THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A HOMICIDAL MANIAC
BY: Cristi and Adrienne
1 a.m.
Farfie woke up and realized he was still chained to Schuldich's rocking horse.
"Dammit!" he swore. Schuldich's rocking horse hurts God!
Farfie contemplated his situation for a few moments trying to decide whether to chew through his own arm, or the rocking horse.
He decided the wood would be a better choice, because he might need that arm later. Or he may need to chew it off at a later date and beat someone with it.
4 a.m.
Farfie finished chewing through the wood and decided it was time to get some non-wood sustenance. He decided the best thing to eat would be a radial tire and a spoon full of mayonnaise.
Not knowing where to come by these delicacies at 4 a.m,, Farfie ended up wandering aimlessly around Tokyo. Of course, this would be the reason Schuldich had chained him to the rocking horse in the first place.
6 a.m.
Farfie entered the local McDonald's.
"Can I help you?" asked the cheerful lady behind the counter.
"Yes," said Farfie. "I would like one radial tire and a spoon full of mayonnaise please."
The woman looked at him askance and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't carry that here."
For a brief moment, Farfie considered biting off the woman's face. But then remembering what Nagi had recently told him about that being bad, he decided against it.
7 a.m.
Farfie entered a local junkyard.
Walking up to the half-asleep attendant, he said, "I would like one radial tire and one spoon full of mayonnaise, please."
The attendant looked at Farfie, spat, and then remarked, "I've got the tire, but no mayonnaise. I can offer you a cup of yesterday's java, though."
Farfie seriously considered this for quite some time, but then finally said, "I'll just take the tire."
8 a.m.
Chewing on the last bits of his tire, Farfie walked back into Schwarz headquarters.
"Where the hell have you been?!" demanded Crawford.
"Getting breakfast," said Farfie. He then held out a tiny piece of tire and said, "would you like some?"
"No, thanks," said Crawford, "I've already eaten." He then shot a knowing glance at Schuldich.
"Do you have any mayonnaise?" asked Farfie.
"Not at the moment," said Nagi. "Would you like me to float you some?"
Farfie considered this for quite a while, but by the time he was done, Nagi had already decided he was an idiot and left.
10 a.m.
Farfie opened the refrigerator and decided he would just eat some baking soda, instead. It was white, and the closest thing he was going to get to mayonnaise.
11 a.m.
Farfie had a tummy ache.
12 p.m.
Farfie needed some flowers. He was hungry again.
1 p.m.
Farfie arrived at the local flower shop, Koneko no Sumu Ie. There were a throng of girls there, and he was thusly annoyed. He considered gutting them like fish and hanging them upside down in an abandoned warehouse, but he was too hungry for flowers.
He walked up to the boy at the counter and said, "flowers."
The short lad with blonde hair looked at him with a smile and said, "Yes, we have those! What kind would you like?"
"Tasty ones," said Farfie.
"Well, you can try THESE!" the boy said, shoving a potted plant in Farfie's face. This annoyed Farfie and he considered eating the boy instead, but the flowers looked tasty.
Taking the flowers, he said, "thank you, I will enjoy these" He began to walk away but the boy yelled, "you need to pay!"
"Oh," said Farfie. He then proceeded to scrounge around in his pockets. He eventually produced one fluff of lint and one dried pigeon testicle for the boy.
"Ewwww!" said the boy.
While the boy was distracted, Farfie left, ready for his delicious meal of flowers.
2 p.m.
Eating the last of the dirt from the flower pot, Farfie was appeased.
1 a.m.
Farfie woke up and realized he was still chained to Schuldich's rocking horse.
"Dammit!" he swore. Schuldich's rocking horse hurts God!
Farfie contemplated his situation for a few moments trying to decide whether to chew through his own arm, or the rocking horse.
He decided the wood would be a better choice, because he might need that arm later. Or he may need to chew it off at a later date and beat someone with it.
4 a.m.
Farfie finished chewing through the wood and decided it was time to get some non-wood sustenance. He decided the best thing to eat would be a radial tire and a spoon full of mayonnaise.
Not knowing where to come by these delicacies at 4 a.m,, Farfie ended up wandering aimlessly around Tokyo. Of course, this would be the reason Schuldich had chained him to the rocking horse in the first place.
6 a.m.
Farfie entered the local McDonald's.
"Can I help you?" asked the cheerful lady behind the counter.
"Yes," said Farfie. "I would like one radial tire and a spoon full of mayonnaise please."
The woman looked at him askance and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't carry that here."
For a brief moment, Farfie considered biting off the woman's face. But then remembering what Nagi had recently told him about that being bad, he decided against it.
7 a.m.
Farfie entered a local junkyard.
Walking up to the half-asleep attendant, he said, "I would like one radial tire and one spoon full of mayonnaise, please."
The attendant looked at Farfie, spat, and then remarked, "I've got the tire, but no mayonnaise. I can offer you a cup of yesterday's java, though."
Farfie seriously considered this for quite some time, but then finally said, "I'll just take the tire."
8 a.m.
Chewing on the last bits of his tire, Farfie walked back into Schwarz headquarters.
"Where the hell have you been?!" demanded Crawford.
"Getting breakfast," said Farfie. He then held out a tiny piece of tire and said, "would you like some?"
"No, thanks," said Crawford, "I've already eaten." He then shot a knowing glance at Schuldich.
"Do you have any mayonnaise?" asked Farfie.
"Not at the moment," said Nagi. "Would you like me to float you some?"
Farfie considered this for quite a while, but by the time he was done, Nagi had already decided he was an idiot and left.
10 a.m.
Farfie opened the refrigerator and decided he would just eat some baking soda, instead. It was white, and the closest thing he was going to get to mayonnaise.
11 a.m.
Farfie had a tummy ache.
12 p.m.
Farfie needed some flowers. He was hungry again.
1 p.m.
Farfie arrived at the local flower shop, Koneko no Sumu Ie. There were a throng of girls there, and he was thusly annoyed. He considered gutting them like fish and hanging them upside down in an abandoned warehouse, but he was too hungry for flowers.
He walked up to the boy at the counter and said, "flowers."
The short lad with blonde hair looked at him with a smile and said, "Yes, we have those! What kind would you like?"
"Tasty ones," said Farfie.
"Well, you can try THESE!" the boy said, shoving a potted plant in Farfie's face. This annoyed Farfie and he considered eating the boy instead, but the flowers looked tasty.
Taking the flowers, he said, "thank you, I will enjoy these" He began to walk away but the boy yelled, "you need to pay!"
"Oh," said Farfie. He then proceeded to scrounge around in his pockets. He eventually produced one fluff of lint and one dried pigeon testicle for the boy.
"Ewwww!" said the boy.
While the boy was distracted, Farfie left, ready for his delicious meal of flowers.
2 p.m.
Eating the last of the dirt from the flower pot, Farfie was appeased.