Title: Love to Love

Author: kenzimone

Summary: Val discovers something new about herself, but her timing never has been good..

Author Note: I never thought I'd write a wedding fic, but here I am.. It's J/V.. Why? Because out of all the romance fics I've read here, the J/V ones appeal to me the most. Besides, we need more J/V fics in this category..

Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, do you think the show would be off air right now?

₪₪₪₪

"So, how do I look?" I turn around to face my best friend, nervously smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles in the front of my dress.

She smiles, reaching out to adjust the veil. "You look gorgeous."

I give her a thankful smile back, before turning around to face the large mirror. "I can't believe this is about to happen," I whisper, plucking at my veil as Caitie tries to swat my hands away from it.

"Stop it, it looks good as it is!" She laughs and manages to grab one of my flailing hands, giving me a stern look. Then her expression suddenly softens and she sighs, squeezing my hand and looking into the mirror at my reflection. "I can't believe this is happening either. I just hope I won't start to cry.. I always cry at weddings, even when I try not to.." She glances at me. "It's bad for my image."

We both manage to look serious for a moment before breaking into laughter. Caitie lets go of my hand, but not before giving me a look warning me not to touch the veil again, and walks over to the dresser.

"You know," she says, picking up the bouquet lying on it and carefully touching the petals of the flowers. "I never thought you'd marry Tyler Connell of all people." She gives a soft chuckle.

I tear my gaze away from my veil before turning around, puzzled. "Why not?"

She looks up, placing the bouquet back on the dresser and walks over to me, sitting down on the small couch beside the mirror.

"Well, it's just too.. I don't know, too precious."

I blink, confused. "'Too precious'?"

"No, wait, that's not what I meant." She is quiet for a moment before looking up at me again. "This is like a fairy tale, Val. Two high school sweethearts. He proposes on the Valentine's Dance, and they are married the summer after they graduate. Then they go on to get a house with a picket fence and have lovely children. It's not supposed to be like that - like this - this is real life, not some story book. I mean, how many high school romances really last? And have you ever seen a house with a picket fence anywhere near here?!"

I raise an eyebrow. "So you don't think I should marry Tyler?"

She takes a deep breath. "Yes- No- I don't know."

I can feel my irritation growing, but push it down. This is your day, Val. This is supposed to be magical.. Looking at her I clear my throat. "So, I shouldn't marry Tyler because you're a pessimist and you think this is too perfect?"

To my surprise, she smiles. "That's it – 'perfect'!"

"What?"

"Look, Val.. How would you describe your relationship with Tyler?"

I smile. That's easy. "Perfect."

"Exactly." She stands up and walk over to me. "That's what we all say, Val. We all say you're so perfect, you're meant to be together, you're- Well, you get the point. What I'm wondering is, if how you see your and Tyler's relationship is based on other people's opinions, or if you really, really, deep down in your heart, think, know, that you are perfect. That you're meant to be together."

"I-"

"Please, Val, let me finish.." She looks pretty serious, and all I can do is nod.

"When was the last time you fought?"

I bite my lip, thinking back. "I don't really remember."

"That's because you haven't fought. Not once." I try to object but she cuts me off. "You would call me if you did, right? Well, you haven't called me. Not once in three years have you called me about a fight. I'm not saying that you should fight all the time, but couples are supposed to disagree sometimes."

"Caitie, we do disagree. We just don't let it evolve into a fight."

"So you ignore the problem? I've seen you and him, Val. You say 'green', he says 'blue', you glare at each other until some third person says 'purple' or 'pink', and then you both agree that the third person is right and kiss and make up. You know, there's not always going to be a third person. What happens when you and Tyler are at home, alone and you disagree?"

I look at her. "Caitie, I asked you to be my maid of honor because I wanted you to be here and help me through this. You're not making it very easy for me now, you know." I'm surprised that my voice quivers ever so slightly.

Her eyes widen. "Oh gosh Val, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" She walks closer and hugs me as much as my large dress will allow her to. "You know what?" she whispers to me. "If you think you're ready, you should do it. I always do what I think is best for myself, and here I am trying to convince you that you don't know what you're doing." She gives a slight laugh. "I'm such a hypocrite."

I smile at her, all is forgiven. I won't let a little fight with Caitie ruin my whole day. "But that's why I love you."

She gasps in mock horror before lightly swatting me on the arm.

"So, you got everything?"

