Relapse
A Harry Potter fanfiction by SurpriseSushi
Chapter One
"Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life. He's trapped inside a perfect world."
The Lovely Bones, Alice Seabold
He couldn't breath. He was surrounded by people, and no air was getting to his lungs. Shit. He pushed his way out of the general crowd, and made his way to the side of the dancefloor. His eyes were begining to sting from the flashing lights. Rubbing them, he walked down the hall, and to the bathroom, opening the door. There was a man sitting on the counter near the sinks, and he was pretty sure he was passed out, so he passed him and into a stall, locking the door behind him. Breathing deeply, he took out his wand. He passed it from hand it hand. This is no way to deal. He pocketed his wand, and sighed. You don't even know a calming spell anyway...
Opening the door, he rubbed his eyes, and made his way to the sink. The man still sat there, not moving. Ignoring him to the best of his abilities, he scooped water into his cupped hands, and splashed it over his face. He could feel the man staring at him, but he still didn't look at the man. Glancing into the mirror, he brushed his hair out of his eyes, and sighed.
"Hey."
The man spoke to him, but he still didn't look at him, determined to pretend he hadn't hear him. He saw out of the side of his vision the man reach into his pocket, and pull out his wallet, and he threw a fifty at him. It landed on the counter, to his left. The man stood, and walked into a stall. He stared at the money, torn. He was desperate for money, and other things of course, but honestly?... He breathed deeply, scooped up the fifty, and followed the man, locking the stall behind him.
Without a word, he reached for the man's zipper, and while pulling his pants down, he kissed the man, his heart beginning to beat faster, harder. The man's hands snaked their way up his back, and into his hair, tugging on the un-even, loose ends. He pulled down the man's pants, and felt the man push his head downwards, and he obliged. Tugging the mans silk boxers down, he pulled out his hot member, and stroked it, seeing the man give an unvoluntary twitch. Smiling to himself, he gripped the dick in his hand, and leaned in, the tounge flicking the tip on it. He rubbed the man's member, and licked the slit, tasting the salty pre-ejaculation. He removed his hand, and moved his mouth forward, taking the man's member in his mouth.
The man moaned as he began to gently suck, his hands resting ontop of his head, gripping and ungripping his hair. The man gasped as he sucked slightly harder, and his hands took hold of the man's legs, forcing him closer, his member deeper down his throat.
...
He was in his apartment, sitting in his favorite chair, motionless, the cigarette between his fingers slowly burning away, untouched.
He felt disgusting.
He couldn't look at himself in the fucking mirror, he couldn't touch himself, he couldn' brush his hair out of his face. It had been so long since he'd last done this, and it took everything to not rip and throw away the scrap of paper with the man's number on it. He needed money. The eviction notice on his door proved that. But was he really so desperate? On his lap sat a envelope still to be opened. On it, written neatly in acid green ink, was written Remus Lupin, number 46, appartment 3, London. The writting and the color was all too familliar, and he hadn't touched it since it landed on his lap when an owl had flown through the window, around the appartment once, deposited the letter and flew off out the window again.
"Ouch!" He let the cigarette fall to the floor when the burning tip hit his fingers, and he was pulled back into reality. Glancing quickly around the room, he relaxed back into his chair, and noticed the letter sitting on his chest. He lifted the letter, and sighed. He was desperate. He was very much desperate, he couldn't deny, as much as he wanted to. Tearing open the envelope, he began to read.
To my dear Mr. Remus Lupin,
I find myself short-staffed so near to the beginning of the school year again. I would be delighted to have you return for another year, my old friend. If you choose to decline, I would like to remind you of the time I saved you from that hoard of rather ferocious water demons. If you still wish to teach, please send a return owl with your note of acceptance or decline of my offer as soon as you may wish.
Cheers,
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Hogwarts, Headmaster
Flinging the envelope aside, and holding onto the letter, Remus marched over to his desk by the window. He was desperate. Very, very, very, desperate, God damn it. He not-to-gently put the letter on the desk and grabbed an empty peice of parchment, and opened his ink bottle viciously, managing to spill ink on his fresh peice of parchement. Grumbling, he quickly wrote a reply, folded it, wrote Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts on it, and walked to the window. Sure enough, the owl that had delivered Dumbledore's note had rooted itself on the tree right next to his window, instructed by Dumbledore to do so, no doubt. It took a bit of coaxing for the owl to finally come to him, but he eventually mangaed to tie his response to the unwilling owls leg, and set it off. He watched it fly, sighing again.
Yes. Very desperate, indeed.
