I hold her tightly in my arms. Tears drip off of her face onto my pale skin. Her body feels cold and broken. Her naked skin is so soft; her hair is so shiny. We were so close to making love, but she had sudden flashbacks to the night of her rape. Screaming, Anna suddenly shoved me away from her and began crying hysterically. That's when I grabbed her and held her. So I begin to pet her hair hopping she knows that I won't hurt her, but she can't stop crying.
I feel so helpless. I failed to protect my wife when she needed me most. All of this feels like it's my fault and I can't do a bloody thing about it.
"I'm sorry. I can't do it. I just can't do it," Anna apologizes.
"Anna, it's okay. No need to cry. You know that I will always love you and respect your wishes," I try to reassure.
"I'm damaged goods. I'm spoiled for you, Mr. Bates. Spoiled!"
"No you are not. I love you, Anna Mae Bates. I'm not going to allow some man to just come in and take you away from me. You are my most prized possession and I won't let that happen. You are not spoiled to me at all."
"Yes I am! Wives should be surrendered to their husbands and only their husbands. And now I've been used by another man. I can't let you touch me ever again."
"Anna, please-"
"I don't know, Mr. Bates."
Gently, I lay her down slipped her nightgown over her body and covered her with the blankets. I lay beside her and hold her near me. I kiss her sweetly on the head. Whispering in her ear, I alluringly tell her I love her and that she's beautiful and always will be. Her body feels warmer, like it's warming back up to me. I sense her smile and her tears subside.
"John, are you sure you still want me?" Anna sheepishly asks.
"Of course I do. I always will, my sweet sweet Anna. I love you."
"I love you too. So much"
She rolled over and fell asleep happy. For the first time in a few months, she fell asleep assured that I love her. Maybe things will eventually go back to normal.