Summary: Though darkness had clouded him light would find him. Go through Damon's journey during desiccation and see who he reunites with along the way.
Authors Note: Sometimes you are compelled by watching something and it draws you to write. In my case, it's this story that you are about to read. With Nina's absence it makes the things we wish to see far within our reach but thanks to imagination we still have that chance to dream. Here you will find that dream. Originally this was going to be a one shot but as I wrote I found more inspiration. This is for all those faithful Damon and Elena fans out there and remember we're going to survive this because it'll clear up.
Live your life
You are my life
I will always choose you
Saying goodbye to Elena Gilbert hadn't been something Damon would have ever been prepared for. Had he been selfish he never would have met her on the road to say goodbye in the first place because out of everything he found letting her go to be the hardest thing he had to do. As he waited for her on that long and winding road he had made his choice in seconds. Her because the choice was simple live his life without her or be right beside her. Would it be hard to give his goodbyes to his loved ones? Of course but in Damon's eyes this had been the right thing to do and though they'd probably hold a grudge over it he'd hope they'd get over it. His mind had been made and all he had to do now was tell Elena and he'd find himself shortly lying beside her.
Things are going to be awfully dull around here without you
Dull? Dull? That was using the word lightly because right now he was putting up a brave front around her. Usually, with Elena, he never wore a mask he showcased his true self but now he was trying to be strong for her because as hard as this is for him he knows its ten times harder for her.
I was thinking about doing the starvation diet. The desiccation makes the time go faster
There he had said it. His plans now lay out there in the open as he had to endure Elena's reaction and rather than it being hopeful he noticed how she seemed disappointed and displeased.
This isn't going to work if you just shut down
What the hell did she expect from him? Did she expect him to walk on sunshine knowing that the love of his life was trapped in a box and locked in darkness? Did she expect him to go about his days like everything was fine when it was far from that?
I need you to live your life
YOU'RE MY LIFE he wanted to shout it out so loud that even the heavens heard it but he was drawn to silence as she continued on. His head spinning trying to process what she's asking of him.
Enjoy yourself….I want you to be happy
Why wasn't she getting it? Why couldn't she understand that the very definition of happiness in his eyes was standing right before him? Why couldn't she see that by leaving her and letting her go he'd never find enjoyment or happiness because just like her he'd be left in absolute darkness.
I will always choose you
In the end, as they shared their last dance he found himself choosing her over his own happiness because he had given her exactly what she had requested of him to live his life. It was symbolic in a way that it had been on this long and winding road were they had said hello only in the end to say goodbye.
Goodbye to happiness
Goodbye to the light
Goodbye to the girl
Goodbye to his life
There had been a time were Damon Salvatore had viewed himself as strong he might even say invincible but ever since losing the girl he found his strength lost as well. It hadn't even been a full year and already he found himself wanting to throw in the towel and submit to the darkness because even in the darkness he'd have the chance to find light again.
He had never been one who gave goodbyes because goodbye's meant caring and caring meant vulnerability and unlike his brother he really wasn't a fan of that. Unfortunately for Damon try as he might he did care and he gave a damn and he found it only right to say goodbye even if it was in the form of a letter. Luck hadn't been on his side though when his brother had strolled into the Boarding House and rather than simply setting the letter on a table to be found he found himself face to face with his brother. Guilt running through him at the flash of hope that had crossed his younger brother's features. At the thought that Rayna was finally dead giving him the chance to finally get the girl. Seemed now that the universe wasn't on Team Stefan either as Damon had to deliver the news that the huntress was still very much alive and vengeful as ever. Maybe Stefan had believed that Damon would once again strap on his temporary hero hair and save the day but instead he was hanging it up for sixty years give or take.
If there's a fraction of you that cares about me your brother, your family then you will not walk out that door.
The comment should have been enough to halt Damon's steps but it hadn't been and maybe if his younger brother had been human, on a ticking time clock to death he'd gather whatever strength he had left to get himself to stay.
They were vampires though and that was the gift and curse of eternity because even with sixty years passed they'd still remain themselves. Stefan would hold a grudge over Damon choosing himself what else is new he'd brood, most likely have more frown lines added on his face and yet somewhere along the way everything would be worked out.
"Save a bottle of good bourbon for me. We're going to need it to sort all this out in about sixty years"
Though it seemed to lack heart Damon knew they would sort out this mess because in the end whether they loved each other or despised each other they were brothers and nothing would change that.
Not even sixty years….
A storage container in Brooklyn NY who would have thought that something as simple as this in his eyes would feel like home?
To everyone else their eyes simply fell upon a coffin but to Damon it was as if Elena was lying right before him, waiting for him. Slowly he steps forward as he approaches her. If anyone was seeing this right now they'd simply see a man running his hand along the lid of a coffin but to Damon he was stroking Elena's cheek.
I'm here baby a shadow of a smile forming on his lips and as off putting as it seems he finds himself finally content because he knows he's where he belongs. That moment of ease suddenly being disturbed sensing a presence behind him as attuned hearing picks up on the sound of a human heart beat.
"You weren't evening going to say goodbye"
Drawing him to turn around as he meets Bonnie's unsatisfied expression. Great just great couldn't a guy desiccate in peace? Was that really too much to ask for? You hate me referring to the universe I'd think you'd be pleased I'm taking an extended time out.
"Enzo told me you asked him for Elena's coffin he told me what you were planning. I didn't believe him"
Thanks a lot mate he bitterly thinks to himself as he casts his gaze towards the floor this is exactly what I wanted to avoid. Strike one with Stefan having to encounter him and now here was strike two.
