A little something that came to me after watching the 11/05/12 episode. Couldn't resist...
Dedicating this to a bunch of great friends - you know who you are, and you know what you promised me ;-)

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BEING DADS

"Shhhh... shhhh... now there's a good girl. Yeah... shhhh… it's okay, darling… just close your eyes. Everything is just fine... shhhhh... yeah, let's have a nice little sleep now... yeah, that's it...Awww… good girl Yasmin… it's all okay… shhhh…"

I watch him from the doorway as he leans over the cot and softly strokes Yasmin's cheek. A wave of tenderness goes through me, and I feel a smile light up my face. Well, in fact, that smile has been there since the moment Christian surprised me at the cafe earlier, and gave up his night out to come home with us. He never ceases to surprise me, nor does he now, as he soothingly tries to comfort my daughter to sleep. He shouldn't surprise me, really, I've seen him with Amy and Bobby, and even with Kamil on the rare occasion that he spent a couple of hours with us. Christian is great with kids, and yet, with Yasmin, he still seems nervous, a bit at a loss...like he's afraid to get close to her. I know the reasons for that, of course. But I also know we'll get there. They'll get there. There's no doubt in my mind about that. I've seen the way she looks at him with those big trusting eyes, how she reaches out and lets herself be held by those strong arms. And I've seen him look at her, when he thought I wasn't watching, and all that tenderness I see, tells me adores her already. The two people I love the most in the whole world will share the strong bond I always knew they would. It may take longer than I hoped. But it will happen. It already is happening, I see it happening, right now, in front of me.

Yasmin finally seems to settle, her soft whimpers quieten into regular breaths. "Night, night sweetheart," Christian whispers and readjusts the blanket over her, before he quietly turns to tiptoe out of the room. He starts when he sees me there, leaning against the doorpost.
"Sy..." he whispers with a sigh "why are you here...? I thought the point of me having a go at settling her was giving you a chance to put your feet up for a moment... And you don't need to check up on me, you know, everything is under control" He seems a bit miffed by my presence.
"I know" I hasten to reassure him, "You're doing a brilliant job. I just love watching the two of you together, that's all..."
The frown on Christian's face changes into a tender smile "Oh, you soppy git" he grins, pulling me close "You've seen us together already for most of tonight..."
"Yeah... but I can't get enough, can I?" I admit, as I let him wrap his arms around me, and lean my head against his shoulder. "You're really good with her, Christian"
"Hmmm" He shrugs it off.
"You are" I insist "She's really fond of you"
"She hardly knows me, Sy" He can't hide the edge of regret in his voice, and it cuts right into my heart.
I pull back slightly to look at him, touching his face in comfort. "She will though... And she trusts you, Christian... She lets you comfort her and put her to bed... That's huge, you know..."
He smiles a little at that. "Well, yeah... maybe..."
He looks back at the cot, where all is still quiet. "Mission accomplished for now anyway. She's nodded off again... We'll have to see how long for this time..."
"Come on," I say, taking his hand in mine "let's get out of here, before we wake her again..."

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For the first time this evening peace and quiet have finally settled in our home. The room is quiet, we're sitting together in semi-darkness, snuggling close on the sofa. His arms are around me, I'm leaning my head on his shoulder, and he's lazily letting his fingers wander through my hair.

"Thank you, darling" I turn my face to kiss him.
"For what?" he mumbles.
"For coming home to me. To us. Spending the evening with us. Putting up with all the hassle of a teething baby. Being lovely and patient and..."
He shuts me up with another kiss.
"Oh stop it, silly... " he says "This is the best place, Sy. This is where I want to be..."

"So...you don't regret it?" I ask him "trading in your fun night out … for all this... baby drama?"
He chuckles "No way! I loved it!" He counts down on his fingers "I've been laughed at, screamed at, slapped in the face…. I've had a girl hanging round my neck, sobbing her heart out on my shoulder, … I've had drinks spilled on me, I've had food thrown at me, I've been vomited on... and I've been smothered with kisses... And that was just the first half hour!" He sniggers wholeheartedly "Not much different to a night out in Soho,..."
"Well..." I laugh as his words conjure up the chaos of the past few hours "when you put it like that..."
"There's one difference though..." he adds, "at the end of a good night out, there's always the chance that I might get lucky..."
"Oh really?" I tease him in a pretend huff "So that's why you go out, is it? To get lucky? And there's me thinking you were in a committed relationship, mister!"
"Well, I am" he winks "so I come home to you, don't I, for the best bit of the evening?"
"Ah... I see" I continue the game "Didn't I explicitly ask you not to wake me up when you came back tonight? So I don't know what makes you think that you might have any hope of getting lucky with me at all...?"
"Well..." he cuts me off "seeing as you're not asleep... and seeing as it wasn't me who woke you…"
"True" I admit "and you did mention 'fun', if I remember correctly"
"I did"
"And I love fun!" I admit.
"Oh, I know you do" he grins cheekily
"So then… what exactly are you waiting for, Clarkey?"

