It's been about a week now since we had our final confrontation with the "Anti-SOS Brigade", and ever since then, we got back to living our ordinary lives.
Wait...no. That's not the right phrasing. Maybe..."Usual"? Yeah, that's a more fitting word. Cause let me tell you, my life has been everything but ordinary since I started highschool. Aliens, time travelers, espers, and omnipotent high school girls. Yeah. I don't think anyone who hangs around those four kinds of people every day could be considered "ordinary". But...I guess I don't really have any reason to complain. I had the choice to live in an ordinary world just last Winter, but I chose this one. Why? ...I guess I realized that, despite my complaints, I really enjoy the world I live in.
Aliens, time travelers, espers. Alternate dimensions, magical giants, and data lifeforms. That kind of stuff doesn't conveniently appear to just anyone. I guess I realized how lucky I am to live in such an exciting world.
There was another reason, though. A reason I tried not to think too much about. It wasn't really a reason I wanted to admit, and it wasn't like it was hurting me to keep it out of my mind. I guess deep down I knew it, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. Unfortunately, to my chagrin, a day came when I couldn't turn a blind eye to it anymore. The realization was forced down my throat, and I finally had to do something about it.
It started on Friday night, and I was enjoying the peace and tranquility as much as I could. It wasn't often that I got breaks like this. If there wasn't some Earth shattering event going on, Haruhi had some kind of harebrained scheme she wanted to put into motion. If she didn't have that, then Koizumi or Nagato would come up with some kind of plan to keep her from getting bored.
Needless to say, my times of peace and tranquility were few and far between, so I enjoyed them the few times I got to experience them. Well...okay. To be fair, there wasn't always something going on, but because of the scope of them all, it sure felt like something was always happening. But, just as I was getting relaxed and ready for bed, I heard the doorbell ring.
A visitor? At a time like this? It must be important. It better be important.
"Kyon! Someone's at the door for you!", my little sister called. I got off of my spot on the couch and groggily made my way to the door, but the person who was standing there surprised me. Not because it was someone I haven't seen in awhile, but because it was someone I've never seen before.
"Hello there, Kyon.", he said, calmly and politely.
Can I help you?, I asked skeptically.
"I was wondering if you could spare some time to talk with me.", he suggested, "It has to do with Miss Suzumiya, and the entire SOS Brigade, by extension."
Great. Someone else who knows about Haruhi and our group. What was it now? Some other outside force we didn't know about? I was hoping it wasn't someone coming for revenge for Kyou Sou or something. That would ruin my day. I guess the least I could do was let this guy talk. He looked harmless enough. If he did try something funny, I could probably take him on.
So, I led him into the kitchen, where we sat down and began talking.
Would you mind telling me who or what you are?, I asked.
"I believe you'll find the latter far more interesting.", he told me.
Delightful.
"Indeed. I'm what you'd call a 'slider'. In other words, I'm from another dimension."
A slider? Here? ...Well...Haruhi did want to meet sliders. I did find it a bit strange that all her other criteria were met, but we somehow never met a slider before. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.
So, you've come to observe Haruhi, too, I bet.
"Not quite. Although, I have been observing you for quite some time now. And not just you, but all of the brigade members."
You've been observing us, huh? At the very least, I'm surprised Nagato hasn't said anything, then, I replied.
"Well, I haven't really been anywhere where she could detect me.", he reasoned, "Let me ask you this: Have you ever heard of the Cave Analogy?" Oh brother. This guy was already showing shades of Koizumi, but I was beginning to think they were related.
If I told him that I knew it, he would probably just explain it anyway, I retorted.
"Then I'll give you the short and simple version. Basically, the story goes like this:", he began, "There are a group of prisoners chained to a wall inside of a cave, and they are facing the very back of it. They've been there their entire lives, and it's all they know. Now, there are also other people in the cave. These people stand on the other side of the wall and hold up wooden figures above it, and the fire in front of them casts shadows on the cave wall that the prisoners are looking at, and so the prisoners believe these shadows to be real. The sounds that the people holding up the figures make are consequently attributed to the shadows by the people chained to the wall. Are you following me so far?"
There was nothing short and simple about this explanation so far, but I was too tired to argue.
"Alright, then. Now, let's say a prisoner breaks free and makes it behind the wall. He'd be partially blinded by the bright fire, and he would barely see the people holding up the wooden figures. The fire would hurt his eyes, and he couldn't see much of anything anyway, so he runs back to the wall he was chained to, wanting to stay looking at the shadows he's grown used to. What do you make of that?", he continued.
I didn't exactly know what he want me to say, I replied.
"Well, the analogy points out that people will grow used to things they see every day, and if they were to somehow learn that everything they've known is a lie, it would be much easier to go back to ignorantly accepting the truths they used to know than facing the reality of the situation. Don't you agree?"
What was this guy going on about? I didn't see what this analogy had to do with what we're talking about.
Well...I guess if he put it that way, then yeah. But, what did this story have to do with anything?
"I wanted to help you accept the realization I am about to relay to you. I was hoping it would be easier if you understood the concept I was trying to convey."
What? Another ground breaking revelation? I think I've had enough of those to last a lifetime, and I really wasn't in the mood for another one.
Just spit it out., I ordered, losing my patience.
