Tired of Fighting With You

by Avery Kensington

Kate knows she's complicated, and has been for a long time, but apparently she's no fun either. She'd just thought that he'd been willing to wait until she'd become less complicated. A post-Limey fic.

This story is dedicated to Inky Coffee for her love of 47 Seconds-arc fic and to Robot Rainstorm for the prompt (revealed at the end).

And a HUGE thank you to Lindsey for the beta and dtrekker for the cover art.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Here's to things that mend

Here's to friends

And the helping hands they lend

I'm tired of fighting with you

Tired of Fighting With You-Barenaked Ladies

"Well, Detective Beckett, it's been a true pleasure."

Kate smiles. "The pleasure was all mine, Detective Inspector Hunt."

"Please," he replies, smiling back. "Colin."

"Kate," she replies. They only worked together for one case, but she agrees that titles and last names feel a bit formal.

Colin hesitates briefly. "You know, I have a few hours before my flight, Kate. Could I persuade you to let me buy you a drink?"

"Um." Kate pauses for a moment and then glances behind her. Castle is casually leaning against the wall on the other side of the precinct, cell phone to his ear, no doubt talking to the flight attendant. Even though Castle's been acting like a complete ass lately, she can't believe she's even considering accepting Colin's offer. Kate quickly makes her decision; she really needs to fix whatever happened between her and Castle.

"I'm sorry," she finally tells the inspector. "I have a bit of paperwork to do."

"Another time," Colin replies, before turning and walking away.

Kate watches him as he enters the elevator. Yes, another time, she thinks. Another life, perhaps. But she knows what she wants now.

"Where's Scotland Yard off to?"

Kate turns around, a smile on her face as she faces Castle. "He's going back to London." She's hopeful that this is her chance to find out what's going on with him. "Um, Castle, do you have a second? Could we tal-"

Castle cuts her off. "Actually, I don't." He begins walking toward the elevator as he continues talking; giving her information she doesn't care to hear. "Jacinda has the Ferrari double parked in a loading zone."

"Wow," Kate replies and Castle stops in his tracks, turning around to face her. "Four dates in three days. You like her," she says matter-of-factly, not really wanting to hear his answer.

But he tells her anyway. "Yeah. Why?"

There's a long moment of silence between them. She's not really sure what to say. It hurts so much to hear him admit he's interested in someone else when not very long ago he claimed to love her.

"She just doesn't seem like your type," Kate finally says. She thought she was his type.

"Well, she's fun and uncomplicated," he replies, adding insult to injury. "I think that's what my life needs right now." Castle turns around again and walks into the elevator before she has a chance to reply.

But what could she say? Things have definitely changed between them. Whatever she thought they had, or hoped to have, seems to be gone. Kate knows she's complicated and has been for a long time, but apparently she's no fun either. She'd just thought that he'd been willing to wait until she'd become less complicated.

Kate turns and sits down in her chair, defeated. She hears the ding of the elevator as it begins its descent, but doesn't look toward it or Castle again. He's made it clear that something has changed. Or maybe nothing's changed. Maybe after all this time she was mistaken about their understanding.

Kate observes her phone sitting where she had placed it on the desk and picks it up, contemplating for a brief moment before making the decision. She has no doubt the invitation from Colin Hunt is still open. She dials the number and puts the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Kate." She hesitates briefly, but if Castle isn't interested anymore, she may as well do something with her evening. "Do you still want to buy me that drink?"

After making arrangements to meet Colin, Kate hangs up the phone and gathers up her things. Whatever paperwork she has to do can wait until tomorrow.

As she heads toward the elevator, her phone rings. Glancing at the Caller ID, she debates whether or not to answer, not really in the mood for an interrogation at the moment. She swipes her phone anyway and places it to her ear as she steps into the carriage.

"Beckett."

"Do you want to go out tonight?" Lanie asks.

