Thanks to shit-sara-murphy-does, thebrilliantbean, and colderthancoldest on Tumblr!
"Zonian4life is online now! Finally!" Candace exclaimed, sinking into a mound of pillows as she prepared to chat with one of her favorite Internet friends. She opened a private message box.
Canducky: Hello! What's up 2day?
Zonian4life: Donating mom's clothes. Said u had a platypus right?
Candace groaned at the reminder of the meatbrick. He wasn't home at the moment, but he'd arrive soon and start shedding everywhere.
And shedding season was annoying. She was still finding blue hairs in the carpet at the foot of her bed from the last time he'd snuck in her room.
Canducky: Yes. Y?
Zonian4life: What do u think of this?
A picture popped up. Candace tapped it and zoomed in, raising an eyebrow at the existence of teal platypus onesies. It was a perfect likeness of Perry, right down to the vacant stare.
Canducky: OMG I can't believe this exists….
Zonian4life: U likey?
Canducky: Short lived job at toy store and momming an egg kinda killed my interest for platypus suits.
Zonian4life: Oh too bad….
However, this thing was right up Phineas' alley. He'd love being able to match Perry!
Candace couldn't remember a time when she saw a perfect gift the moment she'd laid eyes on it. Phineas' birthday was next week, and she had no intention of going through that whole last minute birthday thing with the left handed whatchamacallit again.
Canducky: But I think my bro would like it. His bday next week. Where 2 buy?
Zonian4life: Animal Warehouse. Got my Time Ape tee there too.
Canducky: Cool! Thank you so much!
Zonian4life: No prob. Gtg, fire on coffee table.
Canducky: kk!
Candace scrolled through the rest of the blog, giggling at the various memes Zonian4life had posted with her dog as the centerpiece. She made sure to send a few to Stacy, who would no doubt be annoyed at the meme spam and retaliate by photoshopping Candace and Jeremy's faces into random pictures.
This time, she didn't have to second guess herself.
Candace handed her gift to Phineas, the platypus pajamas neatly folded inside a box covered with platypus print wrapping paper (There was a high demand for everything platypi for some reason).
Phineas tore one corner, tugging to gently unravel it. Candace rolled her eyes. "It's just wrapping paper. It's designed to be torn up."
He gave her a guilty grin. "You always put a lot of effort into your gifts, Candace. And Perry likes it too. I've never seen him so happy!"
Candace glanced down at Perry, whose vision was still as unfocused as ever. He didn't move his tail or prance around so she couldn't exactly tell what was 'happy' in platypus body language.
He unwrapped the box with only minimal tearing to the paper, tossing it aside. Then he opened it.
Candace snapped a photo on her phone the moment Phineas pulled the onesie out of the box. His face was frozen in a mixture of surprise and pent up excitement.
Ferb counted down from three on his fingers.
"This is the best birthday ever!" Phineas shouted. "We can match now, Perry! This is so cool!"
Isabella giggled. "Maybe I should get a chihuahua onesie so we'd match! What could possibly be cuter than a pair of pet owners dressing up as their loyal companions?"
"If that happened, I think Ferb and I would need an entirely new processing system for the cuteness trackers. We'd never be able to track anything if the signal from your interference alone would contain the same amount of raw wavelengths as the sun's light energy," Phineas replied.
Isabella relaxed, a serene expression crossing her face.
Baljeet waved his hand in front of her face. "She blanked on us!"
"Step aside, nerd," Buford said, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. He shoved Baljeet out of the way, then snapped his fingers in front of Isabella's face.
Nothing happened.
Buford shrugged. "Well, I tried."
Gretchen muttered something about 'Phineasland' and signaled the other Fireside Girls to grab a bucket of ice cold water.
Phineas hugged Candace, the platypus onesie hanging off a shoulder. "Thanks! You know me so well!"
She ruffled his hair. "What kind of sister would I be if I didn't?"
They stayed that way for several moments, their parents 'awwing' at the display of sibling affection. Then Phineas broke away. "I'm gonna try these on. Be right back!"
He rushed inside the house, Perry padding in behind him.
Ferb stared at her.
"What?" Candace protested.
His gaze didn't waver.