He steels a look in the direction of Yasmin's room.
"We don't want to wake the baby... not after all the trouble it took us to finally get her to sleep... "
"Sooo… we'll be... quiet then" I say.
"Hm" he snorts. "Quiet...? You...?"
"What?"
"Have you ever heard yourself, Sy... when you're … err … in the throes of passion...?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" I say defiantly, but I feel a deep blush creeping up on my face. I know exactly what he's going to say.
"You scream, Sy" he puts my thoughts into words "when things get... let's say… err… heated... you… scream..."
I don't know where to look, but he pulls my face towards him and claims my mouth again. "... and I bloody love it!"

"Right… so I scream…" I mumble under my breath, when he finally lets go. I'm determined to give him a taste of his own medicine "so I guess I shouldn't mention the noise that you make… should I?"
"What noise?" he baits me.
"You… you growl, Christian... like a bear... "
"I growl?" he asks in mock annoyance "Like a bear?"
"A-huh" I nod "you moan so har..."
Before I can say any more, he flips around and pins me down underneath him.

"Say that again, if you dare" he grumbles, but I just collapse with laughter. His eyes are twinkling and he grins with me. When our giggles finally subside, we're catching out breaths, gazing at each other for a long time. I'm sure the fire in his eyes reflects exactly what he sees in mine. It's always like that with him. One moment, we're laughing and joking, and the next, the passion between us sizzles like lightning. Unable to resist any longer, Christian leans in and leaves a shower of kisses all over my face. His lips are so soft, and yet so hot, against my skin that I feel myself melt at the touch.

"Beautiful..." he breathes against my ear, "so, so beautiful"
"You more..." I answer him, echoing the words he spoke to me earlier

And then our mouths are fused together again, and our tongues are dancing against each other. His hands are tangling tightly in my hair, and I can feel the heat and strength of his body pressed flush with mine. When our mouths finally let go, I actually have to remind myself to breathe. The combination of his body so close to mine and the look in his eyes as he stares down at me is almost too much to bear. I want him so much right now. He smiles knowingly, he reads me like a book.

Holding me firmly in his arms, he tries turns us round again. It's a precarious undertaking on this tiny sofa, trying to stop us both from landing on the floor. We just about manage, but Christian grimaces as he's trying to find a comfortable position. He reaches underneath him and pulls out one of Yasmin's teddies.

"Remind me again why we bought this wicker monstrosity?" he groans as he chucks the toy across the room.
"I have absolutely no idea" I admit with a chuckle.
"Well, it's bloody uncomfortable..." he complains "I can't even have a proper kissing session with you on here without almost breaking my back..."
"We do have a perfectly comfortable bed, if you remember, Christian" I remind him.
"Oh yeah, we do..." I only have to tell him once "Now there's an idea... Come on, let's go..."

As we roll off the sofa, ready to flee to the safety of our bed, a soft cry from the other room stops us in our tracks.

Christian closes his eyes for a second, swallowing away an instinctive swear word, and groans. I bite my lip, trying to stop myself from bursting into another laughing fit. "Perfect timing!" I giggle.

"Yeah," he mumbles, " I wonder who she gets that from…" He shakes his head, but there is only loving patience in his eyes. "I'll go" he says "you go keep the bed warm for me, babe..." He presses a kiss on my nose and with that, he's gone.

Making my way to the bed room, I smile to myself, as I hear him coo sweet nothings to our daughter.
"Heyyy, shhhhh...don't cry, little one... it's all good, sweetie, it's all okay..."

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Hmmm…. So much for me keeping the bed warm. I guess I must have fallen asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. When I wake up, all is quiet in the flat. The digital figures of the alarm clock read 3:08. I reach out for Christian, but his spot in the bed is empty and cold. It looks as if he hasn't even been here yet. Barefoot and shivering, I tiptoe to Yasmin's room, but she's not in her cot, and Christian's nowhere in sight. There's no sound anywhere, and feeling a slight tremor of worry ripple through me, I hurry to the living room.

"Christian?" I whisper urgently, "Christian... where are you?"

But there's no answer, no movement. I take a few more steps, and then I see it. In the flickering blue light of the mute TV screen is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.
Christian's asleep on his back on the sofa, and on his chest, in equally deep slumber, is the tiny figure of my daughter. Our daughter, I correct myself immediately. Yasmin's arms and legs are spread-eagled wide, as if in a giant hug, her little fists holding on tightly to the fabric of Christian's t-shirt. His strong arms are protectively wrapped around her tiny frame, and even though he's sound asleep, his fingers are softly rubbing her back.
As quietly as I can, I move closer, and kneel down in front of the couch to gaze at them. I could sit here for hours, just drinking in this sight.
My man and my daughter.
My family.
My heart leaps in my chest. There's a smile on Christian's sleeping face, giving him a breath-taking vulnerability that is simply stunning, and though I try, I can't hold back the urge to reach out and touch his cheek. I didn't want to wake him, but he stirs, sighs and opens his eyes.