"In the universe I come from, your world and lives are nothing but mere stories written by a single author.", he revealed.
Nothing...but stories? Was he serious? How did he expect me to believe something like that? I've dealt with aliens, time travelers, espers, alternate timelines and closed spaces, but everything I've dealt with has taken place in this world. If he's a slider, obviously he comes from another one, but how could our lives be just a story in his world?
"I see the doubt on your face. Well then, allow me to prove it.", he started, confidently, "Last Summer, during Tanabata, you and Mikuru Asahina traveled back in time three years. While there, you assisted the junior high version of Miss Suzumiya in drawing a glyph on her school's grounds. It was a message to Orihime and Hikoboshi, and it said 'I am right here'."
I sat there, mouth ajar, frozen by shock. But, just as I was beginning to rationalize and compose myself, he continued,
"Before leaving, Miss Suzumiya asked you if you thought aliens, time travelers, and espers were real, to which you agreed. When she asked you your name, you told her it was John Smith. Because of that interaction, she chose to attend North High, and begin looking for people who fit those descriptions. And now, you believe you could convince Miss Suzumiya to do whatever you wanted by telling her you're John Smith. You're 'trump card', as you call it. Or am I mistaken?"
He was right...he was completely right. There was no one I told that much information to. Not even Miss Asahina, Nagato, or Koizumi. With an explanation like that, I really have no reason to doubt him anymore. I swallowed deeply, collecting my thoughts again, then finally began replying.
Allright. I believe you. But, if you aren't interested in Haruhi, why are you here?, I responded.
"I came to present a proposition to you, but before that, I wanted to ask you a question.", he said, leaving out the question he wanted to ask again.
Well, what is it?, I asked.
"How do you feel about Miss Suzumiya?", he asked back.
How do I feel about her? I could write a novel on all the trouble she's caused. She's the bane of my existence. The reason for all the trouble I've gone through in High School. The reason I've skirted death's cold grasp before., I answered, quickly.
"So, you're saying you hate her?", he asked in reply. This guy was beginning to get on my nerves. In a different way than before.
Well...no. I don't hate her, I answered.
"Then...you like her?", he continued pressing.
These loaded questions were getting on my nerves. Just tell me what you want already, I barked.
"Very well then. I'll be frank with you, Kyon.", he began, "I believe that Miss Suzumiya is infatuated with you. I also believe that, despite your incessant denial of it, you are infatuated with her, whether you want to believe it or not. Everything you've done has proven that."
How do you figure such an absurd concept?, I wondered.
"Well, for starters, you are the only person to call Miss Suzumiya by her first name. On top of that, you are the first person she turns to when she is upset. Koizumi told you himself, that time you were trapped in closed space. You are the one and only person from this world that Miss Suzumiya really wants to be with. She trusts you, and believes in you more than anyone else. She cares about you enough to stay by your side for three days while you were in the hospital, and you were the first person to try and communicate with her as a human being, setting aside her eccentricities. Whenever she is in doubt, she uses you for support. And when you were trapped in that alternate timeline, you said that if even if it was only in a dream, you wanted to see Miss Suzumiya again. Need I say more?"
Even if everything he was saying was true, and even if a concept as ludicrous as being in love with Haruhi were true, what made him think that I would admit to it now, after I've denied it for so long? Allegedly.
"True. I didn't come here expecting it to be that easy.", he said with a genuine laugh, "But, tell me, Kyon. What good does it do to avoid the matter so avidly? Have you ever considered what life would be like if you and Miss Suzumiya were a couple?", he argued back.
That's not something I'd even want to consider. Maybe he hadn't noticed, but she'd already given me enough trouble, and we're not even dating, I added.
"Well, I've been to a universe where you and Miss Suzumiya did, in fact, become a couple. I can tell you for certain that, should you and Miss Suzumiya get together, it would eliminate many of your problems.", he debated with me, "Think about it. If you two were a couple, not only would she have more respect for you, but her mood and emotional stability would greatly increase. That means less closed spaces, less emergencies, and it would make life easier for all three groups interested in her. On top of that, she wouldn't get jealous as easily when you're around other girls. She would know you are loyal to her, so you could be friendly with other girls without fear of a catastrophe. You've said yourself that she was amazingly beautiful, so she can't be abhorrent to you."
Even though I didn't want to, my mind thought about it, and he did bring up some valid points. That's not to say they're certainties, but they sound pretty likely.
Yeah...so...why did it make me so angry?
Let's say I agreed with him about all this, and let's say I actually do become a couple with Haruhi. What's in it for him?, I asked.
"I've spent a lot of time reading about your lives. I simply believe that you would all be a lot happier if you and Miss Suzumiya were to come together. I'm also willing to provide a way for you confess without fear of repercussion.", he told me. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some kind of weird looking wrist watch.
...What's this thing?, I questioned.
"It's a SAUR Device. You can program the date and time on it, and when you press that button, it will warp you back to the specified point in time, negating everything that has happened since. That way, you have absolutely nothing to lose by confessing and asking her out. Oh, and that device is programmed to work within closed space.", he explained.
How am I supposed to know that this thing will work? And how does he know it will work within closed space?, I asked, skeptically.
