A/N: Hello~ So this is my first published fanfiction. Originally the story was supposed to be a plot used for an online comic I was planning, but after a while, I realized that the plot of the comic wasn't develop enough to be an entire series. Nonetheless, I thought it would be nice to share it as a fanfiction, replacing my original characters with Hiro Mashima's character and weaving in the aspects of Fairy Tail into it. Another reason why I'm publishing it on is because I wanted to experiment with writing. So even if the plot itself is not develop enough or my writing style is bothersome, I hope you can bear with me.
Lucy is not dead. I hope you can keep that in mind. Another thing is that the first few chapters will be told in various flashbacks so I hope you won't get too confused as to what is going on.
Ready set go! I hope you guys enjoy reading! :)
Natsu blamed himself for the incident. After all, he was there when it happened. He witnessed everything from the morning that they decided to take that regrettable job to the night that Lucy was taken away from him. No matter what anyone else said to comfort him, he still saw it as his fault. Gray and Erza tried to convince him otherwise since they were also there when it happened but in the end he continued to blame himself. Even as he walked towards the cave, even as he entered the dark entrance, and even when Happy tried to cheer him up as he floated behind the dragon slayer; Natsu continued to blame himself. It was him that offered the job to Lucy when she whined about staying back. Instead of letting her off, he selfishly convinced her to come with him. It was his fault for forcing her to go on a mission she didn't want to go on and it was his own fault for not being strong enough to protect her.
Sure, Erza and Gray were friends with Lucy but they didn't feel the same thing he felt towards her. What he had towards her was different. It was like Lucy was his addiction and now without her he was going through some kind of withdrawal. On certain nights he would have nightmares about her. In the nightmare, he saw Lucy begging for help, clutching herself in pain and he would rush over to save her. But every time he tried to move closer, desperately trying to touch her figure she would inch farther and farther away. The farther she got, the faster he would try to run after her. But in the end, his feet would give up in defeat and he would fall, only to look up and see that Lucy had already disappeared from his sight. At that moment he would wake up in cold sweat in her bed looking over to see if she was there only to be disappointed time and time again with her absence. He would then proceed to clutch her pillow, inhaling her scent. Even if she wasn't there, wouldn't it be okay for him to pretend she was? The bed always felt so cold without Lucy there. She always thought that it was him who kept her warm but really it was her that kept him warn. This was such an ironic situation since he could use fire magic. But in the end it didn't matter. Because without Lucy, his best friend and partner, he felt empty. Choosing to try to go back to sleep, he would then close his eyes and take a deep breath and as her scent allured into him, he began to imagine that she was sleeping soundly next to him. With each and every day, he felt her scent slowly start to dissipate and disappear. The first few days he came back from the mission, her scent was everywhere; it was mind boggling to think that she was no longer there. And now, six months later, it was fading. Natsu feared that one day it will be gone all together and that was a day that he tried to push in the back of his mind. Lucy's essence was in this room and he didn't want it to disappear. He didn't want to forget her. He felt himself drifting off to sleep. It seemed as though imagining Lucy's presence was the only way he could get a night's rest.
Despite his obvious depression, Natsu tried his best to put a smile on his face even though the girl he smiled for was no longer around. He didn't want his nakama to worry about his well being. And although everyone could see right through his facade, they smiled sadly with him because sometimes the best way to move forward with things is just to pretend. They pretended as though Lucy wasn't really gone, that she was just taking a sick day or one of those long vacation she always talked about. This way they could get through the day without realizing that Lucy was no longer there. Although it was a sad way to cope with the loss of a beloved family member, they couldn't help but act this way. It was just how it became after they realized that she wasn't coming back.
Whenever Natsu chose his missions, they were no longer random but he would carefully choose the ones that were close to this particular location. That way he could have an excuse to visit the cave even though he knew that nothing had changed since the last time he visited. He could never stay away for too long. After all, he was going through withdrawal. He needed to be close to her even though he couldn't touch her or hear her or even smell her scent. But somehow being in the place of her presence gave him a bittersweet moment of peace.