"I thought if Damon desiccates until Elena wakes up I'll never see him again. He'd never do that."
Picking up on the now sarcasm dripping in her tone as he bites back a sigh "I wrote you a letter" he nonchalantly states "and I gave it to Stefan" he begins to say but is cut off.
"Are we friends?"
Silence draping over them as he scoffs before managing to deliver a crooked smirk "of course Bonnie…when we actively don't try to kill each other." His tone teasing because he really isn't in the mood to be mushy and gushy I did enough of that in Ric's letter.
"No I'm not doing that. No insults…no jokes."
Once again Damon's gaze lowering towards the floor, acting as if his boots are the most interesting thing in the world before forcing himself to meet her gaze.
"Are we friends? I know why you wanted to do this in a letter so you could desiccate in peace imagining whatever reaction you wanted. Me reading it and thinking huh I'm really going to miss him. Well too bad because that's not my reaction. This is. I'm not okay with this decision. I'm not okay with you choosing yourself."
Was this her trying to lay on the guilt because if that was the case she was doing a bang up job. Remaining eerily silent as she continues to rant about how this was selfish of him to do because it's the least he can do, listen.
"And I'm not okay with never seeing you my best friend"
Noticing that her tone was starting to shake, his gaze flicking towards her eyes seeing tears welling in them. I'm not okay with everyone thinking they are enough for me….that I can survive without my life because if you knew me as well as you think you do then you'd know I'm far from happy. More than anything he wants to shout that out but he withholds it because he's not in the mood for another speech about 'moving on and finding strength' been there, done that and it hadn't worked.
"Ever again"
Managing a weak smile as his gaze remains trained on her accepting this to be their goodbye, their final one.
"This hurts me"
A tear streaming down her face as he stands there allowing her to hit him where it hurts.
"This hurts me"
More tears streaming down her face this is exactly why I don't do goodbyes he miserably thinks to himself because just a few short seconds ago he had been happy. He had felt like a burden was lifted and now as Bonnie, his friend stood here actually admitting what he means to her his good mood had been replaced. Watching as she wipes her face and the broken expression she had been wearing now turning almost dare he say cold?
"As you desiccate…and as you feel the pains of hunger….as the blood drains from your body that's what I want you to remember."
A look of hurt crossing Damon's dark features as he hears his friend not giving him well wishes or support but wishing pain on him.
"That you hurt me"
This was going to be their goodbye? As twisted and messed up as their relationship had been it had actually become something. From a witch who hated his guts and viewed him as the definition of pure evil to a very good friend now standing in front of him confessing how hurt he was making her because he wanted to say goodbye. This would be final because Damon wouldn't wake until Elena was finally up and for Elena to be up Bonnie would have to die and he didn't want her last words to be out of anger.
"Bon" he begins as he takes a small step forward "listen to me" listen to what exactly? No matter how much he tried to explain his reasoning for this no one understood him not Bonnie and not even his brother because they had never loved someone as deeply as he loves Elena.
"No…no you don't get to say goodbye"
Without another word he watches as she turns on her leave and makes her exit. That was goodbye though he thinks to himself knowing going off after her would change nothing because he'd still leave and find his way back here. With a small nod of his head accepting the consequences he watches as his friend disappears.
Moving forward he glances out and over the Brooklyn Skyline, his gaze pushing further as he looks at the city that seems far within his reach holding the dreams that he and Elena planned together.
Five years from now where are you
In a loft in Tribeca
Well they were one step closer to that dream, both now residing in New York. Not the way he had hoped but they would make said dream a reality. Gaze lingering a second more as he allows himself to imagine what it would be like to simply sit on the couch massaging Elena's feet after a hard day of work at the OR. Yeah my girl the doctor a shadow of a smile pulling at his lips before he snaps out of it letting reality sink in that he's not in Tribeca but a storage unit. Grabbing the handle of the garage door, pulling it down as he closes the unit and shuts the rest of the world out.
Now cloaked in darkness because no light is being shed into the unit but he doesn't need light because his light is slumbering peacefully. Making his way over towards his coffin might as well call it my bed eyeing it for a moment before he swings one leg inside and then the other. The feeling slightly eerie knowing that this will be his home for the next sixty years.
A hint of fear crossing him but rather than questioning himself he casts his attention over towards the coffin beside him, over towards Elena and immediately he finds himself soothed. Glancing back straight ahead he remains unmoving letting it sink in that this is it.
This isn't goodbye its simply see you later
Sure he'd wake up to change but if Elena could do it without having a choice then he sure as hell could do the same. Nodding his head as he reaches for the lid of the coffin, pushing it upward so that it comes down and as it comes down he mirrors the action laying his body to rest.
Though darkness had clouded him
Light would find him…..
Darkness had been the first thing he had seen when his eyes had shut. Was that what this would be like? Is this what Elena had been going through all this time? Locked in a never ending darkness? The thought alone making his heart drop and guilt sets in for abandoning her in the first place.
Before he has a chance to experience self loathing a bright and blinding light displays itself causing him to draw his arm forward as he shields his eyes. What the hell was this? Dark to light? Morning and night? He wasn't sure what the hell was going on or what he had signed up for. It seemed like eternity but finally the light seemed to die down, removing the shield from his eyes as he blinks them a couple times letting them adjust as he tries to take in his surroundings.
