Disclaimer: All characters in this fic do not belong to me. They belong to the great Minekura Kazuya. No infringement was intended in writing this fic. Just want to share a piece of my mind to other people out there. I'm merely borrowing them for a few moments and will gladly return it after this. So don't sue. No money.
Warning: PG-13 YAOI and swearing (just mild 'tho. ei what would you expect from our beloved corrupted monk, ne? ^^;; ), spoiler for episode 5 of the anime series
Archive: Kawaii Otakus 2, ff.net, SanzoxHakkai ML
Author's notes: Okay minna. This is only a one-shot fic I wrote about Sanzo's POV and feelings after they met Yaone and Kougaiji for the first time. He might be a little OOC in here but please do read it and judge yourself. *shrugs* It's really hard to guess what he's thinking I'm completely spent! *sweatdrops* A million thanks go to Laree-chan for providing me with the dialogue on what happened on episode 5. *huggles* Without your help I wouldn't be able to finish this. I dedicate this fic to Laree, Fall, Baka-kitsune, Maemi, and to all those people who will read this. And also, this is a sort of peace offering to all those who reviewed and is still waiting for me to upload my other Saiyuki fic. Gomen minna. . Oh and please excuse my wrong grammar and mispelled words if there're any. I haven't beta-read it yet.
And so, without further ado . . . *drum rolls*
Here With Me
by: akuma-tenshi
The sky is simply astonishing tonight. A seemingly endless midnight blue ocean sprinkled with thousands and thousands of twinkling stars. There isn't any empty space left in the sky. Sitting here on top of the inn's roof and looking at them gives me a slight shiver. Its as if I'm drowning in a vast ocean filled with bluish and reddish stars. . . helpless and feeble. And I really hate feeling like that! It's so infuriating! I hate being weak. . . of not being able to do anything no matter how hard you try. *sigh* Yet . . . looking at the sky right now also gives me a sense of tranquility. . . a sort of peace I've been searching for ever since we began this journey.
Today had been a pretty interesting day. The oh-so-mighty youkai leader, Kougaiji, finally decided to grace us with his presence. Che! I was wondering if he already lost his courage and just gave up. I was really getting very impatient. It's a good thing he finally showed up. Our questions are still left unanswered, though. From here, we can only speculate what will happen next. Up until now, I still can't see the reason of why those blasted demons remain loyal to him. Especially that female youkai we had met this morning.
I looked down. Hakkai . . . he was the most affected of us all. After our little skirmish today, he had this distant look that gives me a disconcerting feeling deep down. [a/t: ehh?? you call that 'little'??? you almost destroyed the bar!!! ^^;; Sanzo: Urusai!!!! a/t: eeepppp!!!! . ]
*** flashback ***
Hakkai was looking outside the window with a faraway look on his face.
"Sure is cold tonight."
He turned around when he heard a deep voice behind him. "Sanzo."
The blonde walked to the open window beside him and looked outside. The green-eyed man went back to his previous position and spoke softly, "It's been three years since we met, hasn't it?"
The other man raised an eyebrow at this. "What, three years already? It feels ridiculously long I'm already sick of it.", he said with a trace of annoyance in his voice.
Hakkai chuckled softly. Then after a moment, he said in a wistful voice, "Now that you mention it . . . I was just remembering some things - not that I ever forgot them."
"Hakkai... If you're thinking of settling things as revenge or something for that day . . . nobody's forcing you along on this journey. You should take the right path you think is right.", Sanzo said, voice full of concern.
The brunette smiled softly and looked at the other man. "Aaa. But here is where I want to be." He paused for a few moments then continued, "Besides . . .
Unfortunately, whatever it is he still wanted to say was interrupted by a whining voice. "Sanzo! I wanna sleep in here! He doodled on the back of my leg while I was asleep!", Goku said, entering the room with Gojyo following behind him.
"Your snoring's so loud _I_ can't get any sleep!", the red-haired half-youkai retaliated.
The two continued to fight until Sanzo finally exploded. "Shut the hell up! Don't you EVER get tired of doing this every damn day?! I'll MAKE you shut up!!"
That made them shut up. They looked at the monk with pure terror on their faces and said in unison, "Scary!"
But after a few seconds, they started their bickering again that Sanzo could only shake his head, a huge vein appearing on his temple.
** end of flashback ***
I was really concerned about him that I couldn't stop myself and told him it's okay for him to go. Damn! I mentally kicked myself after I realized what I just said. I don't want him to go. I don't want him to leave us . . . to leave me. *sigh* After a long year of denial and self-struggle, I've finally accepted the fact that I am in love with him. I am in love with another man, or in this case, a male youkai. I know that in loving him I have commited an unforgivable sin. I guess it doesn't matter. Hmph! I've never believed in any of those stupid gods and their equally stupid commandments anyway. 'The only person you can trust in this world is yourself. You can never rely on anybody.' Almost all my life, this is what I believed in. Until . . . until the day I met him. The angel of my life. NANI?!!! What the HELL is happening to me?!?!? Oh great! Just GREAT!!! Now I'm calling him an ANGEL!!??!! I think I'm really losing it already. *Tsk! Tsk!*
I looked up and stared at the stars again. That youkai must have reminded him of his past . . . of his beloved Kanan. That woman must be really very special for you, ne Hakkai? For you not to be able to forget her. She must be one heck of a person and you just love her very much. And because of that, I envy her.
I sighed heavily and shifted to a more comfortable position on the roof. I knew the moment I admitted the fact that I love you, I also have to accept the truth that you can NEVER be mine . . . because your heart already belongs to someone . . . that . . . isn't me. It really is very hard for me to finally accept that. But I'm strong. Or maybe I'm just trying to be strong. Still, I think I'll live through it. Che! Besides, I can't tell you my true feelings anyway. It will only make matters worse for us. There should be no strings attached in this journey. Even this thing you call friendship is stupid. It's unacceptable. I also have a reputation to maintain. It's a good thing I'm good at hiding emotions. It can really be helpful most of the time. We just have to hurry with this so-called mission and then return to our usual everyday lives. Maybe by then, I'd be able to let go . . . I'd be able to forget you. As if I didn't feel anything at all. But until that day, I guess I'll just have to live with it . . . and be grateful that you're here . . . with me.
~~~ owari ~~~
So how was it?? Like it? Love it? Hate it? Please do tell me. Review. . . onegai shimasu!
Anyone want to archive it? ehehehe *sheepish grin*
[ to Galford340: i speak tagalog. me don't know any dialect other than that. ^^;; ]