Fathoms Below (My Heart Resides)
Summary: On his throne of light, made of monstrous fishes, he sits, a deep-sea snake curling around his shoulders. Seung-gil Ship-sinker. Sara's breath hitches. He is awe-inspiring and terrifying, all her dreams and nightmares.
''Chop, chop, girl! I don't have all day!''
Sara takes a deep breath, her foundations shuddering. ''I want a pair of legs.''
Disclaimer: I don't own Yuri on Ice
Note: This was written for the Yuri on Ice Fantasy week 11/16/17- Day Four: Aquamarine. I used the two prompts ''Mermaid,'' and ''Ocean''. I also have entries for day 1, 2, 3, 6 and 7.
This is part of the Land of Gods and Monsters 'verse (fic 5) but can be read as a standalone.
Dedicated to Blue-Ram. Happy birthday!
It's not that Sara doesn't want to live in the sea- it's that her brother won't ever let her go if she doesn't flee it. He drowns men whenever they come too close- you're not stealing my sister, he says.
It is natural, then, to visit Seung-gil Ship-sinker.
Seung-gil is utterly silent, but his visage drowns them all. His tail possesses the power of a thousand mer. His force curls around him like a curtain and he hides secrets behind stormy eyes- the kind you would dare to enter the depths for.
Like Sara is, now.
Earth-shaker, the darkness is suffocating. Luminescent scales don't help when you're in total darkness, nothing around for miles. Only her breathing is audible. Her chest tightens.
If she made a peep, what kind of monsters would it attract? Ha- Sara is a monster herself, with her sharp fins and green skin, skeletal form perfect for the deep ocean- though never as deep as this.
She sees him coming from a mile away. His alabaster skin glows, a beacon of silver in ink surroundings.
Her eyes meet his. He scowls. ''You again? Begone, little girl.''
Even his snarl is melodic.
Sara wrinkles her nose at him. ''You don't need to be so rude! I'm perfectly willing to bargain for your services.''
''Services, services, that's all they ever come for!''
''Would you rather they'd come for no reason at all?''
Seung-gil's eyes flit to the abyss. ''Services, you were saying?''
He claps. A thousand glowing lights popping into existence and whirling around them. Sara watches with wide eyes, fins struggling to keep her in place. There- oh by Siren's song! Bulbous eyes staring back at her, long, spindly teeth with razor edges, a single light in front of them. Her heartbeat is louder than the churning water.
''What do you want?''
On his throne of light, made of monstrous fishes, he sits, a deep sea snake curling around his shoulders. Sara's breath hitches. Seung-gil is awe-inspiring and terrifying, all her dreams and nightmares.
''Chop, chop, girl! I don't have all day!''
He's finally taking her seriously.
Sara takes a deep breath, her foundations shuddering. ''I want a pair of legs.''
Once upon a time, a songbird wanted to leave. ''Very well,'' said the elders, ''You may go.''
His spouse said: ''Don't.''
But he did anyway.
Seung-gil narrows his eyes. ''I don't deal in body parts. I don't give wings, I don't give legs, I don't split and I especially don't enlarge anything.''
Sara licks her lips. ''Not even for this?''
Seung-gil stares down at the hands thrust towards him. Her fingers curl open, careful not to let their precious load fall. Her breath hitches- eyes riveted to his face.
He blinks.
And bursts out in laughter. ''You thought a simple medallion was going to tempt me?''
Sara's stomach drops. ''But it's gold!'' she cries, ''Do you have any idea how long it took to find this? I searched for months!''
Seung-gil tilts his head. ''And still, I'd rather have that pretty little bauble around your arm.''
''You can't!''
''Not if you don't give it to me.''
Sarah clutches the armband, fingers gliding over the familiar pattern. ''It's the last thing I have of her. Can't you ask something else, Divine One?''
His face turns to stone. ''When you leave the sea, you leave everything behind, child. The only thing you may take with you is your heart and your soul- and be glad my price isn't either of those. The memory of your mother will remain in my realm forever.''
Sara wraps her arms around her middle. If she doesn't leave the sea, Mickey will keep drowning everyone who comes near her. There are some things people cannot forgive, and fleeing him is one of those. She recognizes that, but not moving forward will keep her stuck in a gilded cage forever and Sara isn't made for gold.