When he's finally able see clearly he casts his gaze down as his brows furrow in confusion noticing his formal attire. Going into slumber he had worn jeans and a simple v-neck sweater but now he's wearing a tuxedo. "What the hell" he mutters to himself flicking his gaze up and seeing two oak doors before him, slightly open as he squints and sees light peeking through.
Figuring he's meant to step into wherever it leads he places his palm on the doors and gently pushes it open as he steps through. A sense of déjà vu hitting him as he recognizes a barn but it's not the barn he's focusing on its what's inside the barn or rather who. His steps halted as he suddenly finds himself completely frozen in his place, his eyes remaining trained on the back of her figure and though she has yet to turn around he knows it's her instantly.
More than anything he wants to run to her but it's as if he's glued to his spot. His mouth opening to say something but no words come out as he tries to let it sink in that she's here. Maybe here the universe is on his side because to his luck he watches as she turns around most likely feeling his presence because they were known for doing that when the other entered a room.
The second that brown meets blue a flood of emotions crashes against him as his eyes settle on her face. A face that haunted his every dream and whether this was a dream or not it didn't matter to him because in some form or another she was back.
Watching as a shy smile pulls on her lips "hi."
Hi? Who would have thought a simple word, one word such as hi had the ability to shatter him. Tears welling in his eyes as he swallows hard finally finding the strength to speak as he offers her a weak smile "hi back."
Instead of elation spreading across her beautiful features he watches as her brows knit in sudden confusion.
"That's not your line."
Now it was his turn for confusion to sweep over his dark features. "My line" he repeats arching his brow "what line?" Okay, this isn't exactly how he had pictured this going but she was talking with him and that was something he'd gladly take.
Nodding her head "you're supposed to say" falling silent for a moment "I thought the bridesmaids dress was supposed to make you look like a freak of nature."
"Bridesmaid" the confusion not yet removing itself from him until he finds himself looking away from her angelic face and taking in her appearance. A familiar purple dress capturing his attention, a dress he had been all too familiar with because he had once removed it from her delicious and breathtaking body. More realization coming as he now notices she's standing at an alter, an alter were his best friend and his wife had thought this to be their happiest of days only turning to the most heart breaking of ones. A day that Damon had viewed to be the best day of his life becoming the worst day imaginable, eyes glancing up towards the window that had shattered thanks to Kai, recalling the shards that had pierced through Elena's flesh. Eyes closing as he shakes his head "no….no if I have to live through this day again I rather be sent straight back to hell because anything is easier than losing you."
This didn't make sense. Never had it played out differently. It was always the same because the memory was unchanging. Right now she was meant to look down at the ground letting out a small giggle before meeting his gaze and explaining how Jo had went easy on her. Instead here Damon was speaking of hell and losing her again? Elena was well aware of what happened after all of this but this Damon wasn't supposed to know. "I don't understand" she begins as she shakes her head wondering why this memory isn't going along as she remembered. "This hasn't happened before….this isn't how the memory plays out."
Eyes widening suddenly as Damon allows himself the hope that yes this is a dream but perhaps a twist of fate had actually brought them together. "You're right" nodding his head as he hesitantly takes a step forward "this is the part where I tell you about my day and how hurt I was that both you and my brother were trying to convince me otherwise not to be human." Noticing a look of disbelief mirroring in her gorgeous orbs "were I tell you of one bickering old couple who by their actions alone spoke to my heart and made me envision a life of being human with you. Then after one hell of a heartfelt speech might I add" he teases with a smile "you finally give me your blessing of wanting to take the cure with you." Another step towards her not wanting to scare her off "Elena this isn't a memory playing out in your head….I'm not a memory" gesturing towards himself as he sucks in a nervous breath "I'm here."
"Wh-what" skepticism clear in her tone "no in order for you to be here then that means" tears starting to well in her eyes "dead" she half whispers before lifting her hand to her mouth to hold back a sob.
Realizing what she's thinking he quickly closes the distance between them as he takes both of her hands in his, squeezing them gently "no Elena I'm not dead" he promises "but I am one of the d words….I'm desiccating."
I was thinking about doing the starvation diet. The desiccation makes the time go faster
Their last conversation suddenly playing in her mind. So he wasn't dead relief spreading through her but his next comment drawing her to wretch her hands away "you're what!"
"Elena" feeling that familiar ache fill him as her hands slip away from his "I tried" he says in defeat "I tried to live my life but I couldn't do it."
Does it look like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders? Yes but she sees past it because this isn't what she had asked of him. "Try being the key word Damon you obviously didn't try hard enough."
The broken expression he had been wearing, the confidence he lacked suddenly gone now replaced in anger "don't" he says through gritted teeth "don't you dare act like you know the hell I went through because FYI Elena…I went through hell…literally" he spats out.
Flinching at the roughness in his voice "I….I don't understand."
"I'd say wait for the movie but sixty years from now I'm sure you'll be able to watch the hologram version" sarcasm dripping in his tone. "I warn you though you won't recognize the male lead because I sure as hell didn't."
More confused than understanding she releases a soft sigh "how long has it been?"
