A/N: Hey guys! So this is a little diddy I wrote last night. It's set during the finale when Ric was contemplating suicide before Kai showed up. These are, what I think, his inner thoughts were.
And as always, REVIEWS = LOVE!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own: The Vampire Diaries, any characters, places, words or phrases from the books or television series or anything you can find outside of fandom.
THIS FANFICTION IS UNBETA'D BUT PROOFREAD. ANY REMAINING MISTAKES ARE UNINTENTIONAL. APOLOGIES FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE.
This is not my life. This can NOT be my life. How can one person's life be like this? I can blame no one. What would be the point?
I could blame Isobel for being selfish and having Damon turn her into a vampire and causing me to move to Mystic Falls in pursuit of him. But then I would be saying I regret making the best friend I ever had. I don't.
I could blame Jenna for not being more involved in Elena and Jeremy's lives and just being concerned with being cool Aunt Jenna. But then I would have to regret the love I have and the bond I formed with the Gilberts. I don't.
I could blame Damon for being reckless in all things and putting the gang at risk. But then I would have to regret the love I gained for the rest of my kids. I don't.
I could blame Kai but what's the point? It won't change the fact that he's a whack job.
No. Blame won't change anything.
That's why it's come to this. Why it's come to me red faced, eyes puffy, blood covered, cold steel of my gun in my hands.
If I am gone, then I am free.
Free to find peace if it exists. Free to see...Jo's face again. Smiling and perfect. Free to be away from certain death of those I love.
I can't, won't, shouldn't have to be subjected to witnessing the deaths of them. I wouldn't ever be sane again. If sane is even what I am now. This is why I am here with this bullet waiting for me. To end all my suffering; current and future.
I left Damon a note. I know he'll understand why my life seems forfeit to me and why I am once again entrusting my kids with him. He's a new Damon and I know he will love them and keep them as safe as he can. But now, I have to do this for me. For Jo and our babies that I never knew but loved already.
That's why I'm here with my dead fiance in the truck with this cold steel to my temple. Peace is needed to soothe my soul now. No bourbon with fill the hole in me. I hope they all know how much I love them, but I need to do this for me.
That's why I'm closing my eyes now.
Goodbye.