Disclaimer: I will own Naruto as of February 30th, 2008.
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"No"
As a fairly attractive woman, Tsunade was quite familiar with that particular word. She had used it in abundance whenever Jiraiya had asked to pose for his books. Normally when he asked her a second time after that she punched him through a tree. However she was quite surprised to hear that phrase coming from another blonde. Not Ino, who was famous for never being able to say "no"; seriously, with an outfit like that some thought she was fighting with Anko over the position of Konoha's most seductive kunoichi.
But no, not her. The no that had so surprised Tsunade had come from an impatient Uzumaki Naruto.
"What? Why not?"
"I just became a jounin. Come on." He practically begged. "Let me have some of those fun missions. You know upper A-rank with the possibility of going crazy S-rank. Assigning me a genin team is practically demoting me back to genin. And you know how long I was a genin. Please don't inflict some baby ninja on me, pleeeeeeease?!"
"Absolutely not!" Tsunade shot back.
"Why not?" he whined. It had gotten him out of that stupid D-rank before, maybe the whole whine and pout stratagem worked on old people. He was absolutely wrong.
"A couple of reasons. First of all, all jounins test a group of genins to see if they're good enough. You don't have to pass them, just test them. Second, it's practically a requirement for Hokage that you have to have had a genin at some point. Third, I think you'll enjoy teaching a couple of brats. Fourth, Hiashi requested that you specifically be Hanabi's jounin instructor. Lastly and most importantly. (Tsunade cracked her knuckles loudly for her next point) Because. I. Say. So. Brat." Tsunade punctuated that period with an extremely soft (by her standards) forehead flick. That sent Naruto flying. Through the door.
At this point Naruto was quite willing to accept his assignment so long as Tsunade didn't give him another one of her "love taps".
"So who are these kids anyway?" Judging by Tsunade's joyful if not slightly evil grin, Naruto knew he was going to regret asking this question.
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"Hmmm this doesn't look too hard. I could totally do that. This is so awesome!" Naruto said as he walked down the hallway. He continued walking, nose in his book, and right into everyone's favorite academy instructor.
"Iruka-sensei!"
"Naruto!"
"Hey, how've you been doing?"
"Fine. Umm why are you looking at this month's issue of Playshinobi?
"Funny story actually. You see Ero-sennin and Hiu Hefunaa are really close friends and he wanted Naruko to pose for one of his issues. Ero-sennin promised he'd teach me a cool jutsu if I did and –"
"That's enough. I really didn't want to hear about one of my favorite male students posing for a porno. Anyway you're team is waiting for you in room 109. Have fun!"
Naruto slowly walked down the hallway, reveling in the memories. At that water fountain over there he and Shikamaru had rigged it to spray the drinker. And in that room across the hall he and Kiba had put superglue on all the desks except their own. And that room in front of him he had….what had he done? Naruto stood there, disbelief growing as he realized he couldn't remember what prank he had pulled. It had something to do with Kakashi being late for their first day. Shrugging it off as something stupid, Naruto opened the door and stepped through the threshold…..only to have an eraser bounce off his head.
"Oh yeah. That's what I did."
"Teeheehee, Iruka-sensei was right! He totally fell for it!" The red haired girl said. Naruto turned to look at this girl. According to the files Tsunade had given him this was Gokai Ayako. She was horribly average in everything else except chakra control. In that aspect she was absolutely terrible. She had made it to genin on her second attempt at the exam; though a few of teachers had wondered if she had convinced one of their numbers to help her. Some of teachers had written negative reviews because she had been constantly pulling pranks on them. Naruto couldn't complain. A couple of the pranks had been ingenious according to Iruka, who at least had enough common sense to recognize a good prank when he saw them. Apparently there was an incident that convinced a teacher to quit that had to do with an ingenious use of wires and water balloons. Naruto decided that he liked this girl.
"Oh my god" Ayako exclaimed. "He's our teacher? No way! He's too sexy! Just wait until Ami-chan hears about this!"
"On the other hand," Naruto thought "maybe it would be a good idea to run away right now" He hated fan girls. They were terrible creatures that always had to ruin a perfectly normal relationship with their muttering and spreading rumors and their stalking. Seriously they were creepy, especially the ones that were fascinated with yaoi. What made them think that two guys that were friends were in truth gay lovers? It made no sense to Naruto, but then again Naruto had never been the sharpest kunai in the pouch. He resolved to ask Shikamaru about it sometime when he had the chance.