"Hey..." he whispers as recognition lights up his face.
"Hey..." I whisper back "I was getting lonely in our bed, so I came to find you"
"Sorry" he says "this little lady here decided she wanted to watch some telly...and I guess we fell asleep..." he yawns wholeheartedly, and carefully tries to stretch without disturbing Yasmin. "Gosh... I'll be a wreck in the morning, won't I...?"
"Just as you would have been if you'd had a night out in Soho" I remind him.
"Yeah," he smiles, "but at least I won't have a hangover…" He softly touches my face. "Why don't you join us?" Leaning on one elbow, carefully holding on to Yasmin's tiny body, he hitches himself up "always room for one more..."
I take his offer happily, sliding in beside him. He leans back, his head resting in my lap. As I look down at the two of them, I fleetingly wonder if there has ever been a moment in my life when I've felt happier than I do right here, right now...

"You have a beautiful daughter, Sy" Christian mumbles sleepily, as he continues to softly caress Yasmin's back.
"Yeah… " I smile "And I have a beautiful man too… Look at you together, Christian... she's so happy and comfortable being with you. You are a great daddy to her..."
I lean in to kiss him, he sighs softly against my lips, and I feel his hesitation.
"You are" I insist, sensing his doubt.
He smiles a bit, but I can tell he's still not convinced.

"What are you scared of, Christian?" I gently ask him.
"I'm not scared..."
"But… you're so... careful... around her. So... on guard almost. It's like you're holding yourself back…"
He's silent for a moment.
"Okay," he finally admits "maybe I am afraid of getting too close. I'm just… I don't know… I don't want to mess this up, Sy…"
"What on earth makes you think you'll mess it up? You're great with her…"
"You keep saying that, but…" he hesitates. "There's so much at stake here, Sy… She's your daughter, your flesh and blood. I can't afford to get it wrong…"
"But…"
"It's complicated to explain… There's part of me… I just… " he sighs, tries again. "When I saw her for the first time, Sy... in your arms... she stole my heart. Straightaway. Love at first sight. Big time. This gorgeous little girl only had to look at me once, with those eyes so much like yours, and I was... lost... Completely. From the start, I wanted nothing more than be part of her life... but..." he sighs. "So many things were in the way, Sy. Amira wouldn't let me near, and... you and me were going through such a rough patch… And I went about it all wrong. All that nonsense about wanting you to choose, and... yeah... I guess I was scared. I don't know... I just felt that … I couldn't afford to fall in love with her, to get too attached…"

"But all that is gone, Christian. We sorted it. We're in a good place now, aren't we? You don't have to worry anymore." I wipe the frown from his forehead. "You really are her dad, Christian." I say it again, stressing each word, to make sure he hears me properly "I wouldn't want it any other way"

"I know that's what you want, Sy. But her mum is never going to let me, is she?" he says, unable to mask the hurt in his voice.

"Well, she'll have to deal with me then, won't she? I'm Yasmin's father, Christian, and you are my partner, the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with... One day or the next, she'll have to accept that you will be part of Yasmin's life as much as I am. That's just how it's going to be. End of. I'm not letting her get away with shutting you out. Besides...Yasmin herself is going to have a say in it too, isn't she? And I promise you, she's going to adore you, Christian. In fact, she loves you already..." I press a soft kiss to his cheek.

"But what if I screw up, Sy?" he's still not convinced. "I act as if I know it all... but if I'm honest... I don't have a clue, really... I just muddle along... I could do it all wrong. And the stakes are so high, babe. This is the real stuff. It's not like with Amy and Bobby…. At the end of the day, they have their own parents to go back to. But this is for real. She's your child, Sy. She's going to be part of your life forever, and … and if I screw up, she might end up hating me, and then,… and then you'll hate me too and…"
"Just hold it right there!" I stop him in his tracks. "You're an idiot, Christian, you know that, don't you?" I sigh "Trust me. You're not going to screw up."
"But…"
"You're not! Stop worrying, babe, you'll be fine" I shake my head. "And she's going to adore you! Look at you two together. You're a natural. First time she spends the night with us and you've already found the perfect way to calm her down, to stop her from crying, and get her to sleep. Took me at least a week to figure all that out…" I smile at him fondly.
"You know what that means, don't you? It means that Yasmin's made up her mind, Christian. No matter what anyone says. She has decided: you're going to be her daddy too."

At last he allows himself to believe me. A smile creeps up on his face.
"You think so?"
"I'm sure of it… Besides, she's a clever girl, so how can she not adore you?"
"Hmm... I guess she takes after her dad then, doesn't she?" he grins.
"Exactly"

His hand sneaks up my neck and he pulls my face close to his. "Do you have any idea how amazing you are, daddy Sy?" he whispers against my lips. "And how much I love you?"
"Probably as much as I love you, daddy Christian." I promise, and kiss him softly. "You're the best"

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Reviews as always much appreciated. Thank you!