This isn't what family is supposed to be like, damn it.
With a shaking hand, she takes the band off. ''Please… Please take good care of it.''
Seung-gil takes it, turns it over in his hands, and nods. Without a warning, he drops it. It shouldn't sink as fast as it does, but who knows how he did it, he's the sea god. He doesn't need a how, he is the how- Sara dives after it.
A fish appears right in front of her, and however she tries to twist around it, it doesn't work. The armband is out of sight- fathoms and fathoms below by now, unfindable even if she had a hundred years.
With a twist of her tail, she trusts upwards, back to the God, fists clenched. ''How could you?''
He sneers. ''It's better off there. Its owner has forsaken it, isn't it? What use does it have now? At least do it the favour of dwelling in the blessed darkness to forget.''
Sara wants to scream, but the minute she opens her mouth, the sea snake glides in. She chokes, scales gliding down her throat as she suffocates, into her stomach, down, down, down, down, into her fins…
Where it bites.
''Goodbye, little girl. I, for sure, won't miss you.''
The rays push her above the waves, and she gasps, legs dangling uselessly behind her as she drags herself into the sand.
The first action in her human body is not walking. It is breathing through her lungs and crying her eyes out, her sobs louder than the cacophony of the waves.
Sound is strange above the water, and all she can do is cry for what she has lost. Fathoms and fathoms below.
Some things people cannot forgive, and this is one of them.
Her eyes are gritty. …It feels strange. Can she touch these eyes? The second eye-lid that used to protect her eyes from the salt is gone. If it's still there, she can't move it.
…There is more she has trouble moving.
Her eyes are puffy, but from what she can remember before she fell asleep, they weren't before. But who knows how human eyes are supposed to feel? Maybe they're always puffy at this time of the day?
Are toes supposed to have partial coverings? She stares at the semi-see-through material embedded in them. They're not pearlescent, and sort of look like the coverings that replaced her claws. She narrows her eyes. Putting her finger underneath the extending ridge, she pushes. Nothing happens. She lets go and wiggles her toes in the sand. The half-shells aren't coming off, so it's probably not a good idea to explore itany further.
Speaking of exploring- Sara takes a look at the water's edge and bites her lip. She'll have to get up some time. It won't be long before Mickey discovers she's gone and who knows how quickly he'll find out what she's done.
The sun is lowering towards the water's edge, turning the clouds an angry red. The horizon looks like it's a storm of fire, and Sara knows little of it but that it can be fatal. So she crawls, muscles burning, not yet used to the movement.
She needs to go to someplace safe.
Escaping Mickey was a nice goal and all, but now she's managed it, Sara has no idea what to do.
…Her grumbling stomach, however, does.
Food first.
Sara is a no good human. She should just accept it now, ice cold, curled into a ball. Her stomach is on fire. Atlantis- what if the green vegetation she'd eaten wasn't edible?
Why ever had she decided to do this without knowing a single thing about human life? Wait- she does know something!Clothes. That's how humans keep warm!
…Do those grow on trees?
She looks up. No clothes in sight.
Maybe she's underneath the wrong kind of tree?
Groaning, she goes back to cradling her aching stomach.
Peering through the foliage, Sara eyes the beast in the clearing. It's golden scales gleam in the firelight, green shadowed and speckled with black, paint-like splatters. Great horns are next to its red crest and a long, reptilian tail sweeps out behind him. He towers above the trees.
The fire had been visible from miles away, even through the thick trees, and she'd known there must be someone, but this…
The beast yawns, revealing huge, shark-like teeth. Sara shudders. This… This must be what a true apex predator looks like. Her eyes gleam, anticipation crawling up her spine.
She needs a closer look.
''Aren't beasts supposed to go bump in the night?''
Phichit cracks an eye open- and squeezes them shut again. ''Would you please put some clothes on, lady?''
On top of his head, Mila purrs. ''I don't know, she looks just fine to me.''
''Take a crystal shot, it will last- No, don't, not on my crystal ball, those are for-''
Hands. This was why Phichit liked having hands.
Mila grins, winking at the naked woman below them. ''Don't worry, I take 'em out before getting to that level!''