Kate hesitates before replying. "Um, I already have plans." She presses the button on the elevator for the ground floor. "Sorry. Another time?"

"Plans?" Lanie asks. Kate can hear the enthusiasm in her best friend's voice. "With Castle?"

"No." Not with Castle.

"Kate…"

She might as well get it over with because Lanie will eventually find out anyway.

"Colin invited me for drinks before his flight to London."

"Colin? The British detective?" Lanie exclaims. "What about Castle?"

"What about him, Lanie? He clearly doesn't want me. He's off somewhere with his blonde bimbo."

"Kate, Castle loves you." Lanie's voice softens. "I heard him."

Wait…what? "When?"

"At the cemetery, right after you were shot," Lanie replies. "It was madness that day, but when I finally made it over to try to help you, I heard Castle professing his love to you when he was pleading with you to live."

It's been a while since Kate's thought about the details of that day, and bringing back those memories, especially right now, is painful, but she's ready to admit the truth to her best friend.

"I know, Lanie. I remember."

"You know? Then what the hell are you doing going out with Colin?!" Lanie sounds adamant. "You love Castle, Kate."

"It doesn't matter," Kate states, trying hard to believe her own words. "I waited too long. He obviously doesn't love me anymore, or maybe he never really did. Maybe he only said it because he thought I was going to die."

"Kate, this is crazy. Of course he meant it. Please don't do this."

"Don't do what? It's just drinks. Then Colin will fly home and I'll probably never see him again."

"Kate, you need to tell Castle."

"Tell him what?"

"Tell him you heard what he said," Lanie pleads. "Tell him that you love him."

The elevator reaches the lobby and Kate steps off. "I can't. It's too late. He's moved on and now I need to do the same. I'll talk to you later."

Kate hangs up the phone and turns it to silent before dropping it in her bag.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Castle is exhausted from an emotional week. From the hellishness and horror of the bombing case, to the shock of hearing Kate's confession in the interrogation room, to the whirlwind weekend in Las Vegas where his life went from bad to worse when he invited Jacinda to come home with him, to watching the woman he loves…loved, working side-by-side with a handsome British agent.

Castle combs his fingers through his hair. Jacinda. What had he been thinking? He'd actually been glad to finally drop her off at JFK. It had been excruciating to pretend in front of Kate: pretending he no longer loved her or that he was interested in the flight attendant. His mother had been right; he can't work alongside Beckett and not feel anything for her. He knows now that he can't use empty relationships to fill the hole that Kate has left in his heart.

Castle pours himself a drink and takes a swig, letting the liquid burn his throat. He tops off his glass and then heads into the bathroom where he hopes to wash as much of this week away as he can with a hot shower. He grabs a towel from the linen closet and is about to turn on the water when he hears the doorbell buzz.

Castle leaves the tumbler and towel on the bathroom counter and pads toward the living room to answer the door. He's surprised to see Espo standing in the hallway.

"Is she here?" he asks, pushing past Castle as he enters the loft without an invitation.

"Is who here?" Castle replies, closing the door behind him. "Beckett?"

"No, not Beckett," Espo huffs. Castle can already tell he's annoyed about something. "That blonde arm candy you've been parading around the precinct to make Beckett jealous."

"Jealous?" Castle forces a laugh. "Why would I care what Beckett thinks?"

Espo takes a step toward Castle and points a finger as he answers. "Because you love her, man."

Castle doesn't deny it, but pauses before replying. "Yeah, well, she doesn't love me."

Espo shakes his head. "Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way she moons over you? It's gotten worse since she came back after her shooting. And you should see the way she looks at your chair when you're not there. It's pathetic." Esposito moves even closer to Castle and looks him square in the eye. "Dude, she broke up with Demming for you, Castle."

Castle's ears perk up at this revelation. "She what?"

"You didn't know?"

Castle shakes his head. "No."

"Yeah," Espo replies. "Lanie told me that Beckett split up with him and was going to go to the Hamptons with you."