"Try it. Go walk down to the end of the room, and push that button there. Right now, the time is set to default. It will transport you back to the beginning of the minute on the watch. Go on. Try it.", he urged. I guess I really didn't have anything to lose. So, I stood up, walked a few steps, and hit the button.
"That way, you have absolutely nothing to lose by confessing and asker her out. Oh, and that device is programmed to work within closed space."
I found myself sitting in front of the guy again. In the exact same position I was in. And he was saying the exact same thing he said before. It...it really worked. When he saw the shock on my face, he must have picked up on what just happened.
"I see. So, you used it already. Well, do you believe me now?", he asked. Well...I really couldn't deny it anymore. I just saw it first hand. But, I still wasn't too keen on the whole 'asking Haruhi out' thing. It's not such a simple thing, after all. She really was the source of all the trouble in my life since high school. Who knows what kind of trouble I'd be in if we were closer than we are now? That's assuming I was interested in asking her out, which I'm not.
I'm not agreeing to anything, I told him, stubbornly. He sighed, and said,
"I at least implore you to talk it over with the other brigade members. If I can't convince you, perhaps they can. Can you at least consider that?"
I'd consider talking to them., I agreed, shortly.
"Well, that's all I can ask.", he accepted, happily.
So, what if I choose not to do this? What are you gonna do?, I asked him, suspicious.
"Nothing.", he told me, "I could give you some kind of ultimatum, but that's not what I'm trying to accomplish. I want you and Miss Suzumiya to come together voluntarily. I just came to plant the seeds. You'll have to do the rest."
This guy...he comes into my house, starts lecturing me, and asks me to date the last person in the world I would consider dating. What kind of reaction did he expect?
"Before I go...I know something's been gnawing at you.", he said in a lower voice, "The way Miss Suzumiya smiled at you, one month from now. Full of warmth and compassion. Made you feel all fuzzy. Why, I wonder, did she change so much in that time? What caused such a sudden change in that smile of hers? Coincidence?"
Or...what?
"Or maybe...some outside force visited you before that event, and triggered some events which led up to it. A happy, pleasant, Haruhi Suzumiya...beautiful, talented, gifted, brilliant, good at anything she does... and with a pleasant personality.", he said, looking upwards, as if day dreaming, "Sounds like everything you'd want from a girl, doesn't it?"
I didn't have a response to that. I simply glared at him, making it known that his presence was becoming obnoxious.
"Well, if you understand, then that'll conclude my time in this universe. I look forward to seeing how this plays out.", he told me with a smile, "Bye now!"
And with that, he walked off. Even though he went into the entryway, I didn't hear the front door open. It was like he just vanished. I guess that's typical of a slider, though. I wonder how they switch between dimensions. Do they have some kind of special device? Or is it a power they have? Well, whatever. It wasn't important anymore. If all went well, I'd never have to see another slider in my life.
The following day, I brought that SAUR thing with me. If anything, I was gonna show it to the others and figure out exactly what it was. For all I knew, this thing could be dangerous. I didn't want to use it carelessly if it had some sort of sinister side effect. We already knew that the TPDD punched holes in the time plane, but those were fixed by other time travelers. Who knows what this does? It may be ten times worse. The best course of action was to be cautious. Yeah. That's what I'll do. I'll just talk to them about this device. If I feel like it, I may talk to them about the plan the guy suggested. But, I won't make any promises.
...what am I doing? Making promises to myself? That's just sad, no matter how you look at it. Guess I'll just leave it out of my head until after school. At least...I would have. When I opened the door to the classroom and saw Haruhi sitting there, I got a strange uneasiness in my stomach, and my mind went blank momentarily. As if my whole body shut down and reactivated only nanoseconds apart. I guess maybe I shouldn't have drank that milk that was almost expired this morning. It didn't taste bad, but who knows what effects it can have. I went and sat down, but noticed Haruhi was a bit different than usual. She isn't always bursting with energy, but she was a bit...I don't know...melancholy right now. She was looking out the window like she does whenever she's thinking about something.
What's wrong? Get in a fight with a Witch Queen or something?, I asked her, turning to the side.
"No...I was just thinking about some things.", she told me, softly yet cryptically. She got like this when something was emotionally bothering her.
'Some things', huh? Well, I knew what happened when I pried into things like that.
So, what's the agenda for today? You still want to put on that stage show at the flower viewing?, I asked.
"Of course I do! I don't go back on a plan on a whim like that.", she said, looking at me, annoyed.
Well, when you look so dejected like that, I'm not really sure what you're thinking, I replied in my defense.
"Don't worry, we're still doing it. I just need some time to think about what we're gonna do, that's all.", she responded, looking back out the window.
After that, she stayed quiet. Time went by, and it was already after class. Rarely is Haruhi quiet for that long. Even if she's in an unpleasant mood, she makes absolutely positive I'm aware of it. Maybe I'm just being oversensitive, but I could sure tell when she wasn't happy. But, this gave me a good opportunity to think things over. Haruhi had cleaning duty, so I took advantage of that and made a beeline for the club room.
I knocked gently, and as usual, Miss Asahina told me to come in. I opened the door briskly, as if it would cleanse me of all my doubts. There's something unnerving about Haruhi feeling down. I guess since she's usually pretty upbeat, it just feels wrong when she's upset.
Hey guys, I called.
"Why, hello there.", Koizumi said.
