Why Trowa Hates Chinchillas
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Author: Ravena Kaiou
Email:KakyuuStarLt@aol.com
Genre: Fluff/Comedy
Anime: Gundam Wing
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Shounen-ai (4x5), language, mild OOC, use of the male anatomy for humour, chinchilla torture. Even though they don't DO anything, anyone who doesn't like the idea of two men being in a romantic relationship should not read this fanfic.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Gundam Wing, and probably never will. Gundam Wing is owned by Bandai, Sunrise, and a bunch of other people I don't know. I do not, in any way, endorse the senseless murder of chinchillas or trees. Neither species were harmed in the writing of this fanfic. And yes, I know that there is no indication in the series of the pilots being gay. Bite me.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"WAIIIIIIIIII! Quatre, you didn't!" Wu Fei squealed in delight as he
gawked at the gaily-wrapped gift box in front of him. Without bothering to
wait for an answer, he ripped the bright green ribbon off of it, mutilated
the shiny silver paper which thousands of trees sacrificed their lives for as
if it was nothing, and pulled the top off of the box.
Quatre smiled knowingly and imagined the look on his lover's face when he
saw what was in the box. And what his lover would be willing to do
afterwards.
Wu Fei looked into the box and a smile immediately crossed his face.
"Ohhhhh....koibito....." he whispered as he lifted a small, furry bundle out
of the box.
Trowa raised his one visible eyebrow. Actually, he could have had both
raised, but his extreme follicular proficiency prevented anyone in the room from proving it so. "So? What the hell is it?" he
asked apathetically.
Duo shrugged. "I dunno, but back when I was a kid, it would've been
Christmas dinner."
Heero merely grunted. "Hn."
Wu Fei shot annoyed glances at Trowa and Duo. "For your information,
it's a chinchilla!" he hissed as he cuddled the little rodent he held in his
hands.
The two boys who had been glared at snorted as stupid grins came over
their faces and they tried not to laugh. Heero even had a small smirk on his
face. "A....chinchilla?" he asked amusedly.
The Chinese pilot nodded his head eagerly. "Oh, Quatre, it's the best
Christmas present EVER!" he gushed as he stood up just enough to kiss the
blonde on the cheek. "Now I have to figure out a name for him....."
Duo snickered. "You'll love him and play with him and feed him and name
him George," he said.
This was too much for Heero and Trowa, who exploded with laughter and
fell off of the couch.
Wu Fei's eyes shone angrily. "THAT'S IT, ONNA!" he yelled.
Duo looked hurt for a moment, but only for a moment. "Why, Wuffie-poo,
what's the matter?" he asked. "Why don't you get your precious QUATRE to
stand up for you since you're not man enough to do it yourself?"
Wu Fei's left eye began to twitch insanely. Noticing this, Trowa,
Heero, and Quatre anxiously backed out the door and into the next room.
"I mean, come on now, there are women in this town with more balls than you...."
The Chinese boy walked into the next room for a moment. "Trowa, will you
PLEASE take care of Charlie for me while I attend to....some matters?" he
asked in a flat voice that the boys all knew he usually reserved for the
moment before he killed somebody.
"Um....sure, Wu Fei....but are Charlie's eyes supposed to be red like
that? And who fed him whipped cream?" Trowa asked nervously, looking
down at the frothing chinchilla in his lap.
Wu Fei was already gone.
"Let us pray for Duo's soul," Quatre sighed as he made the sign of the
cross.
"Amen," the rest said as they copied Quatre's actions.
There was a single, loud anguished scream and the sound of something (or
someone) being flung into a wall. Heero swallowed hard, wondering what was
happening to his comrade. Quatre, though, had turned pale and was staring at
the one who had screamed.
Charlie the chinchilla had latched his little fangs onto the side of
Trowa's hand and would not let go. "DAMMIT! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!" the
boy screamed as he slammed the chinchilla hanging from his hand into various
pieces of furniture.
"No! Trowa! Stop it or you'll kill Charlie!" Quatre pleaded as he tried
to calm Trowa down.
"THAT WOULD BE THE GENERAL IDEA, DUMB ASS!" Trowa exploded as he finally
punched his hand through the glass window, knocking the chinchilla off of his
hand and to the ground five stories below.