"Are you sure?" Castle asks. "She never said anything."

"I guess she tried to tell you," Espo replies. "Until your ex-wife showed up at the precinct. We watched the whole thing go down through the break room window. It was brutal, man. Brutal. And you should have seen Beckett that summer. She was devastated. But of course she acted like she was fine."

"Why didn't she tell me?"

"Because she's Beckett," Espo answers. "And why should she tell you? You chose your ex-wife over her."

Castle begins pacing around the room, trying to digest all of this new information. "But she lied to me," he finally says.

"About what?"

"About remembering that I told her I loved her."

Espo takes a deep breath before answering. "So, after witnessing her beloved Captain being shot and killed, then having been shot through the heart herself while speaking at his funeral, and then suffering from PTSD, you're upset because she's not ready to talk to you about your confession of love while she was bleeding out in the grass?"

"Well, when you put it like that-"

"And now," Espo continues, "instead of waiting until she is ready, you start dating someone else and flaunt her around? Castle, I've watched you two dance around each other for almost four years now, and I know that you both have feelings for each other, but if you don't do something to fix this and stop acting like a total ass, I will make sure you don't step foot in the precinct again. I won't sit back and continue to watch you hurt her. Understood?"

Yes, Castle definitely understands. He nods his head in agreement.

"And you'd better hurry," Espo adds. "Beckett's out right now having drinks with Colin Hunt."

"She is?"

He nods. "Yeah. Lanie called to tell me that she'd tried to talk Kate out of meeting up with him."

"So you're doing this for Lanie?" Castle asks.

"No," Espo snaps. "I'm doing this for you and Beckett. Don't screw this up, Castle."

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

The thought of Kate with another man turns Castle's stomach. It was bad enough watching Kate and Hunt work a case together; seeing her walk away with her arm linked in his, looking sexy as hell in that long black dress and wishing she was hanging off of his arm instead. That should have been him. Kate is his partner.

Imagining them having drinks together makes him physically ill. What if they go to his hotel room? Or she invites him back to her place. Oh god, the thought of it just-

Castle immediately realizes how hypocritical these thoughts are considering his actions of the past few days. The way he'd been behaving in front of her with Jacinda was inexcusable and he knew exactly what he'd been doing. He'd been trying to hurt her, just like he thought she had hurt him by lying to him.

He'd dismissed her earlier at the precinct, wanted to get as far away from her as fast as he could. Now he wonders what she was going to say. Will she even want to talk to him after the way he's been treating her? He's not even sure if she really loves him, but he sure as hell still loves her and he'll do anything to prove that to her. He wonders why she lied to him. If Espo is right and she does truly have feelings for him, there has to be a good reason she's been keeping this secret. He's determined to find out what that reason is.

Castle pulls his phone from his pocket and swipes it open to call her. It rings and then goes to voicemail, so he hangs up without leaving a message.

He needs to find her.

Now.

He needs to tell her again that he loves her before he loses her for good.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Drinks with Colin had been pleasant enough. He was definitely easy on the eyes and it was nice to have some company after work instead of going home to an empty apartment. She has no doubt that the inspector had been interested in her and she knows she could have easily turned drinks into something else, if she had wanted to; given him a reason to miss his flight. But she wasn't interested in a fling; she'd had her share of meaningless affairs, and now she wants more; much more. But the relationship she wants isn't going to happen because the man she loves apparently doesn't love her anymore. If he even did in the first place.

Kate's broken, she knows that. She hasn't felt whole for a very long time. She's spent months putting in the time with Dr. Burke, trying to be better for him, for them, but it doesn't matter now because Castle doesn't want her.

Kate truly thought that Castle had changed his playboy ways; that he had become the man she believed he could be, but it's obvious he hasn't. And as much as it hurts, she was right when she'd told Lanie that it was time to move on. She's made the decision to not work together anymore; that it's time to end their partnership. She doesn't know when or how she'll break it off with him, but she knows she needs to do it soon. She can't continue like this.

