A/N: Hey everyone! It's Midna3452 with yet another Zelda story! Yay! In case you haven't guessed, this is a parody of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or Pokemon or anything else that might possibly come up in this story.

The Begining

Link and Rusl are seen sitting at the edge of a spring.

Rusl: Tell me . . . do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls?

Link: No. Can I go play with my limited edition trading cards now?

Rusl: Link, trading cards haven't been invented yet . . .

Link: Oh . . . so, how am I gonna catch 'em all now?

Rusl: Catch all of what?

Link: Pokémon, gosh! It's said to be like, totally all the rage.

Rusl: Uh . . .

Link: You know what? I gotta go. (stands up) I left a pot cooking on the stove and I have to get back before it's finished.

Rusl: Wait! Do you want to go to Hyrule?

Link: Uh, no, not really.

Rusl: I said, do you want to go to Hyrule?

Link: Yes, I heard you. I'm not deaf. And I said no.

Rusl: (jumps up and points his sword at Link) GO TO HYRULE!

Link: Ahh! Okay! I'll go! Just put the sword away man!

Rusl: (puts the sword away) Well, thanks Link. That's very kind of you to offer.

Link: Y-yeah, sure . . .

They go back to Link's house with Epona and Rusl leaves with his family while Link goes into his house. Ilia comes and takes Epona back to where they just came from. Fado runs up to the house.

Fado: HEY! Link, get your fat ass down here! I need you to wrangle the goats!

Link: Dude, can't you just do it yourself for a change?!

Fado: But, I don't know how . . .

Link: How can you not know how?! You own the freakin' ranch! Well, whatever, just use this. (throws a book out the window)

Fado: Hey, "Goat Wrangling for Dummies!" It's just what I've always wanted! Are you Santa or something?

Link: Yeah, whatever. Now go away! I have some serious cooking to do!

Fado: But Link, I can't herd the goats! I'm ascared!

Link: Why the hell are you "ascared" of them?!

Fado: They won't listen to me when I whoop at them! They just all gang up and run me over!

Link: Well, how do you whoop at them?

Fado: I go "YEEEE-AAAHHHH!" and run at them waving a big stick around.

Link: (gives Fado a "what the hell?" look)

Fado: Yeah . . . so hurry up and go get Epona!

Link: Ugh, alright, fine! (comes down and runs to Ordon Spring where he sees Epona and Ilia)

Link: Hey, you %#*&! How many times have I told you not to steal my freakin' horse?!

Ilia: Um . . . 76,894 times to be exact.

Link: Uh, okay . . . just give her back.

Ilia: Here you go hot stuff. (winks at Link suggestively)

Link: Um, ew. (grabs Epona and walks away)

Ilia: Wait Link! Can you play that song? The one that Epona likes so much?

Link: Nah, I don't feel like it.

Link walks back to the village and ignores everyone who says hi to him and goes to the ranch.

Fado: Yo Link! Waz crack-a-lackin?

Link: Don't ever say that again or I will be forced to destroy you.

Fado: So . . . hurry up and round up the goats!

Link gets on Epona and puts the goats in the barn.

Fado: Nice goin' ma homie!

Link runs over Fado and goes back to his house. He checks the pot and goes to bed when he sees the soup isn't cooked. He is awoken in the morning by the sound of annoying children screaming outside his window.

Talo: Hey fat man! Get up!

Link: How many times do I have to tell you?! I AM NOT FAT!

Beth: Oh Link, I don't think you're fat! I think you're hunkalicious!

Talo: (throws a rock at Beth's head, causing the two of them to get into a fight)

Link comes out of his house and watches the two fighting.

Link: (thinking) I wonder if these two will kill each other . . . hopefully . . .

Malo: Hey Link, go get me the slingshot Sera's selling or I will have to kill you.

Link: Yeah okay. I just have one question for you. Are you a girl or a boy?

Malo: I'm a boy you imbecile!

Link: Really? 'Cause you wear a dress and a bow so . . .

Malo: My mother dresses me this way! I am a boy!

Link: Whatever. (mutters) girl . . .

Malo: Why you little-!

Malo tries to chase Link but trips on his dress and falls on his face.

Malo: Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Link laughs and runs into town. He goes into Sera's store.