"Hello! Would you like some tea?", Miss Asahina asked, like a fairy restoring the health points of a wounded soldier.
Yeah, I could really use some. Thank you, I replied.
With a smile that could stop time itself, she scurried over to make me a fresh cup. But, instead of sitting down, I set the SAUR on the table and asked them,
"Do any of you know what this is?" Koizumi picked it up looking it over, and a moment later, Miss Asahina cried out in surprise.
What is it?, I asked her.
"T-that's a prototype TPDD! H-how did you get one of those?", she asked, frantically.
"Well...it was sort of given to me.", I told them.
"I see...so this is a prototype...very interesting...", Koizumi said, looking it over thoroughly, "I wonder, though, who would give such a thing to you?" With that, I sat down, and began to explain what happened last night. Everything. Not just about the SAUR. I figured that any details I could include were important. And no, there's no other reason.
"You really met a slider?", Miss Asahina asked, amazed.
He didn't show me another dimension or anything, but the things he knew about me, and all of us, were just too specific for him to be lying, I told them.
"And he proposed that you should confess to Miss Suzumiya?", Koizumi asked.
That about sums it up, I confirmed. He laughed slightly at that response.
What's so funny?, I asked him, creeped out.
"Oh, it's nothing. I just find it a bit humorous that he asked you to do such a thing, is all.", he told me, "The Organization has actually had this very discussion many times. Although you probably don't want to hear it, we are generally of the same mind as him. We just never agreed on asking you because we never thought you'd consider the idea."
I haven't considered it. You can't seriously expect things to go down so smoothly. There's a million things that could go wrong, I debated.
"You have this device, don't you? If what he says is true, and what you experienced was also a fact, then you truly have nothing to lose.", Koizumi reasoned.
"U-um...I can't really say anything, because it's classified, b-but I really don't think you should use that thing!", Miss Asahina protested. It caught me off guard, seeing her so stern on a point like that.
What'll happen if I use it?, I asked her.
"W-well...um...I can't say much...but it would be really, really bad.", she tried to explain. 'Really really bad'? That's not exactly what I'd call "insightful".
Nagato, you have anything to add?, I asked, looking over to her in the corner.
"The device is a modified TPDD. Rather than creating punctures in the data of the temporal plane, it obliterates the data entirely. That is why she advises against using the device.", she explained.
"So...you're suggesting that instead of taking him back in time to a certain point, it destroys all time after that set point, leaving only one place to return to?", Koizumi asked to clarify.
"Yes.", Nagato agreed.
If that's the case...then that can't be a good thing, I said, tapping the display. We sat back for a moment, contemplating what we should do.
"Regardless of the method used, I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you were to attempt getting together with her. If I were you, I would only use this device as a last resort, in a cataclysmic emergency.", Koizumi suggested, "Though, I can't help but wonder who this mysterious slider was."
Dunno. He left before I even got his name, I told him. I may have chased him out of the house with my hostile attitude...but...that didn't matter anymore.
"Miss Nagato, do you have any information to share?", Koizumi asked her.
"His existence was observed for the first time twenty hours and forty three minutes ago. He disappeared from this world twenty two minutes afterward. There is insufficient data regarding his purpose or identity.", Nagato replied. Koizumi shrugged, still with that smile of his, then turned to me and finished,
"In any case, I am glad to see that you're so receptive to the idea of you two getting together."
I'm not receptive to it. This is a purely hypothetical conversation. I was just telling you about the slider I met, I argued. He sighed briefly, then got a more serious expression on his face.
"If I were you, I wouldn't reject the idea so quickly. There are many benefits, just as the slider suggested. Not just for us, but for you as well. I would give it some thought before refusing it outright. Besides, you don't necessarily have to confess your love for her. Merely asking her out would suffice. That's what I think.", he told me.
Yeah, I hear you. It's not something that's pleasant to think about, though. I mean, think about it. Haruhi is the reason why I've come close to dying several times. She's a hazard to my well being. On top of that, she treats me like her slave all the time. She has close to no respect for me at all. That's not even mentioning her borderline rape of poor Miss Asahina, and her general tyranny.
Ugh...I guess she does have her good points, however few and far between they are. But I think the negatives heavily outweigh the positives.
It wasn't until later that afternoon when I got home that I began seriously thinking about the subject. They say that people get more emotional when they're tired, and that's probably why I decided to ponder something like that. But, it was also because of what the slider said. I don't know why, but all the things he was pointing out were really getting to me. The more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder what I would get out of it. Sure, Haruhi is beautiful, smart, strong, talented...and...a lot of other things, but the point is that she's an outright villain sometimes. Well...maybe that isn't quite fair. I guess the things she does are a bit overkill and downright illegal...but...not evil. I still don't see any benefits for me in all of this.
Maybe the slider boy had some interesting points, but I wouldn't go so far as to say she likes me. She has almost no respect for me. Even if you're just acquaintances with someone, you at least treat them with a gram of respect. I don't get any of that. And even if she does care about me, that last thing it could be is love. If she really was in love with me, she's got a really twisted way of showing it. Forcing me to be her lackey and generally acting unpleasant towards me isn't exactly a sure sign of love. I think that the most she would think of me is as her friend, and that's just the best case scenario. But she doesn't even treat me like a friend. Even if I was considered a friend, it's not love. It couldn't be love.
