Song: "Your Hand In Mine" - Explosions In The Sky (Strongly recommend it to be heard while reading)
As soon as I heard the song, I went on a rampage writing. Listen to it. It's beautiful :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
You knew that one day, you'd get the call. I guess when your gone, time goes a lot faster than you think...because you didn't expect it to be so soon.
Charlie called. He was too frantic and enthusiastic to keep it from you. Even after all those times you had made him promise not to talk to you about Jake, he couldn't help it. He couldn't help but feel like you needed to know. But you didn't know why, Charlie of all people should have known that Jacob was a wound that would never heal.
After you left, no one told you Jacob got a girlfriend. No one told you that they were quick to marry. No one told you that he built her a house out of scratch with a white picket fence. No one told you anything.
Because you made them all swear to never say his name. To never bring him up after you left him behind. Ever.
It burned way to much within.
Up until now, everyone had kept that promise to you.
Until Charlie called.
Jacob's wife has gone into labor...
You realize,
Jacob had a wife.
Jacob was going to have a kid.
Your Jacob...was having a kid...
A kid. A tiny baby girl.
The last time you saw him, he was merely a kid himself...
You can't breathe. You can't manage the words. You can't close your eyes and ears fast enough when realization hits.
Jacob never left La Push. And yet, he's found everything you left everyone behind for.
Jacob Black forgot you.
Just like that.
Your stomach turns in knots and you feel like you have never felt before. This was something else. The heaviness in your heart isn't normal. This pain you feel...it feels like it's going to kill you. There aren't any emotions you can distinguish. You know guilt and rejection are some where in there, but the wave of pain you feel, feel like everything you have ever lived and believed for, has died.
You don't ask Charlie questions. You don't even respond to Charlie. For one moment you are listening to Charlie enthusiastically tell you about Jacobs wife, and the next minute your in your car speeding down the high way.
It's been a long time since you've left.
Five years since you've last seen Edward.
Four years since you've last seen Jacob.
Three years since you've last seen Charlie.
And two years since you've cried so hard like you are right now.
Your hands are barely on the steering wheel as your constantly trying to wipe the unremitting tears.
Only 100 miles left until you reach La Push.
Only one second away from feeling like you can't do this anymore.
It's two in the morning when you arrive. Your face is blotchy beyond recognition. Your throat burns like a fire from the strain of your cries. You got to take it.
Even after you swore you'd never come back.
You had to.
Did you really manage to make the world believe you could act like he never existed?
Jacob always told you that you were a bad liar.
But look where you are. You lied to the world. You lied to him. And yet you had everyone fooled, including yourself.
Jacob Black is buried so deep inside you, and you know that what you're about to do is probably the worse thing you have done to him yet.
You are coming back, to tell him everything.
You can't remember when you chose to leave. At the time your life was so twisted and torn between two men that you can't even track any coherent thought when you made the decision. All you remember was telling Edward a final goodbye and leaving for Florida.
You knew Edward would let you go if you asked. You knew that you'd ruin his existence when you'd hand the engagement ring back.
But that was something you were willing to do.
But as you packed your bags and told Charlie you were off to see you mother, you refused to see Jacob.
Much less say goodbye.
For some reason, that was something you knew you wouldn't manage.
You know for a fact that he looked for you.
He called your mother's house non-stop for days.
It was because of him that Charlie found out you never went to Renee's.
It was because of him that you were chewed out by Charlie for hours when you checked in with him a week after you left.
It was because of him that you did go stay at Renee's.
And it was there that you heard the phone ring everyday.
And everyday you made your mother say some excuse.
No matter what, it was always, "Bella's not here right now"
You forced Renee to stop answering. You had no idea how huge of a mistake that was.
Because once she stopped answering the phone, the answer machine started to get fuller and fuller every day.
You could handle Jacob looking for you. You could handle Renee's awful and shameful glares when you made her lie for you.
You could handle hurting over Jacob from a distance.
But you couldn't handle Jacob's voice through the recording device.
Some times they were short.
A mere, "Bella, I know you're there. Please answer me."
Other times you could here the silent tears in his voice as he begged you to call him back.
And the worse one's were the one's where he apologized for loving you and pushing to be more.
You never wanted him to be sorry for those things.
And yet through every decision you had made so far, it didn't hit you that he was the reason for everything.
Jacob Black was the reason you ran. Jacob Black is the reason why you held on for 5 years. Jacob Black is the reason why you're willing to throw it all away for just one more time, to be his.
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