The girl- black hair, dark eyes- just tilts her head.
''…Are you going to introduce yourself, by any chance?''
''Pitch It? Like pitch black?''
''No, it's not separate. It's one name. Phichit, to conquer.''
Sara's eyes widen. She needs to get way- warn her people! A beast as great as this one… It won't be long before he invades the waters too! She'd love to see how he'd fare in the water, but- ''I won't let you conquer the siren kingdom! What- how do you even do that? You're a dragon! Dragons aren't supposed to wiggle their eyebrows!''
Mila laughs as she hands Sara clothing. ''He shouldn't be able to pout either, but look at those lips!''
''A. I'm a Phaya Naga, B. I'm conquering the world with this pout, thank you very much!''
''If your pout is all we have to fear, I'm okay.'' Smoothing down her grass skirt, Sara frowns. ''I didn't think your clothing would fit me, Fairy Queen.''
''The name's Mila! And that's not my outfit- it's one of Phichit's disguises.''
''What?!''
''I hula from time to time~''
Sara gapes.
Mila picks a new flower for her flower-chain. ''Phichit found his friend again. Gotta be careful with your only Treasure!''
...
Phichit shakes his head. ''He's not. The only one, I mean.''
''Sure. Your crystal balls too.''
''No, it's deep down in the sea. But it was lost to the waves.''
Sara clenches her hand around the empty place just below her shoulder. ''…Many things are lost to the waves.''
She needs to figure out what she's going to do with her life from now on, but for now, she simply sleeps at their camp. Warm for the first time in days.
''Something's missing,'' Mila taps her lips, before bending over and plucking something. She smiles, tucking it behind Sara's ear. Red petals fold against green skin, dark hair flowing past it. ''Perfect.''
Carefully, Sara touches the fragile bloom. ''I've never seen one like this in the sea. What kind is it?''
Mila chuckles. ''A poppy. Would you believe me if I told you the little ones sleep in those back home?''
''Really?''
Phichit pipes up. ''The whole village is covered in them! I stop there for a few weeks every time I go past, but my world trip is an ongoing project and I can't let it rest.''
A world trip? Sounds daunting. But then again, so did leaving the sea. And it was, but for all Sara is lost and floundering, the air is fresh and it feels nice in her brand-new lungs.
She wants to see Mila's village. And by the Earth-shaker, she's going to!
The children in the village love her for her stories, if nothing else. And Sara might not be a storyteller, but the history of the sea is written in her soul, and she'll speak it out loud if it pleases. Reaching into her mind, clasping her fist against her heart, she begins.
''Once, when the world was young, life was simpler. One did not talk, one was. Everything was made of pure power, from the smallest breath to the largest creatures we beheld. But even then, life began deep down in the ocean.
The primordials were born there. Lady Hiroko, Mother Earth, who sprouted from the lava spring that birthed this land. Minako the Lightgiver, who painted the sky with her fingertips. And so many more. Among them was he to whom this story belongs. The Siren.
His world was life or death, nothing in between, cruel rules in harsh world. But where there is darkness, there is light, and even in the darkest depths, there is beauty. And Ouroboros, the great serpent biting its own tail, as long as the world and just as terrifying, found it in the Siren.
Not in his face, mind you. His being. It shone from within- a song of death, a song of storm, a song of life and serenity. He had no name yet, but neither did the Great Serpent, so they met and they stayed. It was claws gently caressing a cheek. It was hands gliding along scales, it was a head resting on a tail, cradled in the curve.
But the world evolved and speech was born. And the Serpent Ouroboros, ever one with the world, cherished it. It began to speak, whispering sweet nothings in his love's ears, but the Siren remained silent. Millennia's had passed since the dawn of the universe, and the only thing that had stirred his waters was the Serpent itself. Why would he speak? It was just passing fancy, just another thing to be discarded later. So he didn't. No word left his mouth, and it was this that tore them apart.
The Siren was cruel and cold, but so was the Serpent, and while icy water stiffens and stays, cold snakes leave for warmer pastures.
And when the Serpent left, the ocean changed along with the Siren. Anger touches only the surface, bitterness runs deep. But sadness? Sadness runs the deepest of them all, all the way to the core. And that is why the sea swallows treasures, and the Siren, our ship-sinker, dwells only in the depth.''
