Take me back to the beginning.
When we didn't know what love meant.
When the sun came up without a doubt.
When we wasted time under the moonlight without a reason.
When what we did was silly.
When it was just me and you and nothing else mattered.
When every night would be a blessing. Instead of a curse.
Now I'm buried under the weight of our love. When I think about you, your thought consumes my entire body. I'm locked to you. From my heart to my fingers to my mind, every part of me is locked to you.
It's being so far away that I really can't figure out. I don't even know where you are right now. It's the uncertainty that's killing me. These days, you can't even be sure someone is alive if you don't see them face to face.
I know you're out there, though. You're too strong. But you're too brave. God, that scares me the most. You're too brave. One day, you're going to be out there, risking your life for somebody, and you're not going to make it. That's why I want to be with you, so I can make sure that sometimes, you can be afraid. Sometimes that's all right.
That's why we have each other. That's why I need to stay alive. That's why I haven't gone looking for you alone. Because I know that you're looking for me too. I'm sorry this is so hard for us.
I miss the callouses on your palms. I miss the way your hair gets in your eyes. I miss how I could see the tension in your back when you pulled up your pants in the morning. I miss the sight of your bare skin even more. Are you cold where you are? I wish I could hold you. I would give up everything just to hold you right now. I can hear the ice in the air. It leaves a sort of ringing in my ears that keeps me up. I can't sleep anyway.
Our anniversary is coming up. One of these days. It makes me think of when we first talked on your porch. I was so stupid. I should've told you right then that you were the most amazing thing I had ever seen. I prayed for you that night. I didn't know it at the time. I called it safety. Happiness. But all I needed was you.
We'll find each other. I know it. Maggie, please. Be safe.
Take me away from here.
Away from the blinding moon.
Away from these chains.
Away from the abyssal forest.
Away from death. Far away from death.
I want it to all be over. I'm surrounded by black. All black. When I open my eyes I can see the sadness in his eyes and then I taste the blood. There was so much blood. Save me from this, I beg you.
Then I realize I have no idea where you are. And that makes my heart feel ten times as heavy. During the day, I could hardly find the strength to move about because my chest is tied to the ground. During the night, I just lay down and let my weight consume me. I let the thought of you enter every part of my being because that's the only thing I know how to do anymore.
I know you're out there. Somehow, I can still feel you heart beating and, if it's quiet enough, I hear your ragged breathing. In and out, music to my ears these past couple of days. Yesterday you almost stopped breathing, choking on your own blood. I held your head in my hands as I watched your face turn blue. I couldn't do anything to help you. I thought you were going to die right in front of me. The grief would be too much to handle. But, no you are alive. You are alive. I can't be thankful enough. You are alive. I've lost so much already. I can't lose you.
Lately, everyone has been telling me that I'm strong. That I can handle this world. But everyone has a breaking point and I think you are mine. I am strong and I can handle this world. Only with you. You've given me purpose when I was lost, strength when I was weak, happiness when I was alone. What is it like to be alone? I don't know anymore. Though this feeling right now is familiar. I want nothing more than just to rest in your embrace, feel your arms around me, listen to your voice tell me stories of a better time.
I can't believe I just left you alone on that bus. You were still sick and I was rash after everything that happened. Glenn, believe me when I say that all I want is for us to be safe. And together. That's why I'm looking for you. I won't stop looking for you.