Title: The Way Things Were
Author: LaFluff
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon (and numerous other parties I'm sure) this was just written as a bit of fun.
Author's Notes: Spuffy time travel, a post Chosen Buffy goes back to s5 (only Riley will be leaving a little later than in canon)
All feedback welcome good, bad, constructive… everyone is entitled to an opinion.
The Way Things Were – Part One
October 2007
It had taken her over two years to realise it, she had never considered herself to be little-miss-brainy, but two years? How dense could a girl be?
768 days after closing the Sunnydale hellmouth she realised why she had been counting those days so carefully, it wasn't because she was counting her days of destiny-freeness, or even in memory of those that had died in the fight. No she was counting the days he had been gone, Spike had been not-there for 768 days before she realised she loved him.
It was because the feeling was different to her previous experiences of love, it was neither the all-encompassing idealistic first love that she had had with Angel nor the feeling of normalcy and calm that Riley had given her that she had clutched at so tightly it had blinded her for years as to what she really wanted. Her love for Spike was easy, effortless, simple. She didn't love him so much she couldn't think or breathe, loving him didn't change the person she was or how she acted. She didn't need to turn a blind eye to his faults because she loved them as part of him, loved thinking of him being annoying, loud, rash, loving, strong, funny or any other way. And she missed him.
This realisation had not made her miserable however, she carried on with her life, enjoyed herself, travelled all over the world with Dawn, she dated, even fell in love at one stage, but there was always part of her that wasn't willing to let him go completely, that wasn't entirely happy without him.
After 1622 days she decided enough was enough, Dawn was settled at Oxford and living within a few minutes of Giles, the Scoobies were all enjoying good lives and the young slayers were holding their own with ease. So she went to Angel, asked him to help her get in touch with the powers-that-be and made her request. They couldn't, wouldn't bring him back. However they were willing to give her one chance, if she was wanted to they would send her back in time to April 2001, put her older mind in the younger body and she would have to live through the , they were not able to guarantee that she would be able to change the timeline and they warned her that changing things may very well make them worse, but she was willing to go through the hell of Glory, veiny Willow and the First evil again if she had to… if the choice was that or live without Spike, she would choose Spike every time. It took her less than two seconds to make up her mind.
April 2001
She came to her senses in her old house, the one that had been at the bottom of a crater for four years to find Xander hovering over her worriedly.
"You OK Buffster?"
She nodded sitting up quickly and taking in her surroundings properly, "Yeah Xand, I'm good…" she broke off as she heard a noise from upstairs. Dawn crying. April 2001, her mom had just died and poor Dawnie was suffering. Well that was a good side-effect of the whole time travel thing, she could take care of Dawn properly this time.
Xander helped her to her feet still looking concerned "You sure Buffy, not like you to go around fainting."
"I'm going to be fine Xander." And she said it with such conviction he believed her. "I'm going to go up to Dawnie, she needs me."
Xander nodded, "I'll get us some food shall I? Pizzery goodness…"
"Always my hero." She gave him a quick, hard hug making him complain about slayer strength before he headed for the door.
Buffy quickly checked the exact date by turning on the TV and flipping to a news channel, her mom had only died two days ago, no wonder Dawnie was crying so loudly she could be heard downstairs, it also explained why Xander had been with her and why he had accepted her fainting fit so easily. First things first, Dawn needed her and this time around she could look after her properly, give her the support she so desperately needed, Buffy headed for the stairs.
Pushing open the door of Dawn's room slightly she called to her sister, "Can I come in Dawnie?" Getting no response she moved through the doorway still hanging back. When Dawn didn't throw anything or scream at her to get out she sat on the edge of the bed.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked really softly.
Dawn sat up and eyed Buffy as though she might explode, as if she expected Buffy's words to hurt her. But Buffy knew her sister a lot better now than she had back in the original 2001 and she knew what she had to say.
"I need your help Dawnie." She pulled her sister into a hug, almost into her lap, "I can't get through this without you, no-one else knows her like we do, no-one else loves her like we do. If I try and help you, will you try and help me?
Dawn hadn't been expecting her strong holier-than-thou sister to ask for help. She couldn't remember the last time Buffy had asked anyone for help with anything. She ordered sometimes, but mostly did things alone and she never let Dawn in, Dawn had never been wanted and certainly never been needed.
"W…what do you mean by help?" she asked half suspecting that Buffy was talking about household chores.
