Donut Days

by Story Please

Severus is stuck wasting away in his Auror job when an old friend goes missing. Of course, the chief decides to pair him up with an unusual partner with the penchant for seeing unusual invisible creatures for the case. Severus is seriously tempted to throw in his badge at last...if he survives the mission.

Author's Note: This is a gift fic for Aethra, my QLFC team's lovely Beater 2! She requested a WIZARD COPS story starring Severus Snape and Luna Lovegood, so I hope I can do it justice! Also, I am a lazy jerk and I apologize for the long wait.

---

Donut Days

It wasn't even nine o'clock in the morning, and Severus Snape could feel a familiar itch in the back of his throat. The hip flask hidden under his Auror's robes burned against his thigh and he ached for the release it would give him.

He'd told himself for years that he'd never become the mess that his father was- for years he'd eschewed all alcoholic beverages, tobacco, and illicit drugs save a few communal blunts that the Death Eaters had been expected to partake of back in his youth. He had to keep his mind sharp and his reflexes sharper because Voldemort was going to return at some point, and Severus had made a promise. And, though he was a terrible person most of the time, he was also intensely prideful. Being a man of his word was incredibly important to him, and for a time, it had kept him out of trouble.

It hadn't helped that trouble had a way of finding Harry Potter.

Now, however, with the ache of the scar on his neck serving as a constant reminder that he'd been dragged back into the wretched world, so too had Severus been dragged into the world of magical law enforcement. Sure, they'd made it sound like they were doing him a favor. He was considered the savior of the Wizarding World; well, one of them, anyway. There were incessant award ceremonies, of course. They weren't mandatory, but they might as well have been. Not going was seen as a way of admitting guilt- of proving to all of the detractors who truly believed that Severus was somehow pulling the wool over everyone's eyes just to save his own scrawny backside once again.

He'd drawn the line at kissing babies, though.

The drinking had started as a way to get through the endless dinner parties and award ceremonies without having a nervous breakdown. Severus was not a loud or violent drunk like his father had been, which was a small mercy. A couple glasses of firewhiskey numbed the irritation of having to make small talk and the ever-present anxiety that all their goodwill was a sham and a gaggle of dementors were on their way to drag him off to die in Azkaban.

The professors and staff at Hogwarts had apologized for their behavior when the truth had come out (though Severus completely understood why they'd done what they had and bore them no ill will), but none of the professors were close with him the way that they had been before Dumbledore died. Even Minerva, who'd been a close friend before his horrible year as Headmaster, had taken to addressing him formally and seemed happy that he'd not pushed the issue of his place at Hogwarts.

The good news was that Severus rarely had to deal with bratty children any longer. The bad news was that adults weren't much better when it came down to it. At least children could be cowed into submission by his Glare of Doom with minimal fuss.

Severus tapped his fingers against the hidden flask pocket on his thigh impatiently. It had become a nervous habit now that he kept the stuff on hand at all times. The flask had been treated with an Undetectable Extension Charm, which mean that he literally had brandy for days. Severus wasn't stupid enough to attempt to drink all of it, but that didn't discourage him from wanting a nice, long draw as soon as he could excuse himself to the loo.

"Snape! The chief wants you in her office!"

Severus groaned as Auror Malkin pointed towards the frosted glass marked with a sign that said Chief in large, red letters. The only thing worse than being called into the office first thing in the morning was the fact that he'd have to attempt to have a civil chat with Lavender Brown.

She was the youngest Chief of Aurors since 1912, and that had been when the Auror's Office was rife with nepotism and the retiring Chief had installed his fresh-faced seventeen-year-old son as his replacement. Brown, on the other hand, was battle-scarred, swore like a sailor, enjoyed her meat a bit more than rare during the week of the full moon, and had rocketed to the top of her class in only a single year. Some had said that Minister Shacklebolt had appointed her to the position because her ruthless efficiency in the field threatened to single handedly wipe out crime altogether—a problem, Severus thought, that was not really a problem at all.

He waved the entry-level officer away, and then ducked halfway down, pretending to be busy. Severus was the master of many things, and but he'd been perfecting his stalling skills for over three decades.

"Snape!" Chief Brown shouted a few minutes later, her office door swinging open on its hinges and banging into the wall with an office-rattling slam. "Get your pointy arse in here or else!"

Severus groaned. Sure, he had a 98% capture rate and was considered one of the best agents on staff, but the way that Lavender called his name, one would have thought he was a rogue piece of chewed gum under her boot.

"Coming!" he growled.

He ignored the snickers and glared hatefully at Auror Stebbins for muttering "Doubtful" just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Severus did not step through the door so much as slouch through it, throwing himself into the chair in front of the chief's desk.

Or, rather, he would have, but the chair was occupied by—

"Ah, Professor!" The white-blonde head of hair turned to reveal the sanguine features of none other than Luna Lovegood. The young woman stared up at him with a wide grin. "How lovely to see you again. I'm sorry to see that the feeling isn't mutual."

Severus suppressed a sneer and settled on glaring over Lovegood's head at Chief Brown.

"I'm sure that isn't true, Luna," Lavender said primly. She shot Severus a smug look that made Severus pine for the days where he could have simply issued her a detention scrubbing toilets. "Severus, thank you for taking the time out of your oh-so-busy day to grace my office with your presence."

Severus briefly considered saying something snide about how it would have been impossible to get anything done with the sound of her harpy screech echoing through the office, but decided not to. Years of having to bow down while someone with more power than he had kept their boot on his neck told him that this would be a poor idea indeed. Besides, he knew that Lavender made a habit of wearing stilettos.

"What, exactly, might you two ladies require assistance with?" Severus asked, his voice as neutral as he could make it.

"Go ahead Luna. You can tell him," Lavender prompted.

"Well," Luna said, swiveling the chair around until Severus began to feel slightly dizzy, "I may be able to help you with the lost animagus cases that have been cropping up lately."

Severus frowned. It was true that there had been an abnormal number of disappearances lately—most of which had been low-profile. Still, Severus had been the first to notice the pattern. He wouldn't have brought it up, either, but Minerva had recently been added to the list. Officially, she wasn't missing. The official story was that she was merely visiting the families of muggleborn children to explain why they were receiving a letter from Hogwarts, but the Hogwarts professors had contacted him discreetly to let him know that she hadn't checked in with them via floo for over a fortnight, which was highly unusual. Even though their friendship would never be the same, Severus knew that he owed her this much.

"Well? Please, do write down your lead on a piece of parchment and I'll see what I can do," he replied, turning to beat a swift retreat.

"Not so fast, Mr. Snape."

Severus stiffened. It must be bad if Chief Brown was calling him Mr. Snape. He briefly considered throwing his runic badge on the table and quitting immediately, but his pride wouldn't let him do anything of the sort.

"I am assigning Luna to be your partner, starting today." There was that smug smile again.

Severus clenched his fists, his teeth gritting with fury. How dare she saddle him with this...this...tabloid journalist? "Surely you're joking."

"Nope." Lavender let the p pop between her lips and pulled out her wand, levitating a box of supplies, including a standard uniform, over to Luna. "Here you go, Officer Lovegood. You can take the desk across from Severus."

Luna beamed and stuck out her hand. "Glad to be working with you! I hope we can come to be good friends!"

Severus simply stared at her hand as though it were a particularly venomous snake. With heavy, defeated footsteps, he began dragging himself towards the door. "Well, then, come on. We have work to do," he said, his voice flat.

Severus let his fingers rest against his hip flask and barely gave her time to set her stuff on her new desk before he made a bee-line for the men's loo. If he was going to have to suffer the likes of Luna Lovegood in his immediate vicinity for the foreseeable future, he sure as hell was not going to do so while sober.

---

"This is so exciting! I haven't been in a car in ages!" Luna's voice was light and airy, and seemed to be far more suited to an impending picnic, not a serious missings persons investigation.

The car was not owned by the Aurors, but was in fact Snape's personal vehicle. He'd found that placing a Notice-Me-Not charm helped keep it from being vandalized or stolen, and it helped that most fleeing criminals of the magical variety preferred to fly off on broomstick or on foot, as panic generally kept one from being able to Apparate without serious consequences. They generally had absolutely no idea what to do when faced with a speeding motor vehicle, especially not one that could shoot off into the sky with the pull of a knob. Severus had Arthur Weasley to thank for that particular accoutrement.

"If you must natter on so, please do so in your head," Severus replied tiredly. "I happen to have a pounding headache."

