The Atoning Dawn

A/N: Hey guys. This is my very FIRST fanfic story. I usually write a bunch of bullshit stories, but never really got to writing any fanfiction. I hope you guys like it.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Strawberry Panic. But, if I did, there would be SOOOOO much more Nagisa/Tamao and Yaya/Hikari pairings.

Prologue:

Yaya: Keeping it from You

Something happened to me. I don't really know what had come over me, but, even now, I'm still punishing myself for what I had done to her. Even though she said that we would still be best friends, I still blame myself for that one moment of unhappiness that I had caused her. I believe that I shouldn't be happy for the pain that I had caused my flaxen-haired angel. That I shouldn't be happy for loving her, while she loved another.

Why?

Sometimes, I ask myself that very same question. Why did it have to be her? Why did I have to be the one to find her in that church garden? Why was I the one who had overheard her beautiful voice singing like no one else was listening? Why did I have to be the one to fall in love with her? Every time that I would ask myself any one of those questions, the answer would always come to be the same plain, and simple, answer: because it's Hikari.

But, no matter how many times that I may come back to that conclusion, I know that I can never let her know my true feelings. Because, I already know that her heart belongs to another. It's sad, really; knowing that you're so close to someone, yet, knowing that you can never really be truthful to that very same person who trusts you with absolute certainty. So, I've been avoiding everyone. I skip classes and choir practice, I eat breakfast earlier than usual, and I've also been going to sleep earlier than Hikari, skipping lunch and dinner just so that I wouldn't have to explain why I've been avoiding her. I haven't even really spoken to anyone. If someone was talking to me, I more or less ignored them.

So, because I've been avoiding Hikari, I had decided to quit the Saintly Chorus. Since I've decided to skip classes again today, I began to head to the church in search of the club president.

'I wonder why she's always in the church anyway?' I thought as a headache began to give me some trouble.

While walking over to the church I could, distinctly, feel someone watching me. Actually, it felt like there was more than just one person watching me.

'Maybe it's just my imagination. It's not like I'm Ootori-san or anything.' I thought as I inwardly cringed at the way I had just called Hikari's love-interest. I had always called her Amane-san or Amane. 'I really am turning into such a bitter person.'

Ignoring the feeling of being watched, I walked into the church and began to look around for the club president. I walked around the church, looking inside some of the confession rooms, bathrooms, and even checked the church's garden. But, no president.

'Looks like she's gone awall as well. Well, I can't really blame her. Everyone needs a day off every now and then.' I was about to walk out of the church when I felt a warm breath on the back of my ear, which led me to do the only thing that I could do:

"IIIIIYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!"

I screamed.

I tried to turn around as fast as I could, but, I ended up tripping over my footing, and fell. I closed my eyes and tried to get my barings, until I felt a sharp pain shoot up my backside.

"Heheh. I'm sorry Yaya-san. I just couldn't help myself. Are you alright?" I heard the familiar voice ask.

I opened my eyes, and, as I had suspected, I saw the club president looking at me with amusingly concerned eyes, her arms placed out in front of her, not yet sure of what to do or just where it was that I was hurting.

"Mou. Geez, you didn't have to do that you know, club president." I complained, but laughed anyway, as I looked up at her.

"Yeah. But, I couldn't help myself. You are my kohai." She had said, laughing while doing so.

"Yeah, well, explain that to my pride and backside." I complained jokingly.

"So, why are you here, Yaya-san? Are you finally coming back to practice?" She asked as she helped me back up.

"Actually,...umm... I came by to tell you that I wanna quit."

"..." She didn't answer me, she just stared at me for what seemed like ten minutes. Her expression seemed deadpan the entire time. In all honesty, it kind of creeped me out. Then, she finally changed her expression from nothing to slightly annoyed and curious. "Why?" she asked.

"...I just don't feel like singing anymore...That's all..." I lied, trying my hardest to not let her see my own disappointment on my face or in my eyes.

"...Well, alright. It is your decision to make after all. I am very disappointed, Yaya-san. You were our Ace. What made you decide to quit something that you're so good at?" She asked, her disappointment evident in her voice.

"...I just...I can't sing anymore, that's all. I have no passion for it anymore...That's all..." I lied, again. I loved to sing, and everyone knew that. 'I guess I'm just turning into a liar now, too.'

"..." She stayed silent again. Her eyes seemed to look right through me, until she finally spoke again. "You're a horrible liar, you know. But, ah-well, it's really none of my business. But, if you don't mind me asking, what do you plan to do after you quit?" she asked, probably wanting to know just what club had gotten my interest over the Saintly Chorus.

"...I don't know yet... I'm sorry."