There was a sickening thud as Charlie came into contact with the front
lawn. Quatre and Heero bowed their heads in silence and once again made the
sign of the cross.
Trowa, meanwhile, clutched his bleeding hand as he listened to the sounds
of Duo's girlish screams and Wu Fei's maniacal laughter.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I can't believe you dragged me to the county hospital," Trowa grumbled
as he sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair that was part of the emergency
waiting room.
"Well? Would you rather die of rabies?" Quatre asked coldly. He still
hadn't forgiven his friend for killing Charlie.
Trowa glanced over at the door into the emergency room, where they had
taken Duo a few minutes earlier. "Broken bones, a nasty bump on the head,
and a sprained penis," the attending physician had grimly informed the boys.
Wu Fei, meanwhile, had just grinned maliciously.
Dr. Peacecraft stepped through the door. "Mr.....Barton?" she asked.
Trowa reluctantly stood up. "That's me," he sighed as he followed her
into the treatment area.
"Now, Mr. Barton....I see here that you've been bitten by a chinchilla?"
the doctor asked.
"Yeah. The meanest bitch of a chinchilla I've ever seen," he answered.
"The damn thing was rabid."
"Well, in that case," Dr. Peacecraft said concernedly, "we'll have to
give you a series of rabies shots."
Trowa just laughed. "Heh, can't be THAT bad," he said, rolling up his
sleeve.
Dr. Peacecraft watched him curiously. "Why are you doing that?" she asked.
For a moment, the teen was confused. Then realization dawned on him.
"Where...exactly are you going to stick that needle?" he asked, eyeing
the large syringe she was loading with the rabies vaccine.
The doctor just looked at him.
"Oh no....no no no....." he whimpered.
"Pants down, please," she instructed him cheerfully as she squirted some
excess liquid out of the needle.
With a few curses, Trowa pulled down his pants and bent over slightly.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" an
anguished scream echoed throughout the waiting area.
Wu Fei and Heero exchanged glances. Quatre, meanwhile, satisfied that
Charlie had been avenged, smiled.
"God bless us, every one," he chirped as he picked up the newest issue of
Sports Illustrated and began to read.
-end-
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Author: Ravena Kaiou
Email:KakyuuStarLt@aol.com
Genre: Fluff/Comedy
Anime: Gundam Wing
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Shounen-ai (4x5), language, mild OOC, use of the male anatomy for humour, chinchilla torture. Even though they don't DO anything, anyone who doesn't like the idea of two men being in a romantic relationship should not read this fanfic.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Gundam Wing, and probably never will. Gundam Wing is owned by Bandai, Sunrise, and a bunch of other people I don't know. I do not, in any way, endorse the senseless murder of chinchillas or trees. Neither species were harmed in the writing of this fanfic. And yes, I know that there is no indication in the series of the pilots being gay. Bite me.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"WAIIIIIIIIII! Quatre, you didn't!" Wu Fei squealed in delight as he
gawked at the gaily-wrapped gift box in front of him. Without bothering to
wait for an answer, he ripped the bright green ribbon off of it, mutilated
the shiny silver paper which thousands of trees sacrificed their lives for as
if it was nothing, and pulled the top off of the box.
Quatre smiled knowingly and imagined the look on his lover's face when he
saw what was in the box. And what his lover would be willing to do
afterwards.
Wu Fei looked into the box and a smile immediately crossed his face.
"Ohhhhh....koibito....." he whispered as he lifted a small, furry bundle out
of the box.
Trowa raised his one visible eyebrow. Actually, he could have had both
raised, but his extreme follicular proficiency prevented anyone in the room from proving it so. "So? What the hell is it?" he
asked apathetically.
Duo shrugged. "I dunno, but back when I was a kid, it would've been
Christmas dinner."
Heero merely grunted. "Hn."
Wu Fei shot annoyed glances at Trowa and Duo. "For your information,
it's a chinchilla!" he hissed as he cuddled the little rodent he held in his
hands.
The two boys who had been glared at snorted as stupid grins came over
their faces and they tried not to laugh. Heero even had a small smirk on his
face. "A....chinchilla?" he asked amusedly.
The Chinese pilot nodded his head eagerly. "Oh, Quatre, it's the best
Christmas present EVER!" he gushed as he stood up just enough to kiss the
blonde on the cheek. "Now I have to figure out a name for him....."