"Hm?"

"You know, 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.'" She counts off on her fingers.

"Oh, um, I think so." I spread my arms. "The dress is new."

"That's one."

I finger the diamond necklace around my neck. "Tyler's mom let me borrow this."

"Two."

"Blue," I tell her, showing her my arm. Around my wrist a light blue ribbon is tied. "My grandmother wore this to her wedding, for some strange reason, and it's kind of become a family tradition."

Caitie nods. "That could count as both old and blue."

I frown. "Can it count twice?"

Caitie shrugs.

"Well, in case it can't.." Gesturing to my ears I show her two pearl earrings. "Also my grandmothers."

Caitie smiles at me. "Well, we're all ready to go, then.." She walks over to the dresser and picks up my bouquet, handing it to me.

White roses. I always wanted a white wedding, and it looks like I will get one too. The church is decorated with white roses and orchids. Tyler's mom insisted on paying for the flowers, even though we'd both told her that it'd be too expensive and that we didn't really need all that much. It turns out she can be very persuasive.

Tyler will be dressed in a white tux, while the best men will be wearing black. I told Caitie she could decide what color dresses the brides maids would wear, as long as it didn't clash with the color scheme we'd worked out. She chose purple. Dark purple. Almost-black purple. I didn't mind as it, undeniably, looked very good all in all.

There is a knock on the door and Caitie opens. It is Hank.

"Ten minutes to go," he tells us. "Looking great, Val."

I blush and smile at him.

Turning back to Caitie, "Rick's waiting for you." He slips out and Caitie closes the door after him.

"So, okay, better get going.." she mumbles, plucking up her bouquet, which looks like a smaller version of mine, from the sofa. "Don't want to make the boyfriend wait longer than he has to." This is said with the trademark Caitie smirk.

She takes my hand and squeezes it encouragingly before backing towards the door.

"Good luck," she mouths as she steps out and closes the door after her.

I turn back to the mirror, clutching my bouquet in front of me. So this is it..

There is another knock on the door.

"Honey, you done?"

I smile. "Yes, come on in."

The door opens and my father walks in. He smiles and offers me his arm. Wrapping my arm around his, I look up at him.

"I can't believe my little girl's getting married.."

I lean against him. "Me neither."

I can see Tyler standing in the front of the church. Hank and Jamie are beside him, as is Rick, and a couple of other people I don't really know that well and can't tell apart at this distance. All my brides maids are also there, having been walked up the aisle by the best men. My family is somewhere in the masses of guests, as is Tyler's. It was his mom that insisted on inviting so many people. I don't think I know a third of them, and neither does Tyler. They're all his mother and stepfather's business associates.

My father gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, much like Caitie did earlier, as the wedding march starts to play. Everyone turns, trying to spot me, and it seems like everything is going in slow motion as we move down the aisle.

One step.

So this is it?

Another step.

It feels wonderful. Like I'm walking on a cloud.

Another one.

I love this dress. I feel so beautiful.. Would you look at all the people.. They're all here to see *me*.

And another one.

This church is amazing.. It's so beautiful. Tyler is looking my way.. I think my heart just fluttered.

Another step.

I love this feeling.. It's all so amazing! I've always wanted this!

Yet another step.

I love being in love! No, wait, I love *Tyler*.. and love. I love love!

Another one.

Am I supposed to love love? Is that why I'm marrying Tyler? So that I can be in love? Am I in love? Am I in love with *Tyler*?

Another one.

No, no, I've got to stop having these doubts! Guess Caitie really got to me.. Think of something else.. Everyone's looking at me.. I love this. No, I love the event, no, weddings, no, I love being in a wedding with Tyler, because I love *Tyler*!

One more step.

Right? I mean, whatever Caitie said back there wasn't true, right? I'm marrying Tyler because I love him, right?

Another step.

Oh Lord.. I'm marrying Tyler because I love weddings. But no, that can't be right! I love.. I love chocolate, but I'm not marrying it, right?

Another one.

Oh gosh, oh no, we're having a chocolate wedding cake, aren't we? But that's not why I'm doing this.. I love Tyler. I'm marrying Tyler because I love him. No wait, I'm marrying Tyler because I'm *in* love with him.

And another one.

