Mew
God.
She was just so drunk.
Did she say that out loud... or did she think it?
Sakura couldn't even remember where she was. She remembered ordering a white peach sangria...and then another one, and another.
Unbeknownst to Sakura, she was wandering in the forrest area at the edge of Konoha. As were Naruto, Kiba, Lee.
It was Kiba's birthday, and they had all gone drinking to celebrate. Sometime in the night the idea of playing hide-and-go-seek had been sparked.
Sakura stumbled and wobbled around the dense forestry for some time before she fell over for good.
She giggled to herself and passed out.
x
When she came to, she was still drunk. She had drool caked to her face and she could smell her own breath.
"Ugh," she moaned, slowly sitting up.
As her eyes focused on her surroundings. She noticed some funny looking guy sitting not too far from her.
He had long, spiky, black hair and was wearing some old ass looking red armor.
She leaned back on a tree behind her and stared at him.
"...Uchiha Madara?"
He looked at her coldly.
She hiccuped.
"You're quite pathetic," The old Uchiha said, deadpanned, "Dear Konoha's kunoichi stumbling about in such a way..."
She continued to stared at him, eyes half lidded.
"You're...quite...be..autifal, y'know."
He watched curiously as she fell over a little bit.
"And I'm really drunk."
Did she say that out loud? She hoped she had, that guy really needed to know that she was drunk and didn't normally act this way.
x
She woke up with a start.
"Sakura-chan!"
She was being carried, and when she opened her eyes, kiba and Naruto's smiling faces were looking at her.
"You won las night!"
Sakura let herself down from Kiba's grasp and sighed.
"I'm going home," she mumbled holding her head.
x
Sakura peeled off her clothes and changed into some comfortable pjs, trying to mind her violent hangover.
She laid on the sofa slowly, eyes closed. Her mind wondered to the ninja war. It seemed so long ago, even though it had only been a few weeks. The Uchiha Trio had just vanished.
Into thin air. Not a rumor had been heard of Sasuke, Obito, or Madara.
She laid there miserably for who knows how long, dozing in and out of sleep. She began to almost dream about a man in some forrest...
Sakura opened her eyes a little bit, feeling very confused for some reason.
A man with long, spiky black hair, wearing armor that was the color of blood.
Her eyes were completely open now, breathing heavy at the realization.
"Uchiha Madara."
She said the name softly, like it was a secret. Just as she finished speaking she became acutely aware of her surroundings, and the feeling of another presence.
"Yes?"
Sakura screamed as she sat up quickly, too disabled by the hangover of last night's party to react in a proper defensive way. Her eyes widened even more as she saw just who had responded to her.
There, standing in the doorway that separated her living room and kitchen, was the one and only, Uchiha Madara.
x
Madara only nodded as she handed him a cup of tea.
How the fuck she got herself into this situation was beyond her. After he had introduced himself and the fear melted away somewhat, he sat down on the other couch and informed her that he was thirsty.
Sakura knew she should have been alarmed...but when he wasn't threatening to destroy konoha, he was rather polite.
"What a charming apartment you have, Ms. Haruno," Madara said awkwardly.
Sakura blushed intensely, "You can call me Sakura."
He nodded again and avoided eye contact.
After a pregnant silence Sakura piped up,
"Uhm...I'm sorry about last night. I got drunk and I don't really remember anything so I-"
"Sakura, I should like to find a mate."
"-a just wanted...to...aplogi...mate?"
She stared at the ancient Uchiha dumbfounded, and repeated,
"A mate?"
"A woman preferably. To procreate. I didn't exactly have the chance to in my previous life," he said matter-of-factly.
He sipped his tea.
"And a nice woman, too. It has been many long years since I bed a woman and I fear I have forgotten."
If she hadn't of been continuously shocked since she had awakened to him, she would have definitely been shocked now.
Madara began to pour himself some more tea when Sakura asked,
"Why?"
He sighed.
"I assume you mean, 'Why did you stop trying to destroy Konoha?' Well it is all very simple really. I was slowly beginning to realize that no matter how powerful I was, Obito and Sasuke were really a lack-luster pair of Uchihas. They simply were not going to be much use to me. And so I decided that I really didn't need Konoha. But I do need an heir."
After his little speech, Madara sat his cup down, and sat by Sakura on the couch opposite.
"After doing some research I've realized that all of these character defects in the Uchiha clan, including myself, were brought about poor parenting. Lack of communication on a father's part, and weakness of the woman."
At this distance Sakura could really take in the perfect symmetry of his very handsome face, and it was becoming quite distracting.
'Haruno Sakura, I have been watching you."
Sakura leaned back from him,
"Oh?"
"And, while looking past last night's events, I have decided that you are the most suitable woman to be the mother of my children."
"You've got to be kidding me," Sakura squeaked.