Link: Gimme the slingshot!

Sera: Oh Link, my kitty's gone! I can't sell anything since I'm so depressed. Go get my kitty back!

Link: Fine. (goes out of the store and walks towards the pier)

Jaggle: Hey Link, come up here!

Link takes a pumpkin and throws it at Jaggle, making him fall into the water. Link continues on to the pier. He grabs the cat and runs back to Sera's store, receiving many injuries from the angry cat on the way.

Link: Here, I got your freakin' cat back! (throws the cat behind the counter and tries to stop his wounds from bleeding)

Sera: Oh thank you Link! Here, you can have this bottle of milk in return! (hands Link a bottle of milk)

Link: Are you effing serious?! This is what I get for getting your cat back and knocking Jaggle into the water?!

Sera: What was that last part?

Link: Oh, uh, nothing . . .

Sera: Ok.

Link: Gimme the slingshot!

Sera: That'll be 50 Rupees.

Link hits Sera with the bottle of milk and knocks her out. He grabs the slingshot and knocks a hornets' nest out of a tree, making the hornets chase after him.

Link: HOLY GODDESSES OF HYRULE! (jumps into the water) Damn bugs . . .

Link get out of the water and miraculously dries off in five seconds. He walks over to Uli's house.

Uli: Help me get my cradle back and I'll give you the fishing rod!

Link: Wait, wasn't I supposed to get the fishing rod before I saved the cat?

Uli: Uh, well, you never asked . . .

Link: So I just got scratched up and now I might have a disease from some mangy fur ball for no reason?!

Uli: Eh heh heh, yeah.

Link pushes Uli over on her back so she is flailing around like a turtle and goes up to her house. Knowing that everyone but him in the village is stupid and doesn't lock their doors even when there is a monkey invasion, he opens her door and grabs the fishing rod. He runs back to his house to find Talo and Beth looking beat up.

Link: Aw dammit, you two are still alive . . .

Rusl comes out of no where and walks over to Link.

Rusl: Link, go check inside your house. I have a surprise for you.

Link: You were in my freakin' house?! Get off my property!

Link runs into his house as Rusl walks away, passing the pot which is still burning, and opens a chest which came from nowhere.

Link: Sweet, a sword! Aw, but this is just the crappy one. Oh well, I guess I can still whack those brats on the head a few times . . .

Link goes back outside and over to the kids.

Talo: Hey Link, show us how to use the sword!

Link: What about the slingshot?!

Malo: A sword is cooler . . .

Link: Whatever. Get your own sword!

Talo: Hey, a monkey!

Talo grabs Link's sword and the kids run off into the woods.

Link: Hey! Give me my sword back! (chases after them)

Link chases after the kids until he gets to Beth.

Beth: Hey sexy, they went that way!

Link: (throws a giant rock at Beth's head, knocking her out) Don't call me sexy!

Link runs to the bridge where he meets Malo.

Malo: They went over the bridge.

Link: Thanks little girl. (pushes Malo over and runs away)

Link comes to a fence and realizes that he needs Epona to jump over it. He goes all the way back to his house, grabs Epona, and rides back to the fence and jumps it. He rides along some more until Epona stops in front of an open gate.

Link: Damn horse! Why won't you go?!

A giant, man-eating plant comes out of the ground.

Link: Oh, that's why. (gets off Epona and runs over to a dude with an afro)

Dude With An Afro: Hi! I'm Coro. Buy some lantern oil so you can go into the dark, monster-infested tunnel!

Link: How 'bout I just take it from you?

Coro: Okie-dokie! (gives Link the lantern)

Link: Uh, you know you have birds in your hair, right?

Coro: Yeah, they won't leave me alone.

Link: Oh, I can help with that! (lights Coro's hair on fire, making the birds fly away)

Coro: OH MY GODDESSES! GET IT OFF! (runs away screaming)

Link: Oops . . . well, at least the birds are gone. (walks back to the plant)

Plant: (drools)

Link: Okay, now how am I going to defeat this thing without my sword . . .? Maybe I could- OH GODDESSES MY FOOT! IT'S GOT MY EFFING FOOT!

Plant: (chews on Link's foot)

Link wriggles out of his shoe and backs away. The plant eats Link's shoe, then falls over and dies.

