
"They've been talking about it on the newth for dayth dumbath. You would have known if you paid even a marginal amount of attention to anything above your waithtline, or even bothered to look out your own window."
"Alright already, past me is the biggest irredeemable dumbass that has ever existed in paradox space, is it safe to say that is established?" With the plywood in place the pair went back down to ground level. The sky was already gaining some overcast, the wind picking up and then. Karkat cast a worried glance upwards before heading into the garage, ignoring its sole occupant and heading back into the house. With everything locked and secured on the inside he began pacing and worrying at his thumb.
"Do you have any thort of emergency thupplieth? Like gath for your generator, or thome non-parithable food itemth?"
"No I have none of that right now. Fuck, do you think I have enough time to go and pick some up right now? Shit the walk would be too long and you need to get home so I won't ask you to drive… fucking damn it I was really hoping we could have just relaxed in the pool today."
"Want to thpend the night at my place?" Sollux asked. "You're thuper worried about the thtorm, that ith thomething that ith completely obviouthe. The decent thing to do ith offer you a place for the night, jutht in cathe your thitty houthe watheth out to thea. We can even watch a crappy rom com or two if you wanted."
"I would need to be dropped off in the morning." Karkat said, studying Sollux. "And you're buying actual food tonight, and by that I mean pizza without any stupid fish or pineapple or any other related blasphemous toppings."
"Fine you culinary panthy princeth, I will buy boring vanilla pizza for you."