His tone slightly losing that roughness "I'm not sure" he honestly replies "I lasted only a couple of months until I decided to raise my hands in surrender. " Wanting nothing more to hold her but knowing she seems to want to keep him at arm's length he brushes past her and takes a seat on the alter steps. "At first it was nothing I laid in the coffin….remained there. My senses remained heightened. Sometimes I'd pick up on the sound of a human heart beat and the predator in me wanted to go out and feed but I fought it back. The temptation to push the lid open and simply stretch my legs presenting it to me but I held it back. Eventually my senses diminished and because of the fact that I hadn't been drinking blood I began to feel my body dry out. I became weak and then I came to the realization it must have been a long period of time because my body was starting to become its own fossil. Before it started sometimes I'd move my legs inside the coffin because it was cramped…sometimes I'd get cramps and shake them off but I soon noticed I couldn't even move my own limbs. It was impossible."
Feeling the slight breeze caress her as Damon walks past her she turns around watching as he takes a seat. As he begins to speak about his time desiccating she can't help but recall a past conversation she had with Katherine.
It must be painful to desiccate and mummify. I can't even imagine
Speak about desiccation to any vampire and the end result always seemed to be them flinching because out of every way to suffer this wasn't the method they wanted to endure. Damon hadn't been forced to go through it because he had chosen to do it and the thought alone broke her heart.
Elena's silence only drawing him to continue to speak "if I was able to sleep I'd only be greeted to darkness….I was trapped in it for the longest time….just this dark abyss and then suddenly I was bathed in this beautiful light." Shifting his baby blues to her as he offers her a soft smile "I shouldn't have been surprised that it led me to you."
A hint of a smile playing at her lips at his last statement. Deciding to try and hear him out rather than lecture she makes her way over to him as she takes a seat beside him. "What could have been so bad that made you drawn to say goodbye?"
Damon's dead heart resurrecting itself the second he feels her beside him as he offers her a weak smile "there's so much….I wouldn't even know where to start."
Hesitantly she places her hands over his "how about at the beginning" she suggests with a soft smile "and we'll go from there."
Glancing down at her hands over his he finds himself feeling something he hasn't experienced for the longest time, complete. Running his thumb tenderly across her knuckles "ok" not yet speaking allowing him a moment to be selfish and appreciate the simple fact that she's sitting next to him.
"Okay."
"I thought saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things but it was returning back to the present….back to the crypt and finding the strength to walk away." That night hitting him as past pain suddenly becomes fresh again. "I had to step out into a world where the love of my life didn't exist…a world that I'd be forced to spend sixty years give or take without you by my side."
That night fresh in her mind one second his lips had been pressed tenderly against hers and the next she had found herself alone on the road and since then loneliness had been all she had known. Interlacing her fingers with his "after you left the crypt where did you go?"
"Home" he answers simply before he scoffs "only it didn't feel like home and I knew that but the masochist in me went back….because I needed you….even if it was just feeling your very presence. That night I had been on my last thread….I wanted to break down….to shatter so it matched the shattering of my own heart but I wanted to be strong for you. Once I was alone though back at the Boarding House I allowed myself to let go."
Why the hell had he come home? Maybe it was because he was a masochist and he enjoyed the pain. Maybe he needed to feel Elena's presence and that's what had led him back to the Boarding House. Slowly his feet carrying him up the staircase that leads to their, his private wing of the house until he reaches his bedroom. Stopping in the doorway as his gaze falls to their bed. A flood of memories hitting him, the many times they had made love, her cries of pleasure, their echoes of I love you's as they fell off the edge together and the moments they'd wake wrapped in each other's arms. Those memories that he cherished crashing hard against him to the point that he staggers back as a broken sob escapes him.
When others surrounded him he had kept himself in check and collected but now standing in the doorway of their bedroom all alone he finally allowed the events to come crashing down on him. The tears that he had been holding back for Elena to show he was okay now freely falling down his cheeks. Clouding his vision as more continue to run down, his anguished cries and full out sobs being the only sound heard in the house but it's not just the sound of his cries being heard it's the sound of his heart breaking.
Tears because of the future they had planned that would now have to be put on hold
Tears because he'd be forced to live his life without his life
Tears because Elena had always been the ones to put others first and somehow she still had gotten the short end of the stick
He cried because of what she'd be missing out on like seeing her own brother grow up to be a man.
He cried because when she finally did wake it wouldn't be greeted to happiness because she'd be greeted to all that she had lost.
Tears continuing to trail down his cheek, his heart still shattering until he's left with nothing and as much as he wants to cry he finds he no longer can because he's all cried out. No longer does he feel sadness but instead rage coursing through him. Whenever he was about to snap he'd seek Elena because she was his solace who kept him grounded and now she wasn't here to calm the storm that would be following.
That storm being the damage he was about to do to his own room. Anything that was in his path resulted in destruction, breaking anything that was within reach and once that object was broken he moved onto the next. Entering the bathroom though had increased that fury as his eyes fell to all of Elena's cosmetics lined neatly on the sink counter. She had gotten ready, preparing herself for the wedding never expecting that by the end of the night she wouldn't be coming home. He could still smell the lingering scent of her strawberry shampoo she had used, growling as he moves straight towards the counter, angrily shoving everything off as they crash to the floor. Some breaking because of his roughness but what did it matter? It wasn't like she was going to be using any of it.
Eyes finding their way towards his expansive and custom made shower, the walk in shower were they had both used the space to their advantage in more ways than one. His fists connecting with the tiles not once, twice or three times but countless times until he withdraws his now bloody and bruised fist. Barely flinching accessing the damage in the bathroom before exiting, feet carrying him straight over to his bed.
