Ahsoka's Fan
(Author's note, I have been asked by someone to write a Star Wars lemon with a very specific plot. I have never written this fandom before and feel a bit like a spider, weaving a tangled web out of stuff I just pulled out of my bum. Anyway, here goes, wish me luck).
Chapter 1(AF)
During early 5th season of the clone wars (which I have only seen part of, honestly pulling stuff out my bum here,) a republic ship (I'm imagining something vaguely resembling a flying bus) was descending through the atmosphere of Coruscant in a fiery descent the way that objects hitting an atmosphere do.
In a bright fire ball the bus, which funnily enough was not much more aerodynamic than a pallet of bricks, somehow descended through the atmosphere on a perfect flight path exactly the way that a far more aerodynamic vehicle would. This blatant violation of physics was not a problem however, because this is Star Wars, where the universe operates using the rule of cool.
The vehicle flew straight and true towards one of those big ass buildings where so much of the clone wars scenes take place, it might be the senate building, might be the Jedi Temple, might be one of the gazillion other buildings that are only ever seen in the background of shots. Regardless of exactly which building it was, the inexplicably aerodynamic bus was heading there, carrying the most over rated wanker in the entire Republic, and also his poor long suffering (and I'm assured no longer jail bait by season 5,) padawan Ahsoka Tano.
The preening Anakin Skywalker looked out the window of the bus, noticing a large crowd assembled to greet him, many holding placards to stroke the ego of this colossal Mary Sue. Thankfully however, this story is NOT about the over rated wanker who only became cool after becoming Darth Vader, this is instead about his long suffering side kick.
Ahsoka Tano sighed inwardly as, once again, Anakin's head became that little bit bigger. The guy needed to be attending "egomaniacs anonymous" meetings, but these silly people were instead throwing a fucking parade for the colossal douche bag!
Anakin preened like a prized peacock and waved to the adoring crowds through the window.
The bus landed using mechanisms of silent levitation that relied heavily upon the all powerful rule of cool, and the apparently completely air tight doors (that kept out the hard vacuum of space) simply swung open without even going through an unlocking cycle, apparently just operating using magic alone without so much as a rubber seal to plug the bare metal door gaps.
Anakin sauntered out of the physics defying bus, and the crowd showered him with praise and attention. Anakin waved at the adoring mass of people, and was immediately showered by about ten thousand damp panties from fanatical teenage groupies.
Ahsoka cringed and face palmed at this ludicrous display, using the force to observe Anakin's already planet sized ego swell into the lower size range of a brown dwarf star! This show pony would be smug about this the entire fucking night!
Ahsoka just couldn't deal with another second of Anakin's ego, and deliberately hid herself among the crowd to get away.
Ahsoka jostled through the crowd of screaming groupies and fanboys, desperate to get away from the all powerful ego. She meandered this way and that, making slow but steady progress towards the back of the crowd.
Ahsoka eventually reached the back of the crowd, and beat a hasty retreat as Anakin continued strutting and preening for the crowd.
As she retreated, Ahsoka noticed one of the groupie girls break free of the crowd and follow Ahsoka.
Ahsoka deliberately went around several corners to lose the groupie, but the girl followed her implacably.
Ahsoka was dreading having to spend the evening telling this crazy groupie all about Anakin, and turned around, light sabre at the ready to make her back off.
It was then that Ahsoka noticed that the groupie, a human late teens girl, had her face painted like Ahsoka's natural skin tone in a way that was perfectly racist, was dressed identically to Ahsoka, and was holding a placard sign that said, "have my baby Ahsoka", the placard heavily bedecked with glitter and love hearts!
Ahsoka's eyes went wide and her face contorted with about 6 different emotions all at the same time, not sure whether to be pissed off, scared, amused, offended, sympathetic for this nut job, or just plain exasperated. In the end Ahsoka settled for all 6 emotions at the same time, and just ended up looking retarded as her face had a fit.
The groupie burst out laughing and said, "I'm not fucking serious, I just wanted to see the look on your face. It was totally worth it!"
Ahsoka gasped in relief and then burst out laughing too, the girl had scared her half to death and totally fooled her.
"Oh thank the force that you were not serious, you just about gave me a coronary!" Ahsoka exclaimed through her laughter.
The pair laughed for a while, and the prankster of a girl introduced herself as Kimberly Smith, but insisted on being called Kimmy. Ahsoka invited Kimmy to get a drink with her.
Kimmy washed off the racially insensitive face paint with a moist towelette, and folded away the cringe worthy placard, before then accompanying Ahsoka to a local diner type establishment to kill some time escaping Anakin's ego.
"What on Coruscant possessed you to come to a groupie rally just to give me a heart attack?" Ahsoka asked with a laugh.
"To see your face of course, and to get to meet you." Kimmy chuckled.
"Me?. Why did you want to meet me of all people?" Ahsoka asked bemused.