Kate climbs the stairs in her apartment building, her legs heavy, shoulders slumped. It's been a long week, and an especially long day, and she's craving a hot bath and a warm bed. She pulls her phone from her bag, having not checked it the entire evening and isn't surprised to see two missed calls from Lanie, but she wasn't expecting to have a missed call and three text messages from Castle.

Kate unlocks her phone and opens the messaging app to read Castle's first text message. Please call me.

What could he possibly want? He'd sent the second text about 20 minutes later. Where are you? Just a few hours ago he wasn't even willing to give her the time of day and now he's pestering her?

After she reads the last one that says I'm coming over, she's not surprised when she steps out of the stairwell to find him sitting, hunched over with his head down, in the hallway outside of her apartment.

The large metal door to the stairwell slams shut behind Kate, startling him, and Castle turns toward her, immediately jumping from the floor to his feet.

"Kate."

His eyes are soft and warm, and it's a look she hasn't seen from him in a long while. A look she can't quite place.

"What do you want, Castle?" She doesn't mean to sound so brusque, but it's late, and she's tired, and she wasn't expecting to see him tonight.

"Can we talk?"

Kate walks toward him. "I thought you were too busy to talk to me."

"I'm so sorry. I wish I hadn't said that." There's desperation in his eyes. "Please?"

Without responding, Kate takes the key out of her bag, unlocks the door, and Castle follows her into her apartment. She closes and locks the door and his scent washes over her as she breezes past him into the kitchen to place her bag on the counter, reminding her how much she'll miss his presence in her life.

Kate didn't think she'd have to confront him about ending their partnership tonight, but he's here, so no better time. This is for the best, she has convinced herself, and she takes a deep breath as she turns toward him.

"Would you like something to drink?" she offers politely.

"No, thank you." He pauses for a moment. "I really just want to talk."

Castle hasn't moved from the doorway to her kitchen, like he's afraid to come any closer. Kate can't handle the way he's looking at her. She's spent the past few years gazing into his brilliant blue eyes, trying to decipher his every mood and feeling, and she's going to miss it, miss him. But this look takes her back to the day she was bleeding out in the grass, his face framed by the blinding sunlight, the life slowly leaving her body, and the words he said that she pretends not to remember. The words she knows now he didn't mean.

He's making this more difficult. She wants to get this over with and just let him go, but he came to her, so she will let him speak first.

"Okay," she agrees. "So talk."

"Earlier tonight," he begins, "before I left the precinct…you wanted to say something to me?"

Kate purses her lips. Is that it? He wants to know what she was going to say? It's too late for that.

"Yes, I did," she replies, "but the things I wanted to say to you are no longer relevant."

Castle's shoulders slump. "Oh, okay."

"But there is something else I need to tell you." Kate doesn't want to waste any more time on small talk.

Castle's eyes brighten at her words, but she ignores it and crosses the room to shorten the distance between them.

"This…arrangement we have," she gestures between them, "isn't productive for me anymore. The past few years working together…we've had a good time, but it's time to end our partnership. I need you to stop coming to the precinct."

"What?"

She wants to tell him she doesn't even want him in her life anymore, but that would be a lie, and she doesn't think she could verbalize it without the tears coming, and the last thing she wants to do is cry in front of him.

"It's for the best, Castle."

He shakes his head. "For the best?"

"You need to find a new muse. You should follow someone who is fun and uncomplicated." By the way his face falls she knows he recognizes his own words, but she tells herself she doesn't care, that it's necessary. She needs to drive her point home.

"I'm so sorry I said that."

"But it's the truth."

"No, Kate."

"I'm broken, Castle, and you know that."

It hurts to say those words out loud. She's never been this honest with him, but she's sure he already knows the truth. She just isn't certain he knows just how broken she's been, and how she's tried to mend herself for him.

