I was special…
It wasn't long ago that everything was fine. I was still in charge and everyone still loved me. Like it should be. Then my eyes were brutally opened to the truth. All this time I'd been "special" I was fooling myself. No one loved me. They all hated me. I'd bruised and bullied them until our "permanence" became a burden. No. That's not true either. It was always a burden, a heavy weight on everyone's shoulders that wouldn't let up. And I was the last idiot to figure it out. By then, it was too late. Our "permanence" our "bond" was breaking. The people that were supposed to love me forever were leaving me. I was scared. If there's no "bond" then what is there to guarantee that someone will love me? Then she reached out to me. That woman that I called a monster, held out her hand to me and asked if we could start over. Make a fresh start. If we could be friends.
I wish for someone who will love me. Unconditionally, forever. I wish for permanence…but is something like that…okay?...for someone like me? For someone whose sins outweigh any good inside them? Is it okay to for someone to love me? After everything that I've done? After the cruel things I've done? After the all of the punches, the scratches, the detrimental words I've shoved down everyone's throat? Is it allowed?
Can I…be forgiven?