Oh, hey.
This is the greatest thing you will ever read ever.
Taylor and I got bored.
So here's a story.
You will cry tears of magic.
I guarantee it.
If you're not random and easily amused, do not read this story.
Neither of us own Pokémon or Harry Potter if we did this would happen.
Story by Lillybird11 and Taylorcutie.
Don't steal it no matter how much you want to. We'll find you.
Please don't be offended by whatever there is to be offended by.
Rated T for MAJOR cussing.
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO.

THIS. IS A STORY OF A LOVE THAAAT FLOURRRISHED IN A TIIIIIME OF HAATTTTEEEE.

ONCE UPON A SEASHELL…

"Oh, I can't believe it, my parents are so stupid and mean and I don't like them!" Lily exclaimed, flopping down on her bed.

"Oh Jesus, what now?" Rose said to her irritating cousin that randomly manifested at her house.

"I hate the sport Quidditch." Lily exclaimed again.

"…"

"*ahem* I hate the sport Quidditch!"

"…Okay?"

"ASK ME WHY, YOU BITCH!"

"WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU LIKE QUIDDITCH?"

"Because my parents are paying all their attention to Albus and James. All I hear is 'James this' and 'Albus that'. It's driving me crazy!"

"I don't care! Why are you in my house!"

"Because I need to vent and you're the one who actually listens to my problems."

"I never said I listen."

"How can I get their attention back?"

"Well, you could fake your own death. Or real your own death. You arrogant toerag."

"NO! I have to do something SCANDALOUS! I HAVE TO… TO MFFFPHMFPPHMFPH," Lily said as a muffin appeared in her mouth. Rose had grown tired of her nonsensical ramblings (much like many others), and shoved a muffin down her windpipe.

What neither of them realized was that the muffin was magical.

"Hey, Rose? Why is this muffin bursting into flames?" Lily said after she spit the muffin out.

"Please be poison please be poison!"

"Haha, you're funny! But seriously, why is it—"

Lily never finished her question. All of a sudden, the color in her face left, her eyes rolled into her head, and she dropped; no pulse. Dead.

Rose was stunned. Her mouth was agape. "Cou—Could it be? Is she… is… she… YES! HOLY SHIT, FINALLY! AHAHAHAHA! She's gone, she's gone, SHE'S—"

But as soon as Lily hit the floor, the color returned to her face, and her eyes returned, only with a new color. A frightening, bloodthirsty red.

"FOOLISH MORTAL," she bellowed with an unnatural, booming, terrifying voice. "STOP YOUR CHITTERING."

Rose shut up in an instant. "Ugh, only me…"

"DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE SPEAKING TO?"

"My idiot cousin?"

"YOU ARE SPEAKING TO TEEK TEEK, THE OCEAN GODDESS OF RAPA NUI!"

"Lily I hate you so much."

"WHO IS LILY? I AM TEEK TEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK-uh."

"…I'm gonna get a soda…"

All of a sudden, Teddy apperates into the room and proclaims, "I LIKE CHEESECAKE."

Lily's all like "OH HOT DAMN WHO IS THIS SEXY PIECE OF MAN MEAT?"

"My name's Teddy and I have blue hair."

"AW SHIT YEAH." Lily/Teek Teek then proceeded to strike down a lightning bolt unto Teddy.

But Teddy deflected the blow with his manly pectorals.

Because he is shirtless.

Yes.

"OOH MISTER LUPIN, OOOOH. MY OH MY, YOU LOOKIN' FINEEEE TODAY."

"WHY YES, I'M CERTAINLY LOOKING EXQUISITE," he said as he flexed broodingly. "BUT I AM IN TOO MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN TO CARE ABOUT MY HOT ASS BODY." He burst out crying.

"…The fuck?" Rose exclaimed.

Lily/Teek Teek ran towards Teddy, arms outstretched, screaming, "OH MY TEDDY BEAR, I AM HERE FOR YOU." But she never made it to Teddy, for just then, a giant black hole-y thingy appeared, and a dark, echoing cry made its way to their ears.

A cry of, "Huuugoo-CHUUUUUUUUUUU!"

A bolt of lightning flashed out of the hole, and a wild Hugo appeared! Hugo ran across the room, circled and fell down on a pillow, and scratched his ear with his foot.