The elves go out like a light, rocked to sleep by the sound of her voice. Gently, the vines curl around them, and carry them back to their flowers. Mother Earth putting the elves to bed.
The fairies come back from their duties, each and every flower kissed closed. They too yawn and slide into their beds. Only Mila, Sara and Phichit remain.
Great, silent tears splash down. ''That is not how it went.''
''Phichit?''
''He- I- His silence was everlasting and I couldn't livelike that anymore!''
The stars are bright points in the distance, as everything falls into place. ''You are the Ouroboros. But… How? Why would you do that?''
Phichit flinches, and somewhere in the back of her mind, right next to her guilt over leaving her brother behind, Sara feels bad. But everything is swirling, because… How can Phichit, warm, lively Phichit be the one who forsook her God? Sara has often disrespected Seung-gil, has followed him when he told her to get lost, but the sea is his playground and he has never hurt her. Not even once. The water has always been kind to her, and by extension, so has Seung-gil.
Because that's the thing about deities. Where all other creatures are designed with a ribcage, a cage for the heart, the heart of a deity is not inside their body. It's in their element, their very power is one with it. It is why elves must be kissed in order to become fairies. It is why angels are so often in love with their God. Because they must love them so much they dedicate their lives to their deity's heart.
Hiroko is everything, the earth beneath their feet. Yuuri is spring come to life, blossoming in every form. Minako is the shining paint in the sky, illuminating the world and Seung-gil… Seung-gil is the ocean, where everything starts.
And knowing how dark his heart can be, as well how bright and beautiful, how could someone not love him?!
…How bright was the sea, in the times of old?
She needs to know. ''Why?'' It sounds like a heart breaking.
''You said it yourself. He never spoke back, but that isn't quite the truth. It hurt. It hurt, to change, to learn, and to have the one you love the most just… Sit there, passively, not saying a single thing.
I'd lived there all my life. In the darkness, down below. But I was of the world, and I wanted more than the sea. I wanted more than only him. I wanted… I needed to see it. All of it. The whole wide world. And he couldn't give it to me.
'I want to go,' I said.
'Don't,' he told me.
And it was the first word I ever heart out of his mouth, and it broke my heart in two. It was no, ''Stay with me,'', it was no ''Return to me,'', it was no ''I love you,''. It was: ''Don't.'' Cold and hard. They sunk like a stone to the bottom of the ocean.
I didn't listen.
I went.
I was hurt for a long time. Too much to return home. Someday, I told myself. The world first. See all of it, and you'll be back in no time.
I wasn't. The world was far larger than I had expected it to be. The idea that I could wrap myself around it and still bite my own tail… what a fantastical concept. The deities I met named me Phichit- for I wanted to see the world, devour each and every sight and learn to know my heart as it was. To conquer the world itself.
Every deity's heart is outside of its body, and with time, I realized mine was treasure. My joy knew no bounds, and I hastened back to the ocean I'd flown over so many times, but never stopped after the initial flight.
But this is the thing: In my excitement, in my love, I'd forgotten the rules of the world. Everything has its price, and so did my leaving, my long absence.
The world evolved, and no landscape was the same, not even the sea. I could search a thousand years and still not find him, above or under water. There wasn't a single landmark I recognized.
It wasn't that I had forgotten the way home. It wasn't that the sea had forgotten me. It was that I, foolishly, had thought nothing would change. But it had. I had moved on and so had the ocean. But the price was far too high and I noticed far too late.''
Her mind is whirling. There's too much- discarded treasures, of dragons and mermaids, of her Siren God, and of the world in general. Cruel, he said, and he wasn't lying. She… if this is true, she cannot let this continue. ''I need to swim down to him.''
Phichit's eyes widen. ''You know where he is?''
She waves him away, knocking on the skin above her heart. ''He's always somewhere different. To locate him, you've got to feel it right here. You can't do that- all things start in the sea, but that doesn't make you a sea creature. But I am- or was, I guess.'' She stares down at her legs. ''The bargain can only be made once. I… I have a plan.''
''Tell us, girlio.''
And with that, hope rises in the midst of the night, a new star at the horizon.
''I can't forgive you for leaving,'' are Mickey's opening words.