This was their bed and each time he'd wake up he'd find an empty space beside him. A space that had been hers and only hers. No longer would his eyes flutter open and be greeted to the breath taking angel snuggled up beside him. No longer would he find peace in this room because wrapped up in her it was as if they were in their own world, just with each other the way it should be. No longer would Elena be here, the memories of this bed that he once cherished he now dreads.
Grabbing the table leg that he had broken off from his desk, drawing his arm back and in one fluid motion he strikes as it comes in full contact with the head board of the bed. Repeating the action a couple of times before his hands reach underneath the mattress and violently flipping it as it launches through the air.
"YOU LEFT ME"
"YOU TOOK HER FROM ME"
Everyone he had ever loved had abandoned him his mother, Katherine but now Elena she had always been at his side until now. The only difference was she hadn't been a willing participant, she hadn't chosen to leave him in fact she hadn't even had a choice.
"YOU TOOK HER"
Shouting to the universe because it seemed to get off on his pain. The slat now being used as a bat as he continues to beat his bed apart, swing after swing, until even he finds himself exhausted, dropping the slat, sinking to the floor and finding Elena's pillow right at his feet.
Reaching for the pillow like he would reach for her, drawing it to his chest, and clinging onto it for dear life. Tears once again being found as they travel down his cheek, his eyes close as he hugs the pillow to his chest.
"Please come back to me"
It takes everything in Elena not to full out sob as he recalls that night. She hadn't seen him break apart but his words alone are enough for her to feel the pain he had carried with him the night they had said goodbye.
Feeling Elena's hold on his hands increase he chances a glance towards her direction seeing that she's trying to collect herself and even he knows there are no words to comfort her. "I fell apart….I'm not sure how long I was hauled up in there but it was Stefan who later dragged me out."
"What happened next?"
"I did something I'm not known for doing" seeing her tilt her head curiously at him "I ran away. Mystic Falls no longer felt like home. No matter where I was I was reminded of you and it hurt too damn much. Ric was grieving" not missing the pained expression showcase on her expression at the mention of Alaric "so I kidnapped him figuring it would be good for the both of us if we took a little vacation….Bonnie tagged along I suppose to be our chaperone."
Grateful for the fact that Damon and Alaric had leaned on each other, surprised that Bonnie had been added to the equation "I'm glad she came" watching his sour expression but dare not questioning "she was able to look after you both."
"I wasn't" he's quick to say.
"Why?"
"Because each time I looked at her all I saw was you. She was a walking and talking reminder of what I lost."
"Damon" she sighs softly "this wasn't Bonnie's fault it was Kai's."
"If Bonnie hadn't been on such a vendetta to enact revenge on Kai he never would have struck so violently…Alaric and Jo would have gotten married….she would have had her kids instead of Caroline being the carrier and you wouldn't have been stuck here." Yup, sure time had gone by but he was still locked on the fact that all roads of blame led back to Bonnie.
"That's not fair Damon" removing her hands from his and placing them on her lap. "Bonnie has sacrificed so much for those around her for….you and me. In the prison world at least she had you and then when you got sent back she was left with a psycho path who did a number on her. The night we returned back to the prison world she found a chance to make him pay for what he put her through and she took it. You can't blame her for that because who would have predicted he would have come back?"
Here she is lecturing me and I'm welcoming it "evil never dies….they always return to deliver some cliff hanger she should of known there was the smallest of possibilities he'd come back."
"Okay" nodding her head "tell me then if it had been you who had been trapped in the prison world with him and you had been given the chance for revenge would you have taken it?"
Well that was a no brainer and even without answering he knew Elena knew what his answer would be. Huffing in defeat because he knows he's busted thanks to the voice of reason "touché."
"Please tell me you got over your resentment and looked past it?"
"Yeah" his eyes straying straight ahead.
"Oh no" reading him perfectly "what did you do."
"Nothing" he's quick to say before he purses his lips together "alright I might have almost let a car hit her" he nonchalantly states.
"WHAT"
Inwardly flinching good job buddy another lecture coming your way "I know it comes off sounding bad but in my defense it was only a three second hesitation before I saved the day."
"You shouldn't have hesitated at all Damon she's our friend."
"I know that" he practically roars "I know" he repeats this time his tone softer "I felt guilty about it. Deep down I know she's not the one to blame but as I stood there watching as the van came closer I found myself no longer standing on the streets of Amsterdam but back in Mystic Falls with you getting ready for goodbye. Suddenly hit with the pain of living without you and for those three short seconds I allowed myself to be selfish thinking of what it would feel like to have you back in my arms but then I realized something."
Trying to bite back her anger because she can see how much he's struggling "what did you realize?"
"It took me three seconds for reality to set in. By the first second I thought how amazing it would be to have you in my arms. By second number two your lips were pressed against mine…but by the third second you were out of my arms realizing that you had come back earlier than expected…realizing what I had done. I realized I would have lost you in the end because no matter how much you love me that love wouldn't have been enough to look past my selfish act….and when you did come back I wanted it to be the right way….so I chose to do right by you….to be the better man."
"Damon" she begins "I'm glad you were the better man but you need to be the better man not just for me but for yourself."
"I know", easier said than done he bitterly thinks. "We patched things up though back in Mystic Falls we had to go back because my mother and her evil step children had taken over."
Elena's eyes widening at that new bit of information "you mean Lily succeeded in bringing her heretics back?"
"Yup" giving an extra pop of the p.
Trying to judge from Damon's expression at the mention of his mother but his mask up making it difficult for her to tell what's going on in his head. Guess I'll have to poke around then "alright so she got her family back that's a good thing right….that's what she wanted from the start. I'm sure it wasn't good at first but maybe with them back she became a mother again to you" her tone hopeful as ever.