Isn't Tyler allergic to chocolate? I don't know.. Should I? I should know that, shouldn't I? Okay, that's one thing I don't know.. Let's see.. Favorite movie.. 'Blair Witch Project'. No, that's the one Jamie borrowed from Caitie that time.. Okay, favorite ice cream.. Um, Cookie Dough. Yes! Wait.. no, that's Jamie's.. Why would Jamie like Cookie Dough anyways? He doesn't look like he would.. Okay, focus, Val, focus!

Another step.

Shoe size.. Okay, you should know this.. You were with him when he bought those awful looking sneakers.. Shoe size.. Erm, 11? No, no, it's 13. Or no.. I- I don't know! Jamie's is 10 ½. Wait, why do I know that? Because he told Caitie that when we were in the mall last year, didn't he? It was me, Jamie, Caitie, Hank and.. Was Tyler there? No! I've got to stop thinking about this.

Another one.

These are just normal doubts.. Every bride gets them, right? Right.

Another one.

Am I really just doing this for the wedding? Am I in love with being in love?

Another one.

I am, aren't I?

Two more steps.

No, why is it going so fast?! I need to think!

Three more steps.

We're almost there! No, no.. I can't let everyone down! I can't-

Another two steps.

Where did daddy go? I have to walk on my own? I don't know if I can..

Three more steps.

There. I'm here.. Tyler is smiling at me.. He's taking my hand.. Good, this is safe, this is comfort.. I can say 'yes' now, can't I? He squeezed my hand. Why does everyone squeeze my hand? Caitie is already crying. Was she right? Am I only doing this because it's my own little dream? No, I already thought about that, and I don-

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite this woman, and this man."

Tyler just smiled at me. I'm feeling better, I always do when I see that mischievous- No no no no no… Tyler doesn't do 'mischievous'.. What on earth is the matter with m-

"Do you, Tyler Matthew Connell, take this Valerie Rebecca Lanier to be your lawfully wedded wife,-"

Caitie knows something is wrong. She's not crying any more, is she? No, I can't hear her sniffles. Do I look pale? I feel pale. Can you 'feel' pale? It's like feeling weak, isn't it?

"-to have and to hold,-"

I don't think Tyler sees it.. No. He just shifted his weight onto his other foot. The leather rustles when he does that. Well, not 'rustles' it has its own special sound, like- wait. Wait just one moment.. There is no leather.. I'm feeling light headed. Maybe I'm gonna faint. I don't want to faint on my wedding. *Our*, our wedding..

"-until death do you part?"

"I do."

He smiled down at me.. Down.. He's tall.. Too tall.. I have to look up, even with these horrible heels on. My neck hurts.

"And do you, Valerie Rebecca Lanier,-"

It's my turn. Why does this speech have to be so short? We agreed on it, didn't we? Damn it! I need time to think!

"-take this Tyler Matthew Connell-"

'Connell'.. Hmm.. I don't like that name.. 'Valerie Connell'. Do I look like a 'Valerie Connell'? I don't think so! Wait, why am I complaining about everything that has to do with Tyler? His hair is nice, though.. I like it this way, away from his eyes.. I thought I'd have to teach him the meaning of 'hair gel'.. Seems like he learned on his own. Just didn't think of him as a spikes kinda guy..

"-to be your lawfully wedded husband,-"

Wow, 'husband'.. I'm going to have a husband.. Wife.. Husband.. Wife.. I'm going to be a wife! We won't fight, will we? We won't be like mom and dad, will we? I don't like to fight. We're perfect, we won't fight.. We're perfect..

"-to have and to hold,-"

Aw, he's smiling at me.. He looks good in black. No, wait, wasn't he supposed to be wearing white? Oh, silly me, he is wearing white.. And wasn't his hair spiked a minute ago?

"-until death do you part?"

Is that my cue? Oh yeah, it is.. Caitie's staring at me. I can feel it. Stop it, Caitie! I'll have to talk to her about this after the wedding.. No wait, we're going on our honeymoon. Just Tyler and me. Together.. Alone.. Why is he looking at me like that? Oh, I'm supposed to say 'yes', aren't I? Can I say 'no'? Has anyone, apart from those people on those soaps on TV, ever said 'no'? Isn't this the cue for my evil, presumed missing, identical twin to come barging in and stop the wedding? Oh, no, wait, I'm supposed to be the evil one, 'cause I'm trying to steal my sister's true love away from her. How do I know all this stuff, and why am I looking so deeply into it?