''I'm not asking you to.''
Something flickers over his face as he flicks his tail in the shallow water. ''This has gone on long enough. You've had your fun, it's time to come back home.''
The stormy clouds above shadow his face. His dark locks look almost grey in this light. Is this her brother? She almost doesn't recognize him- or maybe she does. Maybe she is the one who changed. Her bones don't settle quite the same as they did before. Her perspective has shifted, and it changed the way she looks at Mickey forever.
''I can't.''
He bristles, but there are tones of desperation bleeding through. ''Of course you can, I'll just ask Seung-gil and we'll be on our way to the reef.''
Sara shakes her head. ''You can't ask God to undo what he has done to me. Even he cannot undo a sacrifice- and even if he could, I would not want him to. I made my choice, Mickey, and I deprived you of yours. I can live with that. It hurts me that I had to, but what you did to me was something I can't forgive either. Life is a gift and I won't waste it in a gilded cage.''
It rests in the silence between them.
''You're my sister. I can't let you go. Not entirely.''
Sara cups his cheek. ''You don't have to. You're my brother, of course I want to see you. But not all the time. Not every second. Weekly visits? That's fine. But, Mickey, you…''
He smiles, a wry twist around the mouth. ''Need space too, huh.''
She nods.
He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. ''I see your point, but I don't like it.'' He looks up, water dripping from his tail as he hauls himself onto her rock. ''Agree to disagree?''
Sara's smile is the sun as she shakes his cold, clawed hands. It has never felt warmer. Slow, but certain, he smiles back.
It's the end of an era, and it echoes through them. It's sad, it's hard, but not heart-breaking. Because it's a new beginning as well, and life moves on. The pain will dull with time, and new joys will come.
''Now,'' he says, eying the conch in the sand beside her, ''What's this?''
He goes home carrying a seashell, the kind that whispers secrets. Things only meant for certain ears. It bears the tale of a God never speaking, of a Serpent who forgot the price of moving on. Of horizons greater than one can imagine, of thousand crystal balls filled with the single-minded purpose of showing each and every dawn to someone they still carried in their heart.
There are some things people cannot forgive. An armband that was thrown into the dark depths of the sea. A lover leaving you behind. That they never spoke up when you needed them. Your family fleeing you.
Some wounds will never heal, but most will scar over. You can't unbreak a broken bone, but setting it is an option. And who knows- bones re-aligned might become stronger.
And just like that, in the ocean, you swim or sink. To leap, however, is a choice. You would be just fine on land, jumping isn't it necessary. But is just fine enough? Can you live with yourself like that? You accept that in order to fly, you must take the risk of the fall.
And at some point, even a sea god must yearn for the soaring skies.
The first rays of sunlight trail over the water as Seung-gil breathes air for the first time in his entire existence, breaking the surface of his home. Crawling onto a rock, great tail pushing him up, he sits down. Lips parting, he opens his mouth.
Sailors sing of their wives back home, but Seung-gil sings of wings in the wind, so his serpent will return to him.
Author's Note
So... You need someone to panic? I'm your gal! I woke up to several posts about Blue-Ram's birthday and went: TIME ZONES. OH MY GOD, TIME ZONES! BLUE, YOU PLANNED THIS FOR WEEKS ON END AND IT'S GONNA BE DELIVERED LATE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT TIME ZONES! And then I actually looked up the timezone difference between the Netherlands and the Caribbean, squinted at the screen and decided I was most likely fine.
Also, when darling Silver-chan posted a gorgeous KHR mer AU (a true finfic), I was so excited that it took until I was drawing Enma on top of heaps of treasure to realize that she'd written a finfic just like I did for her birthday. It was all *alarm bells going off* she knows.
I tried to fit in Chris because he's Silver-chan's favourite side character (which I very subtly asked about during our conversation about birthdays *grins*), but it sadly didn't work out (he and Seung-gil got in a fight about who got to be the biggest drama-queen of this story, Phichit was filming it and Anya was filing her nails in the background and saying that it was obviously Georgi, It was chaos).
Also, Sara loves any and all predators but hates deep sea fish.
Seung-gil and Phichit end up reuniting, to get to know each other again.
I really hope you liked it, Silver-chan! Happy birthday!