"That'd be the Wrackspurts," Luna said sagely, "though, when I look at you, I'd say that you're more prone to Flibble infestations than Wrackspurts. They prefer greasy hair, you see."

Severus scowled at her. "I should like for you to leave my hair out of this."

She shrugged and looked back at the bound parchment that was filled with the known facts of the case. Honestly, there wasn't a lot to go on. A few people hadn't come back from business trips. One had left work but never arrived home. They all came from different walks of life; there were purebloods, halfbloods, and muggleborn victims. The only unifying factor was that they were all on the animagus registry. Luckily, none of them had been found dead, but for all intents and purposes, they'd vanished without a trace. Unfortunately for Severus, he'd been the one to point this fact out, so the case had been shunted off on him, much to the relief of the other Aurors, who largely seemed to think that Severus was seeing patterns that weren't actually there.

And now he was being partnered with a girl (yes, it was true that she was a young woman now, but Severus could see from her clothing and mannerisms that she hadn't changed all that much since Hogwarts, though she was at least a head taller than he remembered her) who was famous for seeing creatures that weren't actually there.

'Blast and bollocks,' he thought in frustration. 'They're having a laugh at my expense, they are! Well, I'll show them.'

He knew from experience that Luna was rather unflappable, but he knew that even she would be no match for his highly developed stubbornness and spite.

"Don't worry, Professor," Luna said dreamily as she pulled a stack of familiar-looking newsprint from her bag, "I've already been marking down places to investigate on my own time. I've been writing a series in the Quibbler, you see."

"Don't call me Professor," Snape growled, barely containing the desire to snatch the stack of papers from her hand and toss them out the window. Having to report to Lavender Brown was bad enough. But this? It was insulting.

"I can't just call you Auror," Luna replied with a steady, serious look. "How will everyone else know I'm referring to you?"

Severus did not dignify her with a reply and merely glared at the rear view mirror as he needlessly adjusted it for want of anything else to do.

"I suppose I could call you Snape, but I admit that Hermione quite broke us all of referring to you in such an informal manner," Luna continued blithely, her stare unwavering as she gazed at him thoughtfully.

Severus could feel himself sweating a bit on his neck from being subjected to such an intense evaluation, even though it was merely in his peripheral vision as he tried to focus on the road.

"Could you stop bloody staring at me?" Severus snapped finally, unable to take it any longer. "It's distracting and I have to concentrate on driving!"

Luna hummed noncommittally, but turned her head and stared out the passenger side window instead. Severus breathed a deep sigh of relief. Well, he supposed, it could be worse.

'I could be stuck in a car with Harry-bloody-Potter,' he thought darkly.

After he'd grown disillusioned with the way that the Auror's office was run, Potter had quickly changed his career goals and become the permanent Professor of Defense at Hogwarts. The irony of this was not lost on Severus. The boy had succeeded in something even Voldemort had failed to do—stay in the DADA position for longer than a single year.

The worst part was just how disgustingly happy the young man was in his role. Meanwhile, every job Severus ever had the misery of working was some flavor of unpleasant and degrading. Even the ones he'd coveted for years before finally receiving. He was beginning to believe that perhaps this was not due to the professions themselves, but rather due to his own participation therein.

The thought rang depressingly true.

'No matter where I go, I still have to deal with myself,' he thought darkly.

The fact that others were forced to do the same was likely the other half of it.

"Yeah, that's most definitely it," he muttered.

"Oh, I'm glad you agree," Luna said brightly.

"What?" He blinked, his lip drawing back into a sneer.

"To be honest, I thought that you'd never agree to it, but I should have known better, Severus," Luna said kindly, beaming at him after saying his name. "It really is a shame I never got to do it before. It really is a pretty name."

Severus felt his cheeks coloring almost instantly. It had been a long time since he'd heard his name spoken aloud with anything other than disdain or distrust.

But still…

"That is not appropriate, Miss Lovegood," he admonished.

"Oh, Severus, Luna is fine," she replied sweetly. "Besides, you agreed, and we're both adults here. Well, I could call you Sevvie, if you'd like, but I know what it's like to be given a nickname you don't fully approve of."

Severus sighed deeply at this. Well, at least he wouldn't have to see her again after the case was over. Hopefully.

"Well, if it's a choice between those two, Severus is fine," he said wearily, slowing down and coming to a stop. He desperately needed another drink. "Thank Merlin. We're finally here."

Minerva McGonagall's home was exactly as one might imagine it to be. That is to say, it was both very welcoming in a cottage-y sort of way, yet the exterior was well maintained with no-nonsense shrubberies and a flower garden that appeared to have been planted by an army drill sergeant.

"Ooh! Striped Snapdragons!" Luna cooed, petting the snarling things that emerged over the hedge as though they were golden retriever puppies.

Severus did have to hand it to her; they calmed down immediately and he was able to enter through the front gate without incident.

"I'm just going to take a look around," he called back to her. "You just keep doing...whatever it is you're doing."

He frowned. It looked like she was tickling one of the bright yellow-striped flowers under the chin. Then he shrugged and turned back to the front door, which had been covered with a piece of Auror caution tape charmed specifically to ward off anyone except for official on-duty Aurors. Severus pulled out his wand and made a couple quick swipes in the air. A moment later, the tape glowed a soft green and the door opened quietly.

Inside, the house appeared to be tidy and there was no sign of a struggle. Severus supposed not, especially since she was spending her days zipping around the British Isles telling muggleborn children (and their families) that they had magic.

Albus had sent Severus once or twice, but after he'd scowled in a particularly fierce manner and made a child cry, that had been the end of it.

Severus looked through a stack of papers on Minerva's desk, but nothing seemed to stand out.

"Severus?" Luna's voice was a hair's breadth from his ear.

"Merlin's hat, Lovego-OWSHITE!" Severus stood far too abruptly and slammed his head against the hanging tiffany lamp (which was decorated with cats of various colours) and sending it spinning. He ducked to avoid being hit again, then half-fell, half-sat in the cracked leather chair directly behind him, which was cold and more than a little uncomfortable.

"Sorry, Severus. I just thought you'd like to see this." Luna placed something on the desk in front of Severus, who was still holding the side of his head. She pulled her wand from behind her ear and mended the crack in the lamp. "Would you like me to cast a healing charm on your head?"

"No, thank you," Severus replied coldly, pushing himself back in the seat and flinching away from her touch. He detested the appearance, however brief, of showing weakness. He placed a hand on the side of his head, which was throbbing terribly. It came away wet and sticky with blood.

"Oh. That can't be good," he croaked, and promptly lost consciousness.

---

"I know you said you didn't want me to help, Severus, but I don't think the headmistress of Hogwarts would appreciate you dying in her house," Luna said as he groggily swam back towards consciousness.

"Hmmphhmmm?" he mumbled.

"Your head. I had to stop the bleeding." Luna stepped away from him as he sat bolt upright from where he lay on the floor and his eyes darted over to the stack of bloody washcloths a moment before she Vanished them.

He rubbed his head. She'd done a good job. It didn't hurt any longer, and there was no blood, not even in his hair. He looked up at Luna, who smiled a bit sheepishly.

"I know you don't like it when I get too close," she said. "That's ok. It's not the first time someone's felt that way about me."

"That's not—" He paused. While it was certainly true that he was uncomfortable with her invading his personal space, it certainly wasn't her, specifically, that he objected to being near. In general, the thought of having to allow anyone close enough to get a curse off before he could throw up a Shield charm made him nervous.

"Here. I had meant to show it to you earlier." She pointed her wand at a folded-up scrap of paper and levitated it over to him.

He snatched it out of the air with one hand and unfolded it quickly. "Thanks," he said, without looking up from the paper. "For...disregarding my wishes. I, too, believe that Minerva would be quite unhappy at having her floor ruined with my blood."

Luna smiled back in her usual, spacy way, but Severus could see how she squinted her eyes so that he wouldn't see how much pain she felt at being supposedly objectionable. Severus briefly considered trying to explain himself, but then decided that it would probably make things worse, and he left it. He frowned, flipped the paper over and then frowned again.

"This paper is blank."

"Oh, well, you'd think that, but I happened to notice something interesting about this particular paper," Luna said, still leaving a fairly large space between them and motioning for the paper to levitate back to her.

Severus pulled himself up to his feet, the paper struggling between his fingers, and crosse the room, handing the paper to her. "Here."

Luna took the paper, her face filled with a conflicted sense of bewilderment and trust. Severus resisted the urge to snort with laughter. The idea of Luna Lovegood in a state of bewilderment was practically unheard-of!

