Hi. Anyone prepared emotionally for His Last Vow? (Hahahaha. Haha. Ha. Don't touch me.)
Spoilers through The Sign of Three. This is a Sherlock-centric fic. Basically, angst-ahoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own.
When Sherlock left, he knew things would change in his absence. Moriarty's network would take a while to bring down. Time doesn't falter. It marches ever onward, and alters those it takes with it. Sherlock Holmes is not stupid. He knew intellectually that things would change when he was away.
But sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side and, though he would never say so, Sherlock was all too human. He suffered from emotions, in other words. They were buried deep, but ran deep as a result. So he intellectually knew things would change, but not enough emotionally to come back and be unaffected by the changes.
John was getting married to a wonderful woman. She was perfect for him. And Sherlock had a bittersweet reaction to John's happiness. There was joy because John was happy, but Sherlock also felt panic. Panic that it meant he was alone again. That John had completely moved on and didn't want Sherlock in his new life. That the title of "best friend" was passed on to one more worthy. That line of thought was shut down promptly. (Don't be selfish. You have no right to be selfish after everything you did and didn't stop.) Sherlock's death had thrown John for a nasty loop, Sherlock knew, even if it was in the name of saving him. John's marriage was good. Mary would be a wonderful wife. They would good parents. There would be pitfalls, as every marriage has, but there would also be joy.
John and Mary would be happy, therefore the marriage was good.
(Sentiment had Sherlock throwing himself off a roof to save those he loved. Sentiment had helped heal John when Sherlock was away. So it was good. It made an odd sort of sense.)
That didn't mean everything was perfect. Coming back to a seemingly completely moved on John, to a world that functioned perfectly without him? (No, it didn't sting. It didn't.) There was a new life to adjust to. (A new loneliness to adjust—shut up.) His friends had all changed while he was gone, save maybe Lestrade. But even Lestrade had become more… sentimental. At least towards Sherlock. Mrs. Hudson survived as she always had. And Molly… It was telling that her fiancé looked so much like him. But that was fine, because it was better than her fiancé actually being Sherlock, wasn't it?
So, that was where it ended. John was better now. Everyone was better now, and had picked up the pieces and moved on.
(And there was Sherlock, every night he did sleep spent in nightmares that were memories. That's fine. He probably deserved it. Clearly he caused more pain than good. And he knew that it was telling that he seemed so okay after coming back. But maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for someone to ask him if he was okay. Really ask him if he was okay. But did Sherlock deserve the consideration it would take to be asked after his well being? After all, the only reason half the terrible things that happened to his… loved… ones was because he opened his mouth, or someone noticed his sentiment towards them.
So, yes. Them moving on was good. John getting married to Mary was good. This he can say honestly.)
Sherlock had been John's best man at his wedding and he hadn't mucked it up. It hadn't ended in murder. Almost doesn't count and can be dismissed quickly. That was Sherlock's gift to the newly wed couple. Not mucking up the wedding they'd been insane enough to invite him to.
He knew enough about sentiment that they would, for some odd reason, appreciate the waltz he'd created for them.
(Sherlock's sentiment put a sniper to John's head. Sentiment had Sherlock jumping off a roof. Sentiment had John by Sherlock's grave, asking—begging—him not to be dead. Sherlock always did do more harm than good, didn't he?)
He wouldn't let his own sentiment ruin John's, or anyone's, life again. Not because of him.
(Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock.)
John Watson did many things, but the greatest thing in Sherlock's mind was that John had become his friend. And friends take care of each other.
So with the wedding dance still in full swing, Sherlock gave his final gift: him leaving.
I feel like after everything has happened, he might feel like he's an albatross around the neck to those around him, so the best thing to do would be to cut himself off from John and friends, maybe?
Any mistakes are my own.
Read and review, if you want. Reviews are appreciated.
-SS