"I have wanted to meet you for years. Every time big head is on the screen prancing about, I see you in the background looking exasperated. I just HAD to meet the girl who has to put up with Anakin 24/7." Kimmy admitted with mischief filled eyes.
Ahsoka snorted with laughter at this.
"I'm not at all disappointed, you are exactly as I imagined you would be. You have my deepest pity for having to put up with the poster child for humility." Kimmy said with a smile.
Ahsoka couldn't stop laughing, every time Kimmy opened her mouth it left Ahsoka laughing uncontrollably. They talked for a few hours.
"How long before you have to go back to Jedi Master Show Pony?" Kimmy eventually asked.
"Ugh, unfortunately I have to go home just to get a place to sleep, otherwise I would ditch him for the next 24 hours." Ahsoka admitted sadly.
"No you don't, you can crash with me any time you need to get away." Kimmy said reassuringly.
"I couldn't put you out like that, it won't kill me to put up with Anakin." Ahsoka said anxiously.
"I insist, you are a refugee in need of sanctuary from brigadier braggart! I couldn't live with myself if I didn't offer you sanctuary," Kimmy insisted.
Ahsoka burst out laughing and with a bit more reassurances she agreed to stay the night with Kimmy.
***...
Ahsoka didn't get much sleep that night as she slept over at Kimmy's inexplicably nice and equally inexplicably parent-free apartment. She instead stayed up half the night talking to Kimmy and having a wonderful time.
As mentioned, Kimmy was a human female, which in Star Wars meant that she was automatically white, brunette the way that almost every female human in Star Wars was, and, as this is a lemon, she was of course also stunningly beautiful with a porn star's body.
Ahsoka was not human, not even CLOSE to being human from an evolutionary point of view, but looked similar enough to a human to notice that Kimmy was very beautiful. Ahsoka felt very comfortable in Kimmy's presence, felt enormous pleasure from her hilarious talk and carefree demeanour.
Long into the night they talked, not getting up to the pervy antics the reader is looking forward to seeing, but instead the much more realistic activity of talking about nothing in particular the way that pairs of teenage girls do. Frankly the dialogue was too meaningless to even document, just random girl talk the way girls their age do.
They talked and talked, and only stopped talking when they fell asleep laying together on Ahsoka's bed.
***...
Ahsoka was sad to leave the next day as she unhappily had to return to Anakin. Kimmy and Ahsoka had already exchanged details and had agreed to see each other again soon.
Ahsoka got into an inexplicably quiet floating vehicle and was transported without any evidence of the cause of the locomotion to the Jedi Temple to rejoin Master Arrogance Skywalker.
"Where were you last night?" Anakin asked when she approached him in the temple.
"I was hiding in the shadow of your colossal ego," Ahsoka said snarkily.
"Drop the attitude Snips," Anakin warned.
Ahsoka held her tongue and Anakin did not return to the question of where she had been. He had himself been spending half the night 69ing Padawan? Padamaly? Panda Bear? Whatever the hell her name is, he had been all over that pussy, and as he didn't want anyone asking where HE had been, he did not press the question of Ahsoka's location last night.
Apparently the far future of the Star Wars universe didn't have paparazzi who would use advanced technology to spy on Senator Panda Bear for the juicy story of her being nightly pile drived by a Jedi Knight. It was COMPLETELY realistic that such a high profile woman in politics could secretly elope with the equally high profile Anakin and sleep with him the entire night many nights without anyone getting wise.
Given that Anakin could get away with nightly porking a high profile senator (and even get her pregnant without causing a massive scandal), people in Star Wars could apparently get away with absolutely anything in their personal lives with other people completely respecting their privacy.
Anakin and Ahsoka then proceeded to escape out of this massive plot hole in George Lucas' story, and climbed out into the next scene, where they were once again bringing their physics defying light sabre energy swords to a gun fight, you know, because a sword is the ideal weapon to have when everyone else has fucking GUNS!
Ahsoka and Anakin then used their energy swords to hit fucking gunfire out of the air back at the enemy, the way you might expect to realistically happen if you tried this in real life... (Seriously, could this fandom even BE any more Mary Sue?!).
The enemy were apparently "battle hardened" separatist battle robots, who waged war by ignoring cover and instead walking extremely slowly towards the enemy while very occasionally firing their weapons, always with appalling accuracy.
The fact that the republic even needed some highly trained clone army to defeat these robots, seemed to indicate that the republic local people, who all free carried firearms, were even more useless in a fight then a pair of teenagers shooting up a high school...
As neither the heavily armed locals, nor the highly expensive clone troopers, could defeat these very slow walking and ineffective battle robots, it of course made sense to deploy Ahsoka, a teenage girl with a fucking SWORD, to bring victory over these mooks...
(Honestly this is even more utterly absurd than the craft world eldar in Warhammer 40k! I have heard of Hollywood tactics but, God DAMN!)
Anyway, a highly unrealistic battle later, and two people with swords had defeated an entire army of soldiers with guns. It was about as believable as the benefits of using snake oil, but it looked REALLY cool, so that made it ok.
***...