It was guilt that woke her up to a world without Edward. For the way she had shut herself off from friends and her father.
Guilt that motivated her to get a second job, so the long hours without him would be productive.
Guilt fuelled her determination to finish school and make a life for herself.
Guilt that caused her to shut out the memories of Edward Cullen and his family. Both good and bad.
XxX
It was hard at first, doing all the mundane human activities. School-work, cooking, cleaning. Eventually though, it all became her routine and soon the artificial façade of living, became genuine.
Her job at the Newton's paid for her expenses. The bakery allowed her to save for College, wherever that would be. Then, when the Leisure Centre in Port Angeles opened its doors, she applied for the position of Life-guard – having trained back in Arizona. That particular role would become her atonement, for having become wrapped up in their lives to begin with.
XxX
There was still something missing in her life. So when she found the motorbikes and took them to Jacob Black, the answer was clear. She needed someone who wouldn't judge her. Someone who was content to be in her company.
It had been so long since she had that confidence.
Jacob's warm personality helped chase away the cold that had lingered ever since Edward left her in the woods.
Actually, that wasn't right.
It had started after Edward had appeared in Port Angeles, saving her from the men that had herded her.
He had said he'd felt very protective of her, which led to him creeping into her room at night and watching her sleep.
At first he'd been content to sit on the chair and she'd slept on blissfully unaware, his scent filling her senses and lulling her to acceptance.
One night, Bella had been tossing in her sleep and had been about to roll off the bed, when a cool hand gripped her waist and pulled her back to safety.
She'd spent the rest of the night curled into Edward's chest, his cold skin sending shivers all over.
XxX
It was late afternoon when she pulled up alongside the cabin in the woods. There were voices coming from inside as she gathered the forgotten order and made her way to the door.
Sam Uley answered her knock, confusion in his eyes.
"Bella Swan? What are you doing here?"
She motioned to the parcel in her arms. "You didn't collect your order."
Standing aside, he motioned her in and followed her to the table. Jared sat, his legs astride, whilst Emily hovered close by.
Laying it down, she stepped back from the group.
They lifted the lid, revealing the birthday cake they'd ordered for Paul.
"It looks wonderful. Thank-you for coming out here."
"It was on my way."
"Well let me get you something for your trouble."
Emily pressed the $10 into the protesting hand and was about to ask her to stay when Paul entered the room.
"Hey, what's with all the… What's she doing here?"
Surprised at the antagonism emanating from the man, she stepped closer to the door. "I'll leave you to your party."
She missed the sight of Sam slapping the youth about the head but not the brief fission that passed between them as their eyes met.
The look didn't have the chance to last and she was soon on her way back to Forks.
XxX
Jacob was worried. His best friend had gone missing and was rumoured to be hanging with Sam Uley and his cronies.
Bella hated how upset he was and arranged a trip to the movies with the people from Forks. It was doomed from the start as most people either bailed or had come down with the flu. In the end, it was Jake, Bella and Mike Newton that attended.
Mike was looking worse for wear and when he ran out of the theatre ready to puke, Bella and Jake took it as a cue to leave.
"You should hold out for a real man, who can embrace the gore and fake blood."
Bella shook her head. "I'm not really holding out for anyone."
Jake's smile stilled. He hadn't wanted to risk going over old wounds but it had been months.
He took her hand. "Bella, don't you think it's time you tried again?"
His warmth enveloped her. "Maybe. It's just…"
His eyes were patient and understanding.
"Things with Edward weren't always easy. He liked things to go his way, which meant he wanted to control what I read, what I watched. In the end, he didn't love me enough to stay."
"Why did you stay with him?"
She shrugged. "He was the first boy I really noticed. He was always so brooding and mysterious. He drew me in and I fell for him."
His arm came around her as he pulled her into his chest. That was how Mike Newton found them. They dropped him home before moving onto Bella's. Charlie was on lates so Bella invited Jake in. She led the way upstairs as they crashed on the bed, Jacob pulling her close.
XxX
At some point in the night Jake woke, his fever high and a rush of adrenalin forcing him to leave Bella's bed and sneak out into the night.
He couldn't think straight as fragments of the conversation replayed in his head.
"He drew me in…he wanted to control."
It made him angry that someone would treat another human being like that. If he was with Bella, he'd never restrict her. He only wanted her to see him that way he did.
He couldn't shake the feeling that everything was about to change. The fever rose as his muscles shook and the echo of his Tribe's stories filled his head, along with the thoughts of Sam Uley.
In his place, a red wolf now resided.
XxX
She didn't know why Jake wasn't answering her calls or texts. She had tried dropping by the Black home but Billy barred her entrance.
"He needs to rest."
It was a few days later that she saw him and Sam's cronies at the diner. The sight of Jake in full health cut deep, especially when the look in his eye stopped her from approaching. It was cold and accusing.
She wanted to confront him but the others left, dragging him away.
XxX
It had been a long day and all she wanted was to curl up in bed with a good film and eat junk food.
Jake's sudden arrival scuppered her plans. He wanted to talk and was up the tree outside her bedroom in seconds.
"Let me in!" He'd been asking her for months, but it was the first time she heard him.
"Bella!" He held out his arms to hold her close but she held him at bay.
"What do you want?"
"I'm sorry I hurt you but there were things I couldn't tell you."
"Of course."
"I wanted to see you Bells. But things have happened." He stopped, frustrated. "I'm bound, honey. I can't tell you, you need to guess."
"Guess what?"
"Do you remember what we talked about? That day on the beach?"
He head was full of talk but nothing made sense. The fog that had surrounded her head since meeting Edward held strong.
"Try honey. Please, for me."
"I'll try."
"I have to go now. They'll be after me. Come find me."
XxX
When the truth was within her reach, she ran to him, encountering Sam Uley and his clones, including one very volatile Paul.
"What do you think you're doing here?"
"I'm here for Jake."
"He doesn't want you anymore, can't you understand that? Or has the leech addled your brains?"
Sam did his best to intervene but the girl wouldn't go and Paul's patience was wearing thin.
"You can't stop me."
Her feet left the floor before she finished her sentence as Paul shook her roughly, pulling her face close to his, "Listen you little…"
He didn't hear Jake call out, or his Alpha yell. All he saw was a pair of widened brown orbs, drawing him in deep.
The snarl broke through the reverie as Jake lunged at him, phasing on the fly, leaving him little choice but the drop her and phase, before rolling into the woods, their Alpha issuing orders and following in their wake.
XxX
When she woke, it was to find Emily sitting by the bed, a cool rag in her hand.
"How are you feeling?"
"My head hurts."
Her arms stung from Paul's hold and her body ached from her landing. With Emily's help, she pulled herself off the bed and down stairs.
The kitchen was packed with bodies and the table laden with food as she was led to a seat, in between Jake and Paul.
Emily motioned a plate of muffins but Paul swiped the last one before her fingers reached the table.
"Paul."
"Sorry."
Bella knew he wasn't.
Sam wanted to make sure she wouldn't betray the secret and to in-still the need for anonymity.
"You don't have to worry Sam. No-one would believe me anyway."
He was satisfied for the moment, allowing Jake to escort her home.