Authors Note: This is my take on an epilogue/vignette after Hathor – I was just sick of all these ones where Daniel is a new-aged-sensitive-wimp who chucks hissy fits – because that's not true of his character at all; I also think a lot of people forget that Jack was (for lack of a better word) abused as well. I am doing another couple of action/adventure/humour stories like Agricultural Practices, but they're nowhere near done! Sorry! Busy with RL (yes – I suddenly have a life!). Thankyou x 1000000000 to the people who gave me such fantastic reviews – they're better than any gift – made me do a little happy jig on my bed. Okies, that's enough – on to the story.
They sat in Jacks living room, a few days after the infiltration by Hathor. The SGC was a mess – the embarkation room was still being cleaned, the locker room repaired, and as for the personnel… The men all had badly damaged egos, some just felt downright stupid; and the women were as much on the outside as ever – despite having rescued everyone. It wasn't that the men were ungrateful, rather, they were purely embarrassed. All personnel were required to attend at least one counselling session.
As a team leader, Jack had been told, sparing private details, how each of his team members had coped. Carter was open and willing to talk to the councillor; Teal'c had been polite, although slightly curt and challenging; and Daniel – like Jack – had been stubborn to open up and divulge his feelings to a stranger, and was uncooperative. Rather than order Daniel to attend another session, Jack preferred to invite the man over have a beer, a game of cards, and – with luck - a talk.
Jack stared at his hand and pursed his lips. The Queen of Spades, the black bitch, stared right back at him. Well, now was as good a time as any.
"Daniel," he began uneasily, looking to the younger man across from him, who was focused on his own cards, "How are you, dealing with all this… stuff. Hathor and all."
Daniel stared at his hand, actually, it seemed he was staring so hard that he was trying to look through the cards the wooden table beneath. Jack was beginning to think he hadn't heard him and he should repeat the question, when the archaeologist spoke up.
"I'm alright." Replied Daniel, blinking, "I'm dealing with it." Daniel paused as he picked up another card, "You?"
Jack shrugged and took a swig of his beer, "Well, we're trained to cope with all sorts of stuff in special ops, though this one definitely takes the cigar." He studied his friends face, before glancing back at his hand, "Do you remember much of what happened?"
"Ah, bits and pieces, enough to get an idea of what was going on I guess."
"Same."
They played in silence for a few minutes, either trying to sort through the muddled thoughts churning in their heads, or trying to focus on the game, and forget.
"They're calling it rape, you know." Said Daniel suddenly.
Well, that was out of the blue, what the hell was he supposed to say to that? Deciding that silence was the best option, Jack stared at his hand and waited for his friend to elaborate.
"I mean, technically, that's what it is I guess." Daniels voice had dropped, and had an emotional detachment that was as disquieting as the words being said. "I just, I wanted to-" Daniel sighed and played a card, "I don't know. I just feel like a real moron."
"We all feel like morons," supplied Jack, playing his own card, "It's not your fault Daniel."
"I know that, I – god you give out crappy hands Jack, I'm dealing next time." he picked up another card.
Jack gave an inward sigh, guessing he wasn't going to get much out of the younger man, unless he opened up too. Damn.
"I feel stupid. And useless."
"Huh?"
"How I'm dealing with it: I feel stupid, useless and ashamed that I let myself be used by that snake – I never even tried to resist her." 'But I'll do what I always do,' he thought, 'I'll put it out of my mind, I'll block it out, I'll forget. And that's how I cope, that's how I keep on living.'
Daniel looked up at him, and repeated the words Jack had said seconds before, "Its not your fault Jack."
Jack nodded unemotionally and took another swig. Daniel frowned and picked up another card.
"'Ashamed', yeah- that about sums it up. Ashamed that I was so easily manipulated. Ashamed that I put everyone at risk. Ashamed that I betrayed Shau're, that I did what I did with her, that I didn't even think to fight back."
Angrily he jammed his cards face up on the table, "Fold."
Jack studied the cards, "Ouch ." That was a bad deal.
And that was it, wasn't it? Daniel – and all of SG1 really – were always getting bad deals. And there was no sudden breakthrough, no quick mending. Things like this didn't get fixed – they were dealt with by being faced and accepted, and then just got pushed aside, until they faded away, until they became hazy memories which remained only as facts – never details or strong feelings.
"I'm coping with it Jack. I'll be alright, and that's what you wanted to know, right? Just let me deal with it myself."
He wanted to say 'We're here for you Daniel, we'll be here anytime you need.' He wanted to say, 'Sure, what happened to you sucks, and there's nothing that can magically help you, but we will always be there for you to count on.' He really wanted to say 'Your not alone. You were never alone.'
What he said was, "Alright. Want another beer?"