"...Don't worry. It's fine. But, I have to ask, why didn't you just tell me during practice after school? Wouldn't that have been more convenient instead of coming to me during class hours?" She had asked, curiosity and humor presenting itself in her voice, posing that she could already guess why I had come in during class hours.

"You know, I could probably ask you the very same question, club president." I said, playful sarcasm layered thick in my voice.

"Heheh. Alright, alright. You win that one, Yaya-san." She said, innocent defeat mixed with sadistically playful sarcasm danced within her voice, as well as her eyes. "But, again, why didn't you just tell me during practice after school today?"

"...I'd just...I'd like to keep this all a secret from someone for as long as I can...that's all..." I said, mortifying pain within my chest gone unnoticed by the sick, fake, plastered on smile that I had learned to keep on my face when confronted with a challenge. "Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to go now. Bye." I said as I turned from my now former club president.

"Ah. Yes, of course. Later, Yaya-san." she said, slightly hurriedly, trying to make sure that I had heard her words while I practically stormed out of the church, the feeling of betrayal, guilt and dispair began dancing within my gut as I felt like I had just broken off a piece of Hikari's friendship towards myself.

As I walked out of the church, that distinct feeling of being watched that I had gotten earlier had come back. 'Am I being followed or something?' I thought, a self-mocking smirk playing at my lips at how cliche that had sounded inside my head. 'Maybe I just need some more rest. Avoiding Hikari does seem to be putting a hamper on my routine.' I thought, guilt beginning to get the better of me at just how terrible that thought had sounded. Avoiding Hikari, my best friend, was for the best. For her, and for me. No matter how much I wish to be with her, I need to keep my distance, for her sake. No matter how much it may hurt me, I need to put a decent amount of space between us, enough for her to think that we are still friends, but far enough away for my own feelings to not be detected.

While I was walking, fatigue and exhaustion began to settle in. I decided that a nap would probably be the best thing for me right now. So, I decided to walk over to the lake, just so I could make sure that I would be alone. I had finally reached the mini-path that would lead me to the little lake when that strange feeling of being watched made me faulter in my steps for a moment. I walked down the path, each step making my anxiety of being watched slowly die down. The trees got progressively thicker and thicker, and the mini-path got thinner and thinner. Soon, the trees gave way to a bright light, and the lake was, finally, within sight. I decided to sit by the streaming water, and just relax a bit. I sat down, and watched the water flow and turn while the light bounced off of it's surface like that of a thousand mirrors.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and craddled them, allowing my chin to gently rest on my up-turned legs. My headache started to slightly recede but, still managed to leave me in a semi-pain-contorted state. My head started to pound more and more the longer that I stared at the water. I brought my hand up to my head, the pain starting to become almost as unbearable as to the reason to why I was out here in the first place.

I stayed that way for the next ten to fifteen minutes until my exhaustion turned into a needing for sleep. I got up and walked over to a large tree with a widely shaded area underneath its protective, leafy, cover. I laid down, put my left arm under my head, and my right arm over my eyes to block out as much of the sun's rays as possible. I closed my eyes and began to fall asleep. Before I fell asleep, I began thinking of Hikari again. 'Not a big surprise there. I would always think of Hikari before falling asleep on a daily, even hourly, basis.' The only difference was that I was thinking about how horrible I was beginning to treat my best friend. I fell asleep with one last thought on my mind:

'I'm sorry, Hikari. But, it's for your own good.'

A few minutes later, I woke up, the sound of birds chirping and the water flowing, making my headache less and less noticable. My right arm was still over my eyes, blocking my vision of the water. I just laid there, listening to the sounds around me: light cricket clicks, the wind whistling through the trees, the birds conversing with each other, and the water tripping over the rocks. The last thing that I had expected to hear was a fairly large cracking of a twig breaking right behind me. I turned around and saw the last person that I had wanted to see that evening...

It was Ootori.

I lightly cringed again at how I just called Hikari's love-interest with no honorific. 'Wow. I really am turning into a bitter woman.' I thought as Ootori began walking over to the water. As I watched her slowly walk over toward the water, I began contemplating if running away would be a good idea. But, that thought was soon discarded as Ootori turned around and asked, "So, what're you doing skipping class today, if I may ask?"

I was quite tempted to just tell her "No, you can't," but, I was just too surprised to even see her outside of class while class was still in session to even answer her. Also, I don't really know why, but I had gotten mad at that question. But, if I had to guess, I'd have to say that it was because I just never liked being asked anything. Plus, why would she care if I just decided to skip classes for a day? I'm pretty damn sure that she's skipped classes every now and then. Everyone needs a day off every now and again. Hell, she's skipping class right now, and she still has the gaul to ask me why I'm skipping class.