But, then I have to ask myself. What about me? What do I think about all this?
Well...I don't hate her. She is...exceptional...in a lot of ways, but that's about as far as I'd go. She is certainly not girlfriend material. Of that much, I'm positive. She's bossy, eccentric, and doesn't seem to want to accept the world in front of her. She's never satisfied with the same thing for too long, and always wants to change the world. I doubt she'd keep me for long even if she did accept me.
...Wait a minute...didn't she say to me once that she wasn't interested in ordinary humans?
Yeah...Well, she actually announced it to the class. And just like Sasaki, I also remember that she thinks love is some kind of mental illness. If that's the case, then she'd definitely turn me down if I went and asked her out. So, I really do have nothing to lose in asking her. Koizumi would see that it won't work out, I wouldn't have to go out with her, and we'd just return to our normal routine. That would also mean I wouldn't have to use this SAUR thing.
...But that just means there's no point to it. If I'm sure it will fail, then I have no reason to try. The only reason I would try was if there was a chance for success.
If that's the case, then what would happen if I tried? I mean, the worst that can happen is she changes her mind for some reason and accepts. But...if she does that...well then what? Am I supposed to just say "Gotcha! It was just a joke!" As much as I really don't want to go out with her, I think it's safe to assume that turning her down at that point would be very...very bad. If flirting with Miss Asahina was enough to almost bring the end of the world, I can't imagine what would happen if I was the one who caused her to want to rewrite the world. I'd be totally out of the picture.
Up until now, I've pretty much been guaranteed that at least I would be spared if she really did recreate the world. But, if I were to ask her out and just break her heart like that...I don't even want to think about that. Anyway, that's assuming she would be interested in me, anyway. I think I have enough evidence to assume she would outright reject me if I asked. But...if she didn't...well...I guess I would just have to deal with it. That is, if I ever decided to go through with it.
For some reason, I really wanted a second opinion on all this. Not Nagato, not Miss Asahina, and certainly not Koizumi. So, I opened up my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I didn't really know what I was looking for, but when my cursor highlighted Sasaki's name, my thumb instinctively clicked "call", as if my cerebral cortex was operating on auto-pilot, and the pilot wasn't paying attention to the flight path.
After a few seconds of ringing, she picked up.
"Hello, Kyon. Rather unceremonious to contact me so soon after our fateful separation, don't you think?", she asked.
I didn't really know what I was thinking, and yeah, it was a bit tactless of me, but I acted on instinct, I told her.
"You sound troubled. Could it be, you looking for advice?", she asked. I hesitated for a moment. I don't know why, though. Maybe it had something to do with what Sasaki told me last week, and how our last meeting made me feel, but I digress. I took a short sigh, then began explaining. What I said must have caught her off guard, because she paused briefly before replying.
"Well...do you want to ask her out?", she asked.
Of course not, I told her.
"So, you were just looking for affirmation on your decision then?", she retorted. I was about to retort right back, but when I thought about it, she was kind of right. She laughed softly, then replied,
"Well then, I'll deny you that self-affirmation, so you can choose a path for yourself.", she told me, "I say, 'Go for it'." When she said that, I felt a sensation inside me that's hard to explain. Imagine a violinist playing a beautiful arrangement on a bright stage, then suddenly stopping to brutishly pick the string once out of key, then continuing the ballad as if nothing happened. That's about the best way I can describe it. Just a sudden disruption, before everything flowed again.
Even if I did, Haruhi isn't interested in ordinary humans. She's dumped every guy she's ever dated. There's no way she'd even consider what I had to say.
"Then don't ask her directly. Just ask her 'what would you say if I asked you out', or something along those lines. If she outright rejects you, then there's nothing left to say, and you can pass it off as a mindless question.", she responded. I paused to think about that before I replied.
I guess that's as good a plan as any, I told her. I heard her laugh snidely again, then she finished,
"If she accepts you, though, you'll have to take responsibility. A girl's heart isn't a toy. It's all or nothing. If you're prepared for that, then you know what to do."
I already knew that, but... It was good to have someone to back me up on all this.
"I backed you up, did I? I'm fairly certain that I just told you to ask her out. But, you decided on that already, didn't you?", she teased.
Absolutely not, I replied.
"Well, you have your answer now. I did enjoy this talk, but I really should get back to my studies.", she told me.
I thanked her for selflessly hearing me out.
"But next time, call me when there's something interesting for us both to discuss, won't you?", she added. Again, I thanked her, and after exchanging farewells, we hung up.
I think talking to her was what I really needed for guidance. I don't know why, but hearing Sasaki encourage me was what gave me a slight nudge in considering it. I still wasn't sold on it, but I was beginning to consider indirectly asking about it. In that case, I wouldn't have to go out with her even if she said yes to my hypothetical question. I still needed some more info to weigh the pros and cons, and I knew what I was going to do next.
The following day, at lunch, I ditched Taniguchi and Kunikida to go get another opinion on this matter.
I made my way to the old building and opened up the clubroom door, and as always, Nagato was sitting in the corner, reading her book.
Hey, Nagato, I called.
"What.", she asked.
What's your opinion on this whole thing, I asked.
"I do not have an opinion on the subject.", she replied.
