Vulnerable

By Dark Poltergeist

Han

"Leia," I whisper, brushing my lips softly against her hairline.

She sleeps. Quiet within the security of my arms, and I find that I never want her to leave. I want to stay like this with her nestled against my chest, trusting me to keep her safe while she is most vulnerable.

How the hell did that even happen?

I was attracted by her fiery personality and beauty the first time I saw her in that damn garbage chute. I didn't always agree with what she was doing, but I found that I cared about her, and in short order I found myself regarding the young woman with something akin to awe. A new experience for me.

She was an attractive woman, but much more than that, and she became a friend. I still don't know how it happened but I found myself falling in love with her. Me, mercenary, smuggler, rogue, scoundrel, someone that never got attached to anyone was laid low by this young woman who was giving everything for the cause she believed in.

Though I didn't always believe in her cause, I did believe in her, and damned if I was going to leave.

Me? In love? I would have laughed if it wasn't so damn painful because it was true. We slipped into a phase where we fought all the time, and it wasn't that long ago. I was upset because I finally admitted my feelings for her to myself, because I knew there was no way out of this one, and I didn't like it. Not one little bit.

You see, I love women, as in I love to be with them. I am a man who enjoys sex, and I've had many mutually satisfying encounters. I never had to look too hard, they came to me. I pursued very few women, never had to. A crooked smile, some general flirting and I had what I wanted. It was all I needed.

That was before Leia blew into my life. I'm still not sure what she did to me.

He gently kissed her brow.

Hoth was so God-damned cold! But somehow it drew us closer together. "Those magnificent fights were all foreplay, weren't they?" I smile and barely brush her cheek, she makes a sound of contentment and pressed closer to me.

I was going to tell you I was going to stay and support your cause because somehow you still hadn't figured out why I was still around. Everyone else knew. I was around because of you, Leia.

"Always because of you," I murmured.

When you got hurt on Ord Mantell, I couldn't stand it. I wasn't going to risk you anymore, I couldn't. Knowing that something could happen to you because of me was more painful to me than the thought of my own death.

That's when I knew for sure that I loved you. Completely and hopelessly.

I have to leave you, I have to keep you safe from Jabba no matter what it costs me.

And mostly, no matter that I love you; that I need you, that I desire you. I don't deserve you, I never have. I'm too old for you, you're too young for me; you're a Princess and I'm a smuggler; and you're perfect and I'm . . . not.

"I love you, Princess," I whisper in your ear and you mumble something incomprehensible in your sleep.

We are now trapped on my ship for an extended number of days as we limp to Bespin and it's probably the luckiest break I ever had. I want to confess my deep secret, say the words I haven't been able to say to your face, but it would be unfair to you. I will have to leave you behind to deal with Jabba and whatever fate awaits me. I won't let him near you to so we will have to separate.

I can feel that you love me too, at least I think so, but I'm not sure why. I want to be part of your life, I want to wrap you up and carry you away from every care you ever had. I want to fly you away from your troubles and give you the life that a Princess deserves, but I can't.

You allowed me to give you pleasure this night. To touch you, to be the first man that you experienced sex with, and I am both humbled and honored by your trust in me. I will do my best to never disappoint you. It's the first time that I truly made love to a woman, and you are beyond perfect.

I never want to leave you and I fear what the future will bring to us. But until we get to Bespin, Princess, I will do everything I can to make you happy. You deserve so much more than I can give you. And if I can come back to you I will.

You are everything to me.

Vulnerable in your sleep you sigh softly and seem at peace, and I am glad I could offer you some solace in your troubled journey.

Vulnerable because of my emotions, I close my eyes and hold you tight, wanting to remain lost in your embrace, lost in the feel of your skin against mine forever.

"Leia," I breathe and you peer out from mahogany brown eyes filled with sleep.

"Get some sleep, Hotshot. I have plans for you in the morning," you sigh as you let sleep claim you once again.

If it is even possible I pull you closer and bury my face in your softly, cascading hair.

"Love you," I murmur and drift off to sleep, my soul at peace for the first time in my life.

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