...
"I'm glad you found your way here nicely. Wouldn't want you to have to take the train again, would we? Although it did appear to be quite helpful last time, eh? No dementors this year I'm afraid, though. No need, no need, my friend." Dumbledore was waiting for him in the back of his reclaimed office when he had arrived at the castle the day before term started, planning on getting settled before the onslaught of endless classes started. Remus placed his trunk on his bed, and allowed Dumbledore to continue.
"Term starts tomorrow, as I'm sure you're well aware of." He said, looking at Remus over half-moon specticles. "The students arrive later this evening. I hope you'll join the rest of the teachers and I in the start of term feast?"
Remus looked up at him. He had that look, like he was x-raying Remus. He sighed, and brushed a hand through his hair. "Of course."
"Excellent! Well," Dumbledore made his way to the door, and turned to look Remus up and down. "I'm sure you don;t need to me to show you around your office, you're quite cappable. I'll see you at seven!" He bowed slightly, and exited the room, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts.
Fuck.
What am I thinking? Why am I here? Remember the last time you tried something like this? Well, this exactly? Teaching? Really? Fuck. Shit. He lifted his trunk onto his bed, and unhooked the claspes, flinging open the bag. What if the same thing happens? Are you nuts? Desperate, that's it. I'm desperate. Stupid. No, no, I'm stupid. Fucking stupid...
No, what was stupid was going to clubs everynight and sucking off a stranger for fifty bucks. This is a steady job. Right. A steady job, that comes with food and board. Good food, and warm board. And you get to do what you enjoy most. Teach. He finished unpacking his trunk, and he flopped down onto the soft bed. Proffessor Lupin. He smiled. I don't know why, but that has a nice ring to it. He suddenly stopped.
Fuck.
I never even asked what subject I'll be teaching.
Desperate indeed.
...
"Welcome students!" Dumbledore's booming voice echoed around the great hall. Remus could see many eyes flickering in his direction every now and again, question in their glances. Many of them nudged their friends and pointed at him, whispering to each other. I knew this was a bad idea. He looked at his plate, feeling his face burn up. Oh, man the fuck up. They're kids, none of them older than seventeen. "New year, new students, new teachers." He's introducing me already? Goddamn it, He's just beginning his speach- "I wish you all would give our new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher," Of course, what other job is Hogwarts always lacking? The cursed one. "Proffessor Remus Lupin!" A polite applause rose up slowing, led by Dumbledore's enthusiastic clapping. Remus stood up awkwardly, did a small wave Stupid idea, stupid idea, stupid idea,and sat back down quickly. Again refusing to look at anyone, he studied his glass.
"Yes, yes, I hope you all enjoy what Proffessor Lupin has to offer. I must also inform you all of the unfourtunate passing of Mr. Argus Filch, our caretaker, who left us over the summer holiday. I ask you all now for a moment of silence, please, all of you, out of respect for a man who gave so much to this school." He owed his head, and put his hands together. After many skeptic looks, the student followed suit.Remus lowered his own head, and pressed his hands together on his lap.
"Now, replacing our late Mr. Filch, is Sirius Black," Dumbledore swept his hand towards the entrance to the great hall, where a man lent on the broom he had been sweeping the Entrance Hall with before pasuing to listen to Dumbledore's speech. Snapping away from his glass, Remus glanced down the hall at the man, and his heart gave a jump then stopped entirely. "who has kindly filled the post, and shall also be assisting Hagrid in his gamekeeper duties." It's him. Oh God, oh fuck. FUCK. Sirius was staring at him. Straight at him. Reconition registered on his face, he held Remus' enthralled gaze for a minute more, then turned, walking away back into the Entrance Hall. Shit, fuck. Why is it him? Why does it have to be him?
Reaching back into his memory of before he left for Hogwarts, he remember the name on the paper the man had given him at the club. On it was his name and number. Sirius Black. It was him.
Fuck.
A/N: I do not own the characters, places, or goings-on of Harry Potter, nor do I own The Lovely Bones. They belong to their respected owner. :)
OHO.
Oh my. I have no idea where this is going. I have to stop doing that. Well, whenever I plan out a story, it's really shitty, because it feels like I've already written the story, and I'm horrid at rewritting things. :/ Meh. YESH. Yaoi! :D RemusxSirius as always. No one is more perfect. ANYHOO'S. My first time publishing any sort of lemon, I think, and I want to know if it's any good, so I know to continue or not. Please comment! Thanks muchly, and wait for chapter two! Hope you enjoyed!
SurpriseSushi