"I...well, I thought that it was interesting that there were so many Kinifkers sitting by the inkwell," Luna explained, "and I figured out that they're there because the paper next to the inkwell was used recently. And, whoever was writing on this particular pad of paper used a very heavy hand while writing."

"Hm," Severus mused. "Well, Minerva is known to be fairly forceful in most everything she does. Writing is likely not an exception."

"Anyway," Luna continued, "in the Muggle mystery novels that Hermione is always lending to me, they do this thing where they take a pencil—" She bent forward over him and grabbed one from the tartan-print pencil-holder on the desk. "—and then angle it like so, and shade over the indented parts."

Severus bent forward to watch her illustrate the technique. As she angled the graphite point onto its side, the gentle shading motion kept the spaces where the pen had indented the paper on the sheet above it from filling in.

When she was done, Luna held it up proudly. "There. Now, can you read it?"

Severus took it from her and held it up to the light. He frowned, then grabbed a pen and wrote down the address in his spidery scrawl.

They set everything back in order and returned to the car. It wasn't until they were both on the road again that Severus finally cleared his throat and said, "Good thinking, Lovegood."

"It's Luna," she replied in a soft, sing-song voice. She stared at him expectantly.

"Fine," he said with a sigh. "Good thinking, Luna."

"Thank you, Severus." Luna beamed at him and then turned to look out the window, humming to herself. The meagre sunshine filtered in through the dashboard, creating a halo effect around her head. Before he knew it, Severus was staring.

"It was nothing," he muttered, but he could not say exactly what he was referring to. Instead, Severus forced himself to look away and tried to concentrate on driving.

---

They exited the vehicle together and looked up at the tall, imposing building. It looked like an old, abandoned factory, but Severus knew a glamour ward when he smelled one. It produced a sickly sweet scent not unlike artificial strawberries. Severus shuddered as it hit him full force in the face.

"It's like that horrid chapstick Lily's ghastly sister used to wear," he muttered absently.

"Amazing," Luna said, stepping out of the car and inhaling deeply. "I've never seen Pipquiskies in such large swarms before! The smell is incredible!"

"That is not the word I would use to describe it," Severus muttered, looking back at her.

He shook his head dismissively, then turned back to look at the building and fixed it with a look. He squinted at it as though it might make something appear, then cursed himself for being so easily duped by Luna's nonsense. Pulling out his wand in one, swift motion, he cast a few diagnostic and revealing charms, then frowned even more deeply than before. Nothing. It just wasn't possible. There had to be a ward.

"Luna," Severus growled before he realized that he'd called her by her first name. "Instead of standing about and gawking at nothing, why don't you attempt to show us the source of that terrible stench?"

"Sorry, Severus, but that's not how it works," Luna said, smiling. "I can, however, give you some help, since you haven't trained your sight like I have."

She rummaged through her bag and pulled a pair of glasses from a leather glasses case. The left lens was circular and tinted a bright pink. The right was rectangular and colored aquamarine. The earpieces ended in golden spirals. Severus stared at the gaudy object and shook his head. He'd refused to wear those gaudy scarlet Auror robes as well, and he'd succeeded. He sure as hell was not going to put a piece of eyewear that appeared to have been designed by Dr. Seuss.

"Are you sure?" Luna asked, tilting her head slightly to the side. "If you can't see where they are, they'll give you awful motion-sickness when you pass through them."

"I'll take my chances. You can watch the car," Severus sneered back. Blanketing himself in a combined Shield and Notice-Me-Not charm, he barreled towards the back door, leaving Luna behind him. Silly girl. She could be a hundred years old, and he'd still imagine her as she was in her first year; all gangly and long white-blonde hair with those absurd radish-like earrings hanging from her earlobes. That gap-toothed smile that filled in as her adult teeth came in. Her odd questions. She would always be a mixture of innocent and irritating in his head, and he'd always feel that irrational desire to protect her, just as he'd protected his other idiot students from dismemberment or death in his classes. No. Severus was used to going it alone, risking only himself, and it had worked for him thus far.

He lasted two-and-a-half minutes.

Five feet from the door, Severus fell to his knees and doubled over, his stomach swimming and his head spinning. He tried to focus enough to increase the strength of his shield spell, but found himself forced to focus on keeping his stomach from spilling its contents instead. Curling up on his side, he took deep breaths and shut his eyes tightly, for his spinning vision was only making the nausea worse.

A gentle hand touched his cheek and, despite his best efforts, he whimpered slightly.

"I'm sorry, Severus. But I did warn you." He could hear Luna rummaging around in her bag and something clanked softly before he could feel her placing the cool, glass edge of a phial to his lips. "Please. Take this. I promise, it will help."

Severus briefly considered telling her to get stuffed, but then another wave of nausea filled his belly and he tipped back his head, allowing her to pour it down his throat. The potion, whatever it was, tasted of a mixture of caramel, mango, and brandy, which was to say that it was sweet, and burned a bit going down. Soon, however, Severus found himself much improved. He tried to pull himself up, but found himself being pushed back down gently.

"Try on the glasses first, and then tell me if you still want to do that."

Severus cracked an eye and found Luna draped over him with both hands on his shoulders, her face only a few inches away from his, and suppressed the urge to scream. He was not very good with sudden close contact, and from Luna's knowing expression, she seemed to understand this almost immediately.

"I'm sorry, Severus. If there was any other way, I wouldn't be down here. I know how you feel about people touching you." She reached back and pulled the glasses out of her bag with one hand, the tip of her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration. "Here you go."

Severus was very still as he watched her. The nonchalant way that she just...stated the truth of the matter was somehow both shocking and comforting at the same time. And, as he watched her expression shifting as she drew out the case and popped it open with one hand, he realized just how sharp the curve of her jaw had become, and how her icy eyes were filled with a depth that made her seem somehow ancient.

"Please. Let me put them on."

Severus blinked. She was holding them over his face, yet she did not move to force them on.

"Fine." Severus breathed, and he couldn't help but close his eyes tightly as she gently fitted them over his ears and adjusted the frames over the bridge of his nose. Her touch was whisper-gentle, and against his better judgement, he found himself wishing she would continue.

'You stupid, sentimental git! Stop thinking such things! She could be your daughter!' he thought angrily to himself, even as his traitorous body relaxed against her touch.

"There. You can open your eyes now. Tell me what you see." Luna shifted off of him, and Severus choked down the protest that rose in his throat.

Instead, he opened his eyes slowly, allowing his vision to focus on the scene above him.

Thousands of furry, rabbit-eared jellyfish-shaped creatures undulated in the air above them, leaving only a two-to-three foot space between them and the ground. They seemed to change color as they pulsed, and Severus was struck by their otherworldly beauty.

"They're pretty, but you should avoid letting them pass through you," Luna said, and he turned his head to see that she was lying on the ground next to him as though they were looking up at the stars together. "Unless you like feeling nauseous and dizzy, I suppose. I'm sure that there's someone out there like that."

"They look like they're mobbing the building," Severus said, watching as the creatures bobbed against the brick walls of the warehouse, but did not pass through them.

"That's the bad news," Luna said. "Pipquiskies feed on human discomfort. If you're not already suffering, they'll make you feel disoriented and sick, then feed off the chemicals in your brain. They're a bit like dementors in some ways, though they're rarely fatal. They're drawn, especially, to places where discomfort can be found in abundance. Did you know that they apparently mob Muggle schools on student picture day?"

Severus thought back to his own anxiety during student picture day as a child. "Somehow, that doesn't seem as crazy as it sounds."

Severus watched as a pink cloud exited the top of one of the creatures. "Don't tell me. The damn things are...expelling strawberry-scented flatulence, aren't they?"

"It's their method of expelling feelings they can't digest," Luna replied simply. "Everything poops, right?"

"I did not need to imagine floating clouds of excrement whilst lying only a few feet underneath it," Severus replied irritably.

"Anyway, the problem is that they're usually drawn to stronger creatures, like Spotted Snorkacks or Flibbles...or...Jabberwocks." Luna shuddered as she said the last fictional creature's name. "Those are nasty enough that they even made their way into Muggle literature at some point. My father got me the book, though the part with the blade was unrealistic. Jabberwocks cannot be harmed by steel."

Severus sighed. "First; what, exactly, is a Jabberwock. Second; what, exactly, is its weakness?"

Luna pondered this for a moment before replying. "It's a shapeshifter, and it eats shapeshifters or their magic."

Suddenly, the pieces began to fall into place.

