I saw episode 163 the day after it came out, and I felt a need to write more angst. It's my thing. Plus, I just read the summary for episode 164 and that was really tough for me too, but in a different way.

Disclaimer: AlukaKaiserin does not own Yugioh GX

Get Up

I wanted that moment to last forever, Ryou thought. But at the same time, I wanted it all to end. I don't understand why I'm still alive, and I don't even know if I want to be…

They'd found him washed up on the beach, barely alive. It had taken days until he was strong enough even to move, and he was plagued by almost constant pain. His breathing had been ragged and painful, every beat of his heart close to agony.

Perhaps that was why he'd gone after Inotsume, thrown himself into another fight. Of course, he couldn't turn down a challenge, but was that the only reason?

And now it seemed Shou had surpassed him. Shou, the brother who had always followed, running and falling as he struggled to keep even close enough to Ryou to stand in his shadow, a dark shadow indeed, where no one saw him.

Because who had really paid attention to the younger Marufuji brother except as the sibling of Kaiser?

The answer, of course, was Juudai. Now that Ryou thought of it, he had never seen his little brother duel without Juudai cheering him on.

And now he thought of it, there were few of those who called him their "friend" who had wanted his victory in his own second match against the boy who was now the Academy's top student and yet for some reason still wore red.

Perhaps throwing them all away had been a pointless act; they had already discarded him.

They had watched him fall and let it happen. He'd had to push himself back up on his own, hurting so many, including himself, in the process.

Of course, most of his physical pain was gone now, but there was the pain of betrayal, the pain of longing for what had been.

Betrayal by the deck he'd stolen from his own master, longing for the possibility that he could go back and stop himself from taking it. The Cyber Dragons had been the greatest monsters he could even hope for as a child, so why had he gone searching for a deck that, know it or not, would nearly lead to his death?

Because he knew now that the aftereffects or the Underground and its duels of Hell were not what had left him staggering in pain in the Dark World, that had nearly killed him again in the duel with Inotsume. The Ura deck itself, its lust for power...a sort of bloodlust that even Hell Kaiser could not satisfy.

And he realized now that, had he never unsealed that terrible power, he would have won easily the duel with the Psycho Style heir. The Cyber Dragons had needed no permanent traps to operate, nothing that Psycho Shocker could negate. His old deck would have given him the duel.

Now, of course, he would need to create a new deck entirely; an evolving deck, as he'd told his brother. Ryou knew that the Cyberdark creatures were not his, never meant to be his. He did not know if they were meant for his brother, but Shou had found a way to integrate them with his own power, a strength that Ryou had never bothered to look for in the brother who had always tagged along behind.

Another shot at the Pro Leagues lay ahead of him, a first-run try ahead of his brother. Ryou wondered if the Leagues would be too harsh for Shou, then shoved the thought from his mind. After all, the kid had about as much support as he could hope for, and Ryou himself would help as much as he could.

Ryou feared for the fact that this would be his second comeback, and this time with a new deck he hadn't even designed yet. But he would not let loss break him again. This time, he was ready, prepared for the fact that, yes, a new deck would take some time to get used to, and perhaps he would not be the champion he had been right away.

He would have to get up again, climb up through the ranks of the Pro circuit just like any other competitor.

But what he also knew was that he and his brother were moving forward together now, and he would not let himself be outdone by one who had followed for so long; eighteen years of being the stronger brother had left him very protective of that title, as well as his other one.

Kaiser would rise again.

End

Erm...I'm actually not sure what that was...because I'm not sure it was angst...parts of it were...aw, I dunno. Review please!