"Okay, fine. I'll buy you one too. Happy?"
Ferb gave her a thumbs up.
Canducky: Operation Platypajamas a success!
Zonian4life: Little bros love onesies who knew?
Canducky: Awesome big sisters!
"Phineas and Ferb look really good in those onesies," Vanessa said, swiping through Candace's photos. "They look just platypi!"
Candace shrugged. "They look the part, but they can't act it. Regular platypi don't do much." Vanessa frowned at that. "What? Ever met a platypus who does more than eat and sleep?"
Vanessa shook her head. "No, that's silly. I'll meet a platypus that does more than the basics as soon as my life isn't one big soap opera."
There was a knock on Vanessa's door. "Vanessa! I made you and your friend some doonkleberry pie! I promise there isn't a zombie apocalypse this time around!"
"Speaking of my life being one big soap opera," Vanessa muttered. Candace giggled, which earned her a pillow to the face. "You hungry?"
"Sure. Bet it can't beat my mom's doonkleberry pie recipe though," Candace said.
Vanessa opened the door a hair, then groaned. "Dad, why did you pick that apron of all things?"
"What, can't a guy be hospitable to his guests?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz protested. "Besides, I happen to like this apron."
"Can't be any worse than my own dad's Kiss the Brit apron he got at an antique show!" Candace called. "How bad can it-"
Vanessa let the door swing all the way open, and Candace flinched at the sight of the bright pink frilly apron. "See what I mean?" Vanessa asked.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz scowled as he set two slices of doonkleberry pie on a table. "Hey, you went through a pink phase too. I have pictures of that really poofy fairy princess lying around somewhere. I need to sort through those photos anyway. Maybe I can get into scrapbooking."
Vanessa buried her face into a pillow. "See what I mean?"
Candace patted her back. "You did harp on him about the apron."
"You joined me!" Vanessa protested. "I'm going to crawl under a rock. Alert me during the next nuclear meltdown."
"Boy, you have a penchant for drama," Candace said.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz laughed. "She gets it from me. Don't give me that sour look, Vanessa. It's true no matter how much you deny it. Wait, are those boys dressed in platypus onesies?"
Candace nodded. "My brother's birthday was a few days ago. He was really happy to match Perry."
He gasped. "You have a platypus named Perry?"
"Um, yes? I think he's in one of these photos. Ah, here." Candace showed him one that had Phineas and Ferb in their new onesies while hugging Perry. "Why? Have you seen him? I mean, he wanders off all the time so he's bound to meet some people around town."
He shook his head. "Must be thinking of a different platypus. The one I know doesn't look that unfocused all the time. Strangely, his name is Perry too. Small world, right? Just out of curiosity, where did you get those onesies from?"
"Animal Warehouse," Candace replied. "Had some really great stuff there! A friend recommended it to me."
Vanessa's eyes widened. "No. Oh my goodness, no."
Dr. Doofenshmirtz seemed confused. "What? I was just thinking about going there sometime to see if they had one in my size." There was a crash from outside. He groaned. "I'd better go see what damage Norm did to the wall this time. You'd think he'd learn to use the door properly after a while. Anyway, enjoy your pie!"
Vanessa shut the door behind him, tapping her foot as she glared at Candace. "Thanks," she drawled.
Candace beamed at her. "You're welcome!"
Canducky: My friend is mad that I inspired her dad to go buy a platypus onesie.
Zonian4life: Wow this onesie thing is snowballing.
Canducky: Ikr congrats we accidentally started a fashion trend!
Zonian4life: Next could we try to 'accidentally start a fashion trend' for Dr. Zone?
Canducky: Help me for starting one with Ducky Momo?
Zonian4life: Deal.
Phineas had a platypus onesie.
Ferb had a platypus onesie.
Heinz had a platypus onesie.
Candace didn't have one, nor did she want one, but she inspired everyone to go purchase one so she still counted.
OWCA owned Animal Warehouse so they could appeal to animal loving consumers in order to use them as a host family later if they chose to adopt a pet.
Perry saved the pictures from the birthday party to his lair computer, looking through them one more time before heading home.
He really did have the greatest family and job in the world.