"Fuck." Severus pushed the glasses down a bit so that he could pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"There's not much on defeating them in the various texts my father has on the subject," Luna continued. "And everyone knows that Vorpal Blades are silly nonsense."

"Are they, now?" Severus sighed. Well. It wasn't going to do anyone any good if he continued lying in the gravelly dirt, despite his desire to do just that. With a groan, he rolled over onto his belly and began to crawl slowly towards the door.

"Good idea!" Luna mimicked his movements, eagerly following him.

By the time they reached the door to the warehouse, Severus didn't have the heart to tell her to stay behind. Though he still had doubts about her magical prowess in an outright fight, he had to admit that she'd already helped out quite a lot, all things considered. He reached up and jiggled the handle on the door. Surprisingly, it was unlocked, and he twisted it, pushing the door open. The hinges were a little squeaky, but that was nothing that a little charm couldn't fix. Severus knew he was being overly cautious, but that had always been his strategy and he was loath to change it now. Luckily, only a few Pipquiskies drifted through the open door behind them before Severus pressed it closed again, and they quickly floated up towards the high ceiling, quite out of the way. Severus sighed with relief and raised the mismatched glasses to his forehead so that he could see color normally once more. When he motioned to remove them, Luna held up a hand.

"Keep them for now. I have a feeling you might need them."

Severus very much doubted that, especially since he knew how to avoid the nausea-inducing invisible creatures outside without having to resort to wearing such...eccentric eyewear, but he relented, sliding them into his pocket. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the dim light inside of the warehouse, but it was fairly obvious that the building had been abandoned for some time. The interior was covered with dust and most of the remaining metal was red with rust, filling their noses with a bitter metallic flavor.

They poked around carefully, Luna with very small, careful steps that reminded Severus of a deer moving through the forest. Severus, on the other hand, moved like a wraith, sliding silently over the ground without so much as dislodging a pebble.

It was Luna that discovered the hidden door, though.

Near the far wall, a strange light could be seen through the seam in the wall. It was situated behind a cabinet, which had to be magically moved aside, but when they finally moved it, there, before them, was a runic keypad. It was built quite a lot like a Muggle keypad, only this one required that the runestone be slid into the proper formation. Severus, who'd always been pants at Ancient Runes, swore under his breath.

"Don't worry, Severus," Luna reassured him. "I know how to do this one. I've been doing the runic crossword in the Quibbler for years, and they're loads more complicated."

Severus stepped back to watch her work on the sequence with a new sense of respect for the eccentric Ravenclaw. With smooth and practiced motions, her fingers twisted runes into place on the board. Again, the tip of her tongue emerged from the side of her mouth as she concentrated, and Severus couldn't help but think that it was incredibly endearing.

"There," she whispered, turning to smile at him in a manner that reminded Severus of a fox.

It wasn't that her smile was sly, but that it seemed to suggest that she knew something that he didn't. Rather than find this irritating, Severus found himself intrigued. He began to wonder exactly what he had refused to allow himself to see in her due to his haste in writing her off as a former student with a quirky personality. Though he was a proud man, Severus did not believe in burying his head in the sand once an idea occurred to him, regardless of how inconvenient it might be.

"Thank you," he said, and she beamed at him. He found himself enjoying the way her face lit up and realized that he wanted to do it again.

'Oh shut it, you stupid git,' he thought to himself. 'Here you go, barreling into what very well might be certain death and you're fantasizing about making her smile? Get your priorities straight, Snape!'

As much as he wanted to silence that wry inner voice, Severus knew that it was right. He couldn't go into an unknown situation while harboring some silly schoolboy crush. He had to get his head on straight.

But, before he could tell her to stay behind (more for his benefit than hers at this point), she'd already gone ahead down the brightly lit hallway beyond the door. Severus swore under his breath again and grabbed a nearby brick, wedging the door open so that they could leave quickly, if needed. Then, he followed her down the hall.

It seemed to take quite some time for them to reach the end of the hallway, and the downward slope told Severus that they were going deeper underground, which was worrying. As they got to the end of it, the walls widened out into a large open space, which, from the chemical smell, seemed to be some sort of laboratory or medical facility. There was a medical table propped up against one wall and an alcove that looked a bit like a doctor's office. A glass door to their right revealed what looked like a small potions lab. Ahead, there was a wall with small doors set into it, each with locks attached. Luna approached the doors as Severus moved to investigate the potions lab. Several brews appeared to be simmering away unattended.

"Severus, come here!" Luna's whisper got his immediate attention and he turned towards her.

Luna held up a card, which had been slid into a plastic slot by one of the doors. Severus grabbed it from her, looking at the name written on it. Then, he looked through the little glass door and frowned deeply. Inside, curled up on a blanket, was a silver tabby cat with spectacle markings. Around her neck was a collar with a tiny silver bell.

"Minerva," Severus whispered, trying to wake her to no avail.

Luna pressed her wand against the lock, and it sprang open silently. Severus pulled the door open and poked Minerva on the nose.

"Come on, then, Headmistress. Nap time's over." He tried to keep his voice disdainful, but the concern bled into his tone.

Minerva fixed him with a glare and began to groom herself.

"Minerva, we don't have time for this nonsense!" Severus hissed.

Minerva merely yawned.

"Oh, so is that how you want to play it?" Severus sneered.

"That might not be a very good—" Luna winced as Severus pulled his hand back with a sharp yelp.

"SHE SCRATCHED ME!" Severus roared, sucking on his fingers.

Somehow, though he hadn't seen her move, Luna was beside him. "Let me see. Ooh, she got you good, didn't she?"

"You're not helping," Severus said sulkily.

"Give it here. I'm good with healing charms," Luna said, grabbing his hand before he could properly refuse. A short charm later and Severus' hand was no worse for the wear.

Luna conjured up at ball of light and dangled it over Minerva, who batted it lazily with one paw. "Is it just me, or does she seem to be acting more like a regular cat than an animagus?"

Severus walked along the row of doors, jumping back quickly as something large and angry slammed against it, a furious snuffling nose pressed against the glass. Grabbing the list from his pocket in an attempt to regain his dignity, Severus cleared his throat. "That would be Kolorov— his animagus form is a bear with black fur, save one heart-shaped patch of white on one cheek."

"It looks more like a trapezoid to me," Luna said thoughtfully as she peered at the bear's hungry face, which was completely pressed against the glass, looking for a way through it.

"I'll be sure to let the animagus registry clerks know," Severus replied sarcastically.

The sudden sound of footsteps moving down the hall towards where they stood made both of them go very still.

"Quick! Close her cage!" Severus hissed.

Luna pressed the cage closed, canceling her orb charm as well, and on an impulse, Severus grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her into one of the long closets that lined the side of the wall. Luckily, the closet was mostly empty save for a few brooms and assorted cleaning equipment leaning against one side, but it was still rather narrow, which meant that Severus found himself uncomfortably pressed up against Luna's slight frame, the tip of his nose buried in her hair.

She smelt of vanilla and cinnamon with a hint of bitterness.

Luna held the door so that it was mostly closed but still allowed a small crack for them to peep out of and listen in. For a moment, she seemed to lose her balance and tip forward, so Severus snaked an arm around her waist, pressing her closer against his body. Luna let out a hum of approval at this, and Severus felt his face growing hot.

What was he thinking? How could such a simple sound shoot through him like a red-hot wire? He bit the inside of his cheek as he realized that the problem was that his brain wasn't doing any of the thinking, and it was only a matter of time and proximity until she found out his shameful secret. He imagined her gasp of disgust, and flattened against the far wall, keeping his pelvic area as far from her bottom (which was getting very close to pushing up against his groin) as possible.

Suddenly, Luna stiffened. Severus did as well. Her body was rigid and his immediate thought was that the worst case scenario was about to unfold; she was going to freak out, pull them out onto the floor and they were going to be discovered.

"Ah-" Luna's head began to rear back and Severus suddenly knew exactly what she was about to do. With a quick flick of his wand, he cast Muffliato around them both and then hastily stuffed his wand between his lips before using his free hand to press over Luna's mouth. Her sneeze pressed her firmly against his body, and he shuddered, suppressing a soft moan of his own.

Bile burned the back of his throat as the self-loathing filled him. Here they were, in a potentially life-or-death situation, and his body behaving in a wholly lecherous manner. Luna was his responsibility, for Merlin's sake, and here he was, reacting to her like a lovesick teenager.

Then he felt the pressure of her lips against the palm of his hand, which was still covering her mouth. Severus felt his heart plunge down to his toes. She was kissing him! Sure, it was merely on his hand, but the sensation shot through him like a hot line of fire.

