Harry Potter: All hopes dashed.
Disclaimer: Yes I own everything ever made! What? Oh, I'm not dreaming anymore. I only own the plot.
Summery: Welcome to Harry Potter All Hopes Dashed, In which we, my cousin Peter and I, will try to destroy most of the Harry Potter roomers out there with some well launched comedic missiles.
A/N: Well, not much to say from me, and I don't know about peter, since we live about 800kms from one another, with only the occasional MSN chat to see what the other thinks. I share all credit with Peter, and all blame.
Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was going on with what he did best, living. He really was quite a selfish boy when you think about it, going on living when Voldermort had tried to kill him about 5 times already. I mean come on! This boy is a perfect example of a teenaged boy, being so self- centered all the time. Poor Voldermort must be at his wits end, this boy just refuses to do anything his elders tell him to. For example, in his fourth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Mr Barty Crouch, who was occupying the form of Mr Mad-Eye Moody, politely asked him to "Jump onto the desk", Harry answers back with a "No, I don't think I will," Another example of his disregard for his elders is when Voldermort kindly asked him to "Just answer no," Harry yelled back "I WON'T!" Some other things that mark him as a perfect example of a teenaged boy is the fact that, his parents are dead, he lives with his Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and his cousin Dudley, who he hates, his God-farther is a convicted murderer, he sends letters to his friends by owl post and he studies witchcraft and wizardry at a school called Hogwarts.
Actually... he's not normal at all! Oh my goodness! He's a Freak! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Harry awoke on his birthday at number 4 Privit Dr.
/Hmmm, / He thought to himself, /Thought I heard someone screaming, oh well. Better let Headwig in, she's been hammering on my window for at-least 5 hours, and those letters and parcels tied to her legs look heavy. Maybe I should have let her in when she first woke me up at 12:30, oh well, /
Harry opened the window, and let her in. She barely made it to the bed before she fainted in a heap. Harry untied the parcels and letters from her leg and flicked through them, before selecting the one from Mrs Weasley. It turned out to be another sweater, Harry opened the draw that contained the other seven from her, and put it in. Harry added the rock cakes from Hagrid to the heap inside his wardrobe (he was conducting an experiment to see how long it took them to start to go moldy, none of them had, even the ones from his first year at Hogwarts.). Harry got a dog-bone from Sirius, (Harry was not suprised, his god-father had been spending a-lot of time in his animagus form, and had evidentially stated to believe that he realy was a dog, and therefor Harry must be one too) From Ginny he got another 'Harry- I'm-madly-in-love-with-you-and-I've-been-trying-to-tell-you' mix tape, From Ron he got a Chudly Cannons poster and from Hermione he got another 'Harry- I'm-not-madly-in-love-with-you-and-I'm trying-to-make-it-obvious' mix tape.
Now there was only one more letter, it was form Hogwarts.
"Ahh, this will be the book list and," he said while opening it, "Yes! The prefect list! Common, pleasebemepleasebemepleasebeme!"
Harry skimmed over the other house lists, Draco wasn't a prefect, and Harry smiled at this fact. Finally he got to Gryffindor.
"Clare Sampson and Michele Douglas? Who the heck are they? Oh, probably just some characters the J.K Rowling added to flesh out the plot a little, no doubt they'll die somewhere along in the book so we'll have a period of mourning. That'll add another couple of chapters to the book, and will be a perfect time to introduce Voldermort's school-based informant," Harry summarized.
Harry looked at the school newsletter, "So this year we'll have a female DATDA teacher named Arabella Figg. Oh! Mrs Figg! Cat lady!"
Harry ran down the stairs and out the door. It wasn't very far to Mrs Figg's house; it never is with these sorts of things. Harry hammered on Mrs Figg's door, and he heard her moving about inside, muttering something about "Damn Jehovah witnesses". She opened the door a crack and saw Harry standing there.
"Wadda you want Harry, I told you, I never saw you're only ever toy your Aunt and Uncle gave you." She growled, her hand darting to a pouch around her neck.
"No, it's nothing about the only ever toy my Aunt and Uncle gave me," Harry said, his eyes filling with tears at the memory of it. It was a small cheap plastic dragon that you find in the boxes of cereal, It had gone missing after Harry brought it to Mrs Figg's to show her one time he was staying with her. Mrs Fig collected them, and only needed the dragon to complete the set, but the makers had stopped producing them, and the Dursly's had bought the last packet, "It's just," Harry's eyes darted around, as if he was checking for spies, "I know your a witch, and that you are going to teach at Hogwarts this year, I came here to congratulate you,"
Mrs Figg's eyes went wide with shock and horror. "You little b---------d! How dare you accuse me of being such an evil thing! I want you off my property this instant!" she screamed.
"Heh, heh, ulp! It was just a joke, um, heh, right. I'll be going now." Harry stammered as he backed away, "Uh, nice talking to you," Harry ran all the way back home, and just got back before his Aunt, Uncle and Cousin woke up.
At breakfast harry asked his Uncle what Mrs Figg's first name was.
"Francine, why do you want to know, boy?" Uncle Vernon barked.
"Just wondered," Harry said, blushing. /How could I have not known that? / He thought.
That's it for now, tell us what you think. My e-mail's superspazz@hotmail.com and I check it daily, so send me any questions comments queries or death-threats, and I'll try and get back to you. Or you could just reply, the buttons down there \/ somewhere.