What about the Data Overmind, I added.
"The Data Overmind wishes to observe Haruhi Suzumiya, and to ensure that no further destructive and unknown data fluctuations occur.", she explained.
So, in other words, it doesn't want me dating Haruhi?
"Not necessarily. It is possible that triggering such an event could lead to a large flare up of data disruption, however, it is equally or more likely possible that data disruptions would occur less frequently.", she continued.
That's assuming Haruhi even accepts me, I reasoned. Although I waited for Nagato to reply, she didn't make a comment on that. I was fully expecting her to inform me of some complicated probability chart of what would happen, but she was silent. Maybe I was just hoping she'd tell me what happens so I didn't have to waste my time. She probably already knows but isn't allowed to say anything about it. Her function is to observe...that's what she said. She helps an awful lot for someone who only observes, but it would be nice if she gave us a heads up every once in awhile.
After class, Haruhi and I made our way back to the clubroom together like always. She was back to her normal energetic self, but I was feeling very differently. The whole situation leading up to today already made her presence feel awkward, but it was only getting worse.
"What's the matter?", she asked, looking over at me.
Nothing at all, I told her.
"If something's bothering you, you should spit it out. It's not good for you to hold it in.", she lectured me. Really, the nerve of this girl.
She'd already told me that before, and there was nothing wrong, I replied. By the time I had said that, we were already at the clubroom. Haruhi opened the door and let us both in. Nagato was sitting in the corner of the room, and Miss Asahina had already changed. Koizumi sat there in his chair with that smile of his, and Haruhi greeted everyone immediately.
"Hey, everyone!", she exclaimed.
"Why, hello there.", Koizumi replied.
"Good afternoon! I'll pour you some tea.", Miss Asahina added in.
I walked around to the other sided of the table and took a seat, sighing deeply and starting to relax.
"Is everything alright?", Koizumi asked me.
Everything is fine, I assured him, sternly.
"Are you sure you're not still worrying about you-know-what?", he suggested.
Positive, I let him know. He laughed a bit, then sat a chessboard down in front of us.
"Care to play a game?", he asked.
Sure, I agreed. Strangely though, Haruhi didn't call forth a meeting or anything today. We were all really left to our own devices for the most part. I was fully expecting some kind of planning or something. We were supposed to make decorations for the stage play we were going to put on, but I guess that was on hold for now. The day ticked by, steadily. Not exactly fast, but not slow either. It was peaceful, and dare I say, relaxing. However, things quickly changed as we were going home.
I was at the shoe lockers, getting ready to head out, when I was suddenly confronted by Haruhi.
"Kyon! You've got some serious explaining to do!", she shouted, infuriated. I was totally thrown off. I hadn't done anything, as far as I was aware. I finished putting my shoes on quickly and stood up, looking at her angry expression. She was about to shout further, but she glanced around and stopped herself. After that, she grabbed my hand and started dragging me outside.
Where we we going?, I asked her, confused.
"Just shut up and come with me!", she barked. She didn't really need to hold my hand, but she did it anyway. She dragged me all the way from the front of the school to behind the old building. After that, she let go and shoved a piece of paper in my face that she had been gripping in her left hand.
I couldn't read it if she held it so close to my face, I told her. So, she pushed it into my chest. I took it and read it over briefly. It appeared to be a love letter from someone named Yosuke. I didn't really know why this involved me until I read it a bit closer.
"I was told by your friend Kyon that you were interested in dating someone.", it read on the second line. Ah...I see why she was mad. In my defense, though, I don't even know someone named Yosuke, and I made sure to tell her that. This was most likely a prank by Taniguchi or something, but for his sake, I didn't mention that.
"Then why in the world would someone write something so specific?!", she argued.
No idea, I shrugged, but I didn't see the problem in the long run.
"What am I supposed to do with this?!", she continued.
I thought that she didn't care about ordinary people, I noted, so I assumed she would just turn him down.
She paused briefly at that comment, then took the paper back and began shredding it up. I don't know why, but it was at this moment that I just suddenly began talking. Maybe because it felt like a good segue, and so I unconsciously started...but...
I asked her if she'd still never date an ordinary person.
"Of course not.", she agreed, flatly.
But what if that person was really close to her, I asked. She paused again, then said,
"Like I said, I don't have time to waste on ordinary humans." Well, since she spelled it out for me, I just went for it.
"So, if I asked you out, you would also say no?", I asked. She looked up at me, her eyes locking with mine. While I was expecting a face of dull surprise, what I got was much more concerning. It was like a mixture between anger and confusion, or, maybe nervousness.
"W...What kind of question is that?!", she scoffed, "Of course I'd say no! I just said I'm not interested in ordinary humans, and you're as ordinary as it gets!" Well, there was my answer. I got it out of the way, no harm, no foul. It was much easier than I thought it'd be.
Well, then, I wouldn't bother asking, I told her.
"Good.", she said, with great finality. And, after that, she stormed off. As she did, I got the same feeling from her that I felt last year. She walked away, back turned, with an aura that said, "Just leave me alone." I guess it figures she would be angry at me for asking that. In the heat of the moment, I didn't really feel anything, but as I watched her walk away, I started to comprehend the situation.
