Author's notes:
This
was a fanfic challenge in our ML. And, well, I was the only one who submitted
and I demand my prize from Micchy no koibitou and company! I want my prize!!! Even if it's only
chocolate, it's still my prize! Oh, sorry readers (if there are any…)
Anyway, this was the rule---àWrite a Slam Dunk fanfic invloving the
following:
Uhh, flames are welcome!!
Standard Disclaimers apply. (BTW, this was a sorry attempt at humor… can't write humor… I write anything but humor!)
An Unlikely Normal (?) Day in Shohoku
Riiiing!!! Students rush through the halls of Shohoku High as they hear the bell ring. All of the students ran as fast as they can, as if running for their life. All except for the self-proclaimed tensai who was given the name of Hanamichi Sakuragi. It was as if he was taking a stroll in a park!
Who cares if I'm late anyway? I can just headbutt our sensei if he starts screaming at my face... and then boom! No more classes! No more sensei!! Hahahahaha!!! Sakuragi thought as he starts doing his trademark "laugh of glory". Then, reality strikes him. Iie! I can't do that! I'll be suspended from basketball. Then Rukawa will get all of Haruko's attention! Noooo!!! So he starts running like the wind.
While running, he saw a lady walking down the hall from the opposite direction. She was humming the tune of "Material Girl" and was wearing a very revealing outfit. But, (shall we say unfortunately? or fortunately?) our hero didn't notice that. So, the next thing he did was scream this line: "Move out lady!! Out of my way!! Can't you see I'm late?! Didn't you hear me?! I said move! Make way for the tensai!!!" She spun as fast as a tornado as our hero ran past her. After recovering from that experience, she thought silently Obviously that guy does not watch MTV and he definitely isn't one of my fans... doesn't he know who I am? And I thought Japanese people were respectful. *sigh* I need to calm my nerves down... Ahh! There's a song! She starts singing: "Don't cry for me Argentina! The truth is I'll never let you- oww!" A flying neon orange colored hamster ball suddenly hits her head... and fortunately(?) kills her. The hamster in the hamster ball stops as if realizing what he just did to the lady lying dead on the floor. After blinking twice, he turns his hamster ball around and walks away.
Hanamichi Sakuragi hurriedly opened the door of his classroom. Lucky for him, the sensei just called out his name! "I'm present sensei!!!" He shouts out triumphantly. "Sakuragi, where have you been?" The sensei asked him angrily. "Uhh... down the hall where else? sensei no baka..." The sensei glares but decides not to give Hanamichi a sermon. "Go to your seat."
The sensei, who just finished checking the attendance, announces something. " Class, we shall now go to the barn which has been built right behind our school! We shall be observing some sheep for our biology studies. Now move it!!!" The students follow as they were told and go down to the barn.
On the other hand, the sophomores of Shohoku High were having a cooking demonstration. Miyagi was awfully bored that he walked out of the kitchen and rested under the pear tree, which was just in front of the newly built barn. He didn't notice however that there was a partridge in the pear tree and, oh well, the glee club was singing some bird son which gave the partridge a very nasty idea. In the part where Sop 2 was singing the thing about the bird pooping, the partridge dropped a 'bomb" and was overjoyed when he hit a direct hit... the center of poor Miyagi's head. Miyagi screamed (like a scared little goyle!) and rushed to the washroom to wash his sticky head which was full of bird droppings.