Link: Aw come on! My feet don't smell that bad!

Link picks up the seeds from the dead plant and walks into the tunnel. He stops when he sees Talo's play sword.

Link: Hey, Talo's sword! Maybe that means the brat's dead. Man I hope so . . . but I still have to get my sword back.

Link picks up Talo's sword and goes through the tunnel until he gets to a big pit in the ground. He steps into it and is immediately spotted by bokoblins.

Link: Uh-oh. Well, here goes nothing! YEEE-AH! (runs towards the bokoblins waving the play sword around and screaming like a crazy person)

Bokoblin: (in bokoblin chatter) Whoa, this dude's crazy! Just back away slowly . . .

The bokoblins back away and then turn and run.

Link: Well, that was easy.

Link walks over to a cave, gets a key out of a chest, and opens a gate. He scares away some more bokoblins and comes to a bird with an afro.

Bird With An Afro: Hi, I'm Trill! Buy something mister!

Link: Wah! Talking bird! Run away! (runs away)

Link goes up a winding path that leads to the Forest Temple. He sees Talo and the monkey being guarded by two bokoblins.

Link: There's my sword! (takes sword off of one of the pillars)

Link attracts the attention of the two bokoblins, who try to both rush him at once. Link takes a step back as they are about to hit him, making them run into each other and explode. He starts to walk away.

Talo: Hey, what about me?!

Link: Ugh, fine! (breaks open cage)

Talo does a stupid dance and they go back to where Link left Epona. Talo runs away and Rusl comes out of nowhere again.

Link: Rusl, Talo took my sword!

Rusl: Oh, stop whining and get ready for your trip tomorrow! You might even get to see Princess Zelda!

Link: Whoop dee do.

Link goes home, notices that the soup in the pot is still cooking, and goes to sleep. The next day he wakes up and goes to the ranch to help Fado.

Link: Dude, why are there ten more goats than yesterday?!

Fado: Idunno.

Link: And didn't I run over you yesterday?

Fado: (looks around shiftily) Um, no! That was my evil twin Odaf!

Link: Whatever.

Link rounds up the goats and goes to talk to Mayor Bo. Ilia comes out of the house.

Ilia: Link, you hurt Epona! Even though I'm so in love with you that I stalk you and occasionally sleep outside your house at night I must punish you by taking Epona away! (Ilia takes Epona away)

Mayor Bo: But Ilia, how is Link supposed to get to Hyrule now?!

Link: What was that first part?!

Fado: Goat! There's a goat loose! Somebody stop it!

Link steps out of the way as the goat comes barreling towards him. The goat makes it into town and starts on a wild rampage.

Mayor Bo: Why didn't you stop the goat?!

Link: And risk my life for this crappy village? I don't think so.

Link walks back to his house to find the kids standing there, guarding the entrance to the woods.

Talo: Give us your sword or we won't let you pass!

Link: I can't believe I'm doing this, but here you go kids! Have fun playing with the dangerous weapon! Maybe you'll poke your eyes out or something . . .

Talo: YEAH! (starts dancing around like a person who's high on something)

Link: Okay . . . now let me through!

The kids step put of the way and Link goes into the woods. He crawls through a very small tunnel, getting grass stains all over his pants in the process.

Link: Aw . . . and I just washed these three weeks ago!

Link sees Ilia petting Epona.

Link: Ugh, for the 76,895 time, stop stealing my horse!

Ilia: You can take her back, only if you promise to take good care of her.

Link: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Just then, a huge Bulbo crashes through the gate. Ilia gets shot in the back with an arrow and falls over.

Link: Hallelujah!

Link gets smacked in the head with the club and falls over. The bulbos take Ilia and Collin who magically appeared out of nowhere away, and Link wakes up.

Link: Aw dammit! Those kids have my sword! Again! Maybe I'll go the opposite way from where I saw them last!

Link runs over the bridge and is grabbed by a black arm. The arm pulls him into a world with random squares floating around everywhere. Link is turned into a wolf and passes out because he lost his sexy, hunkalicious body. The thing that the back arm belongs to takes Link by the foot and pulls him to somewhere else, grumbling about always having to do the dirty work. Silently, a strange figure watches from the shadows . . .

A/N: So, how did you like it? Please review!