"I mean, help me figure out how to be a grown-up, help me not to forget mom, help me remember to have fun sometimes, but most of all help me to get through the next day without her." Buffy was crying now remembering how awful this had been the first time, feeling again the loss of her mommy. "I'll try to do the same for you too, I'll probably get it wrong lots but you'll tell me if I do, right?"
Dawn nodded and burst into fresh tears, holding her sister close. She was needed, she was wanted. Buffy had asked her for help, not the scoobies or Angel or Giles, but her.
"I love you Dawn, more than anything in the whole wide world." Buffy breathed resisting the temptation to squeeze Dawn as hard as she could.
Dawn began sobbing again but let Buffy hold her as she cried herself out, Buffy's offer of Pizza was rejected so she tucked her in and left her to go to sleep.
When morning came Buffy realised she still had more to discuss with her sister, she had come back for Spike but she couldn't disregard Dawn's reaction, Spike was a vampire, a soulless vampire and although Dawn had always liked him she might not like her sister's very out-of-the-blue attachment to him.
"Dawnie?" she broached the subject over orange juice and burnt toast in the kitchen.
Dawn looked at Buffy who looked very much like she was about to face another apocalypse. "What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong exactly," Buffy replied. "It's just I have a secret that I wanna share with you and it's not good, well it is but you might not like it, but then you might, but the others won't. Argh."
"Whoa Buffy, enough of Babblefest 2001, what's up?"
"I'm in love," Buffy spat out. "And it's not with Riley," she added.
"Riiiight and…" prompted Dawn when Buffy didn't immediately continue.
"I kinda realised life was short y'know and… IloveSpike." The last three words came out in a barely intelligible rush.
"But, but… you always have a go when I talk to him," stuttered Dawn really confused. "And you call him evil dead, and you keep beating him up and…"
Buffy cut her off "I know, I was wrong to do all of those things. Except I think he likes the evil dead thing. I just wanted to talk to you first before I tell anyone else or before I see Spike. If you don't like it I'll wait, I'll… I'll…"
"You haven't told the Scoobies? You haven't told Spike?" Dawn squeaked. Buffy had just admitted that she was wrong and she was talking to Dawn before her friends or her watcher. And she wanted her opinion. Buffy didn't want to do something she didn't like.
"No, I don't really care what Giles and the Scoobies are gonna say, they aren't gonna be full of the gladness but I don't care. I do care if you're not of the gladness though."
"I…I… Spike's cool, he's more fun than Riley, actually talks to me y'know, and I want you to be happy."
Buffy hugged her again "You're the bestest Dawnie, should have known you'd be all supporto-girl. I'm sorry to drop this on you now with everything but…" deep breath Buffy, "I want him here, to help us, like I was saying last night I think he can help, I think he will help. You as well as me, he likes you. In fact you're the only one he likes I think, 'cept perhaps Tara."
"Babbling again Buff"
"Sorry! So is that OK? If it's not just say and…"
"It's OK, really Buffy." She got up to wash out her glass, "and thanks for asking, and y'know talking."
Buffy had to tone down the hundred-watt smile that wanted to break loose on her face, Dawnie wouldn't appreciate it so soon after mom. "I'll have to do sisteryness more often," she said giving her sister a brief squeeze.
Dawn and Buffy spent the rest of the day together, they went through funeral plans and visited the church and the funeral home. There were lots of tears but they came out of the other end happy that Joyce would get the send-off she wanted. They also spoke more about Spike and then about the house and bills and school, by the end of the day Dawn felt more grounded and less alone.
When evening fell the Scoobies came over for dinner and Buffy filled them in on the funeral plans. Later still Spike would arrive to try to leave a bouquet for her mother, Willow had told her about it a few years ago, or a few years in the future depending on your point of view. The whole time travel thing was starting to give her a bit of a headache. Buffy and Dawn had a plan for the evening and while Buffy kept Xander and Willow in the house with her Dawn, her new partner in crime, went out to watch for him so she could invite him in.
"Hi Spike." Dawn waved from her vantage point on the roof outside Buffy's bedroom window when he reached the porch steps, surprising him into looking up.
"Hi Niblet…" he paused rather awkwardly, "Sorry about yer mum."
"S'ok. Can you catch me if I jump down?"
He nodded without thinking and promptly found himself with an armful of Dawn.
