SA Late Dues for 4 October 2009
Spoilers: Flight- Season: 2:1
Rating: PG13
Content warnings: Jim whump/angst as standard.
Summary: Jim brushes Sandburg off twice, saying he's got other things on his mind like looking for Simon and Daryl, to worry about returning to Peru. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Author's notes: Dialogue from .net/transcripts
The usual muse AWOL problem and then my computer dying on me, made this more traumatic than usual.
"Completing the circle."
Jim can't help it, but Peru is a trigger for him. Seeing the place on the news, even hearing the name after all this time makes him pause, all nerves tingling with taut nervous energy. Sometimes he doesn't notice that he's doing it, until his jaw hurts and he realises he's been clenching it.
So when he hears Simon talking about the conference a few months ago- he falters for a moment but carries on and pushes it to one side. Now, Simon and his son are missing in the same jungle after their helicopter crashed. And Jim knows exactly how that feels. It's etched into his memory as a series of snapshot images, sounds and smells.
Peru- where everything ended and began for him-those eighteen months alone with Incacha and his people, helping them defend the pass and sweeping the guerrillas out. Sometimes he still hears the sound of the RPG as it hit the helicopter and wakes up with a warning shout on his lips. He knows he can never forget the aftermath of the crash. Jim developed his own automatic coping mechanisms for that in the jungle, long before the Army medics and shrinks got hold of him. That's what they thought they were dealing with back on US soil when he reacted so badly to everything. Mostly the disorientation and dislocation was being with so many other people and the food, air- everything was so different. No wonder his senses had a tough time keeping up. Then, he had to tell his superiors what had happened to the 'chopper and his men, and that's when his anger and guilt burnt through his see – sawing senses and they hurriedly called the shrinks back in.
He wrenches his mind back to here and now and the phone call from Sandoval, what he said exactly, and Jim knows at once, that he has to go there. For Simon, who helped him so much career wise, Jim will move mountains. Without a thought he goes into Ops plan mode- he runs a finger down a mental list of covert contacts he can use if he absolutely has to. He didn't let everyone go when he left the Army. He still has friends in the service. He knows who can get him up-to-date intel and a decent map for starters. He thinks about finding Simon and Daryl and frets about guerrilla activity and ignores the small voice saying Incacha- extra baggage he doesn't need- and that includes Sandburg. He resolutely squashes the fact that Sandburg's itching to go to Borneo for a whole year…
0o0
But of course Blair's right, Simon is his friend as well, but it means Jim has to divide his attention and he'd rather stay on target. It's bad enough that he has to be in Peru, but going near the same valley- is too much. He's torn between wanting to see the jungle again and feeling guilty for surviving.
"So, Jim, how's it feel to be back in the jungle, man?"
"Got other things on my mind, Chief."
"It's just that we'll be near the area where you developed your heightened senses, right?" Blair prods insistent.
"I got other things on my mind," he repeats sharper this time, so Sandburg will stop.
Jim's all mixed up. He needs to focus on guiding his parachute to the clearing whilst evading the dense canopy of trees. It's been a while, but sense memory of touch slides right back in as he checks and then hefts the heavy pack and starts strapping himself in. Then Sandburg wants to come too and it's too late to rig them together, which would be safer. It's one more thing crowding his mind as he floats down into the jungle keeping an eye out for Sandburg's 'chute and yelling instruction to pull on his right. Sandburg yelling at him "Don't leave me!" is one more reminder he doesn't need of the crash, years ago and today all at the same time.
He's too tense to crack a smile at Sandburg's jiggling antics with the lizard down his pants. It's not helped by the flash of a black panther he sees in the distance. He expects to be overwhelmed by the noise, smell and taste of the jungle, but isn't. It isn't a welcoming friend- it's a sulky teenager. He concentrates, and things don't improve. It's like he's got staticky reception with his senses- things phase in and out. When he needs them the most, they aren't there and it confuses and annoys the hell out of him. He's kind of gotten used to having them, even though he grumbles about it. Blair's trying to work out what's going on, when Jim sees the black panther again. He brushes Blair's query off, and they move out.
0o0
Jim can tell that Blair is upset by the distorted remains of the helicopter. He concentrates on reading the ground and working out which trail to follow. He swears in frustration.
"Just take your time and concentrate," Blair soothes.
Jim huffs, "I am concentrating. It just feels like my senses are...confused or something." And he tries to relax like Blair suggests, but there's nothing filtering back to him. Then Blair says what he's been dreading since he knew Simon was going to Peru.
"There's got to be an explanation for this. Or, uh... maybe it's the shock of being back in the jungle."