Turning his head to face her "oh Elena I'm glad to see you have that cute but annoying optimism still" he teases.
Her expression falling "so it didn't go well?"
"Didn't go well is the simple way of putting it" he scoffs. "Lily and her band of misfits took over the town. Her blood hungry step children killed anyone in their path. It got so bad that Stefan and the rest had to compel all humans out of Mystic Falls. Blaming it on a gas explosion of all things" rolling his eyes "obviously they lack the ability of storytelling. Mystic Falls became a ghost town. Stefan being Stefan wanted to be the peacekeeper with Mother dearest but you know I'm not the type who plays by the rules."
Mystic Falls had been taken over? Not only her town but her home had been ruled by strangers? What was left of it now she couldn't help but wonder? Would she still recognize when she woke up or would she only know it from her memories? "You and behaving don't fit well in the same sentence" she teases, nudging his shoulder lightly in hopes to bring lightness to the conversation.
"Exactly" he comments with a prize winning smirk but it falls "I did what I do best acting recklessly. I killed one of her own family members and for that I paid the price."
"What price?"
"You" recalling the wild look in his eyes as he had entered the crypt only to be greeted to emptiness "she punished be by taking the one thing I held dearly. She knew I was hanging by a thread by hanging onto you. By protecting you so she broke the seal…and she took you from me." Seeing the worry in her eyes "she cloaked the coffin" he adds in "the one time she acted like a mother by punishing her own son."
Elena's eyes falling closed so much for hoping that things could be mended between mother and son opening her eyes back to look at Damon "I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault Elena it was my own. I acted recklessly without thinking…something I seem I can't break habit from."
"No" shaking her head "I mean I'm sorry that your own mother betrayed you like that."
"That wasn't even the half of it she delivered much worse" he cryptically states. "Eventually I recovered your coffin thanks to bargaining but rather than keeping you I sent you away. That was my problem everyone else who looked at that coffin only saw a coffin but each time I looked at it I only saw you. I always see you and I knew as long as we both remained in Mystic Falls…as long as I knew were you were I'd never be able to move on so I handed my trust over to Tyler Lockwood of all people and I watched you leave carrying my heart along with you."
Carefully she rests her head on his shoulder releasing a soft sigh "I know that must have been hard for you to do but I'm proud that you did it."
Mirroring the movement as he leans his head to rest atop hers "as I watched Tyler's truck drive away I watched whatever light I had left in my life leave me….remaining only in darkness."
Her eyes falling shut as she inhales letting his scent surround her smiling as she catches that oh so familiar smell that is so Damon. "You made things right with your mother does that mean you patched everything up" yup she was still trying to be hopeful.
Holding back the urge to laugh "my mother was far from motherly but you know how they say kids pick up the characteristics of their parents" he questions before continuing on. "Well Stefan picked up the ripper gene from her and I found out when it came to matters of the heart we each had that in common."
Keeping her head resting on his shoulder "what do you mean…did she fall in love?"
"No" shaking his head "she hadn't fallen in love she had been in love for years his name was Julian" the name leaving a sour taste in his mouth. "Get this he was the love of her life the man she believed she didn't deserve."
"I feel like I heard this story before" reminiscing the many times and speeches Damon had given her about how he didn't deserve her.
"Our story is much better" he quips shifting his head so that he can press a kiss atop her head. Lingering for a moment as he relishes in her sweet and heavenly scent surrounding him. "She claimed he made her a better person and then she had the audacity to ask me if I knew anything about it to which I obviously did. "Oh" clicking his tongue "side note as this discussion was happening her beloved's coffin was beside me because she was trying to raise him from the dead and I along with Stefan wanted to kill him." Deciding he didn't have the right to give Stefan's reasoning for why he wanted to put a demise to Lily's lover. "Standing there I felt like I was listening to my own story and I was looking at her in a whole new different light and for a fraction of a second I had Gilbert optimism thinking we'd be able to swap love stories."
The fraction of a second catching her attention knowing whatever hope he had held onto had been diminished quickly. Preparing herself for the worst "what happened next?"
"The truth came out."
Oh this definitely isn't good cringing but pushing herself to ask the next question "which was?"
"That you love a man whose own mother sides against and chooses her family over her own flesh and blood. That the reason you've been stuck in a Sleeping Beauty curse is because of me."
"Damon" lifting her head so that she can see him.
"It's the truth Elena the reason why you're here….Lily put you here she whispered in Kai's ear to make this curse happen….you're here because my own mother didn't love me enough…you're here because you made the mistake of loving me."
So Lily was the reason why her loved ones lives would go by and she wouldn't be there to see it. Wouldn't be there for goodbyes? Did it hurt? Yes but if anything she was more betrayed by the fact that Lily had chosen to hurt her own son "Damon."
"No Elena" rising from his spot as he walks past her, shaking his head "you're here because of me….because of my mother" he shouts out. "The world still is continuing to spin madly on without you….and you're missing out on so much because of me."
Mirroring Damon's actions as she's quick to rise to her feet, striding over towards him as she reaches for his arm only for him to turn his body away "hey" reaching for his face and taking it in her hands. "Hey" she says again forcing him to look at her "this wasn't your fault Damon. I do not blame you for this just like I don't blame Bonnie. Other factors are the reason for my being here and it doesn't make me love you any less if anything it makes me love you more because of what you had to deal with."