The darkness of the cave gave way to a small dim light as he continued to walk down the trodden path. And as he headed deeper inside, it slowly got brighter as the light started to reflect off those clear stone-like minerals inside the stone cave walls. It was well known that this was no ordinary cave. This was a cave where lacrimas were mined and in this very cave was where the incident happened, an incident that he felt could have been prevented but wasn't.
As he continued to walk, he heard the crushing sound of broken lacrimas under his feet, that and the sound of the silence between him and his feline partner. As the two continued down the path, he couldn't help but think back on what had happened that day. He couldn't help but constantly replay everything in that event over and over in his head to try and find what exactly they did wrong. After all, it started out as a normal mission, so how exactly did it end up like this? They were supposed to succeed and they were all supposed to head home like always. Lucy was supposed to get tired and go to bed like always and like always, he was supposed to sneak into her bed, followed by her kicking him right out the window. Like always. So how exactly did the once "like always" rituals turn into nothing but past memories? Instead, he now finds himself sneaking into her apartment even though he knew she was no longer there. He finds himself scanning the guild in hopes of seeing her sitting on a chair sipping her favorite drink. He finds himself trying to find her in a crowd of people even though he knew that it wasn't going to happen. Still, Natsu liked to hope. He hoped that one day he would come into the guild and Lucy would be there waiting for him as usual. And then he would make his way up to her, telling her that they should go on a mission together like always and that this entire incident was just nothing more than a dream fabricated by his mind so his heart could finally realize just how much Lucy meant to him. But this realization came too late because Lucy was gone. Well, not exactly. Natsu knew where Lucy was but he couldn't talk to her and even if he tried, Lucy wouldn't be able to speak back.
He took a turn into another tunnel and replayed the incident over again in his mind. Constantly, he would pause, replay, and repeat. Every time he would come to the same conclusion; that he was too weak to protect Lucy and that she was no longer of this world. But he still continued with this action, in hopes that he could pick up on something that he didn't see before.
"Lucyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Natsu's voice ranged out as he saw the celestial mage enter the guild. "Let's go on a mission!"
The blonde looked over to him with an eyebrow raised. They had just went on a mission two days ago and already Natsu insisted they go on another one. Lucy wanted a break. After all, being dragged along by a hyperactive fire mage and his cat was not necessarily what one would call "relaxing." Not to mention, the most recent mission they went on resulted in yet another destroyed town and yet another large pay cut. How was she going to pay her rent now? Every time they went on a mission, they would succeed but why did the success have to come with so much destruction? Whatever happened to getting a gold medal for saving a town or getting a memorial statue erected in your honor? Most of the time, they were lucky that the townspeople didn't turn into a mob, pitchfork and torches in hand. The fact that they even got a pay last time was a God-sent miracle! Now, every time they completed a mission, Lucy would make a mental note to herself, "note to self, never go on a mission with Natsu. Ever." But like always, she ended up going against her mental promise because Natsu being Natsu, flashed his signature smile that could brighten anybody's day. Well, except for Gray's. Natsu's smile would probably just get himself into another fight if he flashed it at Gray...or Gajeel. But on her, it worked like a charm. Immediately she felt her face heat up and she swears that her face turned redder than Erza's hair.
"No!" Lucy replied. "The last time we went on a mission was two days ago! And like always, you destroyed the town. There's something in this world called self-control that obviously you (or anybody else in this guild) do not grasp the meaning of! And as always, I have to apologize to the town mayor and accept our measley pay. If you want to go around destroying cities, be my guest. But please, Natsu, leave me out of it just this once."
"But Lucyyyyyy!" He dragged out her name again.
"But Lucyyyyyy!" Happy repeated.
She hated when he did that. It made her feel obliged to accept his offer and no way, she did not want to go through the same incident again. She was absolutely, positively sure that she was not going to accept.
"I'm not going." There ya go Luce, put your foot down!
"But we're partners!" Natsu exclaimed, his eyes and ears perking up, putting on his best smile in hopes of getting through to her. "And it's not the same without you."
That was the second thing she hated. Well, half-way hated. She hated how Natsu used this same line over and over again whenever he wanted to drag her to some far off place to destroy things. She hated how it made her feel all fuzzy inside, how it made her feel as though she might be special in his eyes just as he is special in hers. She hated how it made her mind all jumbled up, causing her to believe that Natsu sees her as unique and irreplaceable. But most of all, she hated how it worked on her. Every. Single. Time.