Jim looks away in disgust at himself and winces when he sees the black panther for the third time. This is not funny anymore, he growls to himself as he fends off another worried query from Sandburg. He makes a best guess at what he can see and they follow that trail until the light begins to fade. Pitching camp and making a fire keeps them both occupied for a while, but Jim knows Blair will continue to chip away at the problem with his senses. Sure enough, over coffee, Sandburg asks him how he's doing.
"I get momentary flashes and... then they're gone." Jim finds it hard to explain.
"All right. At least you haven't lost them completely. Look, when you were here five years ago and you first discovered your abilities, did anything like this ever happen?"
Jim has never explained to Sandburg- or anyone-exactly how he dealt with that the first time round. And at best, some of it is fuzzy and incoherent, following on from the trauma of the crash, loss of his surviving men and his own injuries. So the only answer he can give is No. And suddenly he's tired of the relentless pick, pick pick and his frustration lashes out.
"Sandburg, let it go! Maybe we should just get some sleep, all right?" and as soon as he's said it he sees the hurt look in Sandburg's eyes. Damn, he feels like he's just kicked a puppy.
So it's no surprise that once Jim does fall asleep, he dreams of the panther again.
He gets up and can't find Sandburg anywhere. He runs through the jungle shouting and looking for him. Suddenly a panther appears and jumps at him. He falls backwards…
…and then truly wakes up and looks over to see Sandburg across the campsite, curled up and sleeping just fine. Jim doesn't go back to sleep.
0o0
The next morning they set off and come to an Indian village and Jim goes ahead to check it out. As he rounds the corner of a tent, something hits him hard on the back of his head and he goes down with barely a sound.
He opens his eyes, frowning at the sky and wonders what's going on. He moves but that's painful, but the sound rouses Sandburg who's sitting next to him on the ground.
"Hey, Jim? Hey, buddy. Jim?"
Jim groans in response and tries to sit up, the pain almost hiding Blair's caution for him to go slow. "Oh man, that hurts," he mutters as he sits up with Sandburg's help and cautiously feels the back of his head for the swollen bump. He winces as the woman starts babbling about how sorry she is that she hit him. All Jim registers is the fact that she thought he was one of the mercenaries. Jim's reassured-it means they're still on the right trail. He concentrates on getting vertical, listening to Blair's explanation of who Kimberley is. He's grateful for the assist up.
To add to his worries Kimberley's out here with a bunch of local children. Kimberley gives them directions and they set off towards the river. The sound of the children's voices speaking Quechua lingers in his mind as they walk. It just reinforces the fact that his senses have disappeared- he finally confesses as much to Sandburg. But his headache and general worry for Simon and Daryl over-ride Sandburg's soothing babble of "temporary" and "senses have saved lots of lives, man. You can control it. It just takes time."
"We don't have time! Simon and Daryl need help now!" Jim explodes, only to then wonder about what he's seeing is real anymore.
"What have you been seeing?" asks Sandburg worried.
"A panther. I saw it when we first landed and ever since, I can feel it watching us and following us. I know it's there, but when I look, there's nothing. Last night, I saw it in a dream. It was more real than any dream I've ever had.
"Well, the Indians would say that the panther is your animal spirit and it's trying to talk to you. And a psychologist would say that it's your unconscious mind trying to speak to you in symbols. Now either way, you just got to quit fighting it and see where it leads you."
A child appears out of the forest, calling to them and Jim responds immediately in Quechua, surprised at how easily the words flow off his tongue.
"Let's go, they found a boy with dark skin in the jungle. He's back at the village. It's gotta be Daryl."
To their relief as they jog back into the village, they see Daryl. After a comforting hug, Jim asks him to describe everything that happened to him and his dad. Where they were, who they saw, how many and what kind of weapons and vehicles they have. After half an hour discussion and drawing in the dirt, a girl who's been hovering finally speaks to Jim.
"What did she say, Jim?" Blair asks.
"She says if you're going to bring back the foreign boy's father, could we bring back hers?"
" Whew."
"Yeah," Jim agrees, as if he didn't have enough pressure already. "I think we ought to get moving. I'm going to get a few things and then scout around. Back in a few."
At the edge of the village he gives his gun to Sandburg and shows him the crossbow, arrows and blow darts he's acquired from the locals. Sandburg's looking at him like he's someone he's never seen before, which is true in a weird kind of way. City man subsumed by the jungle.
"It's okay; I know how to use these. It's all I'll need. The darts are tipped with curare. Not enough to be lethal, but they will cause temporary paralysis. Hey, Chief? I'm glad you came." Jim reassures
"Me too."
0o0
Jim runs off and tries not to think about how easily he's immersed himself into a previous life, but this time with no senses. He's still confused why this should be. Suddenly he's in another vision, but he's awake, he knows that…
He follows the panther to an altar. Panther jumps onto and morphs upwards to a human, Jim's spirit guide.
"Who are you?" Jim asks.
"The question is: who are you?"
"I don't understand." I'm a cop, he thought.