Pained blues meeting her understanding hazel eyes "I was an idiot Elena because as much as I didn't want to hold onto hope I was. Finding out that she was still alive as betrayed as I was by her lying I was willing to look past that because I was filled with the idea of having my mom back in my life. I hoped that she'd meet you, fall in love with you the way I did and" swallowing hard "be proud eventually to call you her daughter in law."
There it is Damon's admission to wanting his mom back only to be delivered a monumental definition of disappointment. Stroking his cheek as he moves her hands now lacing them around his neck and drawing him forward "oh Damon" she breathes out "I'm sorry."
As if on autopilot Damon's arms wrap around the small of her back, his head moving to rest in the crook of her neck. Softly smiling because with all time passed her body still molds against him as if it was made for him and him alone.
Elena's hands moving down as she rubs soothing circles along his back "its okay Damon…its okay" she promises as she continues to hold him.
Hands slipping lower to wrap around her waist as he pulls back to meet her gaze "that's the problem Elena it wasn't okay because it got worse from there. Finding that out made me vengeful and rather than acting immediately I set a plan in motion. I'd let her relish in having the love of her life back in her life. Let her believe the wait was worth it and when the moment presented itself I'd crush her bliss the way I'd crush her precious loves heart. All the while doing it with a smile on my face, relishing in the sounds of her cries of agony as she realizes the love of her life is dead and gone."
Holding back the urge to shudder as she notices how Damon's voice had changed drastically becoming darker "is that what happened….did you kill him?"
"Operation Six Months got pushed up to immediately because of a secret that Stefan confessed to me." Pursing his lips together for a moment as he considers on whether or not he should tell her it's from his past….I'm not saying Caroline is pregnant deciding to reveal the truth to her. "Do you remember on our road-trip to Chicago I as my entertaining self teasingly read my brother's diary entries saying how Stefan wasn't a virgin" seeing her nod of her head "well turns out in 1863 a girl by the name of Valerie was the one who deflowered my brother…and she was also one of the heretics that belonged to my mother's family. Long story short in one day they had fallen madly for each other…she told Stefan she'd return for him but she never did turns out she was with child and Julian killed the baby."
"Stefan was going to be a father?"
"Yup would have had his own series Sixteen and Pregnant the Hero Hair Files" the tips of Damon's fingers glide along the smooth skin of her shoulder "anyways after finding this out Stefan was driven to kill Julian."
"Did he" shivering at his very touch god I missed this
"Shocking as it may seem eventually we got Mommy Dearest to join in after she came to the realization that Julian was just as bad as our father. Sadly though our plan backfired on us she was willing to sacrifice herself knowing that Julian would die along with her because they were linked."
"So in the end she died for you" she whispers.
"It didn't change anything Elena" his expression hardens "as she got closer and closer to meeting the Grim Reaper each person gave their goodbyes but I didn't all I told her was to have a nice nap."
"Do you regret it?"
"Regret what" knowing what she was hinting at but not biting.
"Not giving her a real goodbye."
A far off look appearing in his eyes thinking back to his time spent in hell on a bloody battlefield "more than you know."
"I'm sorry that you didn't get to give her the goodbye you wanted to give" sorry….sorry that's all I keep saying I feel repetitive hating herself because she can't offer more.
"I did though" seeing the confusion in her face "thanks to this nasty little thing called the Phoenix stone…that confusion on your face will remain so I'll give you the cliff notes version it's basically a supernatural holding cell for lost vampire souls" he explains. "The sword that was attached to the stone stabbed me in the heart thus trapping my soul in it."
"Okay" removing her arms from around him taking a step back and trying to process this "so you were stabbed in the heart….and brought into this supernatural holding cell….were you reunited with your mom?"
"You might want to sit because this is one hell of a tale" raising his hands playfully "no pun intended" trying to use dry humor to hide the fear threatening to expose him.
"Good idea" reaching for Damon's hand as she leads them over towards the row of pews, sliding into one, scooting over so Damon can sit beside her.
Joining her as she slides in next to her. "When you think of hell you picture lots of fire….and maybe even a guy with horns walking around but instead I found myself on a battlefield back in 1863 sporting my confederacy uniform."
"So your hell was being back at war?"
"The main goal of the stone is to bring back your inner demons and the first sin I committed was back in 1863 while I was off fighting for the confederacy my brother was nursing a broken heart. From his letter alone each word was laced with pain so I found it only fitting to go back home and tend to my brother. Seeing as I couldn't simply ask for a hall pass I made a deal with the devil with my Colonel. He requested that I go to a farm house that was housing deserters and bring them back it seemed simple enough so I agreed. I had a traveling companion who joined me his name was Henry." Waving it off "anyways…something we assumed would be easy didn't go like we had hoped because when we had told the family to stand down the deserters came through a concealed passageway shots were fired and before I knew it the family along with the deserters were dead. Henry and I covered their deaths up. Being transported to hell I relived that day over and over again think of it like Ground Hog day minus the comedy and happy ending. Countless times I tried to make the end result end differently but no matter what was done blood always remained on my hands."
"I can relate" she adds in "granted I haven't been relieving the same memory over and over again but I'm aware I'm dreaming and rather than going forward I'm just stuck in the same place."