"Dear god I hate my family," Rose muttered under her breath.

Lily/Teek Teek paid no attention as she made her way to her muscular and angsty lovah. Teek Teek was forgotten for the moment. Lily returned… briefly.

"Oh Teddy my love! I want you to… to…"

"To what, my dear?" He held her in his arms while everything turned all bishie-kawaii desu.

"To… paint me like one of your French girls."

"…What French girls?"

"Your French girls! Your Frenchy friends that live in the basement! Don't think I don't know about them, what with their screaming for freedom!"

Suddenly, Teek Teek returned. "DRAW ME, DAMN YOU! DRRAAAWWWWWWWWWWW."

"A'ight, I'll try, I guess," Teddy whimpered while cowering in fear in the corner. He is still shirtless by the way.

"GO, MAN-SLAVE. OFF YOU GO TO YOUR DRAWING QUARTERS AND FETCH ME YOUR MURSE."

"What for, my lor—lady?" Teddy is still cowering and still flexing his ass muscles.

"I JUST FUCKING LOVE MAN PURSES."

"It's not a purse! It's a satchel! Indiana Jones wears one."

"OH DAMNNN, HARRISON FORD IS SO FIIIIIIINEEEE."

"Excuse me?" Teddy inquired.

"HOTTEST 50 YEAR OLD EVER."

Hugo suddenly butted in. "No way! Alan Rickman is the hottest 50 year old ever!"

"Way to break the fourth wall, dingbat."

"Shut up, Rose."

All of a sudden, Scorpius flies in, donning different, SUPER KAWAII DESU APPAREL.

"'Sup laydayysss, I'm Spiderman, 'n' Ah gots dem supah spiday sensesss."

Rose swoons.

"Ooh, mister Scorpion, ooooh. You've come to save me! Ooooooohhhhh."

"Yes, my darling! Come to me! Run into my arms! And we will fly far, far away with MAH SPIDAH PAWAHS."

"OH HAAAYYYYYYYLLLLL TO THE NAWWWW."

Hugo comes in and sports his ghetto-ass earmuffs and his Hufflepuff scarf of irony.

Scorpius huffed. "STOP DESTROYING MY ONLY CHANCE AT LOVE, YOU SILLY DUCKLING."

"SHUT UP SCORPIUS."

"PLEASE MAN. I HAVE NO FRIENDS."

"The fuck are you wearing on your neck, boy?" asked Rose.

"Hufflepuff, man!"

"What the hell's a pufflemuff?"

"It's not a Pufflemuff, it's a HUFFLEPUUUUFFFFF!"

"A mufflepuff?"

"NOOOOO, IT'S A—"

"Why the hell are you wearing that pussy-ass house?" Scorpius howled.

"The other houses are too mainstream!" Hugo is now donning large, fake glasses.

"…Pufflehuff?"

"GOD DAMMIT ROSE. IT'S A HUFF. LE. PUFF."

"Ooooohhhhh, okaaayyyyyy, haahaaaaahahahaaaaa. I'm so sillyyyyyyy," Rose answers dizzily, swaying and falling into Scorpius' arms.

"Hehehe, whoooppppsssssss."

"YO, ASSHOLES. DID YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT THE OCEAN GODDESS OF RAPA-FUCKING-NUI?"

Teddy answered scruffily, "Of course not my love. We all—"

"BOY I SAID GET MAH MAAAAN PURRSEEE."

Rose sighed. "You know what, Spider-Scorp'? I've had about enough of Teek Teek and the blue haired emo kid."

"Mmm, quite."

"I have an idea, darling. Let's elope!"

"Mhmm, splendid notion!"

"Yes, we can go to Hawaii! We can Hula dance, and eat pig roasts, and then we can—"

Hugo dramatically and ironically smacked his forehead. "You know what? I came here for one thing, and one thing only."

"What's that?" asked Teddy, attractively and angst-filled-ly.

"SCORPIUS. I CHALLENGE YOU TO A... POKÉMON BATTLE!"

"Wait what?" asked Scorpius.

Hugo suddenly drew out a Pokéball from his fabulous scarf-pocket.

"CHARIZARD, I CHOOSE YOU!"

Charmanderp and his flaming tail appeared out of the pokéball.

"Wait what the hell? I could've sworn I had a Charizard. You're a Charmanderp?"

"Hell yeah, I'm a Charmanderp. You got a problem, chump?"

"…I guess… not…"

"Yeah, you better not, buddy. Alright, let's get this popsicle stand on the road."

"…Right, okay."

Charmanderp's face starting twisting and contorted in way that left the rest of the douchebags speechless and horrified.

Suddenly, a flash of light appeared and they realized what attack he was using.

Charmanderp used… DERP!

Attack… kind of effective.

Scorpius was infuriated. "OH. YOU DONE IT NOWWWW, SON. LE'GGO."

He drew out his Pokéball and Rose was all, "FML OMG WTF BBQ," and donned a chef's hat and pulled out a steak on a skewer from her ear.

Because barbeque.

Scorpius' Pokéball flashed, and out popped a Mudkip!

Mudkip used Kip! Attack super effective!

Charmanderp's ass got killed!

Hugo was all like, "you bitch."

"Whateves, brother-in-law!"

Rose gasped. "DOES THIS MEAN…?" And swooned.

"Yes, my love, we will get married."

"OMFGIZZLES FFFF HEART HEART STAR EX OH EX OH."

It was romantic.

AND SUPER FUCKING KAWAII DESU—okay we're done with that shit.

Just then, Lily took out her fancy glove and slapped Teddy.

He was all like, "owww, sobsob, what was that for?"

"WHY CAN'T YOU BE ROMANTIC LIKE THAT? MEHHHH."

Lily ran out crying, like the stereotypical crazy girlfriend, and Teddy chased after her, yelling apologies and telling her how much he loves her, like the stereotypical pussy-whipped boyfriend.

Suddenly, ANOTHER flash of light appeared. A raven-haired boy and a little yellow rat lookin' thang appeared.

It was Ash and Pikachu!

Whaaaaaat?

Pikachu used Thunderbolt!

Mudkip got knocked out!

I'm using the enter key too much!

Everyone stared at Ash, and he was all, "'Sup hoes? Where dat bitch Misty at? We gotts to find dat shawty. Mmmm dat lil' mama…"

Hugo was all, "Why are you acting gangstah? You clearly not gangstah fooo'."

"Why is you wearin' dem stoopid ass fake glasses? Dey oooobviously dun' do nuthin'.

"THEY'RE IRONIC, DAMN YOU." He then cried his sad little hipster tears.

"Dat crackah was weird as hell. But where dat ho Misty at? Fo' realz."

Rose suddenly lost it. "WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE. GO BOTHER VOLDEMORT OR SOMETHING."

Everyone gasped.

But nobody actually cared. Because Voldemort died.

Ash decided to go out and look for Misty with Pikachu. They spent many years in the jungles of Madagascar, surviving only on the hope that someday, somewhere, they would find their friend.

Also the flesh of the natives.

They confided in each other with their deepest secrets, and expanded their friendship to immeasurable boundaries, until Pikachu finally expressed his love for Ash that he had been hiding for all those years. Ash scooped up his tiny friend, all memories of Misty lost, and kis—WHOOPS WE'RE CUTTING OFF THERE BYE.

Because Lily woke up.

"Wow, what a crazy dream." She looked over to the opposite side of her bed, and said good morning to her fiancé.

"Hi sweetie. You'll never believe the dream I just had," she said while stoking his sexy mantastic mustache.

"What's that, poo-bear?" Sirius Black said as he leaned into her stroking.

"I'll tell you later," she said with a smirk as they leaned in and kis—WHOOPS WE'RE CUTTING OFF THERE BYE.

Because Lily woke up AGAIN in a maid's outfit.

"GETCHO ASS DOWN HERE GIRL, AND MAKE ME SOME SOUP," came the angelic voice of her dear mother, Ginny.

"Yes mother, I'll be down briefly."

"STUPID KID, MAKE ME SOME BROCOLLI AND CHEEEESSSEEEEEE."

Then Lily went downstairs. The whole family ate cabbage and sniffed each other's hands and talked about their feelings and bowed down to a portrait of their cult leader, Dumbledore.

All was well.

AND THAT'S IT.
You loved it I know it don't lie you're just jelly /z-snap.
Review.
Touch the little button.
Satisfy it.
It's lonely.