"Fine," Lucy agreed. "But this time, I'm keeping an eye on you to make sure that absolutely nothing goes wrong. If you go overboard one more time, Mavis help you, I will Lucy kick you so hard you won't even think about having kids in the future."
"Alright! I already chose the mission and this one is a really high paying one so even if we did get a pay cut," he said, holding up a piece of paper with a big 700,000J printed at the top, "we'll still probably get enough to pay for your rent!"
Lucy took the paper from his hand and scanned it with her eyes. The mission seemed easy enough. There's a town a little far off that makes its money from mining lacrimas from a cave. Apparently, they used mages to mine the cave but lately, the mages have been coming back with their magic weakening. The job was simple, find out what the mysterious force that was weakening the mages' magic, and stop it.
"Are you guys going on a job?" Lucy's ears perked up and her eyes left the paper, landing on the Erza. She had just arrived to the guild and already she wanted to tag along. "If you are, then we should go together," Erza smiled.
Lucy didn't have the heart to say no to her. Well, maybe she did have the heart to say no, but she valued her life too much to go against Erza's suggestion. But then again, if Erza went, it meant that she could knock Natsu out during the train ride so the journey there might be filled with peace and quiet. But then again, Natsu and Erza mean double the possibility of the town being destroyed.
"Yo! You guys going on another mission after just two days of rest?" The ice maker suddenly shot up out of nowhere.
Nevermind, now the doubled possibility has now tripled. Lucy couldn't help but mentally cry to herself. She always felt weak compared to the three but when it comes to self-control Lucy definitely had the upper hand. She liked to take things in stride and only overdid things when the situation called for it. The other three were so powerful, yet they always did things in excess. To this day, Lucy still wonders how they never manage to injure any innocent civilians during the barrage of power. Between the tornado of swords Erza throws out, the fire cannon Natsu shoots, and the ice storm Gray cooks up, it was a wonder why the three haven't been named a natural disaster yet. Lucy could already see it now...Team Natsu strikes the town of Magnolia with a scale of 9.0, emergency aid is now being sent to the victims of natural disaster. Lucy sighed to herself. It was going to be another one of those missions. The ones where Lucy questions the very reason why she joined Fairy Tail in the first place.
"Yeah," Lucy answered back to Gray. "I kind of need money for my rent. The last mission wasn't exactly a well-paid one."
"Well, I'll tag along and help out a bit. I got the time."
Before Lucy could even open her mouth to tell Gray that every time he "tagged along" it only resulted in even more destruction and an even bigger pay cut, Natsu decided to participate in their ritual game of name calling and fighting.
"No one's asking you to come boxer boy!"
"Who says I need your permission, flame brain?!"
With that Erza took the chance to grab both of the mages' hair at the same time and slammed their heads together. It was an instant KO, a signature of Titania. As the ice and fire mage laid on the ground, slowly trying to regain their consciousness, Lucy couldn't help but crack a smile. Sure the three were a little destructive at time but they always seem to keep things lively. She couldn't imagine her life without her guild mates. It was too terrifying to even think about. And with that final thought, Lucy decided that it was time to go to head out on their mission and right on cue, the two once unconscious mages rose up and headed out along with her with a floating blue cat, followed by Erza's giant wagon load of suitcases.
Natsu sighed as he remembered back on that day. It seemed as though the tunnel in the cave had gotten longer than the last time he visited, but he knew he was inching his way closer to his destination. He's been to this cave so many time, he could go through it blindfolded without even touching the walls for support.
"We should be there soon," Happy said aloud.
"Yeah," Natsu quietly agreed before resuming to his thoughts.
"Ughh," Natsu grumbled. He could feel it now. The nausea was setting in. His head felt like his head was going to burst and his lunch of fire food was coming back up. If it could take him from one place to the other, it was going to make him sick. Lucy giggled when she noticed his predicament. No matter how many times Natsu boarded transportation, his body never got used to the movement and so the all powerful Salamander was rendered defenseless by a mere train. She kind of felt bad for him though so she beckoned him to lay on her lap to help ease the nausea.