He would have marveled further on this development, but a door slammed and two figures entered the room. Severus stiffened, his amorous thoughts all but forgotten, and peered through the crack in the door, his ears pricked. Reluctantly, he grabbed his wand out from between his lips and held it at the ready, just in case.

"-told you we should have gotten better intel on it before we went in there." A high, whiny voice stammered accusatorily.

"Shut up, Stephen." The other voice was deep, measured, and filled with a sense of calm power.

Severus knew at once that this second speaker was in charge. Still, what, exactly, was his goal in kidnapping animaguses?

"But—" Stephen whined.

"Go back to your office, or I'll put you in with the others!" threatened the other man, who was most definitely the mastermind behind the missing animaguses. "And next time, do not forget to put the trick cabinet back in place when leaving the lab. Someone could discover our operation."

"Eep!" squeaked Stephen, and Severus could hear the telltale sound of a body folding in upon itself; transforming. As they both watched, a red-furred pine marten stood on its hind legs for a moment then dropped down on all fours and immediately disappeared through a small door in the wall that they hadn't noticed earlier.

The other man's heavy footsteps moved towards the cages, and Severus could only see the back of his body as he stooped down.

"Well, well, Minerva," the man said, standing and turning. They could see he was holding the silver tabby, stroking her back as he held her with the other arm, "looks as though you are finally accepting your rightful place in this world."

Severus still could not see the man's face, but as he watched, the man placed Minerva on a nearby table, where she flopped over and began nonchalantly washing herself. This was odd, since Severus seen Minerva dig her claws into people who did far less than shove her in a cage. Then the mysterious man moved to a side table and slipped off his gloves.

"Come here, my pet," the man purred, and Minerva turned over onto her back, exposing her belly.

As the man's hand moved to stroke Minerva's belly, Severus' attention was abruptly refocused to the hand that was now digging through his trouser pocket.

"Luna! What do you think you are doing?" He hissed as quietly as he could.

Luna turned her head to the side, fixing him with one eye, and gently placed a finger to her lips. Her other hand continued digging in Severus' pocket and, thanks to the fact that one arm was around her waist to keep her from tipping forward and the other held his wand, he was largely helpless to stop her, even if he'd wanted to. It made him want to both squirm and make embarrassing noises, but he bit his tongue and bore it in silence, for he was aware of the cost of moaning.

He was eminently glad when she finally pulled free of his pocket and slowly raised her hand to show him what she held in it.

The glasses. Of course. He'd all but forgotten about them.

He gestured as if to say, "How do I put these on? My hands are full."

She merely smiled back and lowered her hand, pulling open each of the temples with her mouth, then raised the glasses up towards his face as if to say, "Don't move, I'll put them on for you."

Oddly enough, both of them were able to understand one another without speaking, and this made Severus' heart beat more quickly in his chest even as he silently berated himself for being silly about such a ridiculous thing.

Severus lowered his head as much as he could and closed his eyes. He was almost certain she was going to poke him in the eye, so it was with much surprise that he felt the tips of the temples slip over his ears and the gentle cool sensation of the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

He opened his eyes.

And beheld a monster.

---

The thing standing before them was like nothing he'd ever seen before. Smoky tendrils billowed out of the top of his robes where a head should be. Dark, triangular, pupiless eyes (if they were indeed eyes, though they blinked at regular intervals and Severus supposed that is what they must be) seemed to burn with infernal fire at the base of each tendril. The sense that there were many legs that were somehow both there and not there gave Severus a sense of vertigo, and he focused them elsewhere before he lost his balance and tumbled forward through the door. Luckily, the creature was covered in standard formal wizarding robes so they were spared the eldritch horror that lurked beneath them, but they bulged in a markedly wrong sort of way, as though it were stuffed inside, and its natural shape was all wrong for robes.

But, then, none of that seemed to matter as he beheld those clawed hands, which were smoky at the wrists as well and ended in many-knuckled fingers made of a dark, plate-like, chitinous material that clicked whenever they moved. The armor on each hand grew softer and sickly gray like the skin of a corpse as it moved from wrist to fingertip, revealing a circular, leech-like mouth with rows of serrated teeth on its palm, and as Severus watched, the leech-like mouth attached itself to Minerva's stomach, pulling at something that was somehow her, yet not quite tangible. It flickered around her furry body in a weak orangish-red colour that grew dimmer and more indistinct as the mouth sucked greedily upon it.

When the creature was finished feeding, Minerva appeared to have fallen asleep, but Severus could see how her breathing was shallow and her body was very, very still— far too still for normal sleep. With a sigh of contentment, the creature picked up Minerva's limp body and placed her back in her cage, then placed the gloves back over those horrible hands. For several more moments, the creature lingered, looking over the other cages and moving about sluggishly, as though it was growing sleepy, but finally, it shuffled down the hallway and they both let out a long-held breath as a door slammed and then clicked as a deadbolt was turned.

Luna turned around with his arm still around her, looking up at him with huge icy eyes in the gloom. Severus had long ago acclimated to the lack of light, so he could see the serious, focused expression on her face.

"That," she whispered to him, and Severus was struck by how intimate her voice sounded in such close proximity, "was a Jabberwock."

"What, exactly, was it eating?" Severus asked, already partially certain he knew the answer.

"Some people think that auras are a way of telling things about a person, but it's really just fourth dimensional energy that shows how vibrant your lifeforce is at any given time. Most people can't see them unless they are born with natural talent, practice techniques that allow one to see it, or wear special spectacles." Luna smiled sadly and touched the bridge of Severus' glasses gently. "In witches and wizards, it's tied to their magic as well. If you use too much, it can manifest as physical aches and pains, or in extreme situations cause one to go into a coma."

"I thought as much," Severus muttered darkly. "If this Jabberwock keeps up his snacking, Minerva might be lost to us. We need to her and the others out of here. Unless you can give us some sort of convenient way to defeat this...thing, our best bet is to rescue the captives and escape without detection, then regroup once we know how to fight it."

"Unlikely," Luna said. "Jabberwocks have an incredible sense of smell. If he didn't notice us yet, he will soon, and even if we do get out of here, he will track us easily."

"Then we shall Apparate away and return with reinforcements," Severus replied, not liking the idea of leaving Minerva behind. He'd already failed her many times during that disastrous year as Headmaster. He did not want to fail her again.

"Father says they can travel through walls and space-time if they want, but I'm still not quite convinced. In fact, there's only one thing we can do to stand any hope of defeating it," Luna said matter-of-factly.

"Well, then, what do you—mmmf!" Severus was cut off as she suddenly pressed her lips against his.

He was too surprised and their cramped quarters were far too limited for him to pull away or pretend to be outraged. So instead, he allowed himself to relax into her, his grip on his wand loosening enough that he hastily stuffed it in a pocket to avoid dropping it. Then, he wrapped his other arm around her and kissed her back with an intensity that surprised even himself. To hell with age differences and the likelihood of certain death and the fact that snogging coworkers on their first day of work was probably against at least several rules!

She tasted of cinnamon and strawberries, which he supposed should probably be off-putting, but it was somehow perfect.

"We should stop," he managed to whisper between kisses.

"If it's what you want," she whispered back a word at a time as he kissed her again and again.

But he didn't want to stop. He only wanted more. And, had the door not been wrenched open by a pair of clicking, chitinous hands, he would have proven this fact.

"Oh ho! And what do we have here?" The Jabberwock was grinning widely at them, its human glamour flickering like a mirage over its true form. Even without the glasses, Severus found that he could still see its true form superimposed underneath. Its human face wore a reddish beard and glowered at them through false, black button-sized eyes.

Severus felt as though time had slowed around him and his body filled with adrenaline— the desire to protect the young woman in his arms warring instantly with his instinctual desire to survive. Before he could react, Luna was ripped from his grasp and lifted in the air by the front of her robes. Severus fumbled for his wand, but it rolled out of his pocket and onto the messy cabinet floor. And then he too was being grabbed by the chest with the iron grip of one of those impossibly strong, gloved hands.

Despite his attempt to rein it in, a strangled cry escaped Severus' throat, and he expected that Luna would scream, but instead, she merely fixed the creature with a sharp look.

"What you are doing is wrong," she said pointedly. "Come quietly with us to the Auror's office and we will put in a good word with the chief."

Severus nearly let out a groan of frustration. Now this creature was definitely going to kill them and he couldn't do anything because he was disarmed. The worst of it was that she was never going to kiss him again. Because they would both be dead, and Severus was not optimistic enough to believe in an afterlife. The thought of being denied the taste of her lips was both infuriating and depressing at the same time.