I didn't exactly ask her out, but I did get rather rudely rejected. It didn't feel pleasant, that's for sure. But, I don't think I was disappointed. At least...I was pretty sure I wasn't.
I could have just followed behind her and went home, but something made me stay and sort of collect everything that just happened. It was a few minutes later that I suddenly got a call on my phone. Looking at the caller ID, it was Koizumi. What did he want?
"Hello, Kyon. Do you have a minute to talk? It's kind of important.", he told me.
What was it, I asked.
"Well, something...quite interesting is happening right now. A closed space, bigger than anything we've seen to date has appeared.", he began.
I didn't think that was so extraordinary, I mentioned.
"Yeah, well this time, it's different. The celestials inside the closed space aren't destroying stuff right now, at least not intentionally.", he continued, "The strange thing is that they're fighting each other."
They're what...?
"I was wondering if you had any idea what might have caused this. I remember you and Miss Suzumiya left at the same time, so I thought maybe something happened between you." When he said that, I realized what caused it. I told him exactly what went down a few minutes ago, and it made perfect sense to him.
"Ah...I see. Well, that certainly makes sense.", he agreed, "That also explains why the celestials are fighting each other."
How so, I asked.
"It isn't the world that Miss Suzumiya is upset with. It's herself.", he explained, "Miss Suzumiya is strongly against romance, that much is certain. But at the same time, she's also very passionate about you. She's torn between upholding her ideals and being with the person she cares about most, that's why the celestials are fighting each other. Doesn't that sound logical?"
None of that sounded logical, but I understood what he meant. I didn't know what we were supposed to do about it, though.
"As of right now, it seems that the closed space is spreading very slowly, but we aren't sure how long that'll last. This is quite possibly the largest emergency we've faced so far."
So, what should we do?
"Well...we aren't too sure. Ideally, we would need to somehow convince Miss Suzumiya to set aside her ideals and pursue this romance."
Or, you could convince her to forget about me, I suggested. Koizumi laughed at that proposition, rather politely, and replied,
"I think there's a better chance that this closed space will solve itself than Miss Suzumiya forgetting about you."
Well, if she rejected me like that, there's no way I'm going to be able to convince her, is there?
"Well, it sounds like you didn't directly ask her out, if what you're telling me is exactly how it played out. Maybe you could try that.", he suggested.
She already told me she wasn't interested in me. What good will asking again do?
"I think it's quite clear from this situation that she was lying to you and herself. If she really wasn't interested in you, we wouldn't be having this problem right now.", Koizumi reasoned.
I guess that was true, but if she's really in denial, it won't change anything if I ask her out again.
"True, the chances of it changing anything are slim, but it's the only chance we have right now. Please, on behalf of the Organization, I ask that you at least try. We don't know how long we can slow the closed space from spreading, and if it begins expanding any faster, it's quite possible the whole world will be in danger.", he pleaded.
Although I really didn't want to ask her out again, the whole world was at risk at this point. I didn't exactly like the idea of the world being engulfed by closed space, so I didn't really have a choice anymore.
Fine, I told him. I'd give a try.
"That's great to hear. I'll be looking forward to the results."
And if it didn't work?
"We'll try and come up with something on our end in the meantime, just in case it doesn't work."
So, after saying our goodbyes and hanging up, I decided to give Haruhi a call before she got home. It rang and rang...rang and rang...but I wasn't getting and answer. I was about ready to hang up and chase after her, but right before it hit voicemail, she answered.
"Yeah, what?", she asked.
"I want to talk to you. Can we meet up somewhere?", I asked.
"You have me on the phone, don't you? Just tell me what you want, or I'm hanging up.", she snapped.
It was something I wanted to tell her in person, but if she still didn't want to hear me out, I'd let it go, I said. She was silent for a while, then replied,
"Fine, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow. I have something to do today." So, I agreed.
"Good. Then we'll meet at the station at ten. If you're late, I'm leaving.", she concluded. If that was the case, then I'd be sure to arrive at least an hour early. I know how that situation plays out. It doesn't matter if I'm on time. If I'm the last to arrive, I'm automatically late. So, the time was set, and we hung up.
Looks like I really had to go through with this now. Sasaki's words starting coming back to me.
"If she accepts you, though, you'll have to take responsibility. A girl's heart isn't a toy. It's all or nothing.", that's what she said, isn't it?
Oh brother.
All or nothing...
So, I made my way home, the thought of this disaster weighing on my mind like a thick blanket, suffocating me. Even though I had some time to waste before bed, I wasn't in the mood for anything. I didn't have the energy I usually did. So, lacking any drive, I went to sleep a bit early. I closed my eyes, pushing all the thoughts out of my head, and eventually falling to sleep. But, what felt like only a few moments later, I opened my eyes. It wasn't my ceiling I saw though. It was something that I never wished to see again. A dull, gray sky. Closed space. After what happened today, I was hoping this wouldn't happen. It only happened once, but there was always that possibility if she got too upset.
What I didn't understand was why I was here, though. Last time this happened, it was because she had given up on the world. But, Koizumi said it wasn't the world she was mad at this time. So...what was she wishing for now?
I sat up and looked next to me, and sure enough, Haruhi was there. But, she was looking down at the ground, shaking slightly.