Madara stood up quickly, his face the tiniest amount flushed. He opened her window, and before he jumped out and disappeared he asked,
"Please consider my offer, Sakura."
x
"Please consider my offer? Motherfucker what the fuck..who do I..," Sakura mumbled to herself while working at the hospital.
"Something wrong?" Ino asked her, curious as to why her best friend had been acting so agitated and bitchy.
Sakura slumped over her desk. She needed to tell someone. To ask for advice. Some type of relief to ease her current state of mental stimuli.
"Ino...I'm going to tell you something that you cannot repeat to a single soul."
The blonde smiled devilishly and scooted her chair up to her desk.
x
"Oh. My. God," Ino said, her eyebrows as tall as skyscrapers on her face.
"I know, I know," Sakura cried, feeling overwhelmed, "What should I do? Should I tell Tsunade-sama?"
Ino stood up quickly, and dragged Sakura to the closet,
"What the fuck, bitch? Of course not!" She exclaimed, shaking Sakura, "You say yes to Madara, let him make mad love to you, and carry his babies!"
"W-what?" Sakura stammered, completely shocked.
"Can you blame him? Obito is ugly. Itachi is actually dead. Sasuke and Naruto have this tragic bond that will probably kill off any romance on both ends. He is literally the only chance the Uchihas have left in maybe rebuilding and becoming a semi-respectable clan that did not start a war and pretty much ruin EVERYTHING."
With that, Ino stormed out of the closet, leaving much to be thought about.
x
"I guess he is rather handsome," Sakura said to herself a few days later. She was washing the dished after she made dinner for the boys.
"And its not like I'm going to start a family with anyone here," She said pointedly.
While she was loading the dishwasher there was a knock on her door.
"Hello? Come on in?" She turned around to find Madara, once again, standing in front of her awkwardly, obviously holding something behind his back.
"Sakura."
"Madara?"
"I now realize the error in my ways. I did not realize it was now immoral to have children out of wedlock!"
Madara walked to Sakura and kneeled.
"Would you do me the honor of accepting my hand in marriage?" And he from behind he pulled out a...kitten.
A black kitten with large yellow eyes with a big red bow tied around it's neck.
"Mew?"
Sakura took the kitten and told Madara to stand up.
"Madara...why didn't you just get a ring?"
"I felt a kitten would be much more appropriate because jewelry is frivolous. A live animal was a much more suitable alternate."
The kitten purred as Sakura pet it.
"Listen Madara...I'm not sure about marrying you...but I will consider your offer of bearing your kids if you wine and dine me."
Madara almost smiled at her.
Almost.
x
They had been dating for a few weeks now. Sakura was actually very pleased with the whole ordeal.
She was helping take his armor off to wash when he kissed her for the first time.
x
They were holding hands walking in the night talking about her past.
And then they spent the next week talking about his.
x
"This is the first scar I got from the first time the first Hokage and I fought for the first time," Madara said point to a particularly gnarly lump of flesh on his calf.
"To be honest, you sounded like a dick back then," Sakura snorted, not falling for his display of masculinity.
"Death humbles a man."
x
She confessed her love for Sasuke that had lasted longer than it should have.
Madara said nothing and pretended he hadn't heard.
He felt too embarrassed for her.
x
While they often spoke to each other, Madara rarely said anything emotional.
But one day they were buying him everyday clothes and as he was trying on a pair of pants, he blurted out,
"I loved my brother very much. Even now..."
And it was Sakura's turn to pretend she hadn't heard.
x
One night, many months later, as Sakura sat dinner on the table, she told Madara that wouldn't mind having his kids.
Madara grabbed her, pulled her over his shoulder and threw her into the bedroom.
x
"So Sakura...how is the pregnant life treating you?" Ino asked, smiling broadly.
"Ino, I'm like barely two months pregnant, nothing has really changed."
The two women giggled excitedly anyway.
x
One night when Madara was away, there came another knock on the door.
"Come in Madara-" Sakura stopped dead in her tracks. How many Uchihas will she find in her door?
"Sasuke," she almost spat, "Why are you here."
Sasuke was staring at her belly.
"Madara's brat?"
Sakura's threshold for anything other than pleasant was low these days. And everything Sasuke represented was NOT pleasant.
"Anyway. I came here because I want to rebuild my clan, and I want you to do it."
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Sakura yelled at him, all the resentments from the past bubbling up, "Why would I ever agree to that?!"
"Because we both know you love me," He said coldly.
Madara was standing outside the door, listening. He wasn't worried about them noticing him. He was a far superior ninja.
"Sasuke. I was 12. You were 12. Get the fuck over it. I didn't love you, I don't love you, and unfortunately for you, the man I do love is your mother fucking ancestor so GET. OUT." Sakura screamed, her hormones raging.
Sasuke growled and disappeared.
x
When Madara asked Sakura to marry him for the second time (with a ring!) she finally said yes.
And then promptly went into labor with their first child.
x
They had nine children together, and lived happily mother fucking after.
END
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Ramenism