Dehla Dove and the Mysterious Sparkling Man
PROLOGUE
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Crap.
You know, I should probably say something noble here, like "Oh, but at least I'm doing it to save someone I love", but in all honesty, all I can think about right now is the fact that I'm about to be teared apart limb from limb, and that afterwards, my blood is going to be completely drained from my body.
But you know, at least it's this really hot guy doing it. Like, at least it isn't some creepy 40 year old dude.
Maybe I can convince him to take away my virginity first?
CHAPTER ONE: BODY ODOR
Rain is wet. Wet and cold. It makes your skin wet, and your hair wet, and your clothes wet.
This is why I dislike rain.
I have decided to move in with my dad, Chuck, because my mom has finally decided to take up her dream of becoming a Las Vegas Prostitute. She said I could come with her, but I think she was being nice. Because I heard her talking to her boyfriend, the semi-famous pornstar Phuckame Phill, and she totally said that my boobs weren't big enough, and that I had too much body fat. I didn't eat for a month after that. Thanks, mom.
Anyway, my dad lives in this really emo town, named Spoons, where it's raining like 95% of the time. My mom asked me how I felt about going there...I said, "Wet."
Only emo people live in this town, I think. So that they have the privilege of walking around and saying "Oh, you think you have a rain cloud over your head 24/7? Well, I actually do!"
Chuck is probably one of the most emo people out there. I might have to break his stereo...whenever I used to spend time with him, he used to have really depressing violin music blasting all the time. Also, his bedroom is painted black, and there is a shrine devoted to my mom in the back of his closet. I saw it once when I was cleaning up the layer of filth that had accumulated since my last visit there.
I couldn't sleep for days.
So anyway, I'm moving in with my dad. I'm hoping I last a while before slitting my wrists.
I'm used to hot, sunny weather, so I wasn't sure what to buy for my trip to cold, soggy Spoons. I decided on lots of black clothes, because of the whole emo thing. Black turtlenecks, black tights, some black Doc Martens...I can only hope I'll be accepted by my peers. Although, let me tell you, if they're all wearing white face make-up and black nail polish, I'm high-tailing out of here.
My dad picks me up from the airport, and immediately his eyes bug out at me. "What are you wearing?" he says. I look down at my outfit. Black shirt, black jacket, black jeans, black rain boots. I clipped a little fake black spider to my hair. You know, just for good measure.
"I'm wearing Spoons Attire, Daddy. Don't you like it?"
He doesn't say anything for a few minutes. Then he says "There's a bug in your hair.", rips out the rubber spider, and throws it on the ground. I decide not to say anything.
We drive back to the house in silence. Chuck doesn't say much. He burps a couple of times though, and possibly releases a few SBDs...I mean, who else can it be? We're the only people in the car.
"Oh, Dehli, I bought you a car."
"Oh, really? Shweet."
"It's a great car. Really."
"I believe you. Yay. Thanks."
"Like, it's really nice, okay? Don't be worried or anything."
"I'm not worried...why would I be worried?"
"I'm just saying, don't be. Because it's an awesome car. A great car. Don't even worry about it."
Now I'm worried.
We get to the house, and I see I worried for a good reason.
It's...
Well, it's a piece of crap.
"Wow, Dad."
"You like it, right? Of course you do!"
I'm not sure how I feel. I mean, I was sort of expecting a hearse, by the way things were going.
"Where did you get this...thing?"
"Oh, sweetie, don't talk about it that way. It has feelings, you know."
I get out of the car, and walk over to my...thing.
"It's...a nice color?"
It's a rusty red...although I'm beginning to think that this isn't a paint job, but rather actual rust.
"It belonged to an old friend of mine, Billybob Dark. You remember him, right?"
I picture a hillbilly with dental issues. "Maybe?"
"He has a son, around your age. Jack Dark."
"That's cute."
"I've arranged for the two of you to get married."
I'm in the middle of trying to open the door; it's stuck. I finally manage to yank it open, and the whole thing comes off. "What did you say?"
"Nothing."
We go inside, and Chuck shows me my room. It's bland and sort of tasteful. I dump my suitcase on the bed, and turn behind me to thank Chuck, but he's disappeared. I'm beginning to sympathize with my mom.
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I get up early the next morning, and dress in a black tee-shirt, a black hoodie, and the black jeans I wore the day before. When you're emo, dirty is clean.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I look like death. I should fit in perfectly.
I can't help wishing I had a bigger chest, because if I did, I'd be in Las Vegas right now, learning how to pole dance.
I go downstairs, decide to skip breakfast, and grab my bookbag. "Dad?" No answer. Great. I turn to the front door and there he is, in front of me. I scream, and he puts his hand over my mouth.
"Dehli, just wanted to wish you good luck today." He kisses my forehead, and then disappears into the kitchen. I decide to pretend that that didn't just happen.
When I go outside, it's raining. Wonderful. I run to the car, and catapult myself inside. If water touches me, I melt.
The car doesn't start until my 22nd try. When it does, it makes a sound like a jackhammer.
I bet the other kids will be so jealous.
Somehow, with my great animal instinct, I manage to find the school. I drove the entire way with my eyes closed, hoping that I'd either luck out, or get crushed by another car. As it is, I'm probably leaving a trail of auto parts behind me.
The school parking lot is filled with random cars that aren't as speshul as mine. Oh, except that one. There's a really nice black car with like a big H on it. I don't know what that means, but it's Hot.
Nobody's outside, so nobody's staring at the piece of crap car or the New Girl. Thank...Satan.
I walk into the building, go into the main office, and immediately know that something's wrong. The secretary isn't wearing black. She's wearing pink. I try not to let this get to me.