"Curiouser and curiouser. Your energy is sweet to the touch, girl." The jabberwock smacked its lips, staring at Luna. "I've only just eaten, or I'd be tempted to sate my sweet tooth right now." He turned and looked at Severus. "I see. You are this one's mate. I shall savor devouring you together at suppertime. A perfect pairing of sweet and bitterness! Ahahaha, I do so love a good pun!"

And then, with a snap of the Jabberwock's fingers, Severus felt his body go limp. It was as though he were trapped in his mind and nothing he tried made his body respond. Luna, too, had gone limp. He had to hand it to her, though, she'd been correct about the Jabberwock's power. Even his Occlumency was hard to maintain without a wand or control over his body, but Severus had endured far worse at the hands of the Dark Lord. A moment later, he was roughly thrown into the back of an empty enclosure and he grunted as the wind was knocked out of him, his body still as limp as a ragdoll.

From the doorway, he could see the creature place Luna on the ground somewhat more carefully. With a wicked grin stretching far too wide for a human being to manage, the jabberwock held his fingers in the air above her like a puppeteer. Then, with his head tentacles whipping crazily around his head, Severus watched with horror as he forced Luna's body to shift shape.

"I knew you'd be sweet," came the rumble of the Jabberwock's voice as he slammed the door and locked it tightly behind him. "Your kind always is."

Luna stood shakily on her newly transformed legs and came to where Severus lay, slowly lowering herself to the floor and curling up next to him. Then she tucked her long neck over his body and whinnied softly, her silvery horn glinting in the meager light.

Severus could hardly believe his eyes. Luna's animagus form—

"You—you're a—a unicorn," he finally managed, his voice coming back to him and filling with wonder. Animaguses were rare enough as it was, but it was almost unheard-of to have a magical creature as one's animagus form.

She fixed him with a sad look before looking away in what he supposed was shame, and closed her eyes. Severus did so as well as soon as he was able, and together they waited in the darkness for his paralysis to wear off.

"Luna?" Severus was finally able to move his hand well enough again that his fingers brushed against her long, white mane, and she moved her head so that one of her large, icy eyes was focused on him. "Can you transform back to your human form?"

Luna snorted and shook her head.

Severus stroked her muzzle absentmindedly, lost in thought. Even though he logically knew that she was human, he'd spent plenty of time petting the unicorns and feeding the thestrals on his long walks and potions-ingredient excursions into the Forbidden Forest, and the sensation was comforting to him.

After awhile, he finally asked, "Did you know that your animagus form was a unicorn?"

Luna snorted and shook her head in a surprisingly human-like manner.

"You weren't sure, but you had your suspicions, then?" Severus supplied.

Luna nodded, and Severus moved his head to the side to avoid having his eye put out by her horn.

"Interesting." Severus lapsed back into thought. The Jabberwock hadn't even tried to force a transformation on him, but had been almost over-eager to force Luna's transformation. "But why animaguses?"

Severus pulled out the coloured glasses and put them on. He could see Luna's aura pulsing around her body like a miniature Aurora Borealis. It was beautiful— green and blue and golden and shimmering in and out like a tide around her body. It flickered and billowed out around her much further than Minerva's had. In fact, Severus could see where her aura was seeking his body and rubbing against it. His eyes widened as he saw that his own aura—consisting of a midnight blue with tiny pinpricks of light swirling around in it like a sea of silver stars—was lapping against hers like a dark, silent wave. As he continued to watch, his slid over hers and they swirled together. He could feel a strange sensation on his skin, then, and tiny goosebumps began to rise on his arms and legs.

"What...in the world?" he whispered, brushing a strand of Luna's iridescent mane away from her right eye.

Severus. Her voice was in his head, then, and he hated how his heart skipped a beat in hearing it.

"What did you do?" he replied, his voice rising in anger, because he didn't know how else he was supposed to react to his Occlumency shields being breached so suddenly.

I promise, I'll undo it once this is over if you like. Her voice was soft and somewhat sorrowful.

"You have not answered my question. What. Did. You. Do?"

You heard what he said.

"I'm not about to be anyone's dinner, and neither shall you!" Severus hated how protective he felt towards her, especially in his weakened state.

No. The kissing.

It was Severus' turn to be speechless. He stared dumbly at her, trying to understand.

Kissing mixes auras. Kissing with passion works even more quickly. As far as the Jabberwock is concerned, you are my mate.

"I...see…" Severus could not help the disappointed tone in his voice.

Mixing auras also allows easier mind-to-mind communication and can boost your magical abilities, though the nearby Miplets probably help.

Severus stared deadpan at her. "You're joking."

I may have been making up the part about Miplets. They can't stand underground areas.

"So...the kissing was...business." Severus stared at the ground, his cheeks growing hot.

Is that what it means to you, Severus?

"How can you even ask me that at a time like this?" Severus blustered. "Besides, we really ought to work on getting ourselves out of this fine mess."

He stood abruptly and moved to the opposite side of the cage on the pretense of examining the door. Silently, though, he was locking down his Occlumency shields as tightly as possible and first mentally berated himself for having gotten out of the habit of keeping his mother's wand in his robes as a back-up, then berated himself some more for developing irrational feelings for the strange young woman who'd almost certainly only kissed him because because of her encyclopedic knowledge of obscure creatures and their weaknesses.

She doesn't love you, Severus. How could she? You're almost as ugly as that damned creature. She'd probably kiss it if she thought it was its weakness. Such was his frustration at his own weakness that he couldn't focus enough to unlock the door using wandless magic.

Here. Let me try. I may not be a true unicorn, but... Luna stepped next to him and lowered her head, pointing her horn at the lock. At first, nothing happened, but then her mane began to glow softly and the lock clicked open.

"But how—?"

Jabberwocks might be effective predators, but they aren't very bright.

"After we get out of here, we need to figure out a way to get you back to your human form," Severus grumbled. "I refuse to get used to having anyone's voice in my head besides my own."

As you wish.

Luna backed up as best she could in the relatively small space and made room for Severus to exit through the door. Immediately, he raced across the room and grabbed his wand from the messy cabinet, his body relaxing ever so slightly once it was in his hand once more. Immediately, his mind began to race back to what Luna had said earlier. Even though it talked with the sort of power and authority that one might expect of a crime boss, the Jabberwock had been stupid enough not to search for and confiscate Severus' wand. It had also been unable to understand the magical properties of a unicorn might allow Luna to magically open the lock to their enclosure.

"Oh bugger."

Severus' head turned abruptly towards the sound of a man's voice and he beheld a short, balding wizard with a ratty-looking moustache. Before he could think, his mind was already thinking the words and body was already casting the spell. With a loud cracking noise, the wizard's wand flew from his grasp. Severus held out his other hand to catch it, but Luna stepped forward and caught it in her mouth as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Is that— who?!" The man (Stephen, Severus remembered, that's what the Jabberwock had called him) stumbled backwards.

Luna drew the wand into her mouth and began to chew on his wand and he let out a scream.

"MY WAND!" The man held his hands up on both sides of his face as a loud crunching noise filled the air.

Luna looked rather smug for a unicorn and shook her head up and down, revealing the tip of his wand still sticking out from between her lips.

"Stop!" The man, seemingly singlemindedly focused on the wellbeing of his wand, ran at her.

"I think that's my line," Severus replied, pointing his wand at the man and freezing him in place.

With a jab of his wand, he sent the immobilized wizard flying into one of the open metal compartments and closed the door tightly, throwing the bolt to keep it secured. He was grateful for the small criss-cross wire door when he unfroze the man and he immediately transformed into his pine marten form and tried to slip out. Unluckily for him, his stout stature got in the way of getting more than his snout through, and he transformed back, a miserable look on his face

"Oh, no you don't," Severus said, holding up his Aurors badge and sneering down at the animagus, who fixed him with a guilty, panicked look and promptly transformed back into a human. "Auror Snape. I'd advise you to comply with us or face the consequences."

"No! No no no no no! Please! I'll scream!" Stephen babbled.

"Scream all you like, Stephen. May I call you Stephen? Ah, I see you're shaking your head. Too bad, I'm going to anyway." Severus replied, grinning ghoulishly. He'd already encased the room in a full-strength Muffliato.

Stephen shouted until his voice went hoarse but nobody came. Finally, he collapsed onto his backside and hung his head.