Natsu loved it when Lucy did this. There was something about it, laying in her lap and all. Sure he was then skin to skin with her smooth legs but it was more than just that. He felt comfortable when he laid there even if he was on a train and was about to upchuck every bit of food he had in last hour. But as he rested his head he felt the two pairs of eyes on him, and then he remembered that Erza and Gray decided to tag along. And he remembered that Erza and Gray decided to tag along. Oh my Mavis! HE REMEMBERED THAT ERZA AND GRAY DECIDED TO TAG ALONG. When the thought finally processed through his brain he immediately sat up and decided that it would be better for him to suffer with the nausea than to have Erza and Gray look questioningly at him. Usually Natsu didn't mind laying his head onto Lucy's lap when it was just him, Lucy, and Happy together, but with Erza and Gray, he felt like he had to be more aware of his actions so he wouldn't give anything away. No way in hell would he allow Gray the freedom of teasing him for what had just happened.
He then felt it, his lunch coming up, the feeling that he was trying desperately to avoid. Being careful not to step on anyone's feet, he ran out to "get some fresh air". Happy, seeing that his partner was having more than he could handle decided to follow Natsu outside in order to keep an eye on him, making sure he would be okay. It was then that Happy saw it with his keen eye. Usually Natsu's face would glow from green to blue whenever he felt sick but this time, it was red. Not just a peachy shade but a bright red shade. It was as if all the fire in his body rose to his face at that moment and that was when it clicked. Natsu was blushing. He was embarrassed. He was embarrassed over the fact that he had forgotten that Gray and Erza was with them and he unknowingly decided to put his head on Lucy's lap. Happy couldn't help but chuckled as he notice this, but he quickly followed behind pretending as though what he just witnessed was a hallucination.
As Lucy saw Natsu's silhouette move farther away from her seat, she couldn't help but feel disappointed in what had just happened. Usually Natsu jumped at the chance to rest himself onto her lap, but why did he push away this time? Maybe she smelled? Happy was always going on about how Natsu liked her scent so maybe it was because she switched shampoo yesterday. As her eyes trailed after his distant shadow, Erza and Gray took the chance to question Lucy about what just happened.
"So..." Gray started off. "What's up with you and Natsu?"
Lucy swore at the word "Natsu", steam started to blow out of her ears. Sure, she might have had a teensy bitty slab of affection towards the dragon slayer after all they've been through together. Okay, she needed to be more honest with herself. "Teensy" and "bitty" are not the words that would describe the amount of emotions she held for her teammate. The word "infinite" seems to fit the bill better. She still remembers the day they met so clearly and not to mention, the numerous occasions in which he saved her. But that was exactly it. Lucy had always felt a little useless whenever Natsu saved her. Of course she appreciated it every time, but there was always a feeling in the back of her mind telling her that maybe, just maybe, the fire mage was getting tired of saving her all the time. Maybe it was her own fault for always getting caught by the bad guys. Oh the woes of being one of the last celestial mages! And because of this, Lucy had tried her best to withhold any feelings for Natsu that surfaced. She was sure that he would find her affections a burden or an inconvenience.
"N-N-Nothings up!" Lucy exclaimed. Darn it, just thinking about Natsu was making her trip over her own words.
"Are you sure?" Erza added in. "It seems as though you two are getting closer."
"It's nothing. We're really good friends, but that's about it. I was just helping him with his motion sickness."
"By placing his head on your lap?" Gray asked with one eyebrow raised.
At this point Lucy knew that the conversation was going to circle itself. No matter what anyone says about her relationship with Natsu, she refused to accept anything beyond "just friends". But why must Gray and Erza be so stubborn? Why must she be so stubborn? Why couldn't she just admit that she liked Natsu as more than just a friend or partner? It was fear. There was so much fear of ruining what was already established and so much fear of rejection. Lucy didn't think that she could bear a heartbreak. She would rather get beaten up by Gajeel for the second time.
"You know, Lucy," Erza began to say. "It's okay to like a friend, but refusing to admit or confess these feelings is like saying that your affections aren't worth it. Don't you think your feelings for Natsu is worth more than the fear of being pushed away. After all, doesn't love conquer fear?"
