I haven't posted anything in ages as I keep starting stories in rough and then changing my mind! However, I have decided that I need to just write one and stick with it so here we go. It's set post S9 and looks at Beth leaving and the effect all the years of service has had on Ruth. I have had to take liberty with some of the dates in this but hope you enjoy it anyway…
Chapter 1
"I thought I might find you here."
She was knelt on the soft grass with her head bent low, her eyes blank and distant. "She was so young Harry" she rasped, her voice horse from her recent grief and strained fro her obvious tears. "They both were." She didn't turn to look at him, even though she felt him kneel close beside her. They remained silent for sometime, each seemingly lost in studying the embossed writing on the headstone:
Josephine Rebecca Portman
12th March 1980 – 13th September 2009
"Angels do not weep but welcome me home. I am finally at peace."
Slowly, Ruth reached out a hand and traced the last line gently with her shaking fingertip. She was completely oblivious to the fact that her skirt was becoming heavier or that the bare skin on her arms was now wet until Harry spoke softly. "We need to get you out of this rain. Ruth? Did you hear me?"
She turned towards his sympathetic and concerned tones. Her face was sodden with what seemed like the heavy rain that now poured, yet her red and pained eyes told another story. "She reminded me of her, Harry." Although she was now facing him it was as if she didn't really see him. "They both had such kind hearts, such innovative outlooks on the world." She paused, purposefully altering her gaze in such a manner that told Harry she now saw him. "They were both brave enough to acknowledge things that those with superior knowledge and experience refuse to see." Their gaze held intensely, as if challenging one another in the wake of her conviction. "And now," she continued, her eyes softening with an undeniable devastation "they're gone." Fresh tears fell as she closed her eyes against the horrors of reality. Her hands grasped at her gasping mouth as she rocked back on her heels, sobbing in the rain.
Harry watched her, unable to look away, yet frustratingly hapless to comforting her. Heat rose in his throat and pricked in his eyes as he witnessed her grieving for a lifetime of loss. He knew, in that moment, that she was not only mourning Beth and Jo, but also Danny, Adam, Colin, Roz, Fiona and even Lucas. How could he justify the loss of some many young lives? How could he tell her that everything was all right when it wasn't? When, the truth was, it was so wrong it was unbearable? No, this was the time he had promised her so long ago. This was her time to grieve and he reasoned that the guilt and despair that now tore angrily at his heavy chest and breaking heart was his punishment for the pain he had seemingly caused her.
Whether due to her raw emotions or her sodden clothes, Ruth now found that she was shaking violently. Harry quickly removed his suit jacket and, with gentle hands, placed it snugly around her hunched shoulders. "Your freezing" he noted with concern, allowing the squeeze of his fingers on her shoulder to linger momentarily.
She was vaguely aware of the fact that her fingers were numb with cold and that her cheeks were stinging with every gust of wind, but the truth was she didn't care. She didn't think she would ever care about anything as futile as the weather or her body temperature ever again. How could she, when Beth, just like Jo and the others before her, had been cruelly taken from them? How could she be so selfish? How could she let herself be selfish ever again?
Thanks for reading! I will try and update really soon- sorry if this chapter was a bit slow but hopefully will pick up as goes on Please review- they really make my day