Castle shuffles his feet and when he finally speaks it's not what she's expecting.

"This isn't really what you want."

"How do you know what I want, Castle?"

Before she realizes what's happening, he closes the remaining space between them and takes her face in his hands, crushing his lips against hers. It's so sudden and unexpected, yet warm and welcome. His lips are soft and he tastes just as delicious as she remembers from their undercover kiss just a short year ago.

And the same feelings she had then are flooding her body right now: want, desire, lust…

Love.

She knows she needs to stop this, needs to let him go, but with his tongue exploring the inside her mouth, she's savoring this one last moment with him, even if it's just a goodbye.

Kate finally pushes him away, wiping the sweet flavor of his lips from hers and catches her breath as she steps out of his reach.

"What are you doing, Castle?"

"Tell me you don't feel that."

Of course she feels it; she's felt it every day since the first day he crashed into her world. She'd denied it for the longest time, her feelings for him, but eventually she couldn't deny it any longer.

"I know you remember, Kate."

"Remember?" Of course she remembers kissing him in that dark alley. She'll always remember it.

"I know you remember what I said to you when you were shot."

Kate turns from him and walks towards her living room. This is not happening. How could he know? Then it dawns on her. "Did Lanie tell you?" she asks, turning around to see that he's followed her.

"Lanie?" He smiles. "No, Kate, you told me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Last week, during the bombing case, I was in the observation room when you were questioning Bobby Lopez and told him that you remembered every detail about the shooting."

"You were?"

Kate thinks back to that day. When she'd come out of the interrogation, she'd noticed the coffee cup that Castle had left on her desk and had even asked Esposito if he'd been there. The next time she'd seen Castle, his demeanor had changed. It all makes sense now.

"Kate, why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm so sorry, Castle. I didn't want you to find out that way. But it's okay, I know you didn't mean it."

"Didn't mean it?" he huffs.

"I'm not going to hold you to a deathbed confession."

"It wasn't a deathbed confession," he insists. "Yes, I thought you might die, but I meant every word, Kate. That's why I came here tonight, to tell you again that I love you."

"Then why…"

Her voice breaks, her heart fluttering at the confirmation that he meant those words he said to her so many months ago. But she wants to know why he would flaunt another woman in front of her if he truly had feelings for her.

"I thought you understood that I wasn't ready yet. I thought you were willing to wait for me. But then you changed."

"I did understand, Kate, and I was waiting for you, but when I heard that you remembered what I had said, I thought you had lied to me because you didn't feel the same way."

"So you found out I hadn't told you the truth and you wanted to hurt me by bringing another woman around? Showing me that I wasn't fun and uncomplicated enough for you?"

"Yes. I mean, no," he stammers. "I should have listened to my mother." He looks at her. "But please don't tell her I said that."

"What did Martha say?"

Castle shakes his head. "It doesn't matter now."

"Tell me."

He pauses for a moment. "When I found out that you had been lying to me and I thought you didn't feel the same, yes, I was hurt. I really didn't intend to cause you pain, I was just trying to mask my feelings, I guess, in the only way I thought I could. I thought I could turn off my love for you. But I can't." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, mussing it even more. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I brought Jacinda to your crime scene, and to the precinct. I'm sorry that I led you to believe I was interested in her, because I never was. Nothing happened between us. Nothing." He steps toward her and takes her hand, gently caressing her fingers. "I don't want her, or anyone else. I want you, Kate. I just want you."

Kate turns her hands so their palms touch and her thumb brushes across the back of his hand. "I'm so sorry I lied to you, Castle. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just couldn't deal with everything right after my shooting."

"I know that now. And I'm sorry." He gently caresses her cheek. "We need to fight for this, Kate. For us."

She smiles at him. "I'm tired of fighting."

He smiles back. "Me too."