"Your return to the jungle was no accident. This is the place you were reborn as a sentinel. You have been brought back to complete the circle."
"Why have my abilities been taken away?"
"To remind you of who you were. What you've experienced so far is just an initiation. Now is the time to make a choice. You can go back the way you came and be an ordinary man, or you can go forward, but to do so will require your life and your soul. Are you prepared to make such a journey?"
"I'm not sure." And he really wasn't- he'd cursed having the senses and then losing them. He wanted to have a normal life, but he also wanted to help people, save lives. He'd done it without his senses, but deep down, he knew he could do so much more. Maybe Sandburg was right. It was his destiny. And if so, was he ready to forfeit his life and soul?
In the blink of an eye Jim's standing at the edge of a really high cliff. He peers over it into water far below.
"If I go forward, I'll die."
"Yes," nods his spirit guide calmly.
What does he have to lose and what does he have to gain? He'd put his life in Incacha and his people's hands all those years ago. He'd do so one more time. They seemed to think he was something special. He takes a deep breath.
"Okay, I'm ready."
There's no feeling of anything happening but the vision goes away. All is normal again and there's no cliff in sight. Jim hears a loud noise and focuses in to see a grasshopper chewing on a blade of grass. His whole body flushes in relief. He's back! Then his hearing picks up panicked voices. The village. Sandburg, Daryl and the kids!
He runs back to the village, changing as he goes, stripping down to jungle basics, so he can move quietly. He stops for a moment to black his face and don arm paint and load up his bow-the movements flowing like a battle ballet long rehearsed and now it's opening night.
The village is empty when he gets there, but he tracks vehicles and follows them. One truck stops to tinker under the hood and Jim slides underneath. When it finally arrives bouncing and crashing into the camp, Jim is still hanging on the bottom of it. Once it parks, he drops off and hides behind a stack of barrels. He's hot and tired and his head still throbs painfully but he's never been more aware of everything in his life. It's clearer than he remembers from last time.
Jim takes out a guard with a dart, and drags him aside, partly behind a tent. Then he goes inside the tent where he can hear Sandburg and Daryl talking. He sneaks in and unties them.
"Go, steal a truck and get ready to go. I'll follow on," he orders, knowing Sandburg can do this.
Jim goes into another tent and finds a crate of grenades, C-4 and some detonators. He pockets what he needs and makes his way to the underground lab where Simon's being held. Knocking out the guard, he blows a dart to get Simon's attention and so he knows to help Jim out if necessary. Jim fights with another guard and Simon's free at last. Jim drops a grenade down the hatch as they leave, remembering to dial down his hearing and smell. Sandburg's timing is spot on as the truck stops in front of them as it blows sky high. Gears slipping and squealing Sandburg drives off, but Jim jumps off the back to everyone's surprise.
He scouts round the back of a tent; he knows they haven't got the leader. He gets into another fight with another minion adding more bruises to his battered body. He turns around in time to use his crossbow on Reischer as the other man raises his bazooka at him. The dart works quickly enough that the arm lifting the bazooka begins to drop it and fire at the same time. Jim knows what's going to happen and starts backing away and turning down his hearing and smell again. The bazooka blows Reischer up. Jim doesn't hang around to look too closely at the bits. He heads back to the truck where his friends are waiting for him. He's bruised, has the headache from hell but everyone is safe now and he can start to relax.
0o0
Several days later back in the Loft, Jim and Sandburg are winding down from the trip, unpacking, doing the laundry. Normal stuff. Jim's halfway to the balcony with a beer when Sandburg checks another saved message on the phone. It's Stoddard's secretary wanting a final yes or no to the Borneo trip.
"I guess you should call him back, Sandburg. The guy needs an answer."
"Well, actually, I've already decided not to go. This sentinel thing... You know, it's more than just a research project. Uh... it's about friendship. I just didn't get it before."
"Okay." Jim's pleased in one way, he doesn't like to be a lab rat after all and Sandburg is a friend too. But he worries that Sandburg will regret the opportunity to go.
"You know, you were really something out there in the jungle, man. I've never seen you so focused, so in control. It was pretty amazing. You never did tell me how you got your powers back." Jim should have known that Sandburg wouldn't keep quiet for long.
"They just came back." Jim's not lying exactly, just bending the truth a little.
"Why do I get the feeling like you're not telling me everything?" Sandburg rumbles as he walks out onto the balcony to join Jim.
"Because I just don't have the energy to talk about it right now." And that's the way it'll stay until he's got it all squared away in his own head.
They clink bottles and grin at each other. Jim hears the panther growling and looks inside to see the panther on the upper loft bedroom floor, watching him. Jim smiles and promises that he'll tell Sandburg all about it. For now, friends sharing a nice evening with beer on a balcony- will do just nicely.
END