How did Erza do that? Other than having her weapons magic, her amazing body, her incredible strength, resilience, and confidence, did Erza also possess mind reading abilities as well?
"Yeah," replied Gray. "I'm pretty sure flame head likes you too."
Since when did Gray and Erza turn into Mira? Maybe she spiked their drinks or something. There was no way Natsu liked her. Natsu was well, Natsu. He wasn't the type to fall in love. He probably loved her as much as he loved Happy. And she definitely did not find it pleasing that she was placed in the same affections zone as Happy. If there was a slim chance that Natsu loved anyone, it would definitely be Lisanna, not her. After all, they've known each other longer and understand each other better and didn't they already decide to get married when they were younger? And Lucy was not the type to come between two childhood lovers. She always felt envious of how innocent and precious the connection between the two was. But at the same time, she admired it. She admired just how much Natsu cared for Lisanna as much as how much Lisanna cared for Natsu. And she couldn't help but notice that when those two talk they don't get into arguments or fights or become frustrated the way she and Natsu did. Lucy felt her heart drop just thinking about it. Her and Natsu just didn't seem compatible the way Lisanna and him were.
Lucy proceeded to put on a fake smile, "No. He's Natsu, he probably doesn't even realize what 'falling in love' is."
Erza and Gray both looked at each other and smiled in triumph. Of course, it was a bittersweet victory. They didn't exactly get a proclamation of love from her but they didn't see her denying her feelings after what Erza had said. At the same time the two were surprised at her answer. They could tell that the smile Lucy wore was not her genuine smile and they felt hurt that their friend felt sad over the question.
Gray proceeded to place a hand on Lucy's shoulder and smiled cunningly.
"Well," he said with a sly grin, "you're not denying your feelings. You're denying his."
Before you know it, Lucy became red and flustered when Gray pointed this out. She was pressing her two index finger against each other in embarrassment, muttering incoherently about a misunderstanding. Erza grinned at this moment. She knew that Gray purposely said this to get Lucy in this state. Her shyness about her feelings was nothing less than adorable.
Gray smiled at himself. Lucy was so easy to tease. It was so cute seeing her blush and react in such a way when he mentioned the word "feelings". He couldn't help but laugh at the scene, only to earn a playful punch in the face courtesy of Lucy.
Outside of the train, Natsu was bending over the railings hurling everything from his breakfast to his midnight snack with Happy patting his back. Natsu couldn't help but feel just a little embarrassed over the earlier situation. Gray would never let him live this down! But why should he even care about what Erza and Gray thought. After all, the mission was supposed to only include Lucy, Happy, and him. Well, maybe it would have been a bit more pleasant if it was just Lucy and him. But nonetheless, he wouldn't have to suffer such humiliation if they hadn't invited themselves on his job. It would have been nice if he had gotten to lay on Lucy's lap. The warmth of her body heat would have seeped into his head and her scent would have filled his lungs. That was what he needed, not two unwanted people tagging along to interrupt it. For the love of Mavis! These days it was hard to find time to spend alone with Lucy. She was always in the library with Levy or helping behind the counter with Mira. Sometimes she even spends time with Gray which made him sick to his stomach to no end. He could feel it again, that disgusted feeling in his stomach. But he couldn't tell if it was because he was on hell on wheels or because his imagination was driving him insane. He inwardly cursed himself. Sure, he can take such a beating but when it comes to anything that moves from point A to point B he was defenseless.
Natsu snapped out of his flashback. Somehow he had managed to wander onto the wrong path while he was deep in thought. He wanted to punch himself. He did not need this right now. He needed to see Lucy. It's been two weeks since he's last found himself in the cave and now his problem was his own wandering mind.
"Ne, Natsu," Happy started to say. "I think you took a wrong turn. Maybe we should turn back a bit and see where we went wrong."
"Alright," Natsu agreed.
"I'll lead the way this time since your mind doesn't seem to be very focused right now."
With that, the dragon slayer nodded and let his feline partner take the lead. He kept his eyes on Happy but his mind continued to wander back to the memory.
A/N: Well, that's it for the first chapter~ I hope I didn't go on too much of a tangent. D: