To this day I'm not sure how well I really ever knew my brother Dallas Winston. If there was a true reasoning to why he died last night. What were the reason's why he wanted to leave me. I'll always wonder those questions. Wonder if there was anything I could have done to cause him to stay with me just a little longer. I love my brother more than anything, and I knew he did love me back…. Which is why I got drunk last night.

I woke up that morning with a killer headache, at first I had a little trouble remembering what happened last night. Why I was feeling as sick and cruddy as I did. But then I remembered I'd gotten drunk last night, in hoping I'd forget what happened before. The thing is I do remember what happened last night every moment. I remember Two-Bit finding me and having to practically drag me home. I remember Ponyboy Curtis clasping to the ground. I remember, I remember my brother getting shot down by the cops. I remember Pony coming back and telling us Johnny Cade was dead….

I sat up and immediately felt sick, someone must have figured that out because a trash bin was immediately under me, and someone had already begun to gather up my hair. I through up everything in my system, and what felt like more. It took practically all my energy when I was done I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes the pounding headache not ceasing.

"You ok?" it was Soda no doubt.

"No," I said opening my eyes. Soda's hand found my own and he intertwined our fingers together, "How…how did this happen."

And I couldn't help but remember the morning to the day this all started.

I was fighting with Steve on the couch. I had gotten there first last night, but he didn't seem to give a crap (or he was to drunk to even notice me) because he plopped down right next to me and partly on top of me squishing me into the cushions. I woke up that morning with my face behind buried into the cushion and an elbow resing right into my gut.

"Steve," I complained trying to throw him off. He woke up and chuckled, "Jesus Christ Superman your couch is getting more and more uncomfortable every night….I feel like I'm sleeping on someone else."

"Ew!" I exclaimed.

"That came out wrong," Steve said but he still didn't get off me.

I heard Darry chuckle for the kitchen, "Thanks Darrel!" I snapped my voice slightly muffled, "For helping me!"

"I'm good!" he said.

I glared and tried to push him off again, "I was here first!"

"I was here second," he said in a taunting tone.

"Jesus christ Steven your like a five year old!" I said.

I heard more footsteps, Soda! Maybe he'd help me.

Steve covered my mouth with his hand.

"Where's Lilly?" Soda asked, "I thought I told her to come to our house after her shift. I walked by her house, her dad looked mighty angry."

"Haven't seen her," I heard Darry say followed by a long sip of coffee to probably hide his humored grin.

"Probably headed over to Angela Shepard's!" Steve suggested.

Me and Angela getting along for more that five hours…. Ha ha. That'd be the day. I mean she's my only girlfriend but she's Angela.

"Her and Angela getting along for more that five hours," Soda chuckled, "That'd be the day."

See, Soda get's it.

Soda looked around and went to sit in Darry's chair before looking back over at the couch at Steve. He must have noticed my little head sticking out because he bursted out laughing.

I glared in a secret code of yelling at him to help me.

Soda, still laughing came over and grabbed Steve by the shoulder roughly rolling him to the ground with a large thud. I spread out on the couch panting, "You two are dead!" I said making a point to, point at Darry then point at Steve.

Soda and Steve were my best friends. We'd been in the same grade since Kindergarten and after a very complicated mess including paint glue (and Sparkles thanks to none other than me) we'd been inseparable ever since even after Soda dropped out and started working at the DX full time and since they both have steady girlfriends. We'd always manage to things together. I'm the only girl in the gang, but part of me has felt I've never fitted in 'that type of the gang entirely' they all just watch out for me. Partly because I'm Dallas's kids sister and I know for a fact after the last time he got put into the cooler-he told the gang to keep an eye on me, and also partly on the fact that I am Soda and Steve's best friend.

That doesn't mean I act like them-I mean I do shop life and smoke, (I don't drink). But I don't get into rumbles and fights, and I like skirts and sparkly thing and make up.

Two-Bit slams the door and Johnny steps in behind him. Two-Bit's the wisecracker of the group and you have to love him. He's also the oldest and likes to pretend sometimes, that makes him in charge. But we all know Darry's in charge because he's Darry. He always makes me smile. We have a lot of the same classes this year since we're both Junior's. And he does make school (the thing I had most in life) somewhat entertaining. Well until he get's suspended again. Then the next few days are a little bit miserable. But once he comes back, everything's fine.

Johnny's a grade younger than me, but we're the same age at the moment. He's the quietest of the group, (well him and Pony sometimes tie for that role). He doesn't get a lot of love from home. Which is why I think Dallas is so protective over him. Sometimes I think even more protective over him that myself. I try to be jealous sometimes, but I just can't because I love Johnny too. Who can't. He just has this look in his eyes that makes you want to coddle him. He doesn't look sixteen either. Especially if you put him side by side with Soda or Steve.

"You eaten lately?" asked Soda.

"I ate at the diner last night," I said plainly, I looked at the ground hoping he wouldn't see my expression. I was lying last time I ate was yesterday morning. A bowl of cereal that I only half ate-because my dad through a beer bottle at me for no apparent reason. Or maybe there was a reason, and I just didn't remember it.

"You shouldn't lie to me Lillith," Soda said his voice low so only I can here as he put a plate of egg's in front of me, "You should know by now I can see right threw it."

Pony came in and I gave him a wry smile which eh returned. I liked Pony, not just because he was Soda's kid brother. I just genuinely liked him. He wasn't tough like the rest of the gang. He liked school a lot, and got really good grade. Soda say's he's the smartest person he's ever met. I believe him too. Because Pony just has that look in his eyes. His brother's made sure he's stayed soft. Who could blame them really. And the whole gang especially watches out for him since he's the youngest.

We head to school in Steve's car (because no one trust's Two-Bit's car) Me, Johnny, Pony and pony riding in the back. And Steve and Two-Bit ride in the front. School was incredibly boring and at lunch I have Steve drive me over to the diner. I end up skipping the last two classes because if me and my dad want electricity for the next month I know I need to pull in some extra cash.

Steve, Soda and Sandy come in and rush up to me at first I tell them I'm busy and I'll talk to them after my shift which was over in ten minutes.

Soda grab's my arms and spins me around in my roller shoes (which I hate). "Your brother Lilly he's out of jail!"

"I…I have ten minute sin my shift can one of you-"

"Nonsense!" say's Hailey a middle aged woman who I befriended. She's a single mom with two kids. I babysit them sometimes, "I'll cover you're tables darlin' you go see your brother!" I hurried into the back and changed out of my stinky waitress uniform into my normal clothes before rushing back with my friends. Steve drove fast, and even though I usually hate when he does that. I didn't chide him because I was excited to see him. When he pulled up to Bucky's he didn't turn off the car.

"Your not coming in?" I asked.

"Naw," Soda said, "We'll let you have a little time with your brother. Just be at our house for dinner, I'll make some green pancakes to celebrate!"

I nodded and yelled back a thank you before hurrying into Buck's. Buck was there along with a few early people.

Buck glared at me (nice to see you too Buck), "You seen Dallas?" I asked.

"Dally!" Bucky yelled up the stairs, "Your kid sister's here!"

"Same room as always," he stated, "Oh and Sylvia's up there, I'd try to stay clear of her if I were you."

I nodded a little thankful for his advice when Sylvia stormed out of his room right before I was about to enter. I couldn't help but notice the class ring wasn't on her finger anymore. I'd rolled my eyes. She's probably sleeping around with Tim again. I didn't worry too much, her and Dallas would get back together again.

Dallas was next out of the room, "Dallas!" I said I couldn't help but leap up and wrap my arms around him.

"Jesus kid you act like I've been gone for months," he stated.

"You have been gone for month's," I said dryly unlatching from him to step on his foot. He winced, "I disserve that."

"Two months!" I snapped, "That's the longest ever!"

"IT was almost three!" he pointed out.

I stepped on his other foot.

"Why do you smell like French fries!" he said flicking a piece of my blond hair, "New perfume."

Well I guess I couldn't avoid this argument.

"I got a job at Stacy's," I shrugged.

"Well quit it," he said ,"I can take care of you with my pay check."

"Not if you get arrested again," I pointed out, "Two months. Someone had to pay dad's bills!"

"Dad's bills!" he snapped, "You got to be kidding me. Move out."

"He's our father," I said crossing my arms.

"Yeah some father," Dallas said he glanced over me, "He didn't hurt you too bad while I was gone-did he I swear if he did I'll-"

"No," I said, "I ain't stupid," I was a few times. He hit me so hard last month that I got a bruise on my cheek that lasted for a week, "I stayed at the Curtis's for most of it. Sometimes at Angela's." I never stayed at Angela's.

Dallas didn't notice, he's never good at telling weather I'm lying or not, "Please quit your job. You can get a room here at Bucks'"

"Sorry," I said, "I don't really like living above a bar. Isn't that illegal or somthin'"

"Whatever," he said, "Are we going to the Curtis's or not."

"Yeah," I snapped, "We are."

We walked a few blocks not speaking to each other. We were about a block from the Curtis's when Dally put ahand on my shoulder causing me to stop walking.

"I know it was two months," he started, "And it was sort of ok for you to get a job."

"Your point," I snapped.

"I just told you my point!"

"A sorry would be nice," I snapped, "Do you even know how yo say I'm sorry!"

"DARRY! SODA!" a strangled voice yell's before Dally can answer back. My eyes go wide and Dally's eye's narrow. We both know who's screaming. None other than the youngest member of the gang. Ponyboy.

We both go into a dead sprint (I was regretting the shoe's I was wearing) they pinched my feet as I hit the pavement. Me and Dally arrived in the late part. Two-Bit, Steve and Johnny were throwing rocks at the zooming car Soda was running down the ally. Dally picked up one fairly large rock and manage to hit one of the Mustangs windows off.

"Dally!" Johnny's face lit up and Dallas messed up Johnny's hair.

That was a better hello than my hello.

I walked down the alley. Ponyboy didn't look to bad just a bruise and a cut. He was laughing but there were tears in his eyes telling me he was a little spooked. I frowned.

Ponyboy quickly wiped his eyes, "Didya catch 'em?"

"Nup," Two-Bit said but he had a good natured smile, "They got away this time, the dirty…" Two-Bit started calling the Socs every name he could think of.

"Ms. Barnes would be proud," I said referring to my English teacher under my breath.

Two-Bit must have heard even though I didn't mean him too, because he grinned at me before asking, "The kid's okay."

"I'm okay," he said. He wasn't obviously from that haunted look in his eyes. I should be annoyed, I've been beat worse than that. And not even by total strangers. By my own father. But I couldn't exactly be mad. I liked Pony he was like a little innocent brother, "I didn't know you were out of the cooler yet, Dally."

"Good behavior got out early," Dallas lit a cigarette and handed on to Johnny when I reached for one he snatched it away.

"Thought you had a job now!"

I snatched it anyway, "Good behavior my ass. You probably bribed someone. Or slept with that therapist that determines weather your reformed."

"Oooh," he said, "She bites."

"Nice lookin' bruise you got there, kid!" Two-Bit said hurriedly. He must have picked up on the obvious tension going on. It was good of him to break it up, me and Dallas are good at saying stuff we regret the next day. Especially to each other.

I caught eyes with Soda he had a raised eyebrow, and I knew he was going to ask about it later. Because that's just who Soda is.

"Nice cut too. Makes you look tough," Two-Bit added.

Steve flicked his ashes at Pony, "What were you doin', walkin' by your lonseome?"

I elbowed Steve hard in the ribs. Steve and Pony for some reason never really got along. I know secretly they do caree about each other. We've all hung around each other way too long to not care about each other. But there bickering can get worse than mine and Dallas's somtimes

"I was comin' home form the movies. I didn't think…"

"You don't ever think," Darry broke in, not at home or anywhere when it counts. You must think at school, with all those good grades you bring home, and you've always got your nose in a book but do you ever use your head for common sense? No sirree, bub. And if you did have to go by yourself, you should have carried a blade.

Pony stared down. Remember this morning, when Darry was going right along with messing with me while Steve squished me in the couch. Well when it comes to Pony, he's never that laid back. He's way overprotective of Pony, and thinks everything he does is wrong. Not that Pony at times can't get idiotic. But Darry acts like no one else makes mistakes. It's just Pony who makes stupid choices. And to be honest at least Pony's worried about books and movies, rather than fights, drugs, and alcohol. Because most boys his age are.

"Leave my kid alone, you hear?" Soda usually get's in the middle of Pony's and Darry's squabbles before they get too far, "It ain't his fault he likes to go to the movies, and it ain't his fault the Socs like to jump us, and if had been carrying a blade it would have been a good excuse to cut him to ribbons."

Darry glared but I could tell he was done, "When I want my kid brother to tell me what tod o with my other kid brother, I'll ask you-kid brother."

"Next time get one of us to go with you, Ponyboy," Two-Bit said, "Any of us will."

"Speakin' of movies-" Dally yawned, flipping away his ciggere butt-, "I'm walkin over to the Nightly Double twomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hint some action?"

Steve shook his head, "Me and Soda are pickin' up Evie and Sandy for the game."

"Speakin' of the game!" Soda said brightly, "I need you to do a favor for me Lilly?"

"Huh?" I asked. I hadn't really paid attention. I probably was going to work at the diner tomorrow night.

"You remember Glen right?"

I nodded slowly, "What about him?"

"I sort of kind of agreed for you to go on a date with him."

"What!" I snapped, "Soda!"

"Hey!" he said, "I needed someone to cover a shift for me in the DX and the only way I could get him to agree to do it was if when we went to the game tomorrow we'd bring along you!"

I punched him hard in the shoulder, "And what if I had plans…"

Steve chuckled, "Please plans without us?"

I glared than threw my hands up, "Dallas should you do your brotherly thing and say it's a bad idea for my friends to play match maker with a guy they barely know!"

Dallas shrugged, "You're the one saying you grew up without me these past few months, don't need my blessing."

I glared, "Fine!"

Soda put an arm around me and started to mess up my hair. I pushed him off and glared starting to storm off to the Curtis house.

We all had Green Pancakes for dinner, like Soda promised. I glared at Soda the whole meal-well I tried to. Until he started to make funny faces and I started to giggle. I almost forgot about my brother and my argument. Until he declared he was leaving for Bucks.

"I dropped by dads," he said in a low voice as he passed me, "Don't want you going there tonight."

"I ain't stupid," I said, "I'll stay here."

"Buck's gotta extra room open," he said again.

"I told you," I said louder without meaning too loud enough so that the card game behind us stopped, "I can take care of myself. You were gone for two months. I did fine."

"Sorry for caring," he said throwing his hands up he than turned around, "See I can say sorry."

He stormed out of the house leaving me staring at my feet. I felt eyes on me. They started the card game sensing the fact I wanted to be left alone. But when I looked up once, I noticed Soda looking at me again.

After everyone left and after Darry and Pony went to bed-well Pony wasn't asleep. His light was one meaning he was probably working himself to death with homework.

"You ok?" it was Soda he sat down on the couch next to me, "He hasn't been home for more than five hours and you two are already at each other's throats."

"It's the typical us," I commented dryly laying down on the couch so my feet were draped over Soda's, "You know that."

Soda got up, "That wasn't the answer to my question," but he didn't press instead he just left the room.