"Now, then. You will tell me what is going on and you will tell me now, or else," Severus threatened. Years of being a terrifying teacher at Hogwarts had honed his intimidation skills to a fine point, and it was obvious that Stephen was nowhere near able to resist this particular ability of his.

"I'm not talking to you!" Stephen replied angrily, but his face was full of terror.

"Oh, you'll tell me what I want to know," Severus replied, drawing himself up until he loomed over the cage like Death itself, "the question is how unpleasant an experience I will be forced to make it be for you."

Luna pawed the ground impatiently nearby, her eyes on the door.

"Fine! It's the boss. You know what he is, right? He'll eat me if I don't do what he says!" The man cowered on his hands and knees.

"If you show us where the exit is, we'll take you with us," Severus replied, his face bereft of compassion.

"I'll have to lead the way...but yes...I'll show you! Please, take me with you! I'm as much of a prisoner as the others!" Stephen exclaimed tearfully.

Severus fixed him with a suspicious look. He'd always hated those who were willing to give up on their loyalty when the chips were down. However, it was also obvious that he didn't have any other choice, and there was no way that he was going to endanger the lives of innocent people just because he had trouble trusting people. He set to work transfiguring saddle bags for Luna out of the various items in the supply closet and then placed each animagus under a full body bind to keep them from moving around or making noise, then shrunk them down until they fit in the pockets. Last, but not least, he bound Stephen and levitated him in front. They made an odd-looking procession— a floating, rotund man with his hands tied behind his back, a tall, razor-thin man wearing dark robes that would make an undertaker pause, followed by a unicorn wearing saddlebags filled with tiny frozen animals.

"Just this way," Stephen whispered, as they exited through another door near the far wall that Severus hadn't noticed earlier.

The hall was poorly-lit and it was obvious from the rusted ceiling and missing tiles that this was part of the unused factory that had not been repurposed as an animagus holding cell smorgasbord. They went down some stairs and then through a door and then up another set of rusted, creaky stairs, and Severus began to feel suspicion prickling at the base of his spine.

"You had better not be leading us in circles," he growled.

"I-I'm sorry!" Stephen stammered. "It's hard to tell where I'm going while floating around like a helium balloon!"

Severus growled with frustration. "Fine. But I reserve the right to blast you into the ground if you try to run off."

WIth a flick of his wand, Stephen was sent to the ground with a thump. He rubbed his bottom, wincing slightly and then began to walk ahead.

"It's just a bit further," he said, his voice echoing in the near-darkness.

Luna grabbed Severus on his sleeve with her teeth and whinnied at him, her eyes pleading.

"I don't like this either, but what other choice do we have?" Severus replied, turning back for a moment and stroking her face. "You know, I didn't mean what I said earlier. It just...didn't come out right. It never does, with me. If it means anything to you, I...I don't mind your company. At all. I know how it sounds, but...anyway, I just thought you should know."

Severus felt like he should clap a hand over his mouth for blathering on like this, but somehow it was easier to tell Luna-the-unicorn the truth than it was to talk to Luna-the-human.

He turned back towards where Stephen had gone ahead and groaned. "You'd better not have tried to run off, Ste-phen," he said sharply, hissing the name from between his teeth.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Stephen said, stepping quietly back out of the shadow. "I was just getting a little friend."

Above him, crawling on the ceiling with shadowy tendrils hooking into the plaster, was the Jabberwock. It grinned, forked tongue lolling out the top of its head and then lunged with an unearthly scream that seemed to echo outside of reality.

Severus shot a stunner, but the creature moved far too quickly (and in a manner that was wrong in a way that made Severus' spine prickle with gooseflesh), and it landed with an impact that knocked him off his feet.

"I did not ask for fast food," the creature gurgled, making a sound that Severus supposed must be a laugh, though it sounded more like someone being violently ill.

Severus raised his hand with his wand in it, but the Jabberwock merely waved his hand and Severus' wand flew out of his hand and echoed as it hit the wall and rolled some ways off. Then a tentacle encircled his body, lifting him up off the floor.

"Hold him there," Stephen said.

Surprisingly, the creature did as it was asked.

"You moron," Stephen said, grinning horribly as he came to stand next to the Jabberwock. "He's not my master. He's just the hired muscle. And, once I finish draining that damned headmistress, trapping her in her feline form forever with no memory of ever having been human, it will finally be Stephen Weasley's time to shine!"

Severus couldn't help it. He looked away from the fanged evil that was the Jabberwock and stared at Stephen. "Wait. You're a...Weasley?"

Stephen sneered back. "So? What of it?"

"And what of the other animaguses? Were they just some sort of diversion to take away from the real crime?" Severus knew he had to keep Stephen talking. For some reason, he was completely ignoring Luna, who was standing behind them, watching everything carefully.

I know you don't like when I do this, so I promise I'll stay out of your mind in the future, but I just want you to know that I'm going to try something. So, if you don't mind, please stall.

Severus didn't need to be told twice.

"Once again, you've misunderstood the beauty of my plans!" Stephen exclaimed, his voice rising in pitch as he ranted. "That old bat was just the tip of the iceberg. Minerva told me that you'd come for her, you see. The blasted war hero who'd helped to save the world. But we both know that isn't the truth. My brother, Arthur, always says that good things come to those who wait. Well, ol' Stephen the Screwup is ready for all the good things, and that starts with the defeat of Severus Snape— the foul Death Eater who got away time and time again because Dumbledore took a chance on him when he wouldn't lift a finger to help poor old struggling Stephen. Did you know that ol' Dumby didn't even reply to me when I sent him an owl asking for a measly little letter of recommendation?"

"I hope it hasn't escaped your notice that I am an Auror, and as such, killing me would most definitely achieve the opposite of your goals," Severus replied, trying to sound more confident than he felt. "In fact, I see no reason for your vitriol at all. I don't even remember you from—"

"He doesn't remember me! Hah!" Stephen laughed in an ugly manner and gestured to the Jabberwock. "Do you see what sort of nonsense I have to put up with? How about we jog your memory a bit, hmmm? Third year. Advanced Potions for a bloody thirteen year old! How was I, a seventh year, supposed to compete with that? Slughorn only had eyes for you, his star pupil. I might as well have kissed my apothecary apprenticeship opportunities goodbye."

"It was not my intention to—"

"That makes it even worse!" Stephen interrupted yet again. "You didn't intend to ruin my life, and yet you did. I had to get work selling tonics in a flea-bitten circus sideshow! A sideshow, Snape! But that is where I met Louie, here, so I suppose it wasn't all bad. The Muggles think he's human, you see. He'd play the psychic mesmerizer and suck out bits of energy and pretend to put them in trances. But I know what he really is, and I know that the energy of animaguses is like Jabberwock dope. I'd say it was a match made in heaven, but he's a bit more of the fire and brimstone type, as you can see."

"His suffering is delicious, Stephen," Louie rumbled. "I desire to feed. I cannot hold back much longer."

"Eat him first. Suck him dry and leave him a hollow husk," Stephen said coldly, pointing at Luna. "Make her watch. I read about the other girl— Evans, wasn't it? You let her down too."

"Failing one's mate is most horrible," Louis growled. "Mmmm, the bitterness in your heart smells sweet as syrup."

"Hah! That is priceless, Snape!" Stephen shouted bitterly. "You even found love before I did! Well, I suppose I'll just have to content myself with watching you lose everything you hold dear."

Severus opened his mouth to argue with that particular point, but then realized that Stephen, for all his blustering, was right. This filled him with a sense of bitter longing, and he began to wonder if he feared his death more than admitting that his feelings for Luna had taken root even before he'd first shared a kiss with her.

"Just...let her go," he said, struggling to maintain composure.

"What? Why?" Stephen's expression morphed into one of disbelief.

"She's new. She isn't involved." Severus tried not to look at her. He pushed up his Occlumency shields as high as they could go so that her mental voice would not reach him.

"Oh, how touching. You really do care for her," Stephen said in a sing-song voice. "Hmmmm...in that case…."

"Please." Severus stared at the floor, resigning himself to his fate. He would not fight it if it meant that she would be...

"...do her first," Stephen finished, his crazed grin so wide that it seemed impossible. "I want to see how it breaks him to watch her be sucked dry of all energy until she's a lifeless corpse on the ground."

For an eldritch abomination, even Louie's face flashed with an expression of disgust, but it soon morphed into a ravenous expression as he realized he would be getting a tasty meal after all.

"Luna! Run!" Severus knew that wandless casting was a stupid idea. He'd probably splinch himself. But he had to try.