Meanwhile, the juniors were assigned to keep the barn clean. Mitsui was assigned to clean the sheep poop and that made him very sweaty (considering all of the sheep there...) which gave him the idea to take his shirt off. He was under the big bright sun and perspiration came trickling down one by one. Little does he know that a group of rabid freshmen fangirls were enjoying the sight. They weren't able to resist anymore so they screamed really loud which frightened Mitsui. Then they ran like the wind towards him and Mitsui ran too... topless holding his shirt in his left hand. Just then out of nowhere, Asaba was seen looking at all the sheep that looked like they were lost in the middle of the barn. (The sheep were let out okay? Mitsui had to open the door of the cage to escape the wrath of the freshmen girls and those fangirls destroyed the fence of the cage which allowed the sheep to be freed!!) Asaba's eyes widened and he ran towards the flock of sheep. The sheep's eyes widened and they had a smile on their face. Asaba stopped in front of the sheep and said "Come hither my lovely flock of sheep!! Come to your shepherd!!! I Asaba shall rule you with great honor!!! Come my flock of sheep!!! Come with me!!!" Then in reply, the sheep said, "Asaba-sama!!! Asaba-sama!! We shall follow our great Asaba-sama!!! Long live our shepherd!! Long live Asaba-sama!!" as if hypnotized. Asaba is seen holding a cane (Before he came, he grabbed it out of an old man he met down the road) and a flock of sheep following behind him in one long straight line, walking towards the middle of the road. (I don't care if they get hit by a ten wheeler truck!!! die! die!!! Mwahahahahaha!! Oops... okay... i'll continue now...)
Meanwhile, inside the barn where the chickens are found, we can see Rukawa sitting down, his back leaning on a haystack and... no not sleeping!! He was... counting the feathers of the chicken in his hand and ignoring the chaos happening outside. He escaped from his biology class (What happened to them? We will never know...) who is now in the *sound efects* Twilight Zone . And yes!!! Here we can see Rukawa's other side!! Right now he is petting the chicken. Let's listen to him: "...7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13... *sigh* *staring at blank space and still petting chicken* *chicken looks demented* Chicken, you know, you will be the only one who will be hearing this come out of me... I have a secret... Though I don't see dead people, walking around like real people, who don't know they're dead... I... I... I have always loved... I have always loved... S... S... I have always loved... Just then Sakuragi comes bombarding in. Rukawa stands up (yes... still with the demented chicken in his hand) triumphantly and shouts out loud, "I have always loved Sakuragi!!!!" Sakuragi was taken aback. Rukawa was shocked. Oops... I said something wrong... that was supposed to be something else... and not Sakuragi!!! Rukawa thought. "Rukawa... I never knew... why didn't you tell me earlier?" Sakuragi says with a caring look on his face. "... Do ahou ..." ,was Rukawa's only reply. Stupid fool... "But, Kaede..." Sakuragi takes a step forward while Rukawa takes a step back. "Did you just call me by my first name?!" For the first time in his life, Rukawa's shocked expression is shown in front of a live person!! "Hai." Sakuragi takes a few more steps closer to Rukawa. "Kaede... I..." "Stay away from me!!!!" Rukawa starts running to the back of the barn and... well... Sakuragi chased him around... (A/N: I am not a yaoi writer!!!! This is practically craziness okay?!) Anyway, there was a stock of 5 kg of refined sugar on the second floor and unfortunately, Sakuragi, while chasing Rukawa (who still had the demented... and now dizzy chicken) around hit one of the support columns of the barn. As he dropped dead on the barn floor, the refined sugar fell on top of Rukawa's head, causing the plastic to break open and cover Rukawa and the poor demented chicken to be covered with refined sugar. Rukawa's eyes widened with delight. "Sugar... Chicken!!! Can you feel that? That's refined sugar!!! Ever since I was an innocent little boy, I have always loved SUGAR!!!" He starts licking his upper lip, savoring the taste of the sweet sugar coating him. The chicken is... no not demented!!! Becoming hyper as the sweetness of the sugar dissolves in its mouth... so is Rukawa. And when Rukawa's hyper, the magical radio pops out and starts playing tango music, making rukawa dance the tango with feelings!! Yes, now we see Rukawa and the chicken dancing the tango with feelings. This went on the whole day until the classes of Shohoku High ended and the students went home safe and sound.
The next day, on the headline of a famous newspaper in Japan: MADONNA KILLED BY A HAMSTER BALL IN SHOHOKU HIGH!! Another newspaper headline: HAMSTER KILLS MADONNA!! Another one read: MADONNA FOUND DEAD ON SHOHOKU HIGH!! ACCUSED HAMSTER MISSING!!!
~end~