BAD WOLF

Those words have haunted me since I was a little girl. I didn't pay any notice until I was older, and I met the most amazing man the universe has ever known. The Doctor. My Doctor. When I travelled the universe it seemed like those words followed me, or rather they followed the Doctor. The possible meanings of those words haunted my dreams.

I, a mere human, finished the time-war even though I did not know until later on when, I was lost to the Bad Wolf, lost to the Universe. I knew what had happened, what was happening, and what could happen.

I knew I would die.

I knew I would live.

I would not be Rose Tyler, yet at the same I would be. I would be Bad Wolf yet not really the Big Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf was just a glimpse of me mixed in with all of time and space.

I didn't even know who I would become, who I had become, who I use to be. Now I am floating through the universe helping those I can without truly existing, a ghost who had a purpose, who touches so many lives without them ever realising it - like my Doctor did.

I brought life that day, the day in the past, present and future. I wanted to save people the only way I knew how, by saving my Doctor.

I saw my future in the parallel world with Doctor TenToo, where we would be happy in our short lived days together would die saving child from being hit by a truck. He held me while my eyes closed, his tears falling onto my face, I was glad that I had saved the little girl, Sophie, who I watched after, as she became the new head of Torchwood in honour of my name.

I saw my family mourn - the Doctor grieved and moved on because he knew that was what I needed him to do. He married and had children with a women called Renee. My mother and father had a boy called Tony, who I watched grow up knowing stories of his big sister who saved them all. My mother would start crying when he mentioned having an 'imaginary friend' that was his older sister. I was there, but my mother refused to let him indulge in the thought. He soon stopped seeing me. Mickey, my dear Mickey, took his anger out in the world. I guess he still loved me, for I know a part of me still loved him.

I saw my past, being a child, seeing Jack and the Doctor watching me from afar. I watched myself being beat up and rape by Jimmy, punching Jimmy, going to my job day after day without a true purpose, and then meeting the Doctor. The word 'Run' made my smile spread, when I ache for those times again, how life had been simpler.

I saw myself leaving messages everywhere. I saw myself in the other world that I had entered, where I made my presence know so I could get the message to Donna, to get to my Doctor, to save the world. How I hate how my name, both names haunt My Doctor as if it was a curse istead of used in fondness. I hate what I, have become. I wish he could look at someone with blonde hair without wincing, I wish he could look at the flower I was named afterwards, and I wish he could talk about me without choking up.

I saved Jack because he would touch lives and save the world more times than I could count with Torchwood. I couldn't save his love of his life though. Unfortunately he needed to know what the pain felt like to tell the Doctor as the Face of Boe (though I bent the rules so Ianto would always be there for him, in different forms). I hope they would forgive me. I did have a selfish part of me that wanted Jack to survive because I had already lost one good man in my life. I couldn't have him leave me as well even if he wouldn't know that I would be there for him. When Ianto died I was the one who carried his soul into the next body, wiping away his tears of leaving Jack.

I helped save Donna. The Doctor couldn't block all of her memories as she always had hidden proof of a man that didn't exist yet haunted her dreams. It made her head hurt. I was the one that whispered sweet thoughts while she slept and kept the memories out. She didn't deserve to die, and she had a wonderful life. She bought a home near her wonderful parents and married a man called Lee Smith, the man from the Library. They had two wonderful children called John and Rose.

I think that on a subconscious level I had not blocked all her memories but I couldn't care less as Rose was a great child. She followed her mother more than her father, and she reminded me of well me when I was young. I tried to keep the family together as much as I could but all life must come to an end, and all things must turn to dust. When Lee died of old age I help him go to the other side and promised to watch the rest of his family. So I did. Donna first who died of a broken heart. Then Rose's newborn baby Wayne and Rose herself. I helped carry all of them, generation after generation until they died out.

Sarah-Jane Smith, a wonderful woman with a wonderful family. Often I would go visit her and see the work she did on earth. She inspired me. She was the type of woman I wanted to be if I was actually alive. I know what she went through, all the pain she saw just for some glimpse of happiness. Luke was a clever boy, one with a bright future, Clyde was someone she would have loved to go to school with, to have fun with. Maria was slightly jealous of Luke and Clyde's relationship but I watched her learn how to become happy for them. She needed the fresh start her Dad gave her. Rani was what Clyde needed, someone to hang onto after Luke had gone.

Martha, didn't like me, and I may not have liked her as much. I knew the role she played. She helped my Doctor remember his duty. She was there to help him get over me, so when she walked the earth telling stories, I made sure that her family was alive. It was all that I could do. I wish I could have helped her more. When her resolve was breaking, I couldn't do anything but try to remind her of what she was. She brought the correct definition to the Doctor again, to restore the balance of life, to teach. Martha was the one who taught him the lessons he needed, like he needed to to get over her, and go back to saving the world.

River Song, an amazing person whom had I had connection. Even though I was jealous of her relationship with my Doctor, I was happy he had moved on and married. She had a hard life growing up yet I was always there for her even when she didn't need it. I think sometimes she could see me in my Bad Wolf form. She knew her time was up, that the older she got, the less the Doctor knew her. It must have been a horrible feeling to finally met my Doctor, to knowing that she would never see the man she fell in love with again. The last time she saw the Doctor, the first time he wasn't her Doctor, was when she was in the chair, telling the Doctor the spoilers that would come in the near future. I was standing behind my Doctor, and the second before she connected the two plugs, her eyes met mine. I couldn't stop the tears falling. It was as if she knew who I was, the look in her eyes said 'I'm going to be fine because The Doctor is still alive'. I knew that I had to save her someway, we were kindred spirits in some way. So she will live forever now, in a world that will never end with the people she had come to cherish.

Clara, how I loved her dearly. She was unfortunately, like me, trapped in the timeline that is our Doctor. Unlike me though she will die with him, and she won't be needed anymore. I wish she could have gotten with the man she loved. I wished the Doctor had moved on from River, but that was not the case. She died trapped in a timeline where she couldn't get the love she wanted from the Doctor and trapped from her real love, the teacher from her school.

Amy, I understood her fascination with the Doctor. I often felt it with him. He opened her eyes and showed her the world where she saw the most amazing gift it offered, Rory. A man willing to wait 5,000 years for her, to protect her. He may not have been her everything as Amy was for him, but he was what she needed. I felt sorry for them, being trapped by the angels. I couldn't help even if I wanted to (which I did) because some things in life needed to happen, just like me leaving the Doctor, not just once.

I am Bad Wolf.

No more am I Rose Tyler.

I am a Goddess, yet I am Human.

I am the most powerful person there is, though the weakest.

One thing I am certain of, is that I will help my Doctor forever. He may not know who I am, but I know him. I have to let him move on even if it physically kills me. He needs to feel the love that I felt for him. When the time comes, God I hope that day never comes. I will be waiting to take him to meet all the lives he saved, all his friends and family. Yet it's already happened, he became someone else's Doctor.

Then I will be alone, alone to wander through the universes helping all that I can. Then when the universes disappear I will still be there where life is no more but a simple dream.

Death would be my only companion yet even death grows old while I stay frozen in time and space, a fixed point throughout the Time Vortex.

I knew that this was my consequence - everyone has one, mine is to survive. Survive through everything. Some say that's a gift yet it's a curse. My Doctor, my existence is to keep him safe would be no more.

I will be needed no more.

Though what's worst is that the final journey, one that I can never follow him to the end, will be when I see him no more.