With the Jabberwock's hungry focus on Luna, Severus could control his body just enough to make the wand motion for Apparition with his fingers and twist in the monster's grip. His mind was focused down to a fine point and he willed himself to the first place he could think of.

Now, normally, Side-Along Apparition is rather unpleasant. But wandless Side-Along Apparition was more akin to agony. Severus let out a sharp, painful sound as he forced himself inside out through three dimensional space along with the creature of dubious dimensional occupancy.

It was, in a word, excruciating.

They landed on top of Severus' car with a heavy thud and Severus struggled to breathe.

The Jabberwock turned to Severus, its tentacles whipping back and forth in a terrifying manner. It was not even trying to hide itself in a human facade, though it was possible that Apparating it suddenly had caused it to focus on other things than appearance. In any case, Severus recoiled from the smoky tentacles as they tried to wrap around his arms and neck.

"It matters not which one of you I devour first," Louie said, "but let us see if we can't force you into a more...delicious form. You're far too exhausted in your current state to keep those shields up, after all."

Severus could hear the creature's deep laughter in his head, and he knew that the Jabberwock was probing his mind. With a hiss of pain, he realized that his sleeve and some of the skin on his right arm was gone, the blood seeping into the remaining cloth until it was three shades deeper than usual.

There, purred the voice in his head. What you call an animagus form is nothing more than the shape of your soul made perfect as your energy aligns in an optimal manner.

Something clicked into place deep inside of him, and Severus felt his eyes involuntarily go wide as his entire body began to reassemble itself into something new. Leathery wings burst from his back and his scream was muffled by the tenacle that wrapped over his mouth. Severus spasmed, feeling hot droplets of blood flying off of him as his clothing ripped, then dissolved. He stared at his hands, which were growing claw-like and longer than anything human ought to be.

When it was over, he found himself standing on skeletal legs with clawed hoof-like feet, his sinewy muscles winding up his body like rivulets of pitch. His wings twitched and he let out an unearthly sound from his elongated muzzle.

He was a thestral.

The Jabberwock grinned. "Time to eat."

Severus, however, noticed how the tentacle near his face seemed to have trouble muzzling the new shape of his mouth. Opening his jaws wide, he lunged forward and bit down on it before he could think about the myriad of reasons why it was probably a terrible idea. The tentacle burst in his mouth, filling it with the most delectable flavor Severus had ever tasted. It was like eating a massive gummy worm with the flavour of a rib eye steak. Severus didn't hesitate. He swallowed his mouthful then lunged forward and took another bite.

The Jabberwock had begun to howl, holding the stump where the tentacle had been. It rolled back off the hood of the car in its haste to retreat, and Severus scrambled down as well, his bat-like wings twitching and useless at his sides. This time, he landed on top of the Jabberwock, his claw-like feet pinning the mass of the shadowy body down so that he could bend down to chew off another tentacle. He slurped it down, making short work of the next few tentacles as the Jabberwock screamed and screamed.

Severus.

Instinctively, he turned and looked back to see Luna, still in unicorn form. Instantly, he became rather acutely aware of the dark trail of gore that dribbled down the front of him, but Luna didn't seem to mind. He rather thought that she seemed impressed, though he couldn't tell how he knew that.

I know what to do. I figured it out. You see, my horn...it purifies things, right?

Severus nodded, which felt odd in his new body.

So, the vorpal sword— in the poem, you see. It is often defined as sharp. Well, what is sharper than a unicorn's horn?

What, indeed?

The Jabberwock moved underneath him and Severus turned back to the creature, snarling at it with sharp teeth. Then he tore out the last tentacle on its head and swallowed it in one gulp.

Severus, it's time. Let it up.

Severus snorted, but finally relented and stepped away. The monster was eyeless, now, and stumbled to its feet like a shambling zombie from a late night horror film.

Luna opened her mouth, and instead of the customary sounds one might expect from a horse (albeit a horse with a horn in the center of its forehead), instead, there was a high whistling sound like wind whistling through a canyon in a manner that somehow produced eerie yet lovely music. The Jabberwock's hands were outstretched and its palm-mouths yawned wide, searching for purchase. It ignored Severus, who stood aside and let Luna do as she'd requested. Luna bowed her head down, which struck Severus as odd, as it seemed like a strange show of deference to an evil creature that had tried to kill them both.

But then, as the Jabberwock stumbled and continued to move forward, Severus understood. The sharp point of Luna's horn pierced easily through the chest of the Jabberwock and then out the other end. The body began to spasm more violently than before and then shrank and billowed like an untethered shadow before pulling in upon itself and disappearing altogether with sound not unlike a glass of milk being sucked through a straw.

A muffled sound, like a scream from far away, filled the air, and then there was silence once more.

Look. They're leaving.

Severus turned his head to the building behind them, and watched as the jellyfish-like creatures began to launch themselves into the reddish-orange late-afternoon sky. It was rather like watching thousands of balloons take flight, leaving the nondescript building behind.

Severus wobbled forward— his foreleg was still injured, even though pure adrenaline had done wonders for a time.

Here, let me see that. Luna strode forward and pressed the tip of her horn against the wound. It closed up immediately and Severus could see where skin stretched taught and whole as though none of it had ever happened.

Where's the rat? Severus snorted and stood, pawing the ground to test the strength of his healed leg.

Inside. I put him on time out. Luna raised her head and looked at him with her curious, icy blue eyes. Oh, I'm so glad that you're all right, Severus!

And before he could do anything, she'd stepped forward and was nuzzling his neck with her own. A strange, tingling sensation, like the feeling of static electricity, covered Severus, and before he knew it, he was standing in his tattered robes with his arms wrapped around Luna as she held him tightly and then drew back and kissed him in the exact way he'd been hoping she would.

---

In the end, all of the animaguses were rescued and Severus even got his wand back (Luna somehow pulled it out from behind her ear after the other Auror teams had cordoned off the area, though how she managed this trick was beyond him). Minerva was fine after some recuperation at St Mungo's, though she was still rather irritated that he'd been snooping around in her things.

"What if you found your Christmas present, Severus?" she'd scolded him, but it was obvious that she held no lasting ire for the Potions master.

"You don't buy Christmas presents for anyone, Minerva, and you know it," Severus had replied, deadpan. "Besides, we're just...colleagues…"

"Nonsense!" Minerva had tutted. "After all, how else can I show my gratitude other than obscenely priced gifts and hideous homemade monstrosities?"

"You wouldn't." Severus made a mock expression of horror.

"You're going to need a doubly wide throw blanket now that you've got yourself a roommate," Minerva replied slyly.

Severus went scarlet at once. "How would you know?"

Minerva smiled like a cat that had eaten all the canaries. "A woman has her intuitions."

Luna entered and waved, setting a brightly coloured pot of flowers on the table. "Headmistress! I've brought you just the thing to clear up the Doldrums near your ears!"

"See?" Minerva said with a laugh as Luna stood by Severus and wrapped her arm through his. "You can't hide anything from me, laddie."

Severus groaned. "Am I going to have to endure this from everyone?"

"No," Luna said, booping the tip of his nose with her finger and then standing on tiptoe to kiss it. "But if you do, I could turn into a unicorn and stab them if you'd like."

"You know," Severus mused, a smile lifting up one side of his lips as he tried to hold it back, "I think you're onto something there, my love."

"Well, don't you two lovebirds stand around on my account," Minerva said, making a shooing motion with her fingers.

"You just want to listen to your show on the wireless," Severus replied, arching an eyebrow.

"Exactly, and I can't hear it when a certain Auror and his partner are being so mushy in close proximity," Minerva replied with a laugh.

"Come on, then, Luna," Severus replied, a bit too loudly, "We shan't waste another moment of the Headmistress' important time."

"Be careful with those Doldrums, Headmistress and don't let them get you down!" Luna called, waving as Severus moved towards the door. Somehow, her other arm was still twined around his.

"Will do, dear." Minerva turned and fiddled with the wireless as the door swung shut.

"So, then, partner," Luna said, grinning. "Where to next?"

"Well, you know what I always say," Severus said, wrapping his arms around her.

"Let's stay in and shag each other rotten?" Luna asked innocently, prompting Severus to go three shades of red and let out a startled noise in the back of his throat.

"Well...erm...that is to say...yes, very good. Screw what I was about to say. I like your idea better."

"Can we get eclairs after?" Luna asked, entwining her fingers in his.

Severus kissed her on the top of the head, then pulled out his wand, readying himself to Apparate them home again. "For you, my love, anything is possible."