"How are you doing?", I asked her, nonchalantly. When she looked up at me, she had fury in her eyes. She raised her hand, balling it up in a fist, then slamming it into my chest.
"You big idiot!", she yelled.
Grabbing her hand before she hit me again, I asked her what the problem was.
"Why?! Why did you have to say something like that...", she said, beginning to whimper. I assumed she was talking about our talk earlier.
If she didn't care about ordinary humans, I didn't understand why she was so upset, I told her.
"But, you're different!", she argued. It seemed like she believed this was a dream. She would never be this open to me in real life, so I guess she was venting her frustration to a dream version of myself, or so she thought.
I asked her how exactly I was different.
"You were the first person...to try and get to know me. You didn't ask me out because I was pretty, or avoid me because of what I liked...", she mumbled.
I guess I understood what she meant. That really did make me different from everyone else. I was the only person to choose to be around her and understand her. Koizumi, Miss Asahina, and Nagato were all roped into her life by force. It was their job to observe her and stay with her. I chose to be around her. Even though I complained about her a lot, I never left her side, did I?
"Even though I bossed you around...even though I'd call you an idiot...or worthless...you were always there.", she confessed, beginning to cry.
She...was right. I did do all that. No matter how crazy her schemes were, or how poorly she treated me...I stayed with her.
But...why? I could have easily just ignored her. Was it because she was so unusual? I just wanted something different in my life? Think about it. I could have easily left her at any time. I didn't have to be in the SOS Brigade, or even stay her friend. I didn't have to go to the club room every day like I did. I had no obligation to do any of that. And yet...I stayed. Was it really just because I had a duty to prevent the world from falling apart? Or was there more to it?
...Of course there was. I hated thinking about it, and I actively denied it for a long time. Koizumi always said that Haruhi is the happiest she's even been because of me. Even though I waved it off, deep down...I guess...it made me happy. Maybe that was why I stayed. Because I felt like I had a purpose, being with her. Because being by her side...made me feel good.
Gritting my teeth and realizing this all, I reached forward and embraced her, sighing heavily.
If she didn't want to say yes to my offer, then she should could just not say no, I suggested.
"Not...say no?", she asked.
Outright accepting me would be too hard, right? If she just said maybe, she wouldn't be committing to anything. Wasn't that a reasonable option?
She didn't reply to me at first, she just stayed silent. A moment later, she embraced me back.
"I wish the real Kyon was like you.", she muttered, collecting herself.
Well, she should wake up and face the real me. She'd have to face me eventually, I told her.
"Yeah.", she agreed, softly. And just like that, my eyes opened, and I saw the familiar ceiling in my room. I was surprised that I was able to handle that by myself. I guess after all the craziness I've been through since last year, I've gotten the hang of these absurd situations and how to deal with them. I looked at the clock and saw that it was five o'clock in the morning. If I went back to sleep now, I might not wake up in time to meet Haruhi. Guess I might as well get an early start. Not like I could fall back asleep, anyway.
So, I spent the entire morning getting ready and preparing myself for what was to come. If she followed my advice that I gave her, she wouldn't say yes, so that still wasn't an issue. At least, I hoped it wouldn't be one. We would continue on as we normally did, but...a bit closer, I guess. That's what I was hoping for.
Then, at about eight thirty, I left the house and made my way to the station. There was no point in dawdling and waiting, and I was a bit too anxious to kill anymore time. So I waited. I waited and waited until nine forty five rolled around. That's when I saw Haruhi walking up towards me. Her expression wasn't angry, this time. She looked like she was bracing herself for what was to come. We met up, then made our way to the cafe we normally go to for meetings. Then, I began.
Was she being serious when she said she wouldn't accept me if I asked her out, I asked.
"So what if I was? You said you wouldn't ask me anyway.", she argued.
I didn't ask because she told me she would reject me ahead of time, I argued back.
"So if I said I would think about it, well then what...?", she asked, a bit quieter.
Then I would ask, I told her. She stayed quiet after that. I guess as prepared as she tried to be, she wasn't going to be the one to move things along. So, I had to take the lead.
"Haruhi, please go out with me.", I asked her, bowing slightly. I looked up to see her looking away from me, not answering. But, after a few seconds, she put on that confident smile of hers and said,
"Hmph! I'll admit, you have guts asking your Brigade Leader something like that! Especially for a lowly grunt like yourself!"
Yeah, well, being the lowly grunt gave me nothing to lose, I joked.
"Well, sorry to break it to you, but you're a hundred years too early to ask me something like that!", she scoffed, still smiling.
"Is that so?", I asked, "I'll need to work pretty hard, then."
"Hard doesn't even begin to describe it!", she said, pointing her finger in my face, "But, if you work your butt off to improve yourself, then maybe you can ask me that again!"
And there it was. That smile that I saw when I traveled into the future a few weeks. That honest, warm smile that gave me a strange feeling inside. I guess I knew what caused it, now.
I won't make any promises, I told her, but I'll definitely try.
"Good! You can start by taking me somewhere interesting!", she told me.
To look for supernatural phenomena?
"But of course!", she agreed, standing up swiftly.
I at least wanted to finish my coffee, I told her. But, before I could reach for it, she grabbed it from in front of me and downed it swiftly.
"All done! Now, let's get going!", she ordered, grabbing my hand and leading my cheerily out the door.