The press of his mouth on hers is tender this time, a soft brush of his lips before he takes her completely, her heart healing with every stroke of his tongue and the pleasure of his lips forming a smile against hers. Kate moans in response, wrapping her arms around his neck and threading her fingers through his hair, her body melting into his embrace.

She's never letting him go.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Less than 24 hours ago Castle had left the precinct for what could have been his last time. He'd sulked into the elevator and had given up on any hope of having a relationship with Kate Beckett. He'd been certain that there had been no future for them. If it hadn't been for Esposito's intrusive yet informative visit, he and Kate would not have connected.

"Come," she'd said after their confessions and reconciliation, and had taken his hand and had led him to her bedroom.

He'd held his breath as they'd stood at the edge of her bed and she'd pulled the turtleneck sweater over her head, her hair cascading over her bare shoulders, revealing not only her lacy bra, but also the scar from the shooting. She'd taken his hand and had gently placed it over the spot on her breast where the bullet had entered her body and had left its ugly mark, and he'd felt her heart beating as rapidly as his.

"You're beautiful," he'd whispered.

Kate had immediately pressed her lips to his as her hands had tugged to free his shirt from the waistband of his pants and she'd fumbled to unfasten the buttons on his shirt. He'd reached for her and had effortlessly released the front clasp of her bra, cupping her breasts as she'd moaned into his mouth.

She'd begun to giggle when he'd struggled to unbutton her pants, and he'd been grateful when she'd taken his hands and had helped him complete the task.

They'd shed the rest of their clothing and had tumbled into her bed, years of waiting and wanting culminated in a magnificent tangle of limbs and sheets.

With the woman he loves nestled in the crook of his arm, her arm draped across his chest, their bodies still glistening, he savors the stillness of the moment after so much movement, her soft, shallow breathing the only sound he can hear. He's never felt so alive.

"You're thinking rather loudly." Kate's voice lilts through the calm darkness of her bedroom and pulls him from his reverie.

"Did I wake you?" he asks.

"No, I wasn't asleep."

"I was just thinking about what a difference a day makes," he says, his fingers lightly stroking the soft skin of her shoulder.

"Yeah," she agrees, pressing her smile to his skin.

"And I was also thinking about how happy I am right now."

Kate lifts her head from where she'd been resting it on his shoulder and stretches up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"Me too."

Kate kisses him again, this time longer and deeper.

"God, you are so much fun, Kate."

"I'm fun?"

"Oh, yeah."

She barks out a laugh. "Next thing you'll say is that I'm also uncomplicated."

"Oh, no, you're very complicated, but that's one of the many things I love about you," he teases.

She grins as she kisses him again, her hand sliding up his torso to cup his jaw. "I love you, too, Rick," she breathes against his mouth

He smiles. "I know."

Kate settles again on his shoulder and he hesitates a bit before broaching this subject.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you broke up with Demming for me."

"Lanie?"

"Actually, Espo."

"I'll kill them."

"Don't. It's because of them that I'm here right now."

She lets out a soft chuckle.

"What?" he asks.

"I'm going to have a lot to tell my therapist."

He lifts his head and stares down at her. "You're seeing a therapist?"

"Yeah. Since my shooting."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, his voice soft, encouraging her to lift her head and look at him. His thumb brushes along the shell of her ear.

She shrugs, even as she closes her eyes and leans into his touch. "I didn't want to make any excuses. I just wanted to put in the time and do the work. But," she continues, opening her eyes, the hazel and gold open and bright with love. "I think I'm almost where I want to be now."

"And where is that?"

"In a place where I can finally accept everything that happened that day." He caresses her shoulder in a silent encouragement to continue "And that wall that I was telling you about? It's coming down."

"Well, I'd like to be there when it does, Kate."

She lifts her head and gives him a small smile, then swings her leg over his thighs.

"You're already there, Castle."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Prompt from robot-rainstorm: Lanie lets it slip to Espo that Beckett's heart was shredded in the beginning of The Limey. Espo confronts Castle.