I don't know what went wrong exactly… I want to believe that what you are saying is true; that we'll be alright. That it'll be okay, but I can't just ignore the pain. I'm only human in the end. No matter how hard I tried to change that.
Forgive me, I was wrong.
I never thought I'd say it, but… It is the truth. I was wrong. I wonder. If I could tell myself all those years ago what was going to happen… Would I have believed me? I draw each breath tenderly, knowing so well that any one of them could very well be my last. I supress my many sobs and try to remember what it was like to be happy. What it was like to be a child, to not worry.
I'd beg to any god in existence that I have a second chance. That I could start over. That time might be changed. That is my only wish. I know it will never be granted, I don't deserve it to be granted either. My heart aches, death is nearer now than ever before. I begin to close my eyes, taking in the last shine of afternoon sunlight I shall ever see.
It's beautiful. It is really beautiful. If I had treasured all the sun I ever saw, it would make no difference. I close my eyes hearing you tell me that it is okay… I just don't' know who you are… You sound familiar to me… So familiar…
I open my eyes to see a small boy in a grade school uniform with his arm in a sling. It reminds me strongly of when I broke my arm growing up. I broke my right arm and had to learn to write with my left. But wait! That is me! When I broke my arm! I was in grade school. I was in so much pain I thought I would die. But you reassured me… Mother, even though you were busy with my little sister you took the time to make sure I was okay. I close my eyes again, and I see the same boy in junior high.
I see him walking past someone who was in trouble and doing nothing to help. I see him being ordinary; a slacker if you will. Staying up late watching anime, then I see him working on his studies, and I hear a teacher call out the scores for a mock entrance exam. I blink and he is gone. I see this boy slowly growing into the model high school student.
A good example of humanity; I watch him hold his head high, basking in praise from his parents and peers. Though I also see the side of him that is bored, and tired of daily life; at last he is becoming who I am. I see him picking up a notebook. That was the fateful day. When that boy who was once the best of humanity became me; a cold hearted killer. The one who wanted to rule the world with fear and a pen in his hand; he would die with that pen in his hand.
And he would leave no one to mourn for his loss. Not even his mother and sister would mourn him. The real light died that day. He was never meant to come back. I only hope he made it to heaven.
He could have been the best of humanity.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…
Please, please forgive me…
I close my eyes again, welcoming the peaceful black…
It's almost nice. I almost don't feel the final pain.
And I almost exhale for the last time.
…
I almost wish that I could have changed my fate…
…
Almost…
Forgive me, Rem, L, Misa, Mother, Sayu, Dad, Matsuda, Mikami, Takeda, all of you who suffered because of my madness…
If you forgive me, then I can die with peace.
And be satisfied; even if I am never remembered.