Turning his gaze to his left he found Hanabi. She was sitting there fuming at him, her Byakugan almost activated in her anger. From what Naruto could guess, she wasn't all that happy that she had been assigned to Naruto out of all people's team, nor was she excited to be on the same team as the class flirt. Other than the burning resentment poisoning the air, Hanabi seemed almost perfectly normal. She was dressed in the same clothes that she had been in for the last couple of years, loose black pants, fishnet undershirt, and a sleeveless black V-neck shirt that allowed for greater freedom of movement. The only difference that Naruto could find was that she was wearing her hitai-ate on the back of her head instead of the normal way. According to Naruto's file on her, she had perfect chakra control. The file also said that she had an anger problem and preferred to beat the crap out of people instead of talk it out. Judging by her foot that was tapping incessantly and her glance to the clock, she also lacked an aptitude for patience. Her taijutsu was excellent and she seemed to have a firm grasp of tactics. However she didn't work well with others and couldn't stand being ordered around by people she didn't believed deserved respect. Overall a strong warrior but a terrible teammate. Naruto could tell that he would have to whip up some humble pie to combat her terrible arrogance and superiority complex.
Finally Naruto turned his head to the right. Sitting there, watching attentively was the final member of their team. Soyokaze Kyouran was a rather normal looking 15 years old. He was average height, had black hair and brown eyes, and was altogether undeniably unremarkable. If you were to pass him in the street you would see him once and then forget about him completely. But Naruto could tell that this child would be valuable as a teammate. It was all in the eyes. His eyes were constantly moving, discreetly looking over his teammates and blatantly appraising Naruto. In his eyes, there was no cheerfulness or gaiety, there was simply hardened intelligence as if all the emotion had been drained out of him and left instinct and ambition left. But for that short passage of time when the chalk eraser had bounced off of Naruto's head, something else had appeared in his eyes. Naruto wasn't completely sure if he had seen it, but for a second there Kyou had seemed amused. Naruto was sure that Kyou wasn't emotionless, but simply restrained. A rare trait for one that age. There was very little information in Koran's dossier regarding his past at all. It had stated that he was 15 years old, formerly of a fishing village in the Land of Fire, and had come to Konoha two months ago with his 5 months pregnant sister. He had passed the genin equivalency tests with flying colors. An interesting side note revealed that during the jutsu portion of the test, he had created 4 Mizu bushins rather than create a normal bushin. He also seemed to be slightly below par for the required taijutsu requirements, but his exceptional performance in everything else had rounded out that deficiency and passed him. That was all the file had to say about him.
"Well, you all seem like a fun bunch. Since it's so nice outside how about we meet on the rooftop? Naruto suggested.
Fast Forward No Jutsu
"So tell me about yourselves. You know, name, likes, dislikes, any goals." Naruto said amiably.
"But Sensei, we don't know who you are. You go first!" Ayako exclaimed.
"Alright. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, jounin of Konoha. I love ramen, especially Ichiraku's, and I hate how long it takes cup ramen to heat up. My goal is to surpass all the previous Hokages and have the entire village acknowledge me! Dattebayo!"
"Akai-chan, you're next" Naruto continued without skipping a beat.
"That's not my name! My name is-"
"Akai-chan"
"No it's not, my name is Gokai Ayako, but you all can call me-"
"Akai-chan"
"Fine. You all can call me Akai-chan, since Sensei's being a douche bag. My hobbies are pulling pranks, doing card tricks, and training. I like hot people (a wink for Naruto) and dislike arrogant pricks (and a glare for Hanabi). My goal is to become the greatest kunoichi in my generation. My dream is to become the greatest ninja ever!
At that proclamation, Naruto couldn't help but feel like laughing. That was practically him as a girl. Without 5 years of being a ninja. Or a ramen fetish.
"And you are?"
"Hyuuga Hanabi"
"Likes?"
"…"
"Dislikes?"
"You"
"Okay. Do you have any hobbies?"
"Training"
"Any goals?"
"To be the best"
"Moving on from our resident brooder. Who are you?" Naruto asked.
"I'm Soyokaze Kyouran. I don't really have any likes or dislikes, nor do I have any hobbies. But there is something I have to do before I die."
"And what is that?" Ayako asked.
"Kill Uchiha Itachi."
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Author's Notes
Ok, this is my first serious story so constructive criticism is highly appreciated. After the debacle that was my first fanfic, I decided to get this beta'd, so many thanks to AngelLucifel whose patient reading and insightful edits helped this fic look remotely polished. Now go press that lavender button. You get cookies every time you press it.