Oops.. It's been more than a minute, hasn't it? Okay, now everyone's staring at me. Tyler looks confused, he looks scared. I can see it in his eyes. They show so much. That's why I love about them. So dark, mysterious and deep. I can see everything in them. No. Tyler's eyes are light. They're blue, silly, they can't be dark..

I think he's noticed that I'm pale now. Okay, I *know* he's noticed, 'cause his mom called over to my mom 'She's pale!'. And then my mom yelled 'She always looks like that!'. I would have snorted if I had been able to move. The guests are beginning to whisper. No no no, this isn't how my wedding is supposed to turn out!

I think I'm shaking. Yes. A rose petal from my bouquet just fell to the floor.

"Val?!"

That was Caitie. She is trying to be discreet, but everything sounds twice as loud in a church as it would in a normal house. I think everyone heard her concerned 'whisper'. I almost didn't, with my heart beating so hard and loud in my ears. I'm feeling light headed again. Did you hear that? Some sort of strange rustle.. I would try and see where it came from, but my eye lids are feeling so heavy.. I- I think I'm going to lay down for a while..

"Val!"

There's that sound again. It's closer this time. I feel groggy.

"Val? Sweetie?"

"Dad?" I groan.

"No, honey, it's me."

I open my eyes. Oh, it's just Tyler. Wait. 'Just Tyler'?

"What happened?" His tie is undone and his shirt isn't buttoned all the way up. I can't see his jacket anywhere near.

"You fainted." Caitie. She's at the foot of the.. sofa? I'm back in my dressing room again.

"Oh."

That strange sound is heard again.

"We were pretty worried about you."

Jamie.

He is carrying his leather jacket over his arm. It rustles strangely as he moves to Caitie's side.

Ah..

"How long was I out?"

"About ten minutes." Tyler sighs. "Are you feeling alright, because we have about 300 people out there waiting for a wedding, and…"

Caitie glares at him. Looks softly at me.

"Are you feeling well enough to get married?"

"No." I tell them.

Tyler sighs again. Jerk. Whoa, were did that come from?

I fumble with my hands and the veil, trying to sit up. Jamie and Caitie help me.

"Tyler.." Now I'm the one who's sighing.. I have to do this..

He looks up as I take his hand and drop my engagement ring into it. He looks at it for a while before sighing again.

"Okay.."

I find myself slightly miffed. 'Okay'? That's it?! Wait, not really being fair here…

I massage my temples as he stands and picks up his jacket, which had been hanging on the back of the chair he'd been sitting on. He leaves, as I glare at his retreating back. As the door closes after him I carefully take off my veil and lie down on the couch again. I almost forget Caitie and Jamie are here until Caitie finds her voice.

"Val?"

Okay, so I guess she was right all along. I'm not going to tell her that though.. Or maybe I will. On her next birthday. Yes, I'll give her a framed note saying 'I, Valerie Lanier, admit to being wrong on my wedding day, the 14th July 2001, while Caitlin Roth was right'. Then I'll sign it.. I think I'll write 'Caitlin' just to piss her off. Yes, wouldn't that be nice of me?

Seems like I gained a cynical sense of humor since I, uh, 'left' my fiancée at the altar. Oh well..

"Val, what just happened?"

Oh, they're still here..

"Caitie, I just want to rest now.." I tell her, and find that it is actually true, when moments later I have to suppress a large yawn.

"Okay, we'll go, um, fix everything up.."

I'm quite aware that I've just created a mess with all the guests and wedding presents, and the 'dinner for 300 people' which won't happen now.. I bet my face is turning red. I don't want to be left alone, 'cause then I know I'll just be thinking of how Taylor's mom will be yelling at my mom and how my mom will be yelling back, and.. I groan and cover my face with my hands.

"Jamie?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you just.. Stay here with me?"

"Okay, sure."

There's rustling and then a scraping noise and then silence. He's pulled up a armchair to the couch and is now sitting in it. He looks at me, and I look back. I finally break the not so uncomfortable silence.

"Who on earth would wear their hair spiked to a wedding?" He hears the smile in my voice.

"What are you implying?" He raises an eyebrow.

I reach out to take the leather jacket from his lap. It rustles pleasantly and I settle back on the couch, running my fingers over the material, trying to ignore my slight headache.

"And in a suit, of all things," I snort.

"I thought it looked very nice, thank you very much."

He smiles at me, and the headache is merely a memory.