We Scream
I hear us at night. We cry out into the literal darkness that surrounds us as we sleep. I'm awake because of my own curses, so I assume the rest of us are awake. We hear noises, but they aren't really sounds. They are the only pull of emotion we can feel, and they hurt. We feel our others communicating with us through the pangs of confusion, sorrow, anguish and pain. And Want. It is the most prominent desire for us. The others Want. We know what they want because we are them. They are who we used to be and they want what they can no longer have. Their old lives, their friends and family. We hear them screaming without words and no one can but ourselves can hear them. So at night we let it out because we can't hold it in. At night, we scream.
We found out long ago that it is Our somebodies remember that torment us and themselves while they sleep. They wake up and find themselves in a different body than the one that remember, and then all these deeds they have done come flashing back to them like a horror film. They don't know what has happened to their old life. They Want to know. But a basic over-riding instinct, wants comforting first.
The others have Wants that can be pacified. The apprentices scream for their friends. Even though they can't like each other any longer, the thirst can be quenched by being in each others, Others presence.
VII and VIII were best friends- they arrived together- and even though they are breaking apart, to stop themselves from dying from the inside out, they stick by together when their new loyalties allow it. But Ias and Lea are as stronger than their nobodies at night and they pine for their best friend. So their Want is met.
The musician is loudest. He is in the most pain, I think. He calls for a world that we haven't yet found. The only one who can quiet him is, surprisingly, the Schemer. I was once told that they share the same home world, and where friends, but split at a young age. So the most sensitive among us is plagued by the worst Want. And the company of the youngest apprentice seems to act like a drug for him- he gets a taste of what he needs and the crave worsens. He has our pity, during the night at least.
The one called Ludor is quietest. His nobody has the easiest time, only needing to travel to a new world to be tamed. We don't know why he Wants to be in new worlds, and desires the information that we think is unusable. But it silences the Want, and the Gambler, so it doesn't matter.
My closest companion (I cannot call him friend) confuses us by desiring the company of Ienzo and Lea. We couldn't find what Lumaria wanted for a long time, so we were dogged by his Want during our waking hours too. He called out a name that no one admitted to recognising. "Aerith" was the only name we ever heard during the night.
None of my old associates are with me anymore. I've recently received the news that most of them are dead. It brings me no sadness- even of the fake kind. Renale held no kind of love for most she knew, and her passing was mourned by none. But all Others have a Want and I am no different. So I cry in my sleep and lash out in the day. My Want does not cease and I cannot rid myself of it. Because Renale Wants a second chance. She Wants a heart; to go back to her world and help it rather than hinder it; time to reverse so her mistakes disappear into nothing. She Wants the ability to love. And I can't summon it to soothe my aching mind and her faded heart.
We Scream