"Excuse me, my name is..."
"Dehla Dove. We've been waiting for you." She smiles widely, and her eyes look like they're out of focus. O...kay.
She gives me my class schedule, and then giggles in a funny way before sending me off to class. I walk slowly down the hallway, scared shitless. Why couldn't I be a stripper why why why...
I get to class and immediately feel as if I'm going to collapse onto the floor and never get up again.
Apparently, the people of Spoons aren't Gothic, Satan-worshiping emos after all. They're shockingly normal....and they all grin at me in the same way that the creepy secretary did.
The teacher glances at me, and smiles. "Class, please welcome Miss Dehla Dove!" With his enthusiasm, I was afraid the class was going to break into song. They don't.
I sit down next to a boy with big teeth, bad hair, and pimples.
"Hi Dehla."
"Actually, it's Dehla."
"Isn't that what I said?"
"No."
He looks puzzled for a moment, and then he says, "Hey hot stuff. I'm Derek, and I want you to have my babies."
I smile in the best way that I can. "Gee, that's flattering."
"Wanna do something later?"
"I have plans."
"Tomorrow?"
"Plans."
"Thursday?"
"I'm a lesbian."
He stares at me for a minute, then shrugs. "I can handle that."
"I can't."
"Can we be friends?"
"Sure, friends."
"Friends with benefits?"
"No."
"Okay. Deal."
After Derek stops smiling at me and looking at my pants, he actually turns out to be kind of nice. He walks me to lunch, and lets me sit at his table. "This is Jenny, Angie, and Lilly. They're cool."
Each girl bobs their head respectively.
"This is Mickey."
A cute boy barely acknowledges my presence, so immediately, I'm wild about him. But then he looks up, notices that I'm of a female variety, and starts grinning like a maniac...and so of course, all of the feelings I might have had for him are doused. "You must be Dehla."
"No, it's Dehla."
"That's what I said."
"No, you didn't."
"Whatever. Come sit with me!"
I smile nervously and plop down next to one of the eager bopping girls. I think this one is Jenny.
"Hi Dehla!"
"It's DEHLA."
"Okay!"
I roll my eyes, and decide to stare into space for a while.
And then I see them.
The only actual emo people in the entire school.
"Who are those guys?"
"Oh, those are the Sullens. There's Cinderella, Snow White, Eckerds, Jeapers, and Cedward."
"Wow." Why couldn't my parents name me something normal like that? Instead, I get stuck with stupid Dehla, with half of the world's population not figuring out how to pronounce it.
They're all beautiful. Really beautiful. They either have really pale skin, or the best goth makeup on the market. I can tell which ones are Cinderella and Snow White right away – Cinderella is a gorgeous blond, and Snow White is a black-haired tiny thing. But as for the others...
"Which guy is which?"
"Eckerds is the big guy. Jeapers is the one that looks constipated. And Cedward is the one you're going to marry and have a mutant baby with."
"Come again?"
"I said, Cedward is the one with the red hair."
"Oh, gotcha." I need to get my hearing checked.
"Don't even think about asking any of them out, though."
"I wasn't." Really.
"Because they'd all reject you. All of them."
"Okay. Got it."
"Especially Cedward. Don't go near him."
"Ten-four."
"Because he's too good for you."
"Okay."
"Don't feel bad, though. He doesn't like anyone. You're no exception."
"Wonderful."
The girl who might be Jenny sighs. "I'm so sorry, Dehla. I hate crushing you like this."
She's pronounced my name wrong again.
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"Hey, new girl."
My biology teacher turns out to be a normal guy. That's nice.
"Go sit next there."
He points at the only empty seat in the classroom. It's next to Cedward, the guy who's too good for me. I shrug.
I go to sit down next to Cedward, and all of a sudden he starts retching. Retching. I absently wonder if he has some kind of disease.
"Should I get the nurse?" I decide to be polite. Since, you know, he's actually not bad looking.
He turns his head all the way around, like the girl in the exorcist, and he's glaring at me. If eyes had bullets, I'd have a big ol' GSW in the chest.
"Geez. Sorry."
He hisses.
Why, oh why, did I move to Spoons?
Now he's gripping his nose, and he's barely breathing. I'm freaking out a little bit, because now I think it's me. I suddenly remember that I forgot to put on deodorant this morning. Oh, god.
I glance over at Cedward's paper. Even though he still has one hand desperately gripping his nose, he's now drawing a picture on the back of the biology worksheet. He's drawing a girl with little droplets spurting from her neck. A little word bubbles reads, Help me.
Oh, snap.
The bell rings and Cedward rushes out of the room, leaving his masterpiece behind.
"Wow, Dehla, that's a nice drawing you've got there."
Mickey's behind me, panting over my shoulder. I grimace. "It's Dehla. And that's not mine, it's that kid's..."
"Cedward? Wow. He's a really good artist!"
I stare at the stick figure. "Oh, yeah."
"Looks like you!"
"No kidding?"
"Wow. What'd you do?"
"Nothing, I...Mickey?"
"What?"
"Do I smell?"
"Uh...no comment?"
"Really, Mickey. Because he was sort of holding his nose in this funny way, and I was wondering..."
Mickey looks embarrassed, like he doesn't know what to say. Finally, he clears his throat. "It's kind of obvious, Dehla. Nobody said anything because you're the new girl and everything and we wanted to be nice. Plus, we thought maybe Goths don't wear deoderant."
My eyes fill up with tears. "So you mean, I have really bad body odor?"
"I'm afraid so."
I run away, tripping over my untied shoelaces six times before making it out of the building. Next stop, Rite Aid, aisle 7.
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