I didn't answer her. I just stared back at her as defiantly as I could without making it look like I hated her, for obvious reasons. I just wanted to be left alone today. Unfortunately, the silence was taking a little too long, even for her standards, apparently. So, she asked her question again, probably thinking that I hadn't even heard the question to begin with. "Why're you skipping classes? I mean, I know everyone could use a day off, but, you've been gone for almost a week, and it's really starting to worry Hikari."

That's when I lost it. Just because Hikari chose you doesn't mean that I have to start answering all of your stupid questions. I got up and began walking out of the forested area. I don't even know why I was getting so upset about having her ask a question that seemed to be just a simple conversation starter. But, I guess it's just because I'm turning into a bitter person. Either that, or it's just that time of the month again, or something like that.

Unfortunately, she wouldn't let me leave, as she ran up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Wait. I'm sorry. I'm just getting worried about Hikari. She won't stop worrying about you. She just wants to know why you're avoiding her. I'm just trying to give her some form of relief." She said, trying to desperately get some answer as to why I was avoiding Hikari.

"I don't want her to know!" I yelled, my anger getting the better of me as I turned around and slapped her, hard, on her left cheek, her hand falling off of my shoulder.

She looked shocked that I had gotten that angry at her for only trying to help out her soon-to-be-girlfriend. It took her a moment to get her own barings to even speak again. But, when she did, she had only said two words. "...Then, why?" she asked, her hand still on her reddenning cheek.

Again, I didn't answer her right away. I just stared at her, a menacing glare most likely painted on my face. I took this opportunity to get a good look at her face. She looked...scared. Almost like she was afraid of what I was going to say or do next. I know that I should've taken this opportunity to scare her away, or, at the very least, get away. But, I didn't. I just stood there, glaring at her. Neither of us made a move to either leave or finish the started conversation. I took a half step back, tightly bowed in a, hopefully, fear inducing way, and turned to walk away.

Unfortunately, Hikari seemed to have a thing for VERY stubborn girls, because Ootori grabbed my left wrist, hard. She turned me around again, a little too quickly. I lost my balance and fell over. Her nails dug into my skin and a sharp pain shot through my wrist, along with my backside as I fell on a few randomly placed rocks. I had my eyes closed as I tried to regain some form of dignity.

'Damn. Falling twice in one day. I must be getting really tired.' I thought as I re-opened my eyes to see Ootori with her hands placed out, unsure of what to do. Her face looked worried and scared at the same time. Oddly enough...I felt happy at the sight. The look of almost complete terror mixed with unbridled worry was dancing across her face. And, I liked it. Luckily for me, none of this was shown on my own face. My features were still contorted with pain, anger, and frustration.

I looked at Ootori with as much dignity as I could, and tried to stand. As I was getting up, Ootori took a step closer to me, asking, "Are you alright Nanto-san?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." I told her, trying not to sound out how much pain I felt.

"A-are you sure? You're wrist doesn't look too good. Do you want me to escort you to the nurse's office?" She asked, most likely trying to be as humble as possible.

"No. I'm fine. Just, please, stay away from me." I said, again with as much dignity as I could while letting out some of the anger in my voice again.

"... I-I'm sorry, again." She said, worry and concern evident in her voice and on her face.

At hearing that, I almost felt a little sorry for her. Actually, that would be a lie. I did feel sorry for her. I felt sorry for her because she doesn't know just how much I hate her, I felt sorry because of how much I love the person who loves her, and I felt sorry just because I feel like I have to. I turned toward her again, a look of almost concern in my eyes as well. I wanted to apologize to this girl, but, what I was thinking of saying was the farthest thing that I had actually said. "Do I have the permission to leave yet, or no?"

"..." She didn't say anything. Hell, I don't blame her. Her cheeks began to redden with guilt and embarassment, a look I never thought she could look good with. I quickly turned away, taking her silence as a way of saying that I could leave. I stormed off, not looking back at the woman who had stolen my beauty's heart. I was certain that she would tell Hikari just how horrible I was to her beloved. And, she would most certainly listen to that woman over me. I decided to just spend the rest of the day at the nurse's office to get the wound on my wrist treated, and maybe even get some more rest before dinner. As I walked toward the school, my mind was invaded with one last thought:

'I'm truly sorry, Hikari.'

A/N: Sorry about this guys. I made an error on my chapter uploads and had to delete the first upload which had the first two chapters by mistake. I only meant to put up the first chapter being in Yaya's pov. Heheh, my bad ^_^" Please don't kill me...(pouty face)

Anyway, I hope you guys can wait a little bit longer for chapter 3 to be posted. My classes are killing me, on top of finding a job and volunteer work, I have only a little bit of time to spare. But, if it's ny consolation, I have started on it already.

Please R/R. They give me a reason to live ^_^