I don't own anything, not Gossip Girl, not their plots or any of their characters.

Okay, I've never done anything this dialogue heavy and for all I know it might be a complete failure. If you have any ideas or comments, be they negative or positive, on that or you know anything really, don't hesitate to let it out;) Basically, reviews are love;)

Story only follows the TV plot as is up until mid 3x22 after which it goes somewhat AU. By which I mean Blair, despite being prompted from any and all sides, did not go to the Empire State Building or Chuck's suite, Chuck and Jenny still slept together and the event did actually wind up as a Gossip Girl blast. Some story lines from series 4 will crop up, others won't because they no longer relate or because that's not the direction I want to go.

Stepping out of the limo on a warm August afternoon made her stomach lurch a little. Her senses already on alert immediately attacked with all the familiar smells of New York. She'd felt restless during the entire ride from the airport uncertain how exactly it would feel to be back. Afraid, even if she'd never admit it and uncharacteristically silent both on the plane and in the limo, only giving tense nods to whatever Serena said on their way back. The fact is; it's easy enough to forget about failures , disappointed dreams and lost loves when you're spending your time traipsing between a penthouse in Paris and a chateau in the countryside with your best friend in tow but back where it all happened she feared she might be sucked back into it all again.

But that first inhale told her all she needed to know. It was relief, a sense of being home that enveloped her; in fact being back in New York felt brilliant. The breath of air giving her strength. Her lips curved into a smile as a sense of victory rolled over her.

'So, what's the verdict B?' asked a voice from inside the car 'is it safe for me to get out or are we going back to the airport to seek new pastures? I won't mind as long as it's somewhere sunny.' A carefree laughter followed but Blair sensed the concern underneath.

'Alas, for you, you'll have to subject yourself to schoolbooks and autumn in New York, no excuses. I don't feel anything alarming' was the reply and just because that answer showed that she had actually felt vulnerable at some point she continued: 'Not that there's any reason I should really. We both know the reason we didn't leave Paris before now was because you couldn't make yourself give up the joys of men riding vespas, serving drinks, posing for art classes. Need I go on?'

She raised a sarcastic eyebrow at the blonde who had got out of the car and was now standing beside her.

'Oh, now I feel bad. If I'd known that was the reason we'd stayed so long I would have assured you that I can find plenty of distractions in New York. But you know a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. '

'Whatever S.' Blair said tersely, rolling her eyes. But neither of them took any heed; the fact was they were both too relieved to be home and feeling… okay about it, after all Serena had seen Blair the first month in Paris. Back when Blair had still been weak enough not to keep her defences up and could be found crying in the toilet of the club they were visiting. Back when bouts of fury had still held her in a strong enough grasp to make her make barbed comments at any young beau who dared come near her. When after the first month Blair had finally succeeded in putting on a mask of perfect equanimity whatever reminders were hauled her way Serena had been afraid that she should have prodded more, made her open up. She knew her friend's capacity for denial and knew it wasn't healthy for her but then again, sometimes the best way to healing was forgetting the hurt and just embracing the now. And who was she to ruin their perfect holiday in France. So she put her fears to the side and instead, vowing to keep an eye on Blair just in case, let herself and her friend dive into this holiday and milk it for all it was worth.

After a few seconds that felt like minutes, both taking in everything and trying to grasp the implications of being back in the city Serena shuffled uncertainly.

'Well, I suppose I had best be off to announce my homecoming to the rest of the van der Woodsens... and whatever Humphreys are to be found at home.'

'Any Humphrey you're particularly keen on finding S?'

Mock outrage covered Serena's face. 'I should think my summer of fun would answer that'

'Well, you never know. Holidays are an escape; it's not always easy to know to what extent they reflect reality.' She bit the inside of her lip as soon as the words left her mouth, there were too many ways this view could reflect back on her behaviour as well and the truth of this realisation was forced upon her as she felt Serena's hand squeeze hers comfortingly. 'I'm okay, don't worry about it.' She whispered in a voice so low it would be easy to think she didn't want the words to be heard.

'Well, I don't know if it's any comfort but I actually think my actions during summer says everything about where I want to go. I don't think I'm in the mood for any boy drama.' Blair scoffed at the confident voice Serena used, they both knew drama was what she lived and breathed. 'Anyway, as it's still technically holidays will I be seeing you later?'

'Of course, but can we just stay in please. I'm not in the mood for the big meet'n'greet yet.' She refused to admit this was a sign of vulnerability; what's the point in braving a desert without getting the bearings of the land first, which was exactly what she was doing by easing herself back into the Upper East Side. 'I'll have Dorota prepare something with a French twist and we can enjoy that while we either moan about how quick summer has passed or go through the Columbia course catalogue once again.'

'As long as it involves something alcoholic and something sweet I'm game. See you later then'

They exchanged a brief hug and she was gone, with a quick comment to the driver about bringing her bags over once miss Waldorf's had been removed.

