I could go back to every laugh
But I don't wanna go there anymore
And I know all the steps up to your door
But I don't wanna go there anymore
Matthew stared at the picture in his hand. He dropped the photo, overcome with emotions. All the pain Gilbert had caused him… Francis saw the blank expression on his son's face and hurried over. "Mathieu, you need to forget about Gilbert. He only hurt you. He may be my best friend but I will not let him anywhere near you until you are comfortable with it."
"I know Papa. The memories tear me apart sometimes. I thought we had something special. But apparently I was just there to make himself feel better."
Francis nodded knowingly. "I know how love goes bad sometimes. The same thing happened to your dear father and me. I really loved him. I thought he loved me back. But it was just an illusion. I was used, but I still feel strongly for him. I will never let Arthur go..." Francis stared into the distance. The pain in his blue eyes was evident as the tears rolled out…
Talk to the wind, talk to the sky
Talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find
Gilbert stared at the wall. It had been two weeks. Two horrible weeks of regretting every word he said. Gott,why did he have to hurt Mattie? He had to find some answers. He would normally talk to Francis, but his best friend kind of hated him right now on account of what he did to Mattie. Tonio was busy with Lovino a lot lately. Maybe Francis had told him to avoid Gil. Verdammt it sucked for his two best friends and ex-boyfriend to avoid him. Alfred? No, Mattie's brother hated him as much if not more as Francis did. Arthur? Lars? Katyusha? Ivan? No, no, no, and he hadn't gone that insane! This was going to kill him!
I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
That you'll come in with the rain
Mattie knew deep inside that Gilbert wasn't coming back, but that didn't stop him from secretly wishing he would return. Every night he waited for the gentle tap of a stone on his window, a signal that Gil was waiting for him. He had been waiting for hours for two weeks, but his love never returned. Each night his Papa would come, try to explain that Gilbert wasn't coming back for Mattie. Matthew still believed his lover would come to save him from this horror that was his life, but his faith in Gilbert faded a little more each night.
I could stand up and sing you a song
But I don't wanna have to go that far
And I, I've got you down
I know you by heart and you don't even know where I start
Gilbert wrote a song for his Birdie, but he could never have the courage to sing it for him. He would only end with a broken heart all over again. He knew everything about Matthew, how his eyes flashed when he was angry at Al, the blank look to his face that hid emotion to every other nation, but betrayed thousands of things to Gilbert. They should have had so much more time to themselves to learn all about each other. He knew so much about Francis's son, but Mattie only saw the bits and pieces of what Gilbert wanted him to see, and that destroyed Gil. He sighed as he stared at the music he had written, and then hurled it into the blazing fire.
Talk to yourself, talk to the tears
Talk to the man who put you here
And don't wait for the sky to clear
It had been a whole month since Prussia, the only nation he could ever love, left him leaving nothing but harsh words behind. Canada cursed himself for letting Gil go. The pain had hurt so badly, though. If Gil came back, he did not know whether he would choose to forgive or forget him. That tore him apart.
"I hate you so much! I don't know why I even liked you in the first place! You thought we had something special, but in reality, you were nothing but a distraction to me. You thought I was special, that I could see what nobody else could. Well let me tell you this: Since when was I, Prussia, ever included in anything either! Since they took my kingdom away, I saw those who were easy to feel sorry for and surrounded myself with them to make myself feel better. All I ever felt was pity for you. Nothing more…"
The cutting memory chilled him to the bone. Maybe Gil was just drunk and had no idea the lies he was telling. But in his soul, he knew that behind every lie, there was truth, no matter how small it was. He cried himself to sleep while listening to the rain pour on his country, people, and soul. The window he had slept by since that fateful night offered no comfort in the fierce lightning that lit up the sky. He gave up his fantasy of Gil coming and apologizing to him. Matthew missed Gil, but did not have a glimmer of hope that the self-proclaimed "awesome" man would ever return to save Matthew.
I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
That you'll come in with the rain
The broken window was a sign of his pain to Gilbert. The rain poured through, as all his feeling for anything besides pain poured out of his body after leaving Matthew. He could not help but wish that Canada was here to laugh about Roddy's latest stupid idea. Gil made up his mind. He was going to go see Mattie now. He did not care if Francis beat him up; he had to apologize to Mattie for all the pain he caused him. He made his way over to Matthew, Alfred, and Francis's house. It was too late to turn back now. He gently tossed a rock at Mattie's window. There was no response. He tried again, and again. He would not give up. He slept on the ground by the window all night. He woke up early, and tried again. This time he found an angry Canadian leaning out the window.
I've watched you so long,
Screamed your name
I don't know what else I can say
Matthew was rudely woken up by a rock being thrown at his window. He was angry at whoever it was, as it clearly wasn't going to be Gilbert and his huge ego. To his surprise, when he looked out of his window, there was his ex-boyfriend. He started shouting at him how stupid he had been, telling him all these things that he didn't know whether they were truths or lies, then leaving. Gilbert broke down in sobs, going on and on about how idiotic he had been, and how his life had been miserable without him. At that moment Matthew realized just how stupid he had been, how Gil had never loved him like he said he did. His whole relationship was a total lie. He had made his decision. "I will not take you back. Now leave before I tell Alfred and Papa that you tried to hurt me again."
But I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired at night for all of these games
Just know I'm right here hoping
That you'll come in with the rain
Gilbert cried as he turned away from Matthew, leaving the one he thought he would never have to be without. As Matthew went back inside, Gil cried out "I'll leave my window open. Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name. Just know I'm right here hoping that you'll come in with the rain. If you ever change your mind, know that I am waiting for you, never going to give you up again." He left his soul with Matthew, and until he returned, Gil would never be complete.
I could go back to every laugh
But I don't wanna go there anymore
As Gilbert walked away, Matthew knew he had made the right choice. It would be a painful road, but Matthew was strong, with great support. He will survive.