Scent of Snow
by Angel42
As a child I've heard my teacher lecture that children owe their parents eternal debt for giving birth to them but I would always reason in my head – I didn't ask to be born. I looked up and saw a familiar ceiling. I'm still in his room it was all just a dream but my thoughts in there seem to have escaped and haunts me still in my conscious state. Was it of my old life again? My parents whom for a while I believed to be my world. Now that I think of it weren't all kids born with the same belief? That their parents exist to protect them. That all they need will be given by mommy and daddy unless they say otherwise? My parents were my world… so bright, so light I never thought they'd take the sun away and leave me in that pitch dark room – alone. Without a single warning I was there parentless… no one wanted me and I didn't want anyone. I stopped needing anyone.
When was it that I started crying? I just felt my hands wet with warm tears as they helplessly fall. I clamped my eyes shut but they wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. Until now… away from them and that pitch dark world of rejection how can they still make me cry like this. Perhaps it's just a force of habit I developed, whenever I think of what I used to have. I somehow wish to forget those small happy memories I had as a kid for then I will no longer feel that losing feeling. It will be as though it has always been dark to begin with. So I will not long for the light. To someone who never knew happiness, sadness is enough.
"Rin? Why are you crying?" It was a child's voice… one that I always hear when I'm on the verge of letting my sanity drift away. When the darkness of my world is swallowing me. Why is it I always hear that voice?
Why do you insist on pulling me back? Me, whose rejected by my own parents. Me, who is so sickly and helpless and always runs away. Why do you pull me back? To torment me more? Is that it?
"Rin…" The voice was much deeper now yet retained its softness as it has always had. I do not wish to be accustomed to such a voice… my father used to call me like that. It won't be long until you leave me too. Everybody does.
I opened my eyes and thought of shouting for the voice to go away but all I saw was white. It made me feel the happiness I felt at watching the snowfall. I've always liked that color so pure and innocent it smelled like snow too. People would think me silly whenever they hear me murmuring out loud about the snow's scent but its true. Snow smells somewhat sweet and nice. Snow smells just like… Haru.
I felt my tears stop and saw the white snow replaced with soft black eyes looking at me so passionately. I wish you'd stop looking at me like that. I do not wish to be accustomed to those eyes. My mother looked at me with soft eyes too but it wasn't long 'til she started getting angry at me and those soft, kind eyes were replaced with so much hatred that I felt my knees shake by the mere sight of them.
"Rin, are you okay? Did you have another nightmare?" The voice sounded so far that I felt my heart stop once. Is it going to fade away like everyone has?
Why do you keep calling me back when I wanted so much to leave? Why do you stay when you know everyone has left? Why won't you just leave me alone like everyone else?
"Why is it always you I see past my nightmares?"
"Because I'm a light sleeper." He replied with all seriousness etched across his handsome face. I couldn't do anything but laugh.
Why is it that you could make me laugh when my heart is full with nothing but dark things.
"I only wish you'd leave me now when I know I can still live without you." She was getting used to lying now. When she told Haru she didn't need him anymore it was like there's no longer a lie in this world she can't say. She felt herself grow cold when he let his arms drop from her.
"Its not that I don't want to leave you… I would have, but my heart only knows your name. Rin"
"Sounds like something from Shigure-ni's book."
"You think so? Hmmm…Maybe I should sell it to Sensei tomorrow."