Placing his hand atop hers that are folded on her lap giving a gentle squeeze "finally I decided to choose my own path…somehow that path led me to Lily she was like this guide encouraging me to embrace the pain but I refused to do so. I kept denying her until I finally came across her again on that battlefield with her lying beside me. Instead of it being Henry it was her pinned down, her leg trapped under a canon….she was begging me to help her but I couldn't do it. I kept hearing that voice in my head reminding me of what she had done to me and she had taken from me. I hated her for what she did to you but standing there I realized what I felt was so much deeper and somehow I finally found the truth spilling past my lips. I thought she was dead, I lived with regret at the fact that I…her own son couldn't give her a proper eulogy and then I find out over a century later she's alive and trapped in a prison world" betrayal in his voice. "I find out she took the cowards ways out and abandoned her family only to adopt a new and improved one.
There was resentment in Damon's tone but she saw past that hearing the pain that was hidden beneath it. Looking down at their adjoined hands she sees that Damon's hand is shaking her gaze lifting as she watches him fighting the urge to break down.
"All I wanted was my mother to see the man that I had become. That I wasn't a lost cause worth being turned away from that I had made something of myself and more importantly" his torn baby blues meeting Elena's gaze "that I had found love."
Lifting their adjoined hands to her mouth, puckering her lips and pressing a kiss against his knuckles "it's okay Damon let it out….let go."
Blue not breaking from brown as he holds her gaze "I wanted to tell her our story and I wanted her to see how happy I was even though it had taken a century to find." Tears starting to well in his eyes blinking them back refusing to cry.
Releasing her hold on his hand, cupping his face "don't fight it Damon its okay…you're allowed to have a moment of weakness. You allowed yourself to dream of what could be only to lose it to reality. You can mourn over that….over her."
Not having the power to fight it as a single tear rolls down his cheek "all-all I wanted was my mom back. All I wanted was for her to look me in the eyes and tell me how much she loves me and it would have been enough for me to give her a second chance."
All Damon had wanted at the end of the day was his mother's love it seems like it was something so easy to give and yet once again the universe had dealt him the wrong hand.
"She ne-never did though she never looked at me as a son only an obstacle and because of it she didn't get a goodbye….she didn't deserve a goodbye." Wanting nothing more to turn his attention away from Elena but her grip on his face forces him to remain looking at her as she watches the once strong Damon Salvatore weaken. "You know when a child is sick and medicine won't do the trick because all they want is their mom" swallowing hard "that's all I wanted….all I wanted was my mom. In that moment watching the light fade out of her eyes all I wanted was for her to come back but she never did."
One tear had been enough for her seeing Damon vulnerable in front of her but the moment that one tear broke free she watched as the rest follow in an unbroken stream. Immediately drawing him forward as she hold onto him for dear life.
"She-she never came back" he brokenly whispers choking back a sob.
The sound of Damon's cries ringing in her ears drawing her own tears to fall "I know…I know."
"She's gone Elena" clinging onto her "my mom is gone."
Running her fingers soothingly through his dark locks "its okay Damon…deep down she knew….deep down she knew that little boy was still there and that he loved her."
Tears continuing to fall from his eyes hating himself for how weak he is but reminding himself if there was anyone worthy of seeing him break its Elena. Holding onto her for a few minutes more, sniffling before drawing back because he knows story time needs to continue. "It was too late" using his free hand to wipe furiously at his cheeks because his other hand is being held captive. "Suddenly I was no longer on the battlefield but inside the Lockwood mansion with our loved ones surrounding me. They kept telling me that I was okay. That I was back again but I didn't want to be back I wanted to be with my mother. I wanted to apologize to her and set things right. I wanted a do over so I pressed the re-start button snapping my brother's arm…snapping his neck but it didn't work. I was still there so I reasoned all had to die and one by one I collected more blood on my hands" Flinching as he sees the horrified expression she is trying to conceal. "I was never sent back though….I was standing in a room surveying the damage I had created. I was lost between madness and sanity….they blended together to the point that I couldn't recognize what was real and what wasn't."
Fearing the worst did he kill them oh god are they dead is this was he chose to desiccate countless questions entering her mind. "Before you said Lily acted like a guide telling you to embrace the pain and you did…does that mean you were brought back?"
"There's no need to beat around the bush Elena ask me" he firmly states.
"Was it real?"
"Yes," he answers only to quickly continue "but they are safe granted I nearly killed all of them."
Not able to stop the sigh of relief that escapes from her "Damon you weren't in your right state of mind. Hell played tricks on you….you said yourself you couldn't differentiate between what was real and what wasn't" she points out.
"You sound like Stefan" he amusingly states "rather than delivering brooding and a lecture he told me I got pass."
"I'm glad he understood."
"He only understood because he was trapped in the stone as well" lifting his hand to silence her "ah ah that's his story to tell not my own."
Both Salvatore Brothers had suffered the Phoenix Stone? It was hard for her to wrap her head around and she couldn't help but wonder the consequences that Stefan had gone through. "Okay so you finally got out of the stone….Stefan forgave you all seemed to work out. I'm not understanding why you felt the need to bring yourself to desiccation."
"That's because hell wasn't the worst."
Multiple flashes of past actions flooding him….
Being taunted by Henry
Burning the love of his life
Entering a vampire fight club
Being abandoned by his own brother
Sleeping with a stranger
Noticing that he suddenly seems as if he's being haunted by something "what was?"
Stefan getting marked by the huntress
Finding out Elena was still alive
Elena's voice snapping him back to the present as the flashes suddenly go away. Dread suddenly creeping up on him because he's reached the part of the story that he doesn't want to tell.
"Post hell."
End Part One