Hellman vol. 1: Hellman Guns Down the Crysler Building (feat. Mario)

(A: Since this is on ffn and I had to include fandoms I decided to add in Mario since I guess I like that)

Hey, sibling. I'm Hellman, and I'm not the kind of person you would see going outside often, or going anywhere at all, mostly, as I'm only visible to people who know what they're looking for. Yeah, that's right, you could say that I'm legally invisible. It probably wouldn't be as fun to be if you weren't living my life.

What kind of a life do I live? Well, aren't you nosy, asking for personal info on someone you just met... I like you. Keep reading and maybe you'll find out.

Before I moved on with the rest of my life, I needed to take down America. And to do that, I had to take out their capital: the Crystler Building.

"Uh, Hellman," You say, gasping in surprise. "How are you going to do that?"

Simple. *I mime cocking a shotgun in front of your watching eyes.*

However, I don't have the gun yet, so I'm going to have to do something about that. I keep a cool head, though. I've planned this out for months, made a schedule and a map and everything.

I'm driving my ash gray Venture Van (which is the same color as my skin, coincidentally [A: it's not a coincidence]) and I soon arrive at a police station. I take a deep breath before I exit the car. It's snowing right now, and the cold weather really seems to hate my guts with the way it makes me cold and stuff.

However, that only happened once. This time, I came prepared. I grabbed and cocked my umbrella and made my way into the station.

I break in through the air vent and put my umbrella directly outside. After crawling around for a bit, I find a grate and pull myself through it, landing onto the marble tiles with a slight clack and nothing more.

I appear to be in the main hall. No one is around, and the security cameras that are can't do shit. I love my life.

Then I remember that the grate I opened to get here is still swinging above me. I'm too far away from it to reach it, but maybe if I found a long enough object to shut it up...

I scanned the room. In the pitch black of the night, I managed to make out the outline of a rifle leaning on the corner of the end of a locker room. I rush over and swipe it up, and then scamper back to the grate.

I hear noises behind me. This can't be good.

I slowly turn my head and see two guards walking up the hall towards me, chatting and laughing and unaware of the presence they were sure to bump into in a few steps. I had to move, but I would make sound, moving all over the floor like that.

I suppose I could've done many things in that situation. A normal person probably would've tried to get back into the vent. A semi-normal person would've shot the door to unlock it and leave sooner. I, however, did the thing that I had to, the thing that felt more... me...

Cocking the hammer of my brand new rifle, I called out to the guards, "Who goes there?"

The police paused for a few seconds. Then one of them responded, "Sam."

Mustering up as deep and menacing of a voice that I possibly could, I bellowed, "WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?"

More silence from the police. Kind of like when I tried to report-

"This isn't a house..." The officer who spoke before said. "This is a police station..."

"THEN WHY AM I HERE AND HOW DID I GET IN?"

The officer gasped and turned to their partner. "We're trespassing! They're gonna fire us!"

"YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO LEAVE, STARTING NOW."

The officers began running back from whence they came. I turned and ran towards the other door and shot them in the back as I left for good measure.

Now outside, a small fire starting in the station behind me, I adjust my triangle shades and stare up into the sky, where the distant figure of the target looms. It's time.