"Thanks. You wanna come in?" she asked righting her top which had ridden up a bit in her descent from roof, to ground.
"Nah, Slayer wouldn't want me about just now, but I brought some flowers for yer mum like. I'll leave 'em out here." He laid the flowers on the porch looking really uncomfortable, he clearly hated to be caught doing something he thought of as soft.
"Buffy said to invite you in when you got here. She said mom liked you and you should come in." Dawn insisted grabbing at his sleeve in what would be a useless attempt to prevent his escape.
Spike had severe doubts about this but he couldn't bring himself to say no to the Niblet when she looked so sad. "Alright Platelet, but I'm using you as a human shield if she tries to stake me."
Dawn smiled at him and dragged him through the door still clutching the sleeve of his beloved duster.
"What are you doing here Captain Peroxide?" growled Xander as soon as he set eyes on the bleached wonder, "Get lost, before you upset Dawn and Buffy."
"No Xander, I invited him in." Dawn spoke up for Spike.
"Er Niblet, really think I should go…" Spike spoke to her in a low tone not wanting the others to hear.
"Buffy, you don't want Spike to leave do you?" Dawn asked speaking loudly over Xander's continued protests and casting a pointed look at her strangely silent sister.
Buffy had frozen as soon as she had seen him, her plans for handling the situation carefully slipped from her mind, he was here, he was real, he loved her. When her sister asked her if she wanted Spike to leave she realised she just didn't give a damn. She shook her head at Dawn and burst into tears.
"Oh, Buffy" Willow made a move to hug her friend but to the astonishment of all present she moved away from Willow's grasp, slipped her arms around Spike's torso and proceeded to cry into his chest.
The room went deathly quiet, the only sound Buffy's sobbing, Spike didn't know what to do with himself, everyone was staring at him, Giles and Xander were more glaring really, the Niblet looked almost satisfied and the Slayer didn't show any signs that the sobs he could feel wracking her slight frame would be stopping any time soon.
"Buffy?" He said gently, "Er, it's going to be alright, Promise." She maintained her death-grip on him so he folded his arms around her and rubbed her back, doing his level best to soothe her.
"W…What the.." stammered Giles lost for words.
Xander made an abortive move forwards almost as if he wanted to snatch Buffy away from the vampire, Dawn took that as her cue for the second part of the plan.
"Buffy's tired and upset, I think she needs to sit quietly and then go to bed," She began ushering them towards the door. "Why don't you come back tomorrow, for dinner? Xander will you bring Chinese?"
"Yes. But. No." was all Xander could manage. Dawn had manoeuvred the scoobies slowly back towards the door and now hustled them very effectively over the threshold.
"Thanks Xander! You're the best," Dawn smiled at him closing the door on their stunned expressions. That had been easier than she's expected, the shock factor had definitely worked in her favour there.
"Buffy? Buffy? I'm going to go up to bed?" Dawn said gently.
Buffy finally pulled herself slightly away from Spike who was looking a bit dazed but quite happy and smiled at her sister through her tears. "Thanks Dawnie, you were brilliant!"
"No problems Buff, night."
Buffy nodded at Dawn again unable to speak anymore through her crying, turning back to the vampire she tried to breathe deeply to calm herself down a little before she tried talking to him. However rather than the expected demanding of explanations he hadn't moved, she hoped that she hadn't broken him.
"Spike?" she asked laying her cheek back against his chest and tucking her head under his chin.
"What's going on Slayer?" he asked looking down at her at last.
"Well I was… I… well I um… missed you."
"You missed me? The last time you saw me you punched me in the nose!" He couldn't get a grip on this situation, she had told him he was beneath her, she had told him he had no chance with her, she had broken his nose. She missed him?
"Sorry," she said in a really small voice. "I promise I won't do it again."
"You won't do it again?"
"No. No more broken noses." she confirmed, smiling slightly.
"So what's going on Slayer?"
"Well ilivu." She mumbled.
"That mumble was beyond even vamp hearing pet, want to give English a go?"
She laughed, that was the Spike she remembered, an edge of fun and mockery even when he was being nice. She raised her face from his now rather damp t-shirt to look at him, "I. Love. You." She enunciated, smiling at him with real humour in her face.
"What!" Riley's yell made them jump, slayer and vampire senses failing to warn them of his entrance, each focusing only on the other.
"Oh, bugger." Spike and Buffy said together.