Disclaimer: Yes I own everything ever made! What? Oh, I'm not dreaming anymore. I only own the plot.
Summery: Welcome to Harry Potter All Hopes Dashed, In which we, my cousin Peter and I, will try to destroy most of the Harry Potter roomers out there with some well launched comedic missiles.
A/N: Well, not much to say from me, and I don't know about peter, since we live about 800kms from one another, with only the occasional MSN chat to see what the other thinks. I share all credit with Peter, and all blame.
Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was going on with what he did best, living. He really was quite a selfish boy when you think about it, going on living when Voldermort had tried to kill him about 5 times already. I mean come on! This boy is a perfect example of a teenaged boy, being so self- centered all the time. Poor Voldermort must be at his wits end, this boy just refuses to do anything his elders tell him to. For example, in his fourth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Mr Barty Crouch, who was occupying the form of Mr Mad-Eye Moody, politely asked him to "Jump onto the desk", Harry answers back with a "No, I don't think I will," Another example of his disregard for his elders is when Voldermort kindly asked him to "Just answer no," Harry yelled back "I WON'T!" Some other things that mark him as a perfect example of a teenaged boy is the fact that, his parents are dead, he lives with his Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and his cousin Dudley, who he hates, his God-farther is a convicted murderer, he sends letters to his friends by owl post and he studies witchcraft and wizardry at a school called Hogwarts.
Actually... he's not normal at all! Oh my goodness! He's a Freak! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Harry awoke on his birthday at number 4 Privit Dr.
/Hmmm, / He thought to himself, /Thought I heard someone screaming, oh well. Better let Headwig in, she's been hammering on my window for at-least 5 hours, and those letters and parcels tied to her legs look heavy. Maybe I should have let her in when she first woke me up at 12:30, oh well, /
Harry opened the window, and let her in. She barely made it to the bed before she fainted in a heap. Harry untied the parcels and letters from her leg and flicked through them, before selecting the one from Mrs Weasley. It turned out to be another sweater, Harry opened the draw that contained the other seven from her, and put it in. Harry added the rock cakes from Hagrid to the heap inside his wardrobe (he was conducting an experiment to see how long it took them to start to go moldy, none of them had, even the ones from his first year at Hogwarts.). Harry got a dog-bone from Sirius, (Harry was not suprised, his god-father had been spending a-lot of time in his animagus form, and had evidentially stated to believe that he realy was a dog, and therefor Harry must be one too) From Ginny he got another 'Harry- I'm-madly-in-love-with-you-and-I've-been-trying-to-tell-you' mix tape, From Ron he got a Chudly Cannons poster and from Hermione he got another 'Harry- I'm-not-madly-in-love-with-you-and-I'm trying-to-make-it-obvious' mix tape.
Now there was only one more letter, it was form Hogwarts.
"Ahh, this will be the book list and," he said while opening it, "Yes! The prefect list! Common, pleasebemepleasebemepleasebeme!"
Harry skimmed over the other house lists, Draco wasn't a prefect, and Harry smiled at this fact. Finally he got to Gryffindor.
"Clare Sampson and Michele Douglas? Who the heck are they? Oh, probably just some characters the J.K Rowling added to flesh out the plot a little, no doubt they'll die somewhere along in the book so we'll have a period of mourning. That'll add another couple of chapters to the book, and will be a perfect time to introduce Voldermort's school-based informant," Harry summarized.
Harry looked at the school newsletter, "So this year we'll have a female DATDA teacher named Arabella Figg. Oh! Mrs Figg! Cat lady!"
Harry ran down the stairs and out the door. It wasn't very far to Mrs Figg's house; it never is with these sorts of things. Harry hammered on Mrs Figg's door, and he heard her moving about inside, muttering something about "Damn Jehovah witnesses". She opened the door a crack and saw Harry standing there.
"Wadda you want Harry, I told you, I never saw you're only ever toy your Aunt and Uncle gave you." She growled, her hand darting to a pouch around her neck.
"No, it's nothing about the only ever toy my Aunt and Uncle gave me," Harry said, his eyes filling with tears at the memory of it. It was a small cheap plastic dragon that you find in the boxes of cereal, It had gone missing after Harry brought it to Mrs Figg's to show her one time he was staying with her. Mrs Fig collected them, and only needed the dragon to complete the set, but the makers had stopped producing them, and the Dursly's had bought the last packet, "It's just," Harry's eyes darted around, as if he was checking for spies, "I know your a witch, and that you are going to teach at Hogwarts this year, I came here to congratulate you,"
Mrs Figg's eyes went wide with shock and horror. "You little b---------d! How dare you accuse me of being such an evil thing! I want you off my property this instant!" she screamed.
"Heh, heh, ulp! It was just a joke, um, heh, right. I'll be going now." Harry stammered as he backed away, "Uh, nice talking to you," Harry ran all the way back home, and just got back before his Aunt, Uncle and Cousin woke up.
At breakfast harry asked his Uncle what Mrs Figg's first name was.
"Francine, why do you want to know, boy?" Uncle Vernon barked.
"Just wondered," Harry said, blushing. /How could I have not known that? / He thought.
That's it for now, tell us what you think. My e-mail's superspazz@hotmail.com and I check it daily, so send me any questions comments queries or death-threats, and I'll try and get back to you. Or you could just reply, the buttons down there \/ somewhere.