Blair stood still for a moment after, suddenly feeling all her confidence evaporate. It was too strange to suddenly be without that extra pair of limbs beside her after a whole summer of seeing it every day and even if they hadn't communicated much about... that... she'd been that constant presence full of unspoken promises that all would be well. A steady ray of sun lighting up every black corner of her soul even when she felt nothing could ever make it appear whole again. Her breath hitched, for a moment letting herself be engulfed in the sense of being lost and abandoned. 'Snap out of it' she commanded herself, after all what's the point in saving yourself from suffocation if you're going to let yourself drown afterwards. She didn't intend to die in any way anytime soon; she wasn't Blair Waldorf for nothing.

Luckily there was more than her inner voice to force her out of the mood that had suddenly claimed her. The presence of Dorota scolding her mildly for staying outside when she had been waiting all day to see her Miss Blair again being one very important factor. The most important, however, was Ana; sleeping, her head resting against her mother's bosom in a sling she looked as healthy and as content she had done when Blair had left her in May even if she had undoubtedly grown.

Blair bent down and kissed the baby's head. 'I owe you so much you know, perhaps even more than I owe your mother despite how she has waited on me hand and foot all my life.' It was a whisper only intended for the sleeping baby and as she uttered the last word she pushed away the remaining dark thoughts, after all she had been saved.

The day passed rapidly after that. Dorota unpacking her bags while listening to Blair's stories about Serena's latest conquests, the latest visit at the chateau, the location of Cyrus' and Eleanor's flat in central Paris. Things the maid had had described in the emails over the summer but elaborated.

'What about miss Blair's conquests?'

Blair flushed. 'What's that supposed to mean?' she snapped, then more calmly added: 'I'll have you know I had opportunities, and they weren't all bad. But you should know as well as anyone that I don't see the point in flaunting anything unless there's a value in it. And I can see you trying to figure out if this is just a way to cover up that my heart is still aching for a certain Bass' (her face twisting imperceptibly at the mention of the name but she refused to let a foolish weakness control her, she would say the name until it meant as little to her as any other) 'but it's nothing of the sort' (pausing but then, realising that to Dorota at least she could indulge in a certain degree of honesty) 'even if I admit his haunting presence might have made me less inclined to throw myself into an ocean of new romances, after all I promised myself that whatever I did from then on would be for me. I can assure you he has no hold on me in the way you seem so eager to suggest.'

She didn't tell her about the prince she had met only weeks before New York and term start at college had called her back. They'd parted too soon for things to develop but even her imagination could hardly have conjured a better Prince Charming in the end it didn't matter because she refused to let herself be run off by any premature feelings. This year was for her and her alone, well, she might include Serena. Still, it would be a lie to say she hadn't been caught up in it all a little, against her will that is, that's the only explanation she could find for having left him her shoe. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that he had made butterflies even stir a little in her stomach had been the sign she needed to tell her that she was ready to go home.

'I can't believe how out of touch with life you get just because you decide to keep off Gossip Girl for a few months' Serena agonised. She had gone through the news her mother had managed to tell her in the time between Serena getting home and Lily heading out the door for some benefit or other. Not that she was surprised, very few things would keep her mother's world from following its planned course, and the return of her daughter after a summer in Europe was definitely not one of them, at least not when for once there was no scandal to cover up. But Serena didn't care some things you just learn not to expect and in any case it meant more time to get up to date on Eric.

'Does that comment mean you actually went on there today? S, we both agreed.'

'Well, it is practically the end of the holidays and that's all we agreed on. ' She could see Blair had a retort ready on her lips. 'Don't wrinkle your nose at me, after what Eric told me I really had no choice.'

'He told you anything other than the usual social anecdotes that the UES is prone to accumulate over the summer that your mother told you?' She raised a brow. Her heart constricting a little because even if the effing Basstard didn't crop up in the tales told by Lily to her daughter he would no doubt dominate the news on Gossip Girl and there'd be no avoiding it then. And she didn't want to hear from him or about him, it was one of the reasons it had been so easy to abstain from Gossip Girl this whole summer. The Basstard didn't deserve her looking him up and she owed herself as much as well.

'Noooo. Not entirely, I mean, mom did mention it but it hasn't become the talk of the town yet and I swear I wouldn't have cared one bit, but Eric actually seemed concerned too.'

'Clearly the way you're weaving your way around the topic it must mean Chuck Bass was mentioned, but I'm cool with it. Or at least I would be if you would get to the point before we both fall asleep, I'm still jetlagged. Don't think I didn't notice how you didn't mention this when you were giving me the news from Lily.'

'Sorry, it's just, you know, we've never really discussed it all have we and I know it's still a sore topic whatever antics of the opposite you try to display.' Blair's face was one of studied indifference which just confirmed Serena's opinion. 'Anyway, the point is, it seems like he's gone underground. Mom hadn't heard from him, from what she's heard from his lawyers he's let them pretty much take care of all dealings concerning The Empire. Now, it didn't worry me overly much, after all it's not the only time he's disappeared off the surface of the earth but not even Gossip Girl has spotted him since Prague and that was about the time we left for France. I mean spending your time between booze, drugs and women normally gets you noticed by someone.'

'So? You know, it doesn't surprise me. If anyone could succeed in avoiding Gossip Girl it would be him, I just hope it doesn't mean he's plotting some kind of horrible comeback that involves me. But if it means he's not here in New York right now quite frankly I'm relieved, the world is better off without him and I'm sure I can find a good few thousands to sign in on that.'

'Well, apparently he hasn't kept in touch with Eric either, who is one person who wouldn't agree no matter what. And you know since his return from Thailand the one person Chuck ever did seem to feel he owed anything was Eric. Well, don't you think it's even a little strange?'

The words were not lost on her: 'the one person he felt he owed anything'. Eric, not her. Half a year ago she would have objected, half a year ago Serena would have included her in that small list but that was half a year ago and right now she couldn't be having this conversation.

'Look, you and I both know that Chuck feeling he owes anyone anything only ever lasts as long as it's convenient, personally I don't see any reason to worry though I applaud little E for holding on to the belief that there's anything worth anything inside that man. He will come back when he's tired of slumming it with prostitutes and third rate scotch, and it'll be sooner than all of us could wish for, I've no doubt. Now, anything else you wanted to tell me or did Gossip Girl really have nothing else to spread than her lack of news of Bass?'

A sigh could be heard but that was all, maybe she didn't need to force Chuck on Blair until it was necessary. Besides, at times she were so convincing and in any case Serena was pretty sure that while Blair still hurt from the whole Chuck debacle she didn't miss him, whether she still had feelings for him at all were something more difficult to decide although she suspected what remained were too deeply entwined with anger and hate to be recognised as anything else. The fact is, what worried her the most was all the repercussions of the break-up when it first happened, feelings that were rooted in Blair herself and not in her ex-boyfriend. But she'd let it rest for now.

'No, there is other news. Too many, like I said. Nate spotted with some girl who, seeing as she's at Columbia we're bound to meet and, you'll be happy to hear, I don't resent her in the slightest. Dan spotted with some baby and Georgina.'

At the latter Blair, very inelegantly, almost choked on her champagne.

'Whoregina's back?' Serena nodded. 'With a baby?' Serena nodded. 'And she's hanging out with Dan?' Serena nodded again. 'That guy never learns does he? What is he thinking? Georgina can't be trusted no matter what kind of seemingly angelic props she makes use of. Have you talked to him? Tried to put some sense in his head?'

'No, I haven't B and before you go off on a rail here we must remember there could be a perfectly good explanation for all of it. Mom didn't mention it, neither Rufus nor Jenny were to be seen and Eric was very evasive on this specific topic, I got the impression he wanted me to hear it from Dan. I mean it was like the house was devoid of Humphreys just so I couldn't find anything without going directly to the source. Which is why I intend to go to Brooklyn, tomorrow.'

'You're telling me that though you claim you're not the least interested in Cabbage Patch you're willing to spend your first whole day back in New York away from Fifth Avenue, and what's worse outside of Manhattan. You know I have a phone right here.'

'You can spare the incredulity, I swear it'll just be a friendly visit' Blair scoffed. 'You could always come with to keep me in check.'

'No thank you, I find life is so much nicer when you can pretend no Humphreys ever existed and just because you've got your priorities all wrong doesn't mean I have to. You know first impressions are the most important to get a good foothold when you start a new place, I need to make sure Columbia will be a success and for that I need new clothes. It would be in your best interest to join me, besides, it will be fun. It would be like we never left Paris. Remember S, the joys of feeling that bag with a new dress dangling on your arm.'

'Sorry B, but I really owe it to Dan. But, maybe I can meet you there later hey. Anyway, it's getting late and I was kind of looking forward to spending my first night in my room.'

Blair's face fell. 'But, I was hoping you'd spend the night here.'

'Sorry, if I do you'd just bar the door tomorrow when I try to leave for Brooklyn.' She rose, getting hold of her light summer jacket and pushing the button for the elevator.

'You know I'm expecting you to move in here before we start at Columbia, right?' Her voice was commanding, but to someone who knew Blair as well as Serena you couldn't help but recognise the faint note of pleading and even uncertainty in there too. Serena's eyes softened; a smile lighting up her face.

'Surely you never expected me to say no.' She lifted an eyebrow. 'Don't you know I've been trying to convince you we'd be the best roommates since our first night in Paris? I'll see you tomorrow and we can discuss this new, interesting phase in our relationship.' She winked at her, the elevator dinged and opened its doors and she was gone.

Blair sat for a while yet, the candles burning down around her. Already memories triggered by the constant reference to the Basstard were crowding in on her, she shuddered but then she felt the anger boiling like a safe line keeping her from feeling down the precipice.