Duo snickered. "You'll love him and play with him and feed him and name
him George," he said.
This was too much for Heero and Trowa, who exploded with laughter and
fell off of the couch.
Wu Fei's eyes shone angrily. "THAT'S IT, ONNA!" he yelled.
Duo looked hurt for a moment, but only for a moment. "Why, Wuffie-poo,
what's the matter?" he asked. "Why don't you get your precious QUATRE to
stand up for you since you're not man enough to do it yourself?"
Wu Fei's left eye began to twitch insanely. Noticing this, Trowa,
Heero, and Quatre anxiously backed out the door and into the next room.
"I mean, come on now, there are women in this town with more balls than you...."
The Chinese boy walked into the next room for a moment. "Trowa, will you
PLEASE take care of Charlie for me while I attend to....some matters?" he
asked in a flat voice that the boys all knew he usually reserved for the
moment before he killed somebody.
"Um....sure, Wu Fei....but are Charlie's eyes supposed to be red like
that? And who fed him whipped cream?" Trowa asked nervously, looking
down at the frothing chinchilla in his lap.
Wu Fei was already gone.
"Let us pray for Duo's soul," Quatre sighed as he made the sign of the
cross.
"Amen," the rest said as they copied Quatre's actions.
There was a single, loud anguished scream and the sound of something (or
someone) being flung into a wall. Heero swallowed hard, wondering what was
happening to his comrade. Quatre, though, had turned pale and was staring at
the one who had screamed.
Charlie the chinchilla had latched his little fangs onto the side of
Trowa's hand and would not let go. "DAMMIT! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!" the
boy screamed as he slammed the chinchilla hanging from his hand into various
pieces of furniture.
"No! Trowa! Stop it or you'll kill Charlie!" Quatre pleaded as he tried
to calm Trowa down.
"THAT WOULD BE THE GENERAL IDEA, DUMB ASS!" Trowa exploded as he finally
punched his hand through the glass window, knocking the chinchilla off of his
hand and to the ground five stories below.
There was a sickening thud as Charlie came into contact with the front
lawn. Quatre and Heero bowed their heads in silence and once again made the
sign of the cross.
Trowa, meanwhile, clutched his bleeding hand as he listened to the sounds
of Duo's girlish screams and Wu Fei's maniacal laughter.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I can't believe you dragged me to the county hospital," Trowa grumbled
as he sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair that was part of the emergency
waiting room.
"Well? Would you rather die of rabies?" Quatre asked coldly. He still
hadn't forgiven his friend for killing Charlie.
Trowa glanced over at the door into the emergency room, where they had
taken Duo a few minutes earlier. "Broken bones, a nasty bump on the head,
and a sprained penis," the attending physician had grimly informed the boys.
Wu Fei, meanwhile, had just grinned maliciously.
Dr. Peacecraft stepped through the door. "Mr.....Barton?" she asked.
Trowa reluctantly stood up. "That's me," he sighed as he followed her
into the treatment area.
"Now, Mr. Barton....I see here that you've been bitten by a chinchilla?"
the doctor asked.
"Yeah. The meanest bitch of a chinchilla I've ever seen," he answered.
"The damn thing was rabid."
"Well, in that case," Dr. Peacecraft said concernedly, "we'll have to
give you a series of rabies shots."
Trowa just laughed. "Heh, can't be THAT bad," he said, rolling up his
sleeve.
Dr. Peacecraft watched him curiously. "Why are you doing that?" she asked.
For a moment, the teen was confused. Then realization dawned on him.
"Where...exactly are you going to stick that needle?" he asked, eyeing
the large syringe she was loading with the rabies vaccine.
The doctor just looked at him.
"Oh no....no no no....." he whimpered.
"Pants down, please," she instructed him cheerfully as she squirted some
excess liquid out of the needle.
With a few curses, Trowa pulled down his pants and bent over slightly.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" an
anguished scream echoed throughout the waiting area.
Wu Fei and Heero exchanged glances. Quatre, meanwhile, satisfied that
Charlie had been avenged, smiled.
"God bless us, every one," he chirped as he